Name: Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Uploaded: 2025-01-30T20:32:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 543 - Spyder's Web' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 543 - Spyder's Web' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-30. Transcript available.

Ep 543 - Spyder's Web

wild wild west obviously we're ready sean yo born i was ready this morning man
you should call me at
6 30. i woke up being like i'm ready to podcast all i thought about today was
podcasting i can't
get enough as soon as that red light comes on we're on and we're here to talk
cancel culture
i mean i'm active right now i'm ready to punch over it are you ready to do yeah
i'm ready to throw the wands i'm ready to throw the wands i'll throw i'll throw
one
done i can't stop watching videos about that white rapper who keeps saying the
n-word he's
like i'm ready to punch on it he's ready to punch over it someone's even
looking if you even think
someone's looking at him sideways he's like i'm ready to punch about it i think
that's the only
way giant dude he's a giant man that's how people seem to get away with saying
the n-word there's
certain guys out there like the puerto ricans yeah there's dirty white there's
my punch over this
they could punch over it but there are so i've met a couple dirty white boys
who were just like casually
not like like they're just casually drop the n-word in conversation i just be
kind of like
yeah it kind of takes you out of the conversation a little a little bit it's a
real it's a real
delineator where you're like yeah they're like sussing me out they're like i
think i could
yeah it was kind of like one of those things where like yeah i'm not really
about this life you guys
are living typically any any any non-african-american saying the n-word is sussing
you out when they
say it i think so i mean they say it could be your uncle in the car and he says
that you go
see it's skull and bones uncle i'm not very comfortable with this
you should record him yeah it's a tough spot when someone else says the n-word
yeah but yeah i mean
he i mean the rap his name's jin lee by the way that's his rapper that's his
rap yes jin lee and
uh he's just like the problem was he stopped saying it because he like started
getting some success
and he had like people like managers being like you gotta stop saying the n-word
that'll happen
yeah managers like yo you gotta stop but he said his music was it was ass
because he was like i just it
threw off my whole thing if you especially if you're rapping using the n-word
and you take it away
that's important it's tough it's a key component to hip-hop it's i mean it's
definitely useful yeah it's
the bedrock but yeah so then he came back after the wasn't working he goes i'm
gonna do it they're
like no no no i'm gonna do it again now he's back on his brother john's will
follow the same route
go back on their bull he's just like when the pizza sales are down dude it ain't
right
i gotta go back to how i used to talk yeah john just has to be genuine
john is pretty genuine he is he doesn't it doesn't he still live in a castle in
kentucky dude
obviously he's saying the n-word he lives in a castle i mean that's got to be
crazy in a castle
in kentucky with like a goblet just thinking about the time he said the n-word
i mean imagine though
because a lot of business heads are like really stoked on cursing that's like a
high level yeah
ceo thing because they're bad at it i don't give a fuck guys he was probably
like i'm about to take
this to the next level it works though if you curse yeah if your boss swears
everyone's like dude my boss is so cool oh yeah he says like and in the
meetings in the morning
he says at work dude it's so badass it's like wolf of wall street in there it's
so cool
we were at a happy hour and he called our one co-worker wow wow it was so
awesome he called the
waitress bitch it was so sick that happens when you're in an office you're like
in school forever
essentially yeah like you can't say bad words no bad words you can't say
anything suggestive
it's like you're in school for too long they come looking for you yeah you
gotta sign out for the
bathroom i was taking liberties with those dumps bro i was taking hour-long
dumps oh yeah yeah i mean
i've totally faked them oh yeah i would just go i would go read my kindle just
sit up there and read
taking a fake dump at work and just knowing you've like crushed clipped off 15
minutes yeah
you were an hour hours hours i was when i was working at that factory i would
just sleep yeah
that's kind of nice i would just go hide in the locker room and sleep that's
the best they hated me
for it i always get so scared to sleep at work i've tried it i did in an office
there was one guy who
wouldn't come in on a certain day and i would go to his like office it was all
like dark there's no
lights on i would just lay in the corner and try to sleep that fucking rules
though but i'd be so
fucking like oh yeah so i get caught yeah i was worried about getting caught
sleeping at work if
you can somehow pull it off i mean it's the factory was easy to sleep at
because it was the hours were
yeah i was literally falling asleep night shift is like people do sleep it's
kind of accepted yeah it's
kind of acceptable to be like dude i'm gonna go fucking take an hour long yeah
when i
worked at an auto auction i could i could pull off a nap in a car
my job would be to go clean the cars i would just find one far as fuck turn it
on get the ac going
not clean a single car i actually slept at every job i've ever had i slept at
uh i used to have to
build furniture i worked at a outdoor place i was my job was they just put me
in a warehouse and
like assemble some furniture build one bed one bench sleep on it wake up five
hours later be like oh
shit give it the homeless guy beta test all day work just like oh fuck i didn't
build one
yeah that is the ultimate i mean that's like the click remote of being able to
just be like i'm
going to accelerate time let me just lose consciousness for a while
offices are tough i've never slept in an office it's tough that's a tough one
yeah it's tough it's
tough to lay on the floor and business casual and take a nap here's something
like a sweater vest like
i would have my friends come test drive cars that's cool that's a nice move i'll
just leave
for an hour go get lunch chill i didn't think about that yeah like yo i had him
he was right he was
right that guy was tricky he just laughed i don't know i didn't even get him oh
yeah dude i had
possibly so i went to laser tag for my birthday i didn't want to do anything bernie
asked what do you
want to do i was just like dude i just want to like eat like dinner and just go
to sleep i'm like kind
of yeah you know she's like we're gonna do we're gonna do laser tag and i was
like all right that
actually might be kind of sick dude then i i made i i wouldn't i don't know if
i'd call it a mistake
but i was like i'm gonna get like really stoned and just go to laser tag that'll
be kind of fun
dude so i like i sit in i ate a little edible and they in on the before i went
in there i just like
smoked a joint in my car and i was like i was vietnam dude you're smoking it
out of the barrel
the shotgun i told britney i was like i want to be in there like a vietnam vet
just being like what
the what are we even doing here dude i got but i what the battle was great what
really rocked me was
pre-battle administrative stuff with the laser tag employees because i thought
britney was going to
handle all that we forgot the cake so i was like oh so she was like on the
phone trying to get someone
to bring the cake to the laser the laser tag place which i had like a kid's
party room which was the
fuck it was so funny yeah i said a little sequestered room with like purple
chairs was it just you and
your family or did you invite it was bros it was like lamare sean oh you guys
went and played laser
tech yeah oh it was dude it was also smoked weed beforehand yeah it was nam
dude it was totally not
but i when i walked in there did you guys let lamare go first like they did in
vietnam
they go you clear out the tunnels you're black you need a scout so it was like
the bros some
of the bros from the neighborhood and like so we all go but i was me and britney
were like there first
and she was like you talk to like set it all up i gotta figure out this cake
and i'm like pretty
high and they're like i'm i don't know how to figure out a cake well i'm trying
to figure out
rules of combat i'm getting a kick out logistics of battle she's doing a
teenage was it a teenager
instructor it was like a maybe in their mid this is what bugged me out so i'm
like very high
bernie's handling obviously the food yeah she's like that's like you know slop
just rations for the
soldiers and then it's like i gotta figure out logistics so i go in and i'm
talking to this
i mean maybe in her mid 20s or 30 there's like just ladies too old to be
instructing laser tech
well that's what i don't i didn't want to like sound shitty but i was so high
just the lady was
talking to me i couldn't hear a word she was saying because i was like damn you
working at laser
like trying now not like in a condescending way but i was like fully the
reality of working at laser tag as an adult
exactly i was just being like completely untethered by to being like what the
fuck dude and then in
there it was a slow night it was monday night so in there's like laser tag and
then like slash arcade
i was just like taking in the whole ecosystem of being like who owns this place
you two
work here at laser tag i was like damn this is crazy and then there was like
like a couple of
double hops that but then there was like then there were these like you know in
a casino you'll have
like the real card sharks and like card counters there were like weird like cat-like
nerds walking
around just quietly by themselves just pulling tickets out of machines that's
where i saw that video
yeah dude it was the mayor got lost in there the king of the games we couldn't
find the first battle
he almost deserted he was searched all over he was in game canada he went to
montreal dude you know
the level of nerds like you'll just see him somewhere and they're just sitting
like this
there was like those levels they're always sitting like that
just just sharking yeah like arcade games like devastating this business
why do they sit like that i don't know you'd sit like that you jack off like
that
you really do you said you did yeah back in the day dude
you might have sized out of your i could do it you might have sized out of your
dork sitting
i can do it i can do a throwback dorks
of course he's the king of the games they could probably feel it
there's probably disturbance in the laser tag like the king of the games is
here the prophecy is
fulfilled i did get a lot of tickets i also stole a lot of tickets it was a
good job how do you
steal tickets you know me i left them there never mind i was crushing
basketball and i got like a
gazillion tickets and i left them down i was like there was a couple kids in
there i'm like yeah maybe
the kids will take these tickets nope it was a 38 year old man
he got a sword he got a foam sword we're driving home collection yeah they got
three swords now
lemaire and nate were in one car and gardini was in his and me and britney were
behind them and we
just see them those two pull up at a light and i just see or it was like
getting on a highway and i
just see lemaire's sword come out of the window it was the funniest thing it
was so funny
dude the gameplay and we're going to go back to i'm going i got to play again
laser tag rules dude
this is the biggest indoor laser tag place i don't want to write uh what's it
called down south blazer
tag okay dude i'm not gonna it was the one with aliens on the yes yeah yeah
yeah i drive past it all
time and i'm like oh i need to get that is the mothership bro i'm telling you
it's it's 10 times
more fun than you i like that was the thing i was like i got in there i'm like
just standing there all
high being like what the dude this is like embarrassing everyone's going to
play laser tag for me
and then i got in there and i'm like this is maybe the most fun i've had it's
so fun bro a