Name: Ep 512 - Crooked Smile (feat. Jared Klickstein)
Uploaded: 2024-09-03T19:03:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 512 - Crooked Smile (feat. Jared Klickstein)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 512 - Crooked Smile (feat. Jared Klickstein)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-03. Transcript available.

Ep 512 - Crooked Smile (feat. Jared Klickstein)

The wow, wow, Wes.
We're live.
Jared Clickstein.
What the fuck's up, dude?
Thank you for having me.
Total honor.
Dude, thanks for coming to do this.
Yeah, of course.
I was hyping your book up on the Patreon, too.
I know, I know.
I never really talked about it on the regular one, I don't think.
No, I appreciate it.
What a book.
It changed everything.
Yeah.
Dude, that shit was unbelievable.
Thank you.
Glad you're alive.
I'm glad you sent me the thing, and I'm like, all right, I read a sample
chapter, and I'm
like, oh, this is fucking, I've always wanted, for people who don't know, you
basically lived
for a period on Skid Row, and the whole story is like, you know, how you got
there, how you
started off, blah, blah, blah, but Jesus Christ, for my perverted, voyeuristic
brain, I was
like, I can actually get some boots on the ground to count of that, because you
just drive
by it, and you're like, Jesus Christ.
So that, for me, was very satisfying, which, you know, I'm sure it's like,
thanks, dickhead.
I really was always curious what that was like.
Well, everyone's curious.
I mean, everyone sees Skid Row, everyone sees these homeless junkies, and like,
one finally
made it out, and is like, can read words and write words and stuff.
That's a big one.
That's a big one.
That's a big one.
So, yeah, so I wrote it, and I try to make it funny, because a lot of people
write these
like, drug memoirs, and they're really, you know, like, Hunter Biden's memoir
is probably
not funny.
No.
And I don't-
Unless you're against the Bidens, and you're like, ha-ha!
Well, of course, yeah.
Actually, he does a good job at swaying people.
I'm like, yeah, Joe Biden is a good-
Yeah.
Maybe he is.
I don't fucking know.
Maybe he is.
Maybe Hunter is.
Yeah, it wasn't funny.
Hunter's was not really-
Oh, you read it?
Yeah, I read Hunter's, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
I'm on a big autobiography kick, man.
I read them all.
Although, I feel like, and you know, forgive me, but I think there could have
been aspects,
could have been aspects of his that might have been politically pressured to
kind of, like,
paint a certain light.
Oh, I'm sure.
I'm sure he didn't write it, either.
That's another big one.
Yeah, so I wrote it, and-
Although, he was pretty productive, man.
Yeah.
He was blasting.
He was just ripping crack.
He could have just-
He could have, yeah.
What's crazy is I was just in Boston, and I, like, went through all my personal
stuff,
and I found all my dad's shit, because my dad was a crackhead, and I got taken
away when
I was 12, and then he just went, like, full Hunter Biden.
He got these camcorders, and I have, like, 20 hours of footage.
No dicks or anything.
Okay.
Not yet.
I've only watched, like, two hours of it.
What's his footage?
So, it's non-sex tapes.
It's just him?
No, it's like him and my mom, like, smoking crack and, like, being paranoid and,
like, him doing
drug deals and, like, setting up the camera on his, like, little Ford tours.
Why was he set up the cam?
Because he's paranoid.
True, yeah.
And it's, like, him, like, filming his closet, and he's, like, the CIA has,
like, summoned
a demon to live in my closet.
It's, like, really crazy shit.
How many hours of this footage do you have?
I have, like, 20 tapes.
Yeah.
Damn.
So, that'll probably be the subject of, like, the next book or, like, a
documentary.
I was about to say, that would be a wild doc.
Damn.
Maybe he was just reviewing the tapes, trying to get better at drug dealing,
and be like,
ah, I could have been a little more careful right there in that parking lot.
It could have been.
Well, I think he was just really paranoid and was filming everything, and I
think crack
does make you voyeurist, or it makes you start filming for some reason.
I don't know.
Really?
Yeah.
But this is, like, 2001, like, with a camcorder.
I could see that.
If you wake up, you're like, damn, last night was a movie.
Dude, I got to record the next one.
And he's, like, learning how to edit.
It was, like, editing on the camera, like, doing swipes and stuff, so it's,
like, him
smoking crack, and then there's just, like, a swipe of a picture of a crack
pipe.
He's, like, doing, like, iMovie shit from 2001.
So, you're going to go through all that footage?
I'm going to go through all...
Yeah, I went through, like, two hours of it already.
Damn, what was that like?
That must have been kind of charged.
I mean, I know I'm laughing, and I know this is a comedy podcast, you know, but,
yeah,
it's dark.
Yeah, dude.
It's fucking dark.
Yeah, man.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, that would...
Yeah.
Yeah, RIP.
Did you submit for America's Funny Son videos yet?
I mean...
And your dad passed recently?
My dad passed, yeah, yeah.
Not from crack, yeah.
Yeah.
He cleaned up, yeah.
But thank you.
Yeah, RIP.
So, this is a weird way to be introduced to my dad, but...
Yeah.
And I hope there's no dicks or any, like...
I'm just praying that there's no, like, sexual stuff, but...
Yeah, you can blur him.
He wasn't like that.
You can blur him from the doc.
Yeah.
That would be...
That would be pretty rugged, dude.
Yeah.
It's also a...
I don't know.
There is something hard...
Because it's your parents, you know?
It's your dad.
So, there's something, like, heartwarming about watching it, but it is...
Yeah.
It's utterly twisted.
Well, what's really fucked up is, like, I remember them on drugs.
Yeah.
So, seeing them on drugs is, like, heartwarming.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Which is fucked up.
Yeah, it's really fucked up.
But...
But...
You know, it's good footage.
That is.
That would be a pretty stellar doc.
Yeah, HBO, if you're listening, you know...
Yeah, and if there's any part of you that's like, is it right...
It's like, dude, I always say, yes.
Yeah.
They owe it to you.
Yeah.
They have...
He recorded the crack footage.
Don't waste it.
They're like, should I really put them out there like that?
I would say yes.
Not in a bad way, but it's like...
No, no, they're like...
It's your story to tell.
Yeah, exactly.
If I was doing that and my kids had all that footage, I'd be like, yeah, dude.
Fuck it.
You can do anything with this.
Please.
No, and it shows them in, like, a pretty good light.
I mean, they're good people.
They were good people.
Yeah.
So, like, they're, like, having conversations and talking about cool shit and,
like, you
know, dragons living in the closet and all that.
So, it is funny.
It is dark.
But, you know, unfortunately, that's all the footage I have of them.
Really?
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah, I mean, most...
To be fair, most people don't have any...
I have no videos, really, of my parents, so...
I know.
You don't really think about that.
So, fortunately, they were crackheads and got really into camcorders.
That's pretty sick, dude.
I might hire a camera crew, a full-time camera crew of my parents now.
Catch their final...
Yeah.
Yeah, just catch their remaining...
Just turn their whole life into a reality show against their will.
Yeah.
No, I filmed my dad, like, right before he died.
He, like, told a story because he did Yo-Yo Ma's kitchen and, like, all his
finished carpentry
or, like, finished cabinetry and all that.
And he was, like, stealing Oxycontin from Yo-Yo Ma.
Who's Yo-Yo Ma?
He was a cellist.
Celloist.
Yeah, yeah.
Who was on Oxys?
I think he, like, is a legitimate guy that got, like, a back surgery or
something.
Yeah, I believe that.
But my dad did not, you know, he was just stealing it.
Doing his kitchen.
Yeah, so he told the story.
It was pretty funny.
That's really funny, actually.
How'd the kitchen turn out?
Really good.
My dad was a great carpenter.
He did John Kerry's desk and office, and John Kerry tried to not pay him.
What?
Yeah, John Kerry.
Senator John Kerry?
Senator John Kerry has a...
Yeah, apparently he had an issue with paying people.
What?
Yeah, they wrote about it in the Boston Globe.
Yeah.
Damn.
I never heard...
You heard it here first, dude.
I never...
Well, Boston Globe wrote the story, but...
You heard it here second, dude.
That's crazy.
Yeah, yeah.
So he tried to stiff...
How much did you try to stiff your dad for?
Oh, I don't know how much, but...
But my dad went...
You know, he was, like, a senator in Boston, and then...
And then I guess he went to D.C. at some point, and my dad went down to D.C.
and, like, did his office down there.
Got you.
Yeah.
And he was like, thanks, dickhead.
Yeah.
That's brutal, dude.
Yeah.
That sucks.
So that was, like, your whole start was just you grew up just...
It was pretty...
It was kind of nuts, or, like...
I remember you described it as, like, it was nuts, but as a little kid, you
would just watch
your parents just kind of off the rails and be like, no, they're just a little
stressed.
Like, you eventually learn...
It was a funny part of that book.
It was like, I thought they were smoking weed, and I was like, holy shit, dude.
Well, that's what's cool about the...
Like, the tapes that I have, because my dad would make his own crack pipes, and
he would...
And they look like little, like, bongs, you know?
So I would just find these bongs, and I just thought my parents were smoking
weed.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, because I saw Half Baked came out, and I was like, oh, my parents are
just, you know...
They just weigh 90 pounds, and they smoke weed.
They must not be getting the munchies enough.
Yeah.
Yeah, that is pretty...
There was parts of that book, literally, I would just start crying.
I brought it to Denver with me.
I read it, like...
I, like, started reading it on the plane.
I'm like, Jesus Christ, it's so, like, engrossing.
You get so engrossed in it.
And then I, like, I would get back from shows and just read it for, like, hours.
And I ripped through it in, like, pretty much a weekend.
Yeah.
Well, thank you, man.
I mean, I'm not, like...
Obviously, I have, like, have holes in my brain, and I've, like, killed a lot
of brain cells.
So it's an easy read.
You know, I'm not, like...
I'm not Shakespeare or anything, but...
Yeah.
But I appreciate...
No old English in there at all.
No old English.
That's relieving it.
But I appreciate...
I'm sure you get hit up by a lot of people with, like, here's a picture I drew
or whatever.
Here's a book I wrote.
You know, thank you for reading it.
Dude, it was awesome.
Thank you.
It was genuinely really...
And then it's...
So, and you've been on Fox, I think, a couple times?
Or maybe...
What else?
You've been on the news.
Yeah, yeah.
And you're, like, giving, like, the takes on, like, homelessness, which I
thought that was kind of cool, too.
I didn't know.
Yeah.
Because you came out of that.
I'm sure people would love to have you, like, see, we need more funds.
And you're, like, actually...
Well, Fox loves me, because if any opportunity to shit on California, like,
they'll take you on.
So they took me on, like, immediately.
And I'm, like, pretty apolitical, but...
And everyone was, like, don't go on Fox.
Like, it's going to fuck your life up.
Fuck Fox and all that.
And I was, like, no, I'm going to go on Fox.
And I did it, and it got me a book deal.
And it actually reunited me with my aunt and uncle.
That's pretty cool.
Because they thought I was just still a crackhead.
What?
You know, like, five years to work.
So they saw me on the news.
I saw you on the Winners Network, obviously, Fox.
Like, damn, dude, he's fucking winning right now.
Yeah.
Well, they don't...
Actually, they're kind of, like...
They don't like Fox.
But, like, a relative was, like, yo, Jared's on Fox.
And they saw me, and they're, like, oh, shit, he's probably not smoking crack.
Yeah, they have to watch it, and they're, like, hmm.
Yeah.
This is pretty good.
Yeah, that...
I mean, it is a...
That was a cool thing you did in the book, where it's, like, you know, here's
my story.
And then it's, like, by the way...
And I think you did this pretty good, where it wasn't, like...
Because you could have, like, went full court press.
They would just get, like, tossed in, peppered in.
You'd be like, yeah, that's a fair point.
Yeah.
And correct me if I'm w