Name: Ep 520 - Thailand Rickshaw (feat. Ari Matti)
Uploaded: 2024-10-04T17:52:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 520 - Thailand Rickshaw (feat. Ari Matti)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 520 - Thailand Rickshaw (feat. Ari Matti)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-04. Transcript available.

Ep 520 - Thailand Rickshaw (feat. Ari Matti)

the wow wow wes i'm up early bro i got little kids seven yeah on a good day
seven's like sweet
if i sleep until 7 a.m i'm like that was great were you like that younger yeah
i was always kind
of a morning person really dude never even yeah never even fathomed really dude
today wake up at
11 this if i have to wake up 11 i go to the toilet i take a like this and i
spit between and i feel
like my hair is hurting i feel like i'm going to the mines i'm in the grind
really listen to like
joko willick to get here damn well are we firing up who's going to carry the
boats oh we're rolling
damn well you guys just got some natural conversation now let's turn on the
juice
oh damn so hold on okay so you're you're saying anything before have you always
been like that
you've always been oh and listen uh society has tried to keep me down for all
my life school tried
to keep me the down what time does your school start we start like eight o'clock
in the morning
i think when i think now it's a little earlier i used to do eight 8 23 was the
exact time grades
catholic grade school damn yeah we did eight 8 30 ish and i'll tell you in high
school
i was in school before 10 maybe seven times really um like when you miss a
class you would get like a
mark on your card you know what happened mine was uh oh three was supposed to
be you get expelled
that's the they got three lateness yeah three like late like missing a class
not late okay okay
that's the that's whatever rule they wanted to give us and this is where is
this this was in the mother
country right this is in the mother in the motherland estonia estonia correct
yes um estonia yes
so you bucked the estonian school system you didn't go so i had 700 and after
high school 10 11 12th
grade i had 768 i missed like one third of the whole high school experience i'll
be out for like
two weeks i just didn't feel like it i've always been a vibe guy you know yeah
but i talked to the
teachers they all loved me even the principal every time i went in he was a
karate he used to be a karate
instructor he got expelled my the principal in my school got expelled from his
last school because
he used to be the pe teacher and he slapped the shit out of the kid did he
really boom he did out
for six years did some politics got back back into the back that's how
principles get in it's politics
you know yeah i don't i never understood that how like principles come to power
yeah it's always
like po like through politics and you gotta hit it and he loved me whenever we
talked he was like man
you crazy you know i'm like i know and then we talked about karate his son was
in the karate
tournament and he would play vhs tapes of his son fighting and then i would
just go back to school
and all the teachers are like you gotta go to the principal's office i'm like
sure more karate riffs
damn man how was your morning going you seem you seem like you're russian bro
you seem high
strong right now yeah yeah i had like two coffees and just woke up but i'm
always like this they know
me true yeah you're true you rock you rip hard i know and then everybody thinks
i'm on coke everybody's
like dude i don't think you're on coke i would never accuse you that people
always think i don't think
you're on coke i've got a man i get accused of being on steroids so i feel i
feel your pain
i'm telling you people think i'm on steroids all the time right now i'm on a 48
hour fast so
obviously i've shrunk down oh you fast yeah 48 hours bro thank you bro i
discovered it when i was
like in my like in my 30s really fast this is my longest one i've never been i
do 16s and eights
i'm gonna kill that yeah that's too much too much this will be 48 6pm water
fast when no
water have you done those no i uh yes actually i tried for one day and i got a
pretty big headache
very big headache i'm gonna try it on stage dude get i understand for a
civilian a water fast is
possible if i'm having an anxiety panic attack before doing sunset on a water
fast i'm gonna be
parched yeah true and if i'm parched this on stage yeah if i smoke weed and do
stand up it's kind of
a nightmare the whole time i'm like just dry mouth like parched as i hate that
so what's
up dude what you went up to thanks for doing the cast man of course no worries
i've been just chilling
you know yeah but okay so when you get up what the do you do at seven i don't
even know there's life
i leave my family dude i wake up and how old are you how old are you 32 oh yeah
you know you i wake
up i i leave my family i go guys it's another day god has blessed us like me
tell me honestly like
actually when you hear me uh telling that you judge me honestly no it's i i
think he's been keeping
me down and i'm i'm done i don't think i think a lot of comedians get caught up
in like the mythos of
being like i don't i go to sleep i wake up at four in the afternoon it's like
if i wake up you can wake
up at 8 a.m but also how but how do you do this you wake up seven yeah you have
a spot 11 40. i don't
do them where you gotta fight for your life i don't do them or or i see you out
there you
or i do or i do i've been chilling on them or i'll uh it will just do it and i'll
just suck it up
and i'll wake up early and how tired are you though tired all the time i'm
aging rapidly right now
hell yeah dude hell yeah keep them coming
yeah i'm aging rapidly and uh you know i'm like genuinely falling apart but you
just do it how old are
you like 38. no 38. i was kidding you know you always started with the 50. yeah
it's a good one
that's crazy so okay okay okay okay okay okay so maybe you're not that maybe
you're also nocturnal
like me dude i'm sharp at 1 a.m i'm sharp i'm not i'm a morning person i'm made
to like lift stones
at like 7 a.m till 3 and just go to bed maybe shake my wife up a little bit
maybe have some excitement
really yeah that's right have you done about doing like shows at 1 p.m that
could be a dude i think
about it all the time i think about it all the time and whenever i've done
those shows even at
skank fest i had like a 1 p.m spot full panic really dude i have to go alarm
clock i mean i'm up until
7 a.m in the casino so the alarm clock goes off like you know like the spot was
at 1 12 45 fully hung
over yeah just all literally on stage dude i look like if you think i look like
ass right now
i don't think you like ass i see your eyes this was a two-hour preparation
process shower poo shave what
were you doing last night were you partying hardly i went to bed like i went to
bed like four
and i've tried that too when you know when people go go to bed earlier you know
what happens when i go
to bed earlier well i get 14 hours of sleep so that's good oh yeah so i don't
care whatever yeah this
is magic i can be up till nine i'll be up by one yeah or i can go to bed at 12
i'll be up by one
yeah i don't know i never struggle with that a lot of comedians i know like
stay up till like four in
the morning i'm like why just go to bed just go to sleep man because there's
never you're never doing
anything good go to sleep have you seen the new vince mcmahon doc go to sleep
dude i watched all of it
that's true yeah left to my own devices now now you say that left to my own
devices i struggle to fall
asleep you need a wife to just kind of that's what i'll be like and that's what
i was getting to
i did have a little missus for a bit did you really and the quality of my life
dude i haven't slept in
like nine months like slept you know how to like a healthy what is the anorexia
system what's the
system circuit circadian rhythm anorexia system
i was pretty close um it's like they decorate that system your body's lotioned
your life is just
better you know yeah so i get that like yeah you have good creams and the
proper did my skin been
itchy like for 13 years because i always use the seven in one shower gel it's
meant for cars yeah yeah it's
like the conditioner shampoo all that stuff yeah it's like the seven one my
friend used to have a
joke about the seven ones one dollar everything and everything itches and it's
uncomfortable
my underwear got better when you find going because you look at your underwear
like even now i have
the h and m1 five bucks for three dude and they're all up in my dick right now
super uncomfortable yeah
they do that they get in there and they kind of you know mix up your regimen a
little bit get you
nicer undies nicer socks yeah yeah so i do get that sleep and getting up early
being more productive
women do that they just make us you know like yeah it really takes another
person it does next to you
to wake up who looks at you like you animal yeah to get you moving you do you
need someone to hear your
for me i'm just in my bed four a.m watching winds from behind yeah no that's
fair though it is tough to
go to bed if i'm if if my wife leaves i i you're right i don't fall asleep till
kind of later but still
you got to get the early wake up dude you can't have no business waking up at
12 o'clock in the afternoon
well okay 11 for me is like i have to be in the 300 mindset i'm going to war i
can do i can do it ever
do you have like a headache and stuff headache dude this morning even just ah
dude this is bad yeah
damn dude i'm sorry to hear that no no but it's it's like then you get to stay
out till four in
the morning see i'm asleep i don't i can't do the four in the morning yeah
because yeah if i would try
because i've tried civilian stuff like i have a job like you know 9 a.m you
gotta be there
even if i'm there at 9 a.m you're not the comedian's a job i don't know why
comedian's the same
it's the same as being like a bricklayer it's the same it's just a job yeah
yeah man it's not a big
deal you're just doing it's like being a musician it's like just a thing yeah
for sure for sure the
american professionalism exactly man yeah i might carry a briefcase i might
start keeping a real
business and tell me this you also feel right i don't feel like there's a huge
distinction i think
comedian self romanticize their existence it's just a hundred percent it's just
a job that's what i was
getting to is that also when you have a you're a real man you have kids you
have kids right yeah yeah
by the way daughters i'm not a real man though i just have daughters by the way
by the way the chicks
in the green room at creek in the cave i noticed there was a seven to one like
dude chick ratio it
was me and chicks so i started asking them questions so all chicks are all
dudes all chick comedians
so i started asking questions like who's the hot you know yeah who's the hot
you know you're the
number one guy oh yeah because they they go like because they're like he has a
wife you know like
he's a real man so you're saying and they say you're cute but the fact you have
a wife and
oh they like yeah they like to see you're married i guess yeah because they
want to just like kill
your wife and just take her spot basically exactly take over your kids and
everything that's all they
want yeah they want to be in a house with kids i'm not i'm not being like a
dickhead i think women have
like a biological instinct and and also most of the chicks in the green room
they were like in their
30s my age so that's when the pussies starts looking for companionship you know
the pussies like
what's it's a hat you know yeah no that makes sense they start to they start to
want they want the
domestic life although i feel like they feel like they're uh i think there's a
big pressure against not
wanting that though although i i really think the way birds build nests i think
women have a desire to like
i swear to god it's like an in when women get pregnant dude there's a thing it's
a oh what is
it called uh something i love that it's a nesting reflex literally that's what
it's called when women
get pregnant they go through their house and frantically start like moving
around they
prepare for the baby yeah they fix everything yeah right they like organize the
closet we are
our closets got changed around you