Name: Ep 530 - Novak's House (feat. Brandon Novak)
Uploaded: 2024-11-22T17:44:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 530 - Novak's House (feat. Brandon Novak)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 530 - Novak's House (feat. Brandon Novak)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-22. Transcript available.

Ep 530 - Novak's House (feat. Brandon Novak)

Wow, wow, Wes.
Mr. Novak, how you doing, bro?
Man.
How you like the mister?
I've been trying to be way more respectful lately.
Have you?
Mister, yeah.
Mister would just fucking piss me off.
Fuck you.
You don't like a mister?
No.
I love mister.
I just feel like...
I feel like it's like an authoritative figure.
Yeah, you don't like that?
And I don't...
I have a problem with, like, authority and conforming.
Where's the authority problem you think come from?
My fucking father.
Yeah, bro.
He was a crazy drug addict, Hells Angel guy.
But he was still authoritative?
He was still, like...
In his own demonic, fucked up way.
You know what I mean?
Like, he was really disconnected from reality and he lived in his own world and
his own world
looked like he rode with the Hells Angels and everything was transactional, a
business while
under the influence of crack or fucking meth.
And so, like, he, you know, he was the guy that, like, he would come home at 2.33
in the
morning and when he was awake, the whole fucking house was awake and everyone
was going to
wake up to sit on the sofa to watch him and his biker buddy's party.
What?
So authoritative in that approach.
I see what you're saying.
Damn, I thought I had a problem with authority.
I just have an Irish Catholic father who spanked my hiney.
And I'm like, dude, I don't want to hear you.
Fuck, that's a wet dream for me, you cocksucker.
Fuck off.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm like, I have a fucking authority problem.
Mine must be nothing.
Because I think that is real.
The link to authority problems is just your relationship with your dad.
And my mother's go-to my whole life as a child growing up.
She's like, when I just couldn't figure out fuck about shit, she's like, you
know, we should
put you in the Marines.
Like, if you don't, what do you think I want a fucking muscle jacked fuck
waking up at 4am
to 5,000 pushups, you could fuck off.
Yeah, that would spaz you.
I have a, one of my moms, someone like my mom knows got dishonorably discharged.
Just from what I heard of just being, waking up and being like, get the fuck
away from
me.
And they're like, dude, you're out of here.
Dude, that is, that approach does not work with me.
Yeah, I wouldn't think so.
Well, because I already am wired with like, if it doesn't make sense to me, it's
wrong.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So like, right out of the gate, I have a lot of shit going against me.
Because a lot of things don't make sense to me.
So I walk around like, wrong, wrong, could do better, should do better.
But yeah, so it's what I've learned in life, for me, is that it's all about
approach, right?
And today, it's much easier for me, coming from a position of simply
understanding, as
opposed to being understood.
Yeah.
You know, so like, I just accept you for where you're at, the jarhead for where
he or she's
at, you know, and just, it's cool.
Yeah, that was something that blew my mind during COVID.
And I have like, mentioned this before, but I still can't get over it.
Like, I would, I didn't realize how much I did this, but like, especially
during like,
like, so before COVID, I didn't know that I was really doing this, but I go
through a
supermarket and like, every person I saw, it would just be this like, weird,
invisible
battle in my head, where I'd be like, look at this fucking guy, fucking pussy
jerk off.
For sure.
And then I would see a lady and like, fucking chick's not even hot.
Is she looking at me?
No, she's not fucking bitch.
Like you're doing this like crazy maniacal thing in your head.
And then COVID, it came to a fever pitch.
Cause there was like the mask first, no mask.
And then it was like, it was just like, it just all came to a head where I was
like, dude,
why am I this stressed while taking a walk?
And I started doing a thing where like, when I would be out at a grocery store,
I would
really focus on not having like a silent battle against people.
And instead just like wishing strangers well.
And like, like you were saying, exuding that, whatever that energy is.
Dude, I felt so much more comfortable in public after that.
Yeah, yeah.
Which was like, it was like a revelation for me.
I love being right-sized by humanity.
It just happened to me recently.
And I'm really good at like, again, I really have dove into this whole
spiritual aspect of
my reality and believing.
When you say right-sized, sorry, what do you mean?
Like, my ego will allow me to create these delusional narratives that aren't
even fucking
real.
And then when I'm proved wrong, when I really believe I'm right, I'm like, dude,
I am a
fucking asshole.
And it just happened.
You're a Philly guy, right?
You'll relate to this story.
I had a crazy weekend.
I was in New York, all kinds of stuff going on.
I drive back and, and I have like these weekly dinners at this place in Fishtown,
Sunday
nights.
And you know, Fishtown is kind of oversaturated with like a lot of hipsters.
And in my mind, hipsters are just kind of tattooed, bearded, angry people for
no fucking
reason.
It's not like they lack resources or chance, whatever.
I create this narrative.
So I had a long weekend and, and I'm trying to park under the L to go to this
restaurant
I go to.
And there's this ice cream truck and it's fucking just submerged with hipsters
getting ice cream.
And that's cool.
Right.
But as I'm doing this three point turn, someone I've actually like, oh, he's
fucking pissed,
dude.
He's going to fucking, he's got a problem.
So now I haven't even seen the person.
I'm ready.
And I'm like the most fucking passive aggressive.
Like I cringe at the thought of confrontation, but if you caught me on the
right time, I'm
like, it's fucking on.
Yeah, let's go.
So, so as I'm parking, I see him and it's a hipster with tattoos and a beard
who I already
have created an issue with, but I don't even know this person.
Yeah.
And, and he locks eyes with me as I'm hoping he would, so we can fucking get to
it.
Yeah.
And he goes, oh shit, you're so-and-so.
And I'm like, yeah.
And he goes, dude, I fucking love your work, man.
And he, and he had a camera in his hand and he was taking portraits.
He just socked him in the face.
He's like, can I get a photo of you?
Is what I do.
And I'm like, dude, fuck yes.
And fuck me.
Right.
Cause like I walk around just like at times.
Yeah.
And, and that's what I mean by really enjoying being right-sized.
Cause I have a job sometimes that consists of knowing everything.
Right.
And, and that places me in a lot of positions that I don't really like to enjoy.
Yeah.
Um, when you say you have a job of knowing, what do you mean?
Because like, you know, for so long when I was caught up in addiction,
addiction, right.
Uh, when, when, when logical people who knew how to stay sober would suggest to
me what
I might want to do in order to save my life, I'd suggest why they should fuck
off.
Yeah.
Because I, I knew, I knew, I know, I know, I know.
I was too smart for my own goddamn good.
Right.
And then I got to this place where the pain became so unbearable.
I was able to look back and recognize that like every common denominator and
every one of
my problems was me.
Yeah.
And maybe if I just get the fuck out of my way, I might stand a chance of
living a better
life.
And what I do know is that I don't know.
Because when I, when I think that I know there's no open mind, I am not teachable
and
I'm definitely not willing to try anything that I don't agree with.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which just sets me up for a fucking, you know, all these terrible experiences.
Yeah.
Take me back through that.
So that, what was like, how did you, like, what's your story?
Like, how did you get into that?
Obviously you're saying like, you know, family or, you know, home life, not
great.
And then like, eventually to like, you know, gaining a ton of notoriety.
Like, what was that like for you going from like the beginning to like the
thick of all
that stuff?
Well, it was, it's, you know, it's, it's a very interesting narrative and
storyline, I
believe, because I, I come from Baltimore and you're obviously from
Pennsylvania.
So there's a lot of similarities at this table, but coming from that home life
of a, of a pretty
chaotic household and a father who was pretty out of his fucking mind, I
believe I was genetically
predisposed to addiction or alcoholism and that paired with the atmosphere I
was brought
up in.
It just made sense.
Yeah.
Um, but throughout that journey, I was blessed with a skateboard and I fell in
love with skateboarding
and, and, and another guy from Baltimore named Bucky Lasek.
Yeah.
Who.
I played him on Tony Hawk for sure.
He's my fucking, he's, he's the man.
He's the legend.
Really?
And, uh, he was from Baltimore and he kind of recognized the
talents I possessed.
So he took me under his wing and got me sponsored by Pal and, and that's where
the skateboarding
world took off.
But then we would go to cheapskates in Pennsylvania, the skate park.
Board, was it Boards and Blades or what?
Boards and Blades was later on.
After?
Okay, right.
And that was right off route one right there.
I was a young boy at Boards and Blades.
Totally.
And you would see like Bam and Squaw would come through and I'd be like, "Oh,
fuck!"
We filmed like some of the CKY shit there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like the stunts and stuff.
Naked Dave doing an ollie over the pyramid and then bam, I think kicking or
punching or something
like that.
That was always legendary.
You guys would come.
We were like 12.
We'd be like, "Oh, dude, fuck!"
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, trying to do one heel flip, like, "This fucking rules, dude.
I'm gonna get sponsored."
Um, that's it.
Pro board coming.
Oh, it was amazing.
As soon as I get this heel flip.
Yeah.
Because they're coming.
Spitfire's coming for me, dude.
I was like, "Yeah."
Need a manager at this point.
Too overwhelming.
But nonetheless, so I meet Bam and then we at that skate park called Cheapskates,
which was
clearly before your time.
Yeah, yeah.
If Fords and Blades was when you started.
Yeah.
Where was Cheapskates?
I don't know.
Okay.
It was in Pennsylvania and we would drive up.
Somewhere.
Right on.
And Bam would always be there.
And he wasn't sponsored at that point.
Bucky and I were.
And we were instantaneously became Thick as Thieves.
And we'd practice for this one contest every year, which was the NSA's.
They'd have a Bricktown, New Jersey.
Okay.
And either he would win or I'd win.
And one year I didn't show up and he was there and he went to Bucky and he's
like, "Yo,
Bucky, where's Novak?"
And Bucky's like, "I think he's on heroin."
And Bam, at such a young age, was like, "Well, what's that?"
Right?
And not such a young age, like 12, 13.
That was like 16, 17.
That's pretty young stuff.
But when you're consumed in a nice, wholesome life that revolves around
skateboarding and
a good family, you don't have conversations that consist of those words.
Yeah, sure.
So it was at that point that his career in skateboarding totally excelled and
took off
and mine went to complete shit and I chose to pursue a life of heroin and
addiction.
Yeah.
Fast forward some time later, I'm really sick one day.
I can't come up with any money.
But at this point, I wouldn't even acknowledge a skateboarder.
Right?
It was the equivalent of looking at the woman you get away, the love of your
life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're like, "Dude, if I just did a little..."
So it hurt me like that.
Yeah.
So I'd avoid skateboarding like the plague.
But one day I was really sick and I couldn't come up with money.
So I decided to go to this skate shop in Fells Point called Select.
And I asked when I get there to try to get some money, like we're not going to
give you money.
But Bam was here yesterday with the toy machine team.
And he asked if we ever saw you.
We said no.
And he said, "Well, if you do, give him my number."
So he leaves his number.
And a couple days later, I call and it was the number to Fairman's Skate Shop
in town.
Yeah, yeah.
In Westchester.
Yeah.
And I called Fairm