Name: Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Uploaded: 2025-01-02T13:00:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-02. Transcript available.

Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)

wild wild west and we are beginning thank you guys for coming god damn yannis
papas chris
recefino the history hyenas dude thank you guys we're here thank you i'm pumped
dude thank you
thanks for having us and i just want to say because the last i was on the show
um a couple
of weeks ago a month ago yannis and i just want to say to all your fans out
there say something
about my hair now look at my hair now dude you guys were talking saying i had
no hair product in
my hair was flat what what about now it looks great right dude now i look like
a 60s crooner
and look at yannis's hair dude i look great that looks good that's painted on
that looks good yeah
the wave right so i just want to make sure everybody knows true what's up and i'd
like to
say yeah i'd like to say um it's good to be here in republican hollywood and
yes the candidate over
here and the candidate over here yeah they got bad hair they're no good for you
i will make it so
barbecue is available for everybody in this city at all times and i just always
wanted to stand at a
podium and feel like i'm in a primary it feels good doesn't it it feels
powerful i know i want to
almost go like yes yes you feel it now you feel the power dude being white and
standing behind this
podium is it's ideas right now i'm telling you man not that i've ever agreed
with anything that hitler
senate i despise the nazis and what they did but if you just want to ai listen
to hitler speeches in
english and just change out the words from germany to america in your head you'll
get really pumped
up for the day yeah that guy just knew how to light a fire under you dude the
way that he would speak
about germany was like i get it man yeah it was like they tied to their like
mythic folklore of like
the german here and all that stuff and yeah that would for sure get anyone
pumped he was telling
people like if you die in battle you're going directly to valhalla and you're
going to ride a
val like you know you're riding like you know eagles there and it's just like
he was like you know
germany one germany is verse england right now germany's verse great britain
you know at that moment
when they're in that war and he says we are two superpowers and what the only
way to win is one of us
is going to have to be destroyed and it will not be germany and the crowd goes
nuts you're like
yeah oh my god dude i started putting on my boots yeah i wasn't ready to go he
has an outfit he has
an outfit yeah it is yeah you can always give the devil his due like everyone's
always like he was
fucking failed artist no one liked him it's like people liked him dude he was a
closer i mean he was
a headliner you can't he was the guy when he went up you're like all right we
should only do another
show two days from now yeah yeah let people kind of settle yeah he was talking
i think he gelled the
hair but i think he left the front flap i think he knew the effectiveness of
the flat front it was
a tail fan and then i always loved when he did that afterwards yeah he just
gathered himself and he did
that smeared it back what i like about standing up too is this is a fit city
you could just get your
calf raises in while you're down and that's why i think you did it dude this is
like a workout i know
i was tired sitting around all day yeah yeah what's up with all the gay art
over here i just i
thought it was visually striking this is nice i had someone my friend told me
about this painting
i'm like i looked it up i was like perfect yeah this is i just wanted something
kind of intense
and then you know well i told i was telling you on the plane he's a guy he jerks
off to erotic poetry
so this kind of goes with it yeah which i've started doing now by the way so
you kind of like us
have a little bit of a female brain yes 100 because you like the imagination
yeah exactly well you know
it's not that's not uncommon amongst us we are performers and here's the thing
yeah if you're a
performer and you get into the arts you at least got nicked you at least got nicked
by the gay gene
you got nicked some people get fully clipped like mateo lane we got nicked yes
yeah yes we got nicked
we got nicks we gives us our eye and we all got nicked we all got nicked and
our wives and girls
they all know that we're kind of like out of their friend group like they're
like they're proud of us
but they're like my husband's kind of gay yeah and they just accept it yeah
yeah i dude it's it's
like embarrassing i don't know what to do like i was talking just like talking
sports i don't follow it at all
so that it like it makes me feel really gay when other men are like dude you uh
blah blah i'm like
i don't when you told me that the last time i came on the show it's something
that i i swear to god
there's you know like you know i'm 40 now you wake up you have to pee whatever
yeah and there's been
multiple times in the past like months since i've been on your show i've woken
up like i can't believe
matt doesn't know anything about sports i don't know and i've just been
thinking about it because you're
such a guy who you look at this guy this is guy you're like he's going to be
like an nfl broadcaster
and he doesn't know i mean he has a headset on like tony romo right now i know
i mean i love
playing sports i love playing sports like i played football basketball and i'll
still play sports i
just i can't bear to follow them i don't care it's amazing because like you
look it's funny to see
like physically you play i like to play sports god gave you a body for sports
but then this is your
brain yeah these paintings this is what it is this is a great representation he
laughed at us i think when
he made it he's like dude i'm gonna make this matt one i'm gonna put him
outside philly i'm gonna make
him look like an athlete but then i'm just gonna have paint brushes and and you
know just gay stuff
in his brain and i think they laugh yeah and right now you do look like a high
school like
offensive coordinator with that headset on you know i look the part yeah i look
like a cop i really look
like you know the only thing you'll be is like robert frost's uh the road less
traveled is a
beautiful poem guys i know yeah you look like a good cop too yeah you really do
i think i would
have been a decent cop you would have been a decent cop and i think i think you
also would have been a
good you're a really good coach that you would have if you did around with a
kid it was like in the
80s right it wasn't anything recent right i hear you saying you know what i
mean so like one of those
things like you were doing it when everybody's doing it no i was young but you
kind of had the
into you had the the thoughts where you you you realized it was wrong in like
the 90s right
which is way ahead of most people he did it at a time where the parent would
have sided with you
and not the kid yes yeah yes yeah it's just what being a catholic he taught you
football so yes he was a good
guy yeah we had a uh i went to a basketball camp uh it was called bucky gills
basketball camp in
chichester and he was the coach of the girls high school team and he got he got
round he was like
apparently like well they're in this this was the rumor i should say that he
was like opening the
shower curtain he's like spraying them with soap he was like back there partying
with the wow dude and
then but it all we all had his basketball camp shirt because we everyone went
there yeah but then
when he got in trouble for it we'd all wear the shirt we thought it was funny
we'd all wear the shirt but with
but with girls but to me with girls are you all right yeah no i'm googling this
story that's
gonna blow your guys mind okay yeah with girls though with girls i almost like
obviously it's
fucked up but it's not it's like it's it's that's rare it's normally always it's
always boys getting
clipped it's usually always the boys getting clipped i know i was in two
situations i went to penn
state football camp when i was a kid never got clipped never saw jerry sandesky
but never got clipped
and then there was another guy in christ the king basketball coach bob oliva
that also went down for that
stuff and i never got clipped by him and i was many many times in the gym just
him and i because my mom
had to work so i would i was the kid that i would get dropped off my mom would
pay extra to drop me
off at basketball camp at like 7 a.m 45 minutes before because she had to get
to work and it was
just him and i and he never did anything never clipped me at all and i know
like the hack joke what
people say is like oh what about me whatever like yeah yeah you know but i
genuinely had like feelings
about it i was like am i ugly wait a second yeah like i really would talk to my
therapist about it it's the
opposite i think you're i think when you're like a jack strong kid they know
they're like no this
kid might they won't yeah yeah well you know what i think bob oliva and these
people saw in me they
were like this guy will kiss me back and that's not what i want i don't know if
this has ever happened
on a podcast but i just realized that i got clipped when did you get clipped
you got clipped i think i
just got clipped what happened you started talking and i was like you got hit i
think that's how it
works that's how it works you don't remember yeah tell us about it i gotta
brace myself tell us about
wait this is the exact position i was in i think i got banged who'd you get
banged out by someone made
you an artist i think saint saviors i think somebody turned me into the arts no
i'm kidding but dude
there's this crazy story where my uh my brother went to poly prep you know poly
prep in bayridge anyone can
look up this story there was this brother who's an openly gay man openly gay
openly gay man big time
hot shot attorney but a full i mean as gay as gay gayer than your painter your
brother's a gay
attorney he's yeah three dollar bill which is what messes with him because he's
got the you know his
brother got hit hard with so he's like how much of this gay gene did i get nicked
if literal i came
out of the same womb which might be just a tainted gay womb yeah true then it's
like were we really
wrestling that whole time yeah yes so i get i get his pain yeah what was really
happening but dude
this this story is crazy philip foglietta was his name and he was a legendary
football coach at poly prep
and he molested he had he had a legendary program that like they were like
incredible the community
supported them uh um whatchamacallit uh the mobs what was the mob guy uh oh
what john gotti no
before him john gotti phil costa uh paul castellano before him for four uh uh
uh uh the gambino crime
family gambino carlo gambino carlo gambino carlo gambino carlo yeah that was
the most italian thing
yeah thank you all this fucking sandwich shop it's italian autism
his son went there and this kid clipped like hundreds of kids
real hundreds of kids for so long and it finally came out and like so many kids
got clipped and it
was happening like in front of kids they had jokes about it but it was just
back in that era but he
was like he was like a gangster too he no he was just a legendary football oh i
thought you're
saying he was like part of like gambino's son went to that school he didn't i
don't think he got
clipped i thought he was i don't want to say i thought he was clipping kids and
being like forget
about it yeah he was a little cannoli cream yeah he was like the last guy
anyone would expect but
he would take kids and he put them in his catalog he did it in the most italian
way right
he'd be like let's go get some zeppelis kid you're a good lineman right and i'm
like let me see your
penis all right yeah this will help you you want to start yeah yeah yeah it
happens but what is what
do we think because obviously you know that the guys that happens a lot the
sanduskies of the world
these the foglietters whatever but like women they women teachers have sex with
this male students like
it's rampant an