Name: Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Uploaded: 2025-02-13T13:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 545 - Thunder Fish' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 545 - Thunder Fish' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-13. Transcript available.

Ep 545 - Thunder Fish

wild wild west hey no i like it it smells like this one smells like cigs too oh
it's
fucking gardini's car that's why he's purifying the mics with tobacco like a
native american
shaman dude he's blowing tobacco smoke into them i'm sorry i'll clean no thank
you i like
the smell it's actually kind of nice this is the bit i was waiting for let's
fucking paper straws no more we're done this is my last one no more we're gonna
fucking we're gonna go back and put all the plastic rings around the dolphin's
necks
under trump's gonna be awesome we're gonna get this country do you hear what he
said when he was
signing it what he's like and i think the sharks are gonna be okay is they're
eating everything in the ocean he's like all right all right man hilarious that
is sick to be like
sharks can bite anything he's like shark can bite anything we're gonna sign
that what's next
i had lamare lamare went in the ocean for the first time this weekend we're in
dania beach florida
yeah was he at the beach at skank fest he's never gone on the ocean or no the
florida comedy festival
oh yeah i think he was on the beach but i don't think he didn't get the water
he stays away from
the water exactly oh yeah he literally he can't swim no we went we went to the
ocean this weekend dania
beach by the way their beach a lot to be desired a lot to be desired i went
there i'm like
lamare they'll have shops everywhere like we need to show up that like yeah
that's tough there was
nothing yeah i mean i will say there were a lot of bubble butted mommies on the
beach yeah that was
about it uh there was big rocks in the ocean so you just stub your toe in the
ocean like oh that would
scare me dude if i even touch a rock i'm high knees and out of the water bro i
was telling the mayor i was
like dude just come in the ocean you're fine man he's like i don't know like
there's like there's like
sharks i'm like there's no sharks in here we were like we went out pretty far
like into a sandbar
and then you get him out for he literally he cannot swim it was it was waist it
was waist high and then
it went up to like up to your knees there's like a really sick it's really
dangerous to bring him out
there well here's the thing i saw there was a guy i was telling the mayor i'm
like there was a dude who
went like for real like 60 yards out and i was like just you don't want to be
the furthest guy out
that's the shark that's the shark guy you stay just halfway through and then uh
and we went out to the
back and the guy was like oh daniel beach you know there's a lot of sharks out
there i looked it up
i was like yep great whites dude they migrate down and during this time they
come down and chill like
around there and i was just telling him i was like yeah i was like my bad great
whites are so spooky
dude terror i was like lamere there's no sure i googled i'm like great video of
a giant hammerhead
what it's like a different type of hammerhead they're massive can hammerheads
bite you i feel like
that's one type of shark you could kind of outmaneuver that lame ass head i
know it is a very dumb head but
i i it's certainly they can bite you yes you don't think you could just like
grip its hammerhead and
oh man this is this is good we did it today if we did it yesterday i would have
been asleep dude i
i was sleepy too man insane weekend yeah i bet dude it was probably was it like
i'm sure the day
before was party time yeah friday saturday dude the the one time i went with
bert two years ago we got
there on a monday we stayed for a week oh you did i remember that we did shows
during the week yeah you
guys that was that was a week you guys were there weren't you guys staying like
a bop house the day
before we were saying that we were saying a full-on bop house with nothing but
cameras just bert and
his team and cameras and every day be like shane we're gonna go do activities i'll
be like i'll
kill you i'll i'm not doing a thing today leave me alone i need to go home
uh this trip was it was just the okama and tommy down there partying it up it's
good to see the
boys get loose dude i'm telling you the super bowl the more i never really
thought about it
until i went last year and i was like dude this is like the apex of worldly
power it is and then i was
watching it this like this time just being like dude i was it was like freaking
me yeah it's sick
trump and t swift yeah dude her getting booed i know that was i'll be honest i
was in the eagle
section for that that was a that was a fun boo that was a she's wearing chief's
gear these are eagles
fans yeah because you know i mean a lot of people are trying to say that and i
thought it was very funny
while it was happening and then i saw like a quote from travis kelsey that was
like that sucked i felt
terrible while i was on the sideline everyone was just booing my girlfriend it
was like yeah i guess
that's really terrible that'd be sad yeah that's very sad i mean yeah
especially like
nah come on man guard dog says no mercy yeah i don't have any i don't feel any
empathy for
travis kelsey i mean bro i knew they're gonna lose when i saw him dressed like
70s porn star i was like he's not taking this game seriously at all i think he's
dressed like
a 70s porn star every time i could be wrong is he all right i think he does
that yeah
why why what's up with the cool outfits dude what happened to sweatsuits every
college
fucking athlete just wears a gray sweatsuit all the time oh that changed
whatever cool outfit sure
they got they got that cash they all got rich as fuck i did forget they were
all yeah impoverished
and i'm sure they're gonna tell the story on stuff island but it was uh so we
we did bert's show on
saturday night and that's when the okam man got in and he got in he was a
little banged up i think his
flight got delayed i think he he wanted to catch up on the way i got you know
yeah and i think he
went a little too far mission accomplished so he shows up but he i didn't know
he was hammered
so we're sitting there and then uh tyreek hill walks in and he's standing right
next to us
and he has his people with him but chris was against the wall tyreek hill's
right here we're in the
tunnel at the arena and i just i'm standing next to chris on the wall and chris
just reaches through
tyreek hill's people and like grabs his arm and they turn around like what the
and i was like no
he's he's my friend because i just met him and i was like he's good he's my
buddy and then they
walk away and i was like chris what the was that i'm sorry i'm so stupid as
soon as he did that i was
like oh you're blacked out dude what the are you doing you know you had a sleeper
cell he was a full
sleeper i had no idea because i wasn't really talking to him i was about to go
on stage and then
i was like dude what the you do you don't just grab people's arms he's like ah
fuck then i go on stage and apparently while i was on while i was on stage julian
edelman walks by
and chris chris goes can i give you a hug and he was like why and then walked
away and chris was like
so then he's coming back through the tunnel it's crazy he took it to a y be
like state your reason
i mean i get it he doesn't even know the guy i know when some guy's staying
drunk in the tunnels
like can i give you a hug man and then i realized i've hugged every single
person that's ever asked
for a hug i'm like yeah yeah sure and it's funny like he was kind of thinking
about it he's like well
why like yeah he's like why should i why would i hug you and then he's edelman's
coming back in the
tunnel and apparently chris went for a super low five he was walking by and chris
was like
and they said edelman just was like no the and i was like dude of course he did
that i would have
thought someone was like just purely with me like a low five that's like are
you i wouldn't have even
thought he was giving me a high five also the risk of pulling a low five away
is high if i was walking by
and somebody was like yeah what are you doing what is this man anyway that was
chris's big uh
fucking sliding in a low five i i get wanting the hug
the hug is not and i was like what the fuck you asked for a hug for and he was
like it's julian edelman
i love julian edelman oh he's a bit he's a new englander yeah but it's like
yeah dude that's crazy
loaf but going for the low five on the slide like look i get it you got to keep
up appearances you
can't be hugging me right now just give me a low five on the slide give me the
lowest five
that was the okay and then he carried that shame all weekend and he was just
constantly just
that's so funny yeah that was uh because yeah he is he's high awareness enough
to really analyze that
behavior later and he probably did probably did it was a thorn in his side yeah
the okan man took that
one very personally i think he punched a wall later it's quality footage
somebody just sent me a video
of him like outside punching a gate and i was like oh man the okan man i spooked
vince vaughn that one
time badly in vegas last year what'd you do i was hammered last year in vegas i
kept doing the uh
whatever that game was when they're like if the like if the beer's in your left
hand you have to
chug it right oh yeah i kept getting caught with the beer that was the bills
that was game i was
passing the yeah i would just be like you know i i was hitting a vape pan i'd
like take it you pussies
and i'd switch it to my right hand they'd be like ah you got to drink your
beers and i was just chugging
vodka and sodas i got hammered and i we were on that like never-ending party
bus thing for a while
yeah oh yeah i just i got off the party bus and i was like what the is that vince
vaughn i was
hammered and i was i looked at him and i was like vince you're our only hope
take us to the place and
he i like turned around to nate and he was just 45 feet ahead i was like oh my
bad
your only hope dude yeah it is it is wild it's just so many celebs true celebs
and your hammer and
you're like holy there he is i gotta go say it it's time this is my one chance
vince vaughn when you save
us i didn't even i just like saw him and reacted to like something that was
bubbling like beneath my
brain it's like dude you're only hope you're the chosen one take us to the
promise
no idea what i was talking about yeah i mean that's exactly what happened to
your comment he saw
joanne edelman was just like julian can i get a hug from you right now no no
why why do you want
to hug it is a very and especially for like the why to hit o'connor's brain
have him like why would
i ask for that just fully echo in his head i didn't consider the reasons that's
awesome though so that
you guys started off on just like a yeah it was that was great fever pitch i
mean
i just i didn't he it was a full sleeper so i had no idea he was among us that
is crazy to find out
something like did not know what the fuck happened he was like my flight got
delayed i had a couple
whiskeys i was like well it's a long night it's 7 30. that's how early it was
early yeah no yeah what
happened where where did like where did his like journeys take him that rest
that night that is
super early obviously punching the fence or whatever he did i don't know he's
good at irish exiting he
can hit a good irish goodbye like out of nowhere you'll just be like where's o'connor
and somebody
will be like he's he got in a car yeah he just stumbled out also walk
he'll he'll start running a long walk he used to sprint i forgot about that i
wonder if he still
does that my favorite thing i've ever seen him do is when we were i had a party
at my house like
years ago in philly and he just we were all sitting on the roof deck and he was
just wearing headphones
and everyone's like what uh what are we doing he was listening to bob seger
every single time he went on a bob seger phase for like three years where he
would listen to like a
rock he would get hammered and listen to just the song's so good getting i
could see at a party
though kind of is 