Name: Ep 515 - Lol @ The Unc (feat. Billy)
Uploaded: 2024-09-12T20:32:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 515 - Lol @ The Unc (feat. Billy)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 515 - Lol @ The Unc (feat. Billy)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-12. Transcript available.

Ep 515 - Lol @ The Unc (feat. Billy)

wow wow wes fired up dude guess who just got back today yeah baby i'm gonna do
my best not to get
fired up why because of the debate that's white noise i'm doing my best that's
white noise i'm
trying so hard dude he kind of blew it there i don't see he just did it
whatever i mean you're
texas dude you're turning texas blue no no dude i thought i thought it was
going to be no contest
he fell for all of her traps stevie get over here yeah he fell right into
everything she was doing
and like she would contradict her and i get it obviously look man in the arena
obviously i get
it but it's like his three on one bro it was crazy she admitted that covet came
from china that was
like a whole thing against trump and he's i only caught the end i only caught
the end i didn't see
that you saw the wheels were off at that point exactly he had her in the first
half and then
she didn't i mean i'm like a rape victim listen to her i disassociate i'm like
out of my body once i
hear a girl like let me explain something i'm just like oh my god oh my god
this is the worst in the
world just say you're a ptsd dude you don't need to use that i can't stand that
bro you're a male you
should specify same old you're a man you feel like a man-on-man rape you should
specify you feel like
a man-on-man rape yeah yeah the only the only part that i'll admit i got
triggered i'm not above
getting triggered i got triggered the whole time i got triggered by the libs
dude i got triggered when
she was like he's so divisive oh dude done with your stuff no but i'm saying it's
like the dems being like
you guys are obsessed with race is crazy yeah you guys literally started black
lives matter you freaks
dude i was i was literally i knew this is exactly what i don't know when that
happened when that
happened i was i was literally gripping my sheets in bed being like are you
serious right now we've
all become our fathers yeah i used to watch my dad watch obama do the state of
the union be like
yeah we're better off than ever and i'd watch him i'd be like you dumb ass what
are you carrying
now i'm doing i'm the same guy yeah no that was egregious i mean for sure but
that was egregious last
night that was crazy and then she'd be like let's just all like pump each other
up in the next
sentence she was like he's such a piece of she was like all he does is name
call and then they're
like he's literally a threat to democracy we need to destroy him he is the
devil yeah like i'm here for
you it's like dude you gave people the maximum sentence for weed you're a bad
person let's get it
out that we'll do the podcast bro how about he was a prosecutor for the ps all
she cared about was the
people it's like you're a prosecutor she's like even dick cheney we have the
great dick cheney on
our side it's like yeah is anyone listening to goldman sachs and dick cheney
promote me it's like yeah
that's the worst ad you could possibly run for yourself whatever look we got
that out of our
system i'm pissed obviously obviously 20 000 haitians in a small town in springfield
ohio
is crazy it's a bad idea that's crazy all right and then dude that's real all
right we'll start soon
we'll start soon let's just get it out that's real no yes and she did want
gender affirming care for
illegal immigrants yes and she wanted to take guns when she said she didn't the
other thing that pissed
me off but they were facts i can hold on can we start right now let's start
over
can we please start with gender gender affirming care for illegal immigrants is
so crazy
you brought it up people are laughing at him yeah like what a idiot they do it's
like no they that's
real they invert the truth yeah it's all imagine being a very stoic mexican man
dude
you're just you're like dude i've seen one before stoic as hell and you get
into this country thinking
you're going to live your dreams and they take you in the room and say bro you're
getting tits in
yeah you don't think the lads the lads some of those lads would be like we'll
see
when i used to go to the dump i saw that there was one mexican dude with
monster tits
and they would unload the truck next to me you saw kamala's frankenstein
literally i'm not kidding
there's one there's one kamala's work there's one that transitioned and the
transition dude it was
wild i would look over and look at the rest of mexico what he was at a trash
dump he was at trash
tom yeah like just bolt-ons like not even trying to get like natural looking tits
they were just
fake you saw you saw one of kamala's abomination yes yes one of her misfit toys
hold on dude they
probably did it for a commercial like look we're going to give you tits we'll
give you 25 000
no i'm saying for like a kamala commercial they probably went up to some of mexican
we're like
we'll give you tits we'll give you 50 grand cash he's probably just like he was
one of those viral
videos where he holds up a cardboard sign with like something mean somebody
says yeah he's a good
trash dump just feel like fun of my tits just drop the card and huge double d's
behind him it was
great they were powerful tits i saw him like god damn bro he got huge tits well
all right that's
i'm done that shit fired me up i can't hide who i am dude it got me it's gonna
try to fight it any
it was dispiriting for sure to watch that and be i was like i was like oh it's
on i turn it on i'm
like he's about to be crushing her and i'm watching him just like i knew he
wouldn't i i knew going
into it he wasn't going to crush her she was she clearly practiced speeches
that she gave throughout
the thing they knew exactly they knew exactly what he was going to bring up you
don't know about the
earring what earring oh she had a microphone she had an earring that is there's
ads i mean there's ads
for the same exact earring that is a microphone in your ear but it's an earring
you can look at the
fuck up dude i swear to god i assume she has i mean dude they they can she can
get a little implant an
undetectable ear like in biden had one on the last one damn dude he probably
had like five dude he
probably was out of his body he might have he might have had a dude in a mocap
suit like in the basement
of the white house golem sorry dude i looked at the news no kamal harris wasn't
wearing one of those
earpieces yeah all right i'm debunked i guess debunked also dude they're fact
checking trump
in real time all day long and kamal brought that dumb with fine people on both
sides and even snope
says that's the miss that's misleading trump didn't just say there's fine
people on both sides talking
about racist and uh tiki torch you can't hold on though before we go you can't
claim earpiece that's
conceding a loss you can't you can't claim audio earpiece why because it looks
like you sour grapes i'm not
sour grapes i know but it just looks like if you're like well the reason she
wanted i don't think yeah
i don't think she want well then don't talk about the earpiece all right i'll
shut up i'm just saying
let me coach you cheating he's got him he's got the next one her and michigan
are in the same
boot yo dude oh my god i forgot i saw that what the happened to you we're
looking good
this year and we got taken out by niu bro did you cry no but i i was uh i had a
show that night in
atlanta and notre dame lost in northern illinois at home this week and worst
loss in i mean program
history made it's up there is one of the worst what was the spot there they
lost by two they lost by a
field goal hey northern illinois northern illinois bro the huskies that's a mac
school that came
into south bend and beat notre dame in the home opener it's i mean it's a
program crushing it felt
good for the coach dude was crying like it was nice yeah he's real pompous guys
but i had a show that
night and i just leave as soon as the game ended i literally sat on the edge of
my hotel held my hotel
bed dressed waiting to go to the show the car was downstairs i was like hold on
i'm not leaving yet i got to
watch this game field goal goes in and i go all right fine let's go to the show
i had to get into
arena my lady was with me my lady was with me and i had to pretend i wasn't i
was trying so hard not
this fast yeah i was gazing off i was fucking i was dead silent it was like i
had a 45 minute
drive to the arena i was silent the entire ride i sat shotgun in the car
obviously
i saw that i wanted to text i was like god damn that's insane i haven't i haven't
played ncaa
since college football is dead to me right now why not us why can't we get why
can't we get one
and then we get one against texas a&m and what do i get northern illinois next
week
that sucks so bad and i was talking to people after the a and m win were you
actually yeah i was
going yeah you guys said no name sucked yeah suck my dick dude pretty good she
was pretty good oh suck
my dick then here comes that might be good for their season though that might
be one of those things
i hear you there's no offense this is a nice girlfriend take you're giving me
no offense this could absolutely be a supportive friend i know you're being
supportive
this could set the program back five years which this literally could mean my
dad never gets to
see a championship one else type of loss you should just start you should like
you're gonna have to
all the higher the entirety you're gonna everything has to start over oh god i
thought they could all
bond together under like a deep personal low point don't get me wrong don't get
me wrong florida gators
did that deep inside i believe that is what's going to happen i hear you but
you're thinking about
you think about the nuts and bolts of the regime it was uh it was a disastrous
loss it affected my
my mood on saturday in the show i had to address it pretty early in the show
i say guys i and they're all georgia fans so they're all going
damn the whole arena was barking at me you're a bit of a mother hand bro what
do you mean the
dogs are just kind of gravitating towards you maybe i am i never see your soft
side
what i never see it what are you talking about he's a lover of animals dude so
he's a lover of animals
and all creatures francis of a sissy yeah especially you bro they're talking
about killing the cats what
would you do if a haitian got tibble i'd be who's killing the cats the haitians
some of the haitians
but it wasn't a haitian that ate that cat that lady yeah it was just a lady on
basalt yeah i was died the one girl's like that's not a haitian that's just a
black lady
we don't care about race it's like that's technically not that type of black
person
well yeah she was saying it was uh yeah i mean well right now there i watched a
video on aurora
colorado and the guy was trying to prove they're like a venezuelan gang members
and most people
were like she's the gangs and then one guy came out was like man it's not gangs
everyone
they've been people have been shooting here forever he thinks that he's like
they're definitely being
bust in here but he's like he's like there's more going on than we can ever put
together it's like
fuck yeah dude nice yeah yeah it's a government coup yeah he's like yeah i
think there's something
else is that something else is at play here it's like nice can't get you can't
get lost in the weeds
i don't know overall disastrous stretch of days for me that's tough are you
sober yeah how many days
don't worry about it two no one day is it wednesday wednesday this is day four
let's go
you're glowing bro thanks man i hate it i'm getting drunk when soon
how does it how's it been leaving like a five-day stretch and then hitting like
a hangover because
i guess what because you have like the clarity to juxtapose yeah how's that
been
same same same as it ever was i mean it's way easier to take five days off and
get a hangover
than drink for five days and get a hangover on the fifth oh you know what i
mean yeah it's a
significantly better experience yeah true that makes sense oh you pissed it and
take a little tune she
is in the dirty 