Name: Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Uploaded: 2025-02-26T20:25:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-26. Transcript available.

Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)

wow wow wes oh yeah wow wow welcome to the show here we are again
here we are hey guys how are you like how you guys just threw it in neutral
real quick oh yeah
it's got real dick cabin yeah we like to you know you like to bring them down
we got a highbrow
real highbrow followers i like it so yeah we're gonna talk about uh we're gonna
touch on a few
topics today we're gonna touch uh jacking off for about one hour okay and uh
that's it that's
the only topic all he's gonna go over his uh exercise regimen yeah we're gonna
talk about
exercising crock pots yeah speaking of i need you to fire that thing up do you
have i got the broth
in the fridge i was thinking about your stew all last night i was like i wonder
if you put it on
right now i didn't because i brought it yeah yeah are you cooking here i'm well
yeah i'm trying are
you really yeah last night i had a bowl of meat sounds like a homeless guy
i got a bowl of meat uh-huh and uh bacon and eggs this morning all right all
right some spinach in
there okay but the uh bowl of meat's good what does that mean what were you
salt and pepper i mean
it full i take a ground beef hamburger meat yep then sprinkle some cheese on
there put it in a bowl
pour hot sauce on it texas chop cheese so good that is good i don't care what
anyone says that's great
that's delicious it's my type of meal i love the whole thing the whole pan i
mean you leave some
in there for a little and then you go you know what am i who am i kidding i'm
gonna finish that
pan right now i love the ground beef yeah i love the fact that all these
fitness guys are now coming
around on hamburger meat yeah like that's what it's all about yeah fitness guys
like me yeah
all these no they're all those guys on the internet they're like ground b or
grass-fed organic ground
beef is great for you i knew that since the 80s i've been a big i've been a big
ground
guy at all telling everybody if that's what happens i would lay off it big time
i really did always
wonder why it was so much cheaper than the other meat i'm like it's just you're
chewing it up anyway
why does it matter if it's pre-ground yeah i don't know i was big on that
forever yeah i would get
ground meat like dude nobody knows about this grass-fed grass finish baby let's
go oh yeah grass
fed hamburger helper oh don't get me started that was my move back in high
school come home from
wrestling practice my mom has a hamburger helper stroganoff sitting on the
table big glass of milk
go to town yeah i was a uh bagel bite guy i would microwave like 24 bagel bites
that's the outer rim
was just cold yeah and i would eat all of them and i would dip them in spaghettios
every day whoa
so and watch pokemon with my little brother i used to love spaghettios and a
peanut butter and jelly
with it yo and i would dip the peanut butter and jelly in the spaghetti is yo
that's crazy just a couple
days ago did you with the meatball spaghettios or how did you i did we with
them
yeah i kind of liked it they were pretty big i didn't roll out of the camp it's
very good when i was
a kid i couldn't do the beefaroni something about it creeped me out i didn't
like the thickness of the
nudies the nudies were a little slimy yeah they're too thick i agree it was too
bucatini for me
i'm an angel hair man dude when that hit the when that angel hair hit the
households
in dirtbag households in the 90s we thought we were from sicily
i thought we were the medici or whatever angel hair
i remember getting real mad at my mom after like she busted out the angel hair
once then she'd go to
the regular spaghetti i'd be like why yeah yeah yeah why not do something wrong
why don't why are we
getting into it more expensive somehow it might have been when they hit the
scene it was fancier i don't
know why much better so much better it's crazy sexual bite angel hair was kind
of sexual maybe for some
reason maybe that's why the parents for side chicks true especially your house
i bet the boys went
yeah my mom would get the laundry basket that week and be like yeah that's the
angel it was just like
dumping rocks out of a dumpster
that's poor the horniest brothers it's not yeah me and my brother is one back
seat i like it it is
sexy man a little olive oil and garlic you don't see it out of restaurants
either it's always bucatini
all this we don't you know we're trying to get it's all fettuccine which you
brought it up that
that's that side piece the fettuccine fettuccine alfredo if you're at the
dinner with a girl and
she orders the blackened chicken pasta she's a whore
she's a bucket this is based off one experience when he was waiting tables like
this dude rolled
in this girl was such a whore or chicken alfredo and then like that's my what
my mom eats and now
i can't look at her the same i will say fettuccine alfredo is slut slop yeah
for sure what's some
other slut slop uh i think any kind of like pesto they really no it's
definitely
fettuccine it's fettuccine or no what's the other one the cheese cheese filled
noodles
ravito totally totally tortellini tortellinis are for yeah dumb bitches yeah
just get the ravioli you skank yeah i take back take back pesto
although that might be graduated that might be elevated slow slow yeah once you
get off yeah
i think filet mignon's kind of got that rap too with sluts some bro yeah some
broad'll think she
knows what she's doing she'll get it like medium well what'd you say i guess i'm
a slut oh i'm
always sick and afraid of inflaming you i'm always falling guys you need it it's
good for guys you
stuff your muscles and guys it's okay it's for hot dudes only it's for hot
dudes and giant sluts
then get that like a cranberry juice like you dirty bitch
you're on your period eating fettuccine alfredo flay mignone and cranberry
juice
that also sounds like you're on a date with a 16 year old
it's not even at your table it's like you nasty little slut over there
mac and cheese in a shirley temple hey you're speaking my language yeah
although this is up there
this is a bunch of a dirt bag am i've never had the the upgraded mac and cheese
that touched the
shit in the box yeah ever once in philly cotton got a platter delivered he's
got the inside
connected black mac forget about it yeah black mac's different i had a first-class
education on that
because what we did cotton's uh bachelor party and i like went out and bought
all this stuff we did like
a little low grill barbecue i must have bought about 400 worth of store-bought
potato salad and it was
all his boys from the neighborhood and nobody touched it and after like an hour
i pulled one of
them aside and i was like uh i was like why how come no one's eating the potato
salad and he's like
black people don't with store-bought potato salad yeah man they probably swear
to god i think they
put vibranium in their mac and cheese it's dude i have to like take my wife
aside we go somewhere
like my parents house or something they they it'll be like bleach blonde
american cheese on noodles and
like i'll have to like take her outside to like all right dude you can like
scream out here
she gets up she's like what is this and i'm like a bunch of people it's
american cheese and milk
store-bought potato salad being like garlic to vampires to black people next
time you go to an
unruly neighborhood have some be like
were you velveeta or kraft growing up uh kraft velveeta hit us for a minute
yeah kraft was going
on and then i i think velveeta was one of those things that was in my friend's
house that i like
snuck into the shopping cart and i was like i had some velveeta and like my mom
was like get
this the out of here because velveeta had the their angle was it's not powder
it's real the real
cheese but what kind it was not it was like just a bad just a bag of cheese
yeah we were a huge
velveeta when i was real young it was in a huge block yeah and you could never
wrap up the end
airtight enough so you had to go through it was like normandy you had to get
like the first couple
of waves of hard dried cheese to get to the good shit i remember my mom when
was tight she'd be like
just eat it we'll be like eating drywall it was the first time you had velveeta
it is kind of like a
revelation yeah what the what is my house doing my stepmom introduced me to it
and it was like
i looked at my mom i'm like you got to pick it the up you are i'm about to move
into dad's house
for good i will leave you too yeah chips and cheese just melting american
cheese on chips was big and then
my friend was like really hit me with the velveeta and i was like bro yeah
although i feel like velveeta was
kind of indicative of like a problem like usually if there was a velveeta house
there was like marital
strife oh he has a couple holes in the wall yeah there was a couple holes in
the wall they were
trying to buy back that kid's love yeah for sure a little dunkaroo action there
was always that one
kid that you were friends with that you knew there was trouble in the house
that when they would offer
you to eat over you'd be like nah i'm good i'm gonna go home i will say the
single mother the single
mother household had snacks oh that's where you could find dunkaroos good snack
yeah she's treating
a little man right yeah well she was subservient to the son the son of the son
mom give me the
house some random dude leaving with a work truck out front name like ron or
something like i see you
guys like your last dog grew that was the funfetti one yeah my cousin snorted
pixie sticks in a single
bomb basement like there was like we were at a friend's house a single bomb and
he just started
just railing lines for pixie sticks who did this my cousin he developed a drug
problem i would have to
assume yeah he dabbled he bounced hard he dabbled he dabbled he was dabbling
man he snorting pixie
sticks you know he's something in the air something in the air a single mother
house you go i gotta do
something in this basement no one can stop me here there's only a woman you
know there's no paw there's
no paw to rain down on you some house painter every couple of weekends showing
up you're gonna say
he's all about it dude i'm telling i've talked about this before but i'll never
forget it when we were at our
our friend's house it was just his mom and he had these walkie-talkies and i
swear to god this
actually happened we're like around he's like if i go to a certain channel it
picks up my mom's phone
conversation why and we picked up a phone conversation of his mom complaining
that the guy wouldn't sleep
with her and we were all like oh just turn it off right away oh shut it off one
dude we were looking
for porn at my buddy's house one time or weed or something we were looking for
something that a 13
year old's looking for yeah and we were going through and we looked at my one
buddy was looking
under the bed dude it pulled out a like a shop like one of those like plastic
shopping bags just
full of dildos and like whips and chains like dude what is this and there was
like five of us we're
like ah dude the kids like put that back put that back like god damn dude why
do you have us going
under your mom's bed this is crazy what did you expect us to find i feel like
you had to do that
shit in the summer whatever house you were at and there was no one home you
tossed the place like
the arena like you're on a warrant dude look for everything yeah like a no not
cutting open pillows
dude dumping out coffee and shit stethoscope on the wall going around my my
brother claims
that i you know i have reason to believe it's true but he said he like his
friend had like you know
you'd have like you would like copy vhs's off of like tv or whatever he had
some sort of blank tape
that they had like a movie on and they want to like put it in to watch it and
his mom and her new
boyfriend had recorded a sex tape and like recorded over what would have been
there so they like they
watched the first 10 minutes then it was just mom giving it went from three
minutes to coach to
