Name: Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Uploaded: 2025-05-01T12:01:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-01. Transcript available.

Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)

- The Wild Wild West.
- The shoes are, they're my most comfortable pair of shoes.
- Bro, these shoes are sick.
- Hey.
- Lamise, prance around those under-homers.
- Yeah, man, a lot of those things.
- Show these people your under-homers skills.
- He did get the best choice.
- Ooh.
- Flexible, bro.
- I've never seen you kick that high.
- Little Jack Black action.
Little Jack, actually black.
- I'll be honest, I would have been a million dollars
you couldn't have done that many kicks in a row.
- That was a lot.
- Kung Fu, it was a Kung Fu Panda.
- Yeah, he is.
- Jack Black.
- I wish I wasn't so goddamn sleepy.
- Yeah, I-
- I did a fucking workout this morning.
- I was yesterday, man.
I woke up.
- Oh, yesterday, yesterday I played video games.
- Yeah, I was, I-
- It was a pathetic day.
- Did that thing where I opened my eyes
and tried to gauge the hangover before I woke up.
And I felt all right, I was just hot.
I like woke up, it was a thousand degrees.
I thought it was 7:00 a.m.
I reached over to like, I'm like, see what time it is.
I'll like, if Britney's in bed,
I'm like, all right, it's probably like seven.
Didn't feel her and I pat it.
It was just a pillow and I'm like, there she is.
And I lay there and I checked my phone
like 10 minutes later, it was fucking 10:30.
I was like, holy shit.
- Damn.
- Yeah, we were up late though.
- We were up super late.
- We got home late, yeah.
- We were up super late.
Yeah, I was, I was dragging.
- That's an early day.
- 10:30?
- That was crazy, that was decadent, dude.
Usually it's 6:37.
- Oh, for me.
- I try to get up before my kids.
- It's 11.
- It's 11 is like, I'm, I did it.
I got up at a decent hour.
- Really?
- I feel like the older I'm getting, I'm just waking up early.
Even if, even if you're out late?
- Even if it's a late night, yeah.
- You think it's about time?
Like you're like, I'm running out of time.
- I'm not sure, I'm not sure, no, no.
It's not like it's a conscious decision.
- It's just your body?
- I just keep waking up early, yeah.
- That's the opposite for me.
I'm waking up later.
- Really?
- I haven't set 11:00 a.m. alarms.
- Really?
- To be up.
Like if not, I'll just sleep.
- That's nice, fucking, fucking sleep.
- That is nice.
No, I'm, I just get, my kids wake up at like 7:00 a.m.
So it's either I get up before them
or I get woken up to just like a kid through a monitor.
Like, it's like for real the worst fucking way to wake up.
'Cause you have to get, you have to get out of bed and like.
- And go to action.
- Right away.
So if you get up before them, you like chill, relax.
Drink my coffee and then it's like,
you'll hear them wake up and you're like, sweet.
- Is dad energy a thing?
Like dad energy, like you hear it and you're like,
all right, it kind of kicks you into gear or is it just.
- Yeah, you pop, yeah, you pop up.
'Cause the only alternative is like, they're fine.
And then you wait, and wait, and wait.
And that can turn into just like,
rest of your life really if you want to fucking tell you that.
- Yeah, you can just leave.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You know what, they're fucking fine.
A lot of people don't have dads, they'll be all right.
- Fuck it.
- Anything will help 'em.
Boy named Sue made you stronger.
- I've been looking at schools.
We finally found one.
Dude, it's such a fucking insane process now
to find like schools for kids.
- Yeah.
- Since we went, we like looked at them.
- Oh, yeah.
- It's insane.
We looked at a bunch of schools.
And then what a lot of them do, I noticed,
they like card out their eighth graders as like--
- Give you a look.
Say, "This is what we do."
- Check these kids out.
But then they come out and they're like fucking robots, dude.
These kids come out and they're like,
"My passion is," and it's like,
"Who's back there hitting you with fucking bamboo sticks?"
- Yeah, they got a lot of it.
- When I was in eighth grade,
if they pulled me out in front of parents,
like, "What do you like about school?"
I'd been like, "I don't know."
- Reset.
- Zero eye contact, yeah.
- Like, recess.
- I don't know if I was in math socks.
- These kids are coming out
like they're running for fucking president.
They're like, "Well, I'm actually going to a very..."
I was like, "What the fuck?"
- Now, this is speaking is not a dad at all,
but I kind of like that.
'Cause that's what I felt like.
Wasn't that always that kind of a thing
is like America was falling off
'cause we were, our kids weren't as disciplined
as other countries?
- These kids are so smart.
They come out and they're like little mini adults.
They're like mature.
It's really weird.
- I kind of would like to have had that for myself.
I feel like a dumb ass a lot.
And to just not have that as part of my life
would be beautiful.
- Just to come out and be like,
I'm very deeply, I'm actually working with my community.
- I never really thought if you were dumb or not.
You don't seem very dumb.
- I'm not completely dumb, but I'm not.
- C student energy, for sure.
- You said C student energy, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- CB.
- I think the whole crew holds that down.
- CD, yeah, true.
- I was the smartest of my childhood crew.
Everybody got left back senior year except me.
- And all your boys got left back?
- All my boys were super seniors, and I just was out.
- You got held back senior year?
- I came back from prom, too, though.
- You came back from prom after?
- I came back for a second prom.
I was like, I'm back, fellas.
- Hell yeah.
That's swag.
- Damn.
That is nice.
- Yeah, they all.
- The whole squad got held back, huh?
- Whole squad.
- Is this Redding Central Catholic, or where'd you go?
- Redding, Redding High School.
- I bet that's pretty fucking standard at Redding High School.
- That, or you just give up and just don't even graduate.
A lot of people get that senior year left back and just go, ah, I did my four
years.
- Yeah, true.
I'm done.
- Same thing.
- I don't give a fuck what they said.
I'm done.
- Damn, I feel like the same grade again must be nice.
- Getting held back senior year is insane.
- It's great.
- Fuck.
Changes your whole life.
- I mean, that's super senioritis.
- Yeah, it does.
Although it would be senior year if no one I know now, I would be a super
senior.
Senior year is fucking sick.
- I was just going to be racist.
- What?
- I just want you guys to know.
- Good on you.
- I caught myself.
- Good on you.
- That's important.
You acknowledge it, you go, it'd be funny to just say black people have senioritis.
I'm not going to do that.
- Or just excuse me.
- Pardon me.
- Excuse me.
- I was just being racist in my head.
- Senioritis.
- They made that second year look like the most fun.
I for real felt like they were having fun.
- They were having so much.
- Way better than fucking real life.
- I went to community college after that.
I went to a retinary community college and it was just boring.
- You went to RAC?
- I went to RAC.
I went to RAC and they were just having the most fun.
- I paid my dues at HAC.
- At HAC?
- I was a HAC hulk.
I paid my dues.
I did my semester at HAC.
- I'm still doing HAC.
- That was actually kind of where I turned my life around as a student.
- Community college?
- Yeah, after I had failed out at Elon.
- Also, you'll feel like a superstar going to community college.
If you go to college and go back, you're just like-
- Yeah, yeah, no I did.
I was like, "Oh shit, everybody here is dumb as fuck."
And then it was like, "All right, it's time to stop failing."
- Yeah, I was at Drexel and I was like-
- I gotta go to Westchester.
I gotta get my grades up to get into Westchester.
- True.
Dude, I was at Drexel like, "Dude, school's so dumb.
What's the point of this?"
And I worked, I was with like the labor reunion
with my, like working for my dad.
So I had to sign up to labor's union to work for him
so like the union didn't say anything.
And I was like, "College is so pointless."
And I was like chilling with like laborers
and I would talk to them and I'm like,
I think college worked on me a little bit.
- Yeah.
- So they would read the paper and I'd be like,
"Yeah, but like who, you gotta think like who wrote that paper?"
They all have an agenda and they would just look at me
and be like, "Dude, it's in the paper."
And I was like, "All right, man, I fucking..."
This is before Donald Trump busted the fake news.
People would read the paper and be like,
"Well, that's what happened."
- Yeah, that's that.
- Yeah. - It's pretty crazy.
- I worked in that factory and I realized.
- Yeah. - It was time.
- Yeah, well, yeah, definitely.
- College helps.
There was a bunch of guys that were illiterate.
- Yeah.
- Like fully illiterate.
They'd be like, "I can't read that."
- Turns out grade school kind of helped me a little bit too.
- Dude, some of the schools are still fucking wild now.
We went to this one school.
We really wanted, I really wanted my daughter to go there.
And dude, we had a meeting, like a parent interview or whatever.
And they were like, "Well, we do a reenactment
in the, I think third or fourth grade
where we reenact the taking of the land from Mexico.
We use the third graders to reenact this."
And it was just like,
and I'm sitting there the whole time.
I told Brittany going into it, I'm like,
"They're gonna probably say a bunch of dumb bullshit.
Just go along with it.
I just like this."
Thank God we didn't get in.
But we were in the thing.
It was like, the lady was talking about people of color.
And Brittany's like, "I didn't see any."
And she's like, "She mentioned Asians."
And Brittany goes, "Son of people of color."
Like held her leg under the table and shook up.
- Oh, yes, dude, it's so nice.
- It was kind of a beast.
It was beast. - So nice.
- It was beast.
The lady claimed it too.
- Black wife card is so nice.
- It was so funny.
Dude, I was dying.
And the lady tried to claim it herself, bro.
I mean, same as me, bro.
And I'm like, sitting there like, "My God."
- It's crazy they're gonna do the reenactment of America taking Mexico?
- Yeah, dude.
With fucking fourth graders, dude.
- Yeah.
- That's fucking nuts.
It's also like, if you're gonna reenact...
Like, why that one?
Why not like...
That's kind of weird.
Are they celebrating it?
- No, no.
- 'Cause then I could see, yeah.
Fuck yeah, the Alamo ruled, dude.
- Yeah.
- What a bunch of fucking pussies.
- Well, then it's like, why not go even further back in time?
Why stop there?
- Yeah, let's see how Mexico got there, Lance.
- Yeah, how did they?
How did they?
- Spanish came and cut everyone's fucking heads off.
- True.
- That's 'cause they were cutting everybody's heads off already.
Yeah, they weren't like...
- I just thought it was distasteful.
It's like, don't do that with fucking pussies, man.
- Yeah, Mexico, they were not very chill.
- Yeah.
- You should do a play of the Comanche.
- The what?
- You should do a play where the kids are the Comanche.
- True.
- And they abduct white settlers and gang rape them
and disembowel them in front of their families.
- That'd be pretty fun.
- Fake scalpels?
- Yeah.
- That'd be nice.
- Fake little kids.
- They're like real Hollywood blood packets?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I could see that stepping up like kids' productions.
We're doing Reservoir Dogs.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we dodged a bullet.
I was happy that Brittany was yapping
'cause that was, looking back on it,
I was like, that was such a sick move.
- Did y'all ever do any of those things
when you were kids, like kids' plays?
- Nah, I held it down.
I was like, plays are...
- I was part of the tableau in the Christmas play.
- What's the tableau?
- Tableau was for all the kids who sucked.
That weren't part of the real play.
They just went up and did a nativity scene.
- Oh, that's sick.
- My job was to hold a banner behind them and go...
I just shook a banner, dude.
- I didn't stay true.
- I had to do...
I went to campus school for a little bit
and we did Sister Act.
- You guys did Sister Act?
- We did Sister Act.
And I had to do the rapping part.
He come in like, joyful, j