Name: Ep 488 - The Spirit of Pearl Jam (feat. Andrew Callaghan)
Uploaded: 2024-04-04T19:25:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 488 - The Spirit of Pearl Jam (feat. Andrew Callaghan)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 488 - The Spirit of Pearl Jam (feat. Andrew Callaghan)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-04. Transcript available.

Ep 488 - The Spirit of Pearl Jam (feat. Andrew Callaghan)

the wild wild west all right we're here interviewing black republicans
well man what's it like being a black republican now i haven't fully committed
to
republicanism yeah i haven't ever completely committed what are your policies
so far you know
i hate when they kill babies i hate that oh you hate abortion yeah and i think
we
should keep people out i know you're here but we should keep people out dude
my mom's visiting her and her friend were out they were out drinking wine last
night i got to
overhear my mom and her friend discussing israel palestine last night yeah oh
that's great i was
just trying to play a video game but my mom was like well they started it and
this is war so i was
like i was sitting there like pausing the game like mom what do you know about
israel palestine
he's like no i know that hey it was so funny to watch how you and your mom like
with each other
he's really funny yeah she's just trying to be nice you're like mom does that
really make sense
i i i do i need to stop being a brat to my mom yeah you got to be good to your
mom i know and i'm
look i'm being good on paper i'm very good to her what do you mean like i'll
buy her stuff that's good
off paper though you're a demon in person in person people are like oh man
this guy's kind of mean to his mind i don't know why i treat her uh not badly
but like when she makes
you know how this isn't good uh she'll make up stories like in groups to try to
like sound funny
like embarrassing stories about you she'll talk childhood embarrassing stories
what's an example
last night she almost did it yesterday at the table so i heard she was hitting
me with the
fucking here it comes yeah i was in like when i was a kid i'll be honest third
grade i sharted at
the end of the day and i made it the whole way home with the i escaped no one
caught me how much poop
was it was enough that it smelled what time in the classroom did your friends
realize waiting for the
bus i shit in the classroom when they were calling the buses i shit my pants
got home stonked the bus
up i was like oh it stings who did that and then uh i got home and at dinner
they were like how was
your day and i was like it was messy i said it was messy you didn't elaborate
and then no and then i was
like i shit my pants but the story the joke is that how was your day it was
messy yeah and then yesterday
we were sitting outside and i heard her she was like how was your day was it
messy and i was like
don't don't me in my pants right now
so i'll give her that that was a good one she was telling us uh the other day
how she tried her
hardest not to make you feel she was like i used to read them books i used to
read them stories but
he just tried to not make me my father yeah whoa he was like but then he just
started turning that's
what i mean she says wild she loves phil she's like it's not like they're
divorced and they've
never had a problem no she loves phil so much yeah phil's the best yeah what
the she says
like dramatic things like that yeah and that i can't i i get annoyed i
understand so i need to
work on that and be very nice to her for sure did you buy her a house yet or
what i got her pool
i'm gonna make them keep the house okay i like the childhood house oh i'm like
i'm not you bought
her the mechanicsburg house yeah the mechanicsburg house they own and i bought
a nice they got a nice
pool so you paid for renovations yeah that's pretty solid yeah is it a lap pool
or it's more
like a small one it's a pretty big pool it's worth close to as much as they
paid for the house
and i was like i was like you can get a pool i was like mom i don't care how
much it costs i
didn't think they were that expensive how much was it if you don't mind me uh
it was like right now
it's probably sitting at like 200. oh you bought her a nice house she got like
a giant pool yeah
because she was like okay here's what i want and i was like mom you don't have
to go cheap on this
you can get whatever you want and then she sent me an invoice for like she's
like with the landscaping
it's gonna be about 250 000. all right so i don't ever want to hear that i'm a
bad son again
last night was funny too yeah i was making fun of her for it i was like mom the
pool is 250 000
shut up she was like it is not it is not 250. and i was like how much is it she
was like
there's one more thing we have to add but she's having fun so it's good yeah
yeah she put up with
me being a loser for 30 years so that's good well now you did it man you're on
top of the world right
now for for the time being yes full circle till i blow all my money on pools
for my mom
anyway it's nice for you to join us dude andrew callahan everybody let's get it
thanks for the
invite man i appreciate i'm a huge fan we are such big fans of yours i wish
matt could be here for
this matt matt's a really big fan he's been talking about you a lot on the pod
lately yeah that's why
that's why i hit you guys up yeah pennsylvanian excellence in the hell yeah you
guys so you're
mechanicsburg he's havertown yes and where are you you're just philadelphia
just center city yeah
pretty much center city fairmount nice that's where matt lived he lived in fairmount
i grew up like right
behind eastern state penitentiary nice like right between gerard and spring
what years were you there
i was there from like 1997 year of birth i would say 2008 and my dad was such a
like a
what's it called pearl jam fan that he got like a bunch of pearl jam lyrics
tattooed and he's like
we're moving to seattle and so we just picked up and followed grunge across the
world that's pretty
no not followed pearl jam physically oh okay but follow the spirit of pearl
which doesn't exist there anymore we found out the hard way they divorced about
a year after yeah
doesn't whether they got a divorce the is that what you said yeah they did
divorce yeah
after the pearl jam not because the spirit of pearl jam was the thing of the
past but they had a
independent is dead this marriage is dead
yeah seattle's nice though i like seattle it's all right i was in vancouver
first and then seattle
and vancouver seems like just a nice version of seattle did you go to the
downtown east side of
vancouver no i heard about that it's like the kensington of yeah yeah yeah i
heard it was yeah i got
in an argument there is that weird like sense of pride you have where you're
like no philly's the
worst place on it and i was arguing with a canadian lady and she was like no
vancouver is the worst
place and then we shared videos and i think i shared your k a stuff okay i
would say philly's far
worse than vancouver thank you yeah you win in your face canadian lady yeah we
do take pride in our uh
you got that bias i'm from philly but when i grew up my parents always told me
like no matter what
happens do not cross gerrard avenue yeah so i knew there was like some mystical
nightmare land about a
mile from my house but i had no visual and so i was 26 and i was like let's go
cover this and i was
like holy yeah it's the most disturbing place i've ever seen the corner of k
and a yeah i've seen some
and that's the worst do you remember when that guy uh it was like three years
ago lost he was driving
like 120 miles an hour in an escalade and just slammed into uh he eviscerated a
bomb he hit a bomb
going like 120. that's crazy one of those guys that was like
someone's not standing at a train station gotta be the worst high ever we're
the best oh yeah i think
it might honestly be the best way to go did the guy survive no dude it was
going for real it was a
lightning bolt okay there's certain drug users have superhuman strengths i
think a couple of them got
hit and survived like bounced the tweakers survived yes junkies they made it
junkerman the junkerman was
asleep the junkerman yeah it's fine i know you're an advocate for the the
fellows but we we like to
refer to them as the junkermans i mean i think that's fair and the junker men's
we would drive
around k and a and junker men's we didn't taunt them out the window we didn't
we were yelling in the
car yeah hey no harm no foul right yeah we filmed a lot of the show and a show
we made in philadelphia
those sketch this sketch show we made and at night when we were done with the
shoots we would drive
around and just like take a look at k and a at night what was your main
takeaway from those drives
it was so shocking i kept doing it yeah like it was that crazy i'm like this is
i can't like injecting
into open wounds and that's not like a rare they're all doing it when you see
them yeah you will see
that ben shapiro just went down there oh man he was like filming in the back in
like the back seat of
a escalade yeah he's probably like this isn't an open-air prison this is pretty
nice looking what
the democrats have done it's like oh yeah they created trank huh yeah yeah the
republicans are
going to fix homelessness yeah and abortion dude like yours you say we're
talking a little bit before
but you're saying clean it up dude they'll get them out of there we won't
notice they're going to go
through hell but we won't notice dude i kind of want to know about the the trank
bruce oh they seem like
cool like i mean i know like you know but like i don't know they seem like good
not good guys but
like you know i don't think i really know what you mean they look like they
have fun that was that
was matt's top question too he was like make sure you ask him about the trank
bros oh yeah
the head chefs of kensington that was some dark energy in that house where i
talked to him like
i'd never been around just like sheer darkness in that sense before but those
guys were not playing
around yeah and my eyes were burning because like the i guess the mist or
whatever the powder coming
off the table was like creating this thick dense atmospheric layer of like trank
dust yeah and your
eyes were burning and like they're making they're heating up lamb in the
microwave in the kitchen
behind there because all they eat is lamb yeah they only eat lamb yeah they see
it as like a super high
class delicacy that's pretty cool lamb is pretty high class dude some lamb
chops out the microwave
yeah yeah you dish out trying people dying outside yeah that's truly dark
energy that's like real yeah
those are satanists they had like one moment that i didn't even put in because
it was so weird i guess
they're like trying to be funny one of them was like hey you know who my
favorite is right and i was
like what he was like kim kardashian i go why he's like that white girl i was
like what what i was
like what do you mean he's like that's my favorite because i love that white
girl and i was like like
coke and they're like yeah and that was it you know and i was like that was
good you could have picked
a whiter lady i know but it was like in the middle of an intense interview and
i was like am i
supposed to laugh right now but that was like their attempt at like hilarious
comedy yeah we're gonna break this
thing open yeah it was crazy i should probably get into open mics that's with
the tranq brothers
they're gonna head down to helium philly hit the raven lounge yeah they had the
raven lounge
they'll make some sales they could make some sales yeah yeah they get you what
i couldn't believe
dude i couldn't believe that they're willing to actually talk to me yeah yeah
but you learn that
like everybody no matter what they're doing wants to be recognized for their
work like they want to
be remembered by history even if what they're doing is like technically immoral
they think like we did
something historic which they did yeah they created tranq yeah and that's
basically had an impact and
they want to be recognized and have a statement how the have they not been
arrested i don't know man
what do you think like if you can just go interview the guys that did it i've
had that thought a lot
like it's almost easier as a journalist to get to someone than yeah it's for
the cops yeah for sure
because like they're traine