Name: Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Uploaded: 2025-02-20T13:01:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-20. Transcript available.

Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)

the wow wow wes all right hey we're here live today and our guest today is
simple jack
don't worry about it he's his we actually just took him off a stick in a cornfield
he was a scarecrow i think it's cool it's what the kids are doing i'm part of
the young latin
kings running around the streets it's good it is a paul brother haircut you got
a paul
brother haircut true i was on the phone to shane immediately before getting the
haircut and i said
the barber has a monkey because there was a small monkey at the barber say what
there was a monkey
at the barber shop near the where we live and uh who had pajamas on and was on
a leash you let the
monkey cut your hair no no yeah the monkey was in the next room screaming and
very unhappy for he had
for like an angry monkey there were like 18 guys working in the barber shop and
one of them had a
monkey i've never seen this before anyway and you you were like that's the that's
where i want to go
it was the most affordable place to have your haircut in the area everywhere
else was i went to another
barber first and they said you need an appointment and i thought that broke the
barber's code of like
just walk in and hang out yeah can i just talk baseball that was the original
barbershop quartet
you would stand outside of the barbershop and dudes would just harmonize and
just get down
barbers used to keep musical instruments in their place just to keep the party
going on it
yeah you're just you would chill and just be like oh with like four of your
boys for the longest time
you got you just be you'd be at like the ye olde hair cuttery and just be like
oh
white people started that yeah true in england they would keep like a loot
handy in the case
the barbershop it's a white thing it kind of i mean dude barbershop chill
culture now now white
culture now white haircuts are just either guys with those mustaches or go to
the haircuttery at walmart
walmart yeah now we're talking a cut there's no there's not a hair cuttery at
walmart yeah they
would have done you better than the monkeys i keep thinking of signing up to
the walmart bank
every time i'd said i went to the barbershop and they had a monkey people did
say that monkey cut
people looked at me like i was dropping some terrible slur
it's not a bad haircut it's not that bad it's not that you gotta pick up
someone of your race to cut
your hair the worst one i had was an asian barber who had no idea what to do
with it it was worse yeah i've
had a worse this is not the worst haircut if you can believe it best one i had
was an ex-con in adelaide
that was great yeah i got a mullet they knew what to do they were respectful
you should get a mullet
i let the mullet grow out too much and then i immediately look like a woman a
fat woman from
oh man well james the the special is doing great you got to feel good yeah man
i feel it was meant
to be an hour and then i had a panic attack and i cut it right down so i'll do
another one but thank
you for having it come out i drank raw milk and then i was vomiting everywhere
i know it's hard to
hear you had a bad experience yeah i was devastated that the rule well that was
the conversation we had
because he was like i think it was the raw milk and i was like i don't know i
just got wrong matt gave me
raw milk it was great yeah it was the most delicious i sucked matt's raw milk
down and it felt great
uh but then he was like no i had uh i had like seven glasses yeah and i was
like most of a gallon i
and what regular milk would do that too what did you say you crushed uh almost
a gallon it was too
good it is so good it's so good it tasted like a secret you know there's there
is like a thing
about how milk itself is like white supremacist that's why i wanted the right
wing milk i wanted
to see what it was like and the guy who was selling it looked he was handsome
he had big shot he was the
only person at the farmer's market who actually looked healthy everyone else
looks weak and faded and
unusual but not drinking the wrong man i just didn't trust anyone else they're
not they're not drinking
the raw milk they they say that they're like there is like almost like a nazi arian
connection
where they try to say like the original mythical arians were the only people
who could digest cow's
milk well i'm a race trader as well as being sick no no i don't live up to hitler's
ideals with my food
no they say like you just drank too much you have too much power back to the
raw milk i think
this is not enough for me to stay away i know you're going to go back to the
beef bourguignon
i was going to ask for that video of me throwing up over the beef bourguignon i
thought that would
be good if i ever have a production company i know before we could have bourguignon
productions and then
yeah oh bourguignon yeah did you throw up the bourguignon yeah me and him went
out one night in philly
i never told you this no and he got fucking hammered he got shit faced at
dinner and he got beef bourguignon
and then we got back to my apartment he was fucking puking he was like shine
don't follow me
i asked him not to record this and i was like i'm not
then he showed it to my wife i try and say that we work hard when we're on the
road he's
like so up look at him vomit and beef bourguignon uh but the beef burger like
in between he vomits
so loud it's like that is a problem that i do have yeah and then he goes
too much beef i don't know how to throw up quietly it's not an easy thing to
manage
it's vomiting actually i never thought about that no i'd make a noise it's
vomiting
yeah at the very end of it you can hear a little australian he's like
because it's the chander that's why it has a special name
it's gotta be it's gotta be slightly accented yes you found i think the end of
a black vomit you're
god damn god damn
i'm not gonna make fun of you
take you on podcast and let everybody know about it i'm not gonna make fun of
you
he's walking shirtless back to the bathroom that's a bergen y'all shuffle
it's the bergen y'all shuffle like leave me alone
you don't have to lock it
you don't have to lock it
it's pretty bad
i'm sorry i'm sorry no no no get to bergen y'all it's very funny
you're sorry i'll leave you alone all right i'm done
like at the end of a sitcom the credits come up and then it goes
bergen y'all absolutely i think that was the bergen y'all coming up it was
great
yeah it's one of my favorite myths i had the beaujolais with the bergen y'all
what were you drinking
i was drinking uh beautiful wine yeah i cannot pace myself with a with wine it's
very i'm telling
you wine used to be like badass like that was like fentanyl back in the 20s undiluted
wine wine
was for like for real like sailors and badasses it was considered like if you're
in like 1910 or like
even like the late 1800s if you drank wine you were like an absolute i think it
went for like winos
yeah they called it when you read like bukowski's like i'm in skid row with all
the winos exactly
you guys are just drinking wine dude franzia hit the block in like 1890 and
dudes are like
completely frenzy have made it to me you get a box of that yeah do you know
about the cocaine
wine that the pope was on what they would yeah back when like coca-cola and
people were mixing
cocaine with their products there was a special cocaine wine and the vatican
ordered like thousands
of bottles of this wine and the pope is just loving it have you seen the pope
right now he's not doing
well he looked like yes we might have pope john paul no uh frankie francis he
looked yeah he had
like bronchitis they said so he couldn't even talk he was just up there like he's
been unwell for a
while he's not stepping down his head his neck fat is i mean i'm not one to
judge on that category but
god damn yeah he'd be you see where he had a he's like his neck fat is like
like the dude from mad
max he's just it's truly impressive let me see this i think he only had one
lung to begin with
he has double pneumonia like his lungs we must pray for the pope i'm not making
fun but they they
did him dirty with this uh damn he's i didn't realize the pope was that up washington
post was
doing him dirty on this dude sleepy yeah they don't got to do that to him yeah
that's that's your
grandpa at the end i mean again i'm not going to say i'm not going to rush this
pope but i we do need
a new pope it's time i'm ready for cool young american pope the young pope
activated me that's what
the church needs when did we elect francis wasn't it oh like ages ago it was
like 10 years ago he was
the first guy to come out 10 years ago it's a hard job he was looking all right
it was yeah he was
decent this is he had a bit of a twinkle in his eye double pneumonia cocaine
wine
you got the bourguignon going that would be a cool life and like the absolute
utter like the top
hierarchy of the church would be probably sick as hell have you seen the new
conclave movie no is it
any good it's not as good as the young pope that's all i could yeah but it is
they it's great until
the last 10 minutes when you find out spoiler that the uh the guy they've just
elected is uh intersex
pope with a womb and then it's like it's written by church of england guys so
they're all just like
very sensitive like wouldn't that be interesting what is a man yeah this was a
great drama about
one of the one of the candidates had a secret family he was black and homophobic
and people like
you only like him because he's black and they're all having it it's great there's
like arguments and
what's the future of the church and then just at the end there's a terrorist
attack and people go
let's get the trans woman or the intersex person it's a problematic but ray
fines is great and stanley
tucci everything stanley tucci is like a serious like religious drama that ends
with a trans pope yeah
intersex oh you mean you mean like like a natural one like a natural yeah like
uh it's a little mexican
guy who's like i found out that i had a uterus they're killing the mexicans
with this train
shit what they got this and they got another big train there's a big mexican
trans movie really amelia
it's like they're getting all the oscars
emilia perez i watched it how was it it's terrible it's one of the worst pieces
of i've ever seen
it's about a mexican trans it's about a cartel leader that transitions nice
they quit the cartel
and the way they're hiding is transitioning okay but instantly the character
becomes like a sympathetic
character oh i thought it's like yeah they would just beheading everyone it's
like all the trans
they're like oh i love them so they want and it's a musical with not really
good singing it sounds great
as a description if someone said this is my card musical that sounds yeah that's
why it's a cool
idea it's a cool premise yeah cartel boss becomes uh yeah basically yeah it
comes to trans and then
comes back they think that the family thing then he misses dow fires the family
nice it truly does he
comes back to his family and he's like it's me what yeah damn which it was
clearly him are you sure you
were watching keeping up with the kardashians no we had that conversation for
real we while we were
watching it it was like damn this is what it must have been like where like a
little girl is holding
or he's holding a little girl as a woman now yeah the little girl's like i just
miss my dad so much
he like i miss the way he smelled he was i loved him and the mrs doubtfire's
like oh do you ever see
the kardashians episodes where bruce is obviously starting to transition into caitlin
no they're
hiding it from the audience there's like two seasons where it's just the hair
gets longer gets smoother
he moves out of the house they go the marriage is fine i'm just living in a
different house across
town but then it's still he's just like long weird hair just demolishes
everybody in table tennis
is working through some feelings beating all the other kardashians in table
tennis
it's a great weird arc where everyone's going this is 