Name: Ep 509 - Butt Spazz (feat. SWIM, Billy, & Spud)
Uploaded: 2024-08-20T19:34:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 509 - Butt Spazz (feat. SWIM, Billy, & Spud)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 509 - Butt Spazz (feat. SWIM, Billy, & Spud)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-20. Transcript available.

Ep 509 - Butt Spazz (feat. SWIM, Billy, & Spud)

wow wow wes all right all right all right cool well well your guys podcast good
what's that
your guys podcast oh yeah guys thanks for having me time wise on this one
so happy to be here yeah it's good to have you so proud of you guys you know
you've come so far
how do you feel about the the meteoric rise of war mode i mean i'll get to that
i'm gonna
go with you and matt first last time i was on podcast you guys had me in some
up airbnb yeah
that was my bad you were just starting to make a little bit of scratch whose
airbnb was that i think
that might have been dirty it was yours no that was yours that place was cool
that was cool that
was another time oh yeah i guess i live in philly yeah you still lived in philly
or no i forget i
don't remember yeah that was just a place no i think that was a place we rented
just like we needed
no i think shane was staying there oh yeah it's true that's it was in fish town
that's kind of
stuff the place sucked the loft yeah i wasn't into it yeah matt oh wait that
place was good i thought
you were talking about the other yeah but i'd heard so much of your media i've
heard so much about you
that i was expecting so much more and then i get there i'm like dude i could
have ran this place and
i'd make 300 bucks a week now i try to keep it humble i try to keep it humble
but then yes i mean
the rise is just as big and then these two it's like i can't even you know it's
my little bro so
what the all right let's play let's let's play guess that too all right all
right here's the first tune
what what you rick james are a freak yeah baby billy what the hell i didn't
even hear it
you can't hear it now oh dude man you can't play all right that's fine just
guess
i will can we just play it into the microphone we can share audio with them i
think you yeah
why don't i just play it in the microphone yeah play the microphone that's the
road cast it's gonna
sound like hell hold on i mean dude you're only hearing it for like two seconds
all right i do it
all the time tom yeah it's true yeah it'll be better to play the microphone for
the youtube algobots
going in the mic just disconnect from bluetooth all right so wait why can't i i
don't know i'm just
curious why can't i hear it i have no idea you're not i don't know
what the freaking heck i'm maxed out rpms wise no you know what bill it's
probably right because
you're going through your bluetooth i'm not hooked up to you yeah that's
probably what it is because
it would be insane if it sent it all the way to him do you want me to play the
room in the year
i heard that matt's on a bit you're on a bit of a delay though that's just
whatever yeah all right
then you're on that's fine matt let's talk about your lymph nodes again dude my
lymph nodes are good
man i've never got them drained before i'm really britney was getting her lymph
nodes drained a lot
and i was like what's that all about she's like dude it feels awesome and they
just literally they just
pump all like they start from your head and move down to your neck and then
they go to your stomach
and you have them in your armpits and they just like grind your armpits out and
then you have one
like peter gabriel sounds very real come on man wait so where's all the fluid
go you piss it
out and you it out is it like clear liquid a bunch it's like a different type
of like smaller type of
peepee no but you'll take a very nasty like there's a huge chance i wake up in
the middle of the night
what do they tell you this yeah okay i don't understand how over the screen i
don't understand
how that works yeah how does it go from your armpit into your bladder you're
all connected toxins
your lymph nodes a lot of them are on your joints kind of like your neck your
head your elbows your hips
and knees so like if you're running a lot you're naturally or like moving
around you're naturally
kind of flushing them but if you're still a lot the water that just like pulls
inside of you
so you got to get like a you got to get them like manually pumped out yeah i
know but my question
was just how does a toxin from a lymph node go into your yeah how does that
make you
shitter how does it how does it go out of poop how does it get it's just the
yeah it's just the exit
point for them so it's like it's not like your circulatory system where it's
kind of like a closed
system that it's open and you're you're like pissing it out it's like i guess
you're i don't know much
about it i think your lymph nodes are feeding into your urinary tract and your
butthole so there's
just like two accidents for them i don't know i don't know no i've never got a
colonic dude if you
want to take a huge dump it's this chillest is not a spray though what i don't
just want a huge dump
like when you get a colonic in real time you see how much is coming out of your
tracks so you go in
there with an empty stomach and you'll like 19 bowls of out don't they like
show to you too and
they're like that's me yeah you watch it there's like a lit tube under you and
you watch like
weird just come out of your butthole oh it sounds gay what's gay that's you by
yourself how's it
possibly get who wait how do they show you feel what's the song uh evil woman
no it wasn't yeah
yeah i want to shut the up but no you're like you're sitting like this and
there's like a tube
under you with a light inside here and no one else is in the room it's just you
and they show you the
shit you can see you look down at a tunnel there's a lit tunnel under your
chair and you're watching
at the thing that's inserted in you it's like saying shoving a dildo up your
ass isn't gay
the only thing that's gay is sex with another man true i agree with you
anything else you do if
it's by yourself or with this argument i'm going it's not an argument it's a
i've bought a full belief silly damn damn no that's oh i'm sorry um michael mcdonald
doesn't count does not count that's minus one i got that that's an l bill mr
the music man
well yeah dude if you want to get into some cleansing do that can i get a wider
diameter
pipe up my butt or yeah you want the little guy because you want the poop to
come out from around
it it's only like it's like as skinny as like a big pen in your butt genesis
it's a big one dude oh give me another taste hold on come to air supply damn
you're kind of close
start it ah i don't know that yeah i'll do it for real on the patreon i'll have
it all set up you
should get a you might just want to get one of those like tushy should make
those so every dump you take
will you just shove it up your ass real quick you get to watch it yeah if you
wipe your ass with
toilet paper you're a freak you know what i do is i turn the bidet on as soon
as i sit down
all right get a pre-wash i just let the water hit it and it comes out crit you
never you splash your
all over the place no no i sit down i line up i turn it on i into it and like
it makes everything
spotless and it kind of gives you a good tick to relax yeah you're a scat man
i'm open about it i do that's fair it's it happened when i was young i got
imprinted at the age of 19.
what happened what happened when you were young i got dunked what i got
surprise finger dumped
that should be criminal bro born in the usa what yeah you're bruce springsteen
bruce springsteen
yes what year the author i went 1969. damn that's pretty good friend sing it
and sing it the best
you can that's my thing that was pretty close dude the beezer had an absolute
unbelievable showing last
night yeah i got some images debut debut at the mothership crushes and the
whole time i was on the
balcony there was multiple two different girls going does he have like a huge
dick or something
holy shit he was just completely just out it was completely displaying on stage
and it was the while he was crushing it was the funniest thing ever does he
have a
hot bees packed the bees packed they would say he turned the mothership into
the rocket ship
i never knew about that
lights might have been hitting it nice but i don't know
bees keeps it hidden dude it's probably here it's probably why he never swims
with us
might be too big that it's embarrassing that's usually what it is someone tying
it that hard
it's either huge or way dude do you ever see me um do you ever see howard stern
doing the small
dick thing no dude is this is nuts he did a small dick contest you could see it
it's wild and dudes
came out and showed their dongs they show up i vaguely remember they show up
naked the one dude
i remember this on e and it would be blurred out the one dude has to pull his
fat back to see the
dickhead literally has like a clit one percent of the population micropenis it's
a medical condition
one percent yes and you're saying your boy walls has one supposedly that's that's
the word around dc
that all balls walls has a micro i was around some women that were discussing
she this one girl was
talking about a guy she hooked up with she was like she went like that to her
other friend i was
just like holy that's dead i was like you guys shouldn't be doing that this is
like really mean
i can recount every time a chick has brought up any dude's penis size for it
just stays with you
forever dude it stays with me forever every chick i've ever talked to or she
talks about another one
any of them it's like oh dude i can name you every dude i know that has a big
hug bill said
he heard some chicks talking about how like oh thank god he's bye oh yeah like
some weird conversation
i was grabbing it was just like a wild thing where it's like oh my god i hate
playing that waiting game
where you're just like if you're by just tell me like it's gonna save me so
much time and like thank
god he was time for what like beating around the bush but she wants no pun
intended yes it was very weird
it's 2020 why she why she wanted to be by i'm so confused that's what that's
just what they're
rolling with wait so chicks want huge penis by guys oh my god yes showing guys
looks like a vagina look at
that dude it looks like a let me see oh man that's crazy feel good about
yourself bro it's like looking
at a nugget is that a certified micro bird yes oh yeah certified some of these
guys in the back uh
i could have hopped in that line these guys i see that every day yeah but that's
probably like worked
yeah it's like he probably fluffed it into that yeah you'll see back
there's a guy back right this is just irish dudes oh he still covered it wait
hold on this guy that's
about right dude that's not that crazy norm yeah that's why he probably just
thought it was something
some of them are micros though some of them are legitimate until the king got
up there that guy's
dick was crazy the who that guy's the king of the micro yeah it's a basically
out of here yeah this
dude just says a regular bird he says a regular tiny bird anyway sorry shaggy
shaggy there you go billy
got it i thought that was like an acapella version so did i it's it's a
microphone i can the original
i can set it up righteously for the patreon don't worry about it yeah i might
put a uh i actually might
put a giant like a micro bird on my wall and just tap it every day when i walk
out yeah a little play
like a champion yeah just be like or like a little thing on your dashboard but
just like incredibly
like a realistic micro bird penis it just kind of doggles around on here while
you drive just calm
you down in traffic be like dude it could be so much worse why are you guys so
hung up on your
birds i'm not we're not dude i know but that's like that's like yeah i started
talking about
but wait doesn't bill what was the number what was the number you had did you
have uh seven inches
three fingers seven point five seven point five and he got a double blowjob in
a movie theater wasn't
someone gave me this after a show in san jose that's hilarious that that was
just the insane thing
that grown men were doing to a child wait what you guys were all just like oh
how like how they see your
dick he made me go into detail 