Name: Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Uploaded: 2025-02-15T17:14:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-15. Transcript available.

Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)

wild wild west nice yeah we're just talking plane crashes too many man way too
many that shit
got niggas scared shit dude i'm telling you i flew i had to fly with my wife
and i was just
ready i was like man if this is it this is it that's crazy dude how the
helicopter just flew
into that fucking plane yeah that's crazy like they didn't see it on like the
radio like like
the radio scan or whatever that's crazy yeah man i uh i don't know it gets
people it gets people's
wheel spinning in a really bad way where it's like why how did the fuck did
that happen and then
this the crazy part i never listened to what they tell me like yo when yeah so
grab the oxygen and
everything bro something happened i'm a freak and how's that gonna save us i
know dude until i wear
a c-bill yeah a c-bill when the helicopter hit the plane yeah you're too crazy
yeah and then if you
like my uh when i fly with my kids they make me read the brochure to them so
like read this and i
have to like you know i'll like that like like why do they have their heads
down their laps i'm like
that's you know if you just want to get a little extra comfortable in case we
got to land really
quick and i'm like that's where that's what you do to keep you from like
freaking out like that's
what happens you're about to die and they tell you to like try to blow yourself
you ever see the
picture they're like put your head in your lap and it's like bro i'm just gonna
go out
anybody damn flexible and if you is that flexible you sus true that's what you're
doing
that's true yeah if you that would be crazy to see somebody like think they're
going down and just
have their head just like right in their lap and you're like man lord forbid
but something like that
happened first off i'm not getting out in no single file i'm pushing my way
through
you know what i'm saying it sounds up but i'm grabbing my goyard bag yeah i
already lost my arm
so basically you don't lose everything that you check in right so that's gone
yeah yeah i gotta say
something i'm grabbing that and i'm getting the but then you gotta go down a
yellow inflatable slide but
that's if you land but if you have something in the air or something i'm in an
airplane like
like something happening you go down the flexible side by the grace of god you
bless yeah true because
just being in the air anything happening that's scary yeah dude the plane gets
on fire did you see
that one video with the plane like it was in i think houston no there was one
way like months ago
in brazil oh damn i don't know if it was brazil it's another country in the
plane the engines lost power
and it just fell like it didn't even crash it just fell dead out of the sky
like insane
so how'd they live dude they exploded it literally it just lost power like if
you know like you think
airplane crash you're like like that this just stopped and was like boom and
did like a dead spin
and just fell dude it was the most fucked up shit i've ever seen but you know i
flew this weekend i'm
all right i flew the show back and forth and again this is the best time i
gotta tighten up
well that was the up thing because then it both both political sides started
blaming each other
they're like you know uh republicans were like doing the dei stuff and then the
democrats were like
you fired the head of the faa the federal or whatever but then it's like dude
so you're telling
me if one guy you guys have an organization where one guy leaves everything
starts to crash it's like
was he doing all the flow sticks himself like what are you talking about they
didn't tighten up i don't
know i feel like we might be under attack i know i feel like they're like bro
this too bro it's more
safe to ride an airplane to drive your hellcat down on 6th street you know what
i'm saying yeah yeah
so all this she happened like that i don't know man just too much going on
right now you know just
i know i dude it's yeah it's getting weird man i uh i'm off the porn right i'm
actually dude i'm in
a fasted state right now not not talking about just off the porn and stuff i'm
off i haven't eaten in
two days real yeah i'm just fasting i'm in a state of grace no no nothing just
water a little bit of
coffee i was like i could do that it's on adderall oh you could do that yeah
two days easy that ain't
shit you should do an adderall fast that'd be sick hell yeah get a lot of done
but adderall see i'm
glad that you fasten out porn yeah i watch so much porn when i pop adderall
really i just want to be
alone for two hours oh you're stim fapping it's called stim fapping then fapping
what's that put me
on game stim fapping is when you use stimulants and just go into a porn hole
and just allow yourself
to fap it's like chem sex no i mean i'm not it's uh chem sex gay guys you know
i'm obviously not
drawing the comparison but uh chem sex is big in the gay community where you
just get like whacked on
meth and it's just dudes on meth nah i ain't just for like days straight i'm
not saying you're doing
that but stim fapping is the hetero version i don't stim nothing i just all
this stem from the adderall
and me just one or two hours to myself i feel like adderall shrivels your dick
i don't even know how
yeah then it get complicated because then you want all kind of rhino pills yeah
man i might hey let me
know what you're going through like yeah i need to fast the adderall rhino dude
you're definitely
stim fatty by the way if you're telling me you're entering rhino pills in there
that's stim no no
that's not still fast it's called being 30 plus well here dude if you go off
the porn i i was literally
just thinking about this today i've been off it thank god i mean it's been
since like the new year which is
pretty that's pretty good for me because i'm gonna i'm a bit of an avid
consumer myself but dude when you go off
of it you your brain really does rewire to the point where you're like you can
just like smell a lady's
perfume and you're like holy like when you were a kid true true true you get
back to that because
i really think like porn has i feel like it's made all of us uh more gay like i'm
not saying everyone's
gay but i'm saying like here's the thing if you walk by and you see a lady's
shoulders and you get
kind of chubbed up you're definitely less gay than a guy who doesn't get chubbed
up from seeing a lady's
shoulders you know what i'm saying so if you're watching porn you're just
slowly you're still
hetero yeah but you're drifting i get what you're saying but all this damn flapping
ain't got nothing
to do with me cap i don't know i don't like this you're not stupid you're not
saying that but now
i know what you mean like oh now she got to be bent over showing it like that's
what i'm saying you
know what i'm saying for you to get hard with whether you get to see something
and it's it's a vicious
cycle dude like the only fans because then the women now are just contorting
themselves into like
artificial women it's these new camera filters yeah true and it's when twitter
turned the exit
was over with god damn twitter and like that's why i'm at like my twitter space
i'd be like okay
i'm trying to do something positive let me go look at some sneaker shit look at
some clothes
up it's a yellow bone green eyes fingering herself yep i know oh it's the one
giving head
oh she's actually kind of good you gotta say you're not interested what's she
she in houston
not interested you gotta go it's not interested no thank you elon and just i'm
telling you dude it
it makes a it makes a huge difference for me man just getting off that all
together for sure because
then it's like dude women now are look like artificial beings like they're
chasing an ideal
that's just like completely artificial and they're shredding themselves into
oblivion like some of the
most beautiful women they go get all these surgeries and i don't want to offend
nobody saying then
is this live live no no no we can edit whatever but they go then they do all
that work just start
looking like a wild wild west it's good it's like damn right they're getting
more gay the women are
getting more gay guys they've been gay true they've been every woman got an
ounce of game though you
know what i'm saying let me tell me that or like all of them a little bye yeah
you know what i'm saying
with that it's like they doing it to oppress their self because all that i
still like natural bodies
every female don't got to have the fattest ass for sure you know what i'm
saying i still like
little like freckles the normal you know what i'm saying like normal hips and
but then they gonna get them hard-ass titties ladies you know how hard it is to
have sex with
them hard-ass i'm a layer so i like to lay on you and like that then i'm
already kind of big
so i'm putting them down rocks into my titties and then your titties i'm like
god damn
they're boring into you they're just digging into your body but they look good
though you know some
ladies like you know man whatever build your self-esteem you want to do that i'm
all for it you
know what i'm saying but they're not building their self-esteem they have they're
getting like
they're they're shooting lit i think uh botox is like snake venom yeah it relaxes
your
like nervous system your muscles and i was just saying that song get canceled
no they're not they
need to hear it they need to hear it dude i mean i'm not like trying to be like
a big hard ass like
ladies listen up but it's like dude if you think about it like we've i mean
dude we've got there was if
you read if you ever listen to like the brave new world or read it out as huxley's
like a book about the
where it was like we've traded like real interpersonal communications for he
called it the pneumatic
ideal which is like women specifically are like the women of the future he
predicted would just be
like pumped full of air to give her a pleasing appearance but then men would
fall in love with
this thing that's essentially hollow and worthless it's kind of up but if you
think about it dude it's
like so you have women if you think about women and only fans it's like all
right we can do only
fans we can make millions of dollars blah blah blah blah it's like dude and i'm
not saying this to be
a dickhead i'm this is i think scientific fact they'd be happier to have a kid
right it's like you
could just put up like neurological brain scans and say all right what do you
what what is their more
nerve you know like serotonin and like dopamine right you can measure the
chemicals which are flowing
more when you're holding your child or if you're stiff like putting like marbles
up your on a camera
hands down dude it's like not even close it's not even close so it's like yeah
dude
but then you know it's it's like but then if you can make millions of dollars
as everyone's fapping
to it it's like for sure you know i've done dude i'm i'm an avid fapper dude
and i've been trying i've
been off thank god because once you have kids you have to stop man my daughter
my daughter made me
something plus my baby mama it was just to the point where like it was up our
relationship porn
watching that you know what i'm saying do you ever get caught i just get caught
jacking off and try
to play sleep what the hell you doing or like she'll walk out try to play sleep
but then i got my third
leg standing up so the cover just it sucks when they catch you the craziest
part was when my mama first
called me i tried to play sleep and she snatched the cover oh and then like she
go to bathroom body
works and she got her um it was called cherry blossom so the whole room smelled
like cherry blossom i'm
like i know the exact set but like once you got to a certain age because i got
cousin named big steve
and since i got caught jacking off you know you with the boys they're gonna
always tease you
then once everybody turned 30 they all admitted we all do it we mean we all do
it we just come to
you because you got caught fool and like that so who do you get caught by i 