Name: Ep 563 - No Nut Clarity (feat. Chris O'Connor & Dave Temple)
Uploaded: 2025-06-12T11:01:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 563 - No Nut Clarity (feat. Chris O'Connor & Dave Temple)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 563 - No Nut Clarity (feat. Chris O'Connor & Dave Temple)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-12. Transcript available.

Ep 563 - No Nut Clarity (feat. Chris O'Connor & Dave Temple)

wild wild west hey welcome to matt and shane's secret podcast here today with
comedian dave
temple and chris o'connor nice thanks for coming guys this is the first time in
this setup never
been in my i've done stuff in my like office office um i don't think it was
well received but
yeah this is my first time revealing my office apartment yeah apartment office
my little bop
house my little content house that's what i really do i come here and i just
masturbate for gay men
right right yeah only fans is popping yeah huge stuff i just show my butthole
you know dudes who
get into that are fascinating like guy sex workers because i don't know i don't
know how you get into
faking sex as a man like i get it for ladies i don't think you do i think you
just come and you're like
i i meant that it's all about just getting paid i i actually i saw one of those
things where you
know they take like a super high res picture of like your eye and make it like
art yeah yeah i want
to do that with my butt that's kind of cool so people like come stand in front
of it and be like
yeah it's so close up and so detailed yeah yeah they kind of don't know what it
is they cannot is that
a nautilus show in a way yes just a bunch of capillaries and veins like is this
the grand canyon
giant hemorrhoids it's the colorado river right just get that put in like moma
yeah you could get
that picture taken just see what you're working with yeah if you got a super
close zoom on the new
iphone you could probably get a good portrait mode portrait mode to be nice
have any of you guys
actually seen your butthole no like i've never taken the time to actually bend
over in front of
a mirror i think i have your cheeks i'm pretty sure into the mirror you're
saying yeah because i always
wonder i used to do a joke about this about like how did they come up with the
concept of anal bleaching
yeah i mean like who saw their asshole to be dissatisfied with that probably
probably a girl
yeah that's kind of nuts it's a girl for sure absolutely she just saw she had a
disgusting
like hairy and i was like i gotta why not get it waxed why would you bleach you
bleach the hairs or the
hole itself no because your butthole gets stained with poo i think yeah over
time i think over time
i think mine's gotta be an absolute abyss yeah just in the rings of saturn it
darkens up i haven't
checked mine i don't know if it has i what happens to me is i'll like bend down
i'll just like as soon
as i'm done i just get naked like in my bedroom i'm naked and then i'll like go
to plug up my phone
charger and bend over in front of my wife and i'll just be i'll feel like the
air enter my asshole and
i'll be like she's looking right at my butt hole i thought you meant she runs
up and blows in it
there's no weird that'd be nice yeah it's her gaze a little hand fan yeah that'd
be nice yeah i don't
i don't know i think i did look at my once because like i got a hairy like late
in life in the game yeah yeah yeah you know how like i don't know like in
college i didn't have
like chest hair yeah and now i do yeah you know i don't know yeah so and i i
think there was at one
point where i was like you know wipe my ass and it was like real hairy and i
was like that's weird
and i wanted to get a look at like what it what the you know what it looked
like yeah yeah you
probably could sneak there yeah i didn't know if it was like a you know if it
was patchy or whether
it was like a nice just clean it's like it had a good grade to it it's like
even better than your
beard you know what i mean it's just like wow yeah you want to know if you're
gonna treat it right
so wait you're saying fecal matter it really smooths it does it gives it a nice
shine is your
asshole actually stained from poop i don't think it's staying from poop i don't
think it's staying
from i think the skin just stretches and stuff like that and kind of like yeah
that's what makes
it dark i don't know true it's bright i think it's brown it's not brown your
assholes like
i think it's the color of like vagina lips
you know what i mean there's like color concentration in those things i think
but you can't like bleach your
vagina can you yeah yeah those people will put bleach you can do uh vaginoplasties
that's a new thing
women are doing to like reduce their they're like to get like a certain look on
their lips
no meat curtains you're talking about the tuck them back in exactly yeah rejuvenation
vaginal
rejuvenation i'm against it bro are you yes you gotta leave those things if you
like you like a good
ham and cheese sandwich yeah it's also crazy nobody cares it's like nobody
gives a
fuck i don't know there was a girl i dated once that had like a flap you know
like one side one side had a
flap and it made it like it made entry more difficult yeah i know you talk
about it's like that thing that
hangs off the side i don't think i'd mind that if i got to like larp and be
like god damn give me a
second babe i can't get it in holy shit yeah no i think on her part it was more
like ow oh yeah
things that's dude that's the worst yeah once a woman feels comfortable enough
to complain during sex
yeah it sucks it's a sexual version of biting your lip yeah
ow catch you one of those during sex is not pleasant
all right i'm done i can't continue now yeah yeah just furious like really you
had to say like that
all right sorry done this before 100 times never had a problem never what's the
problem now
ow dude yeah that was yeah i gotta i don't know i'll get a picture of my i'll
get a picture of my
butthole tonight i'll tell you i think i think we should get it though with the
the retina camp you know
like the height yes what lens is the best for that yeah you want it you want to
be able to blow it up
and put it on a billboard you know what i mean you want that level of
resolution that would be dope
to just have it hanging like over your couch yeah yeah just don't say anything
to anyone at all as far
as because it could look just like a star explode if you made it like a
negative image yeah that'd be
cool yeah it could like yeah and then just have a very clear shot of your penis
next to it
just slowly just slowly zoom out little by little throughout your house when
they finally like oh
this is my bedroom like oh this has been your asshole the entire time yeah no
you'd have to
you'd have to do a little photoshop have it like like bursting out of like a
sand or something so
it's like dune yeah true dude i was uh i was just in mexico all weekend might
be my favorite
country right now yeah mexico's sick dude oh really i'm like seriously
considering i kept telling
my wife the whole time i was like i'm gonna chug a gallon of water and just
fully trans
just have like a mexican belly yeah yeah i want i just want to just like i just
want to completely
switch over to the mexican belly yeah just like whatever's in their water i
want that i'm gonna go
through i'm gonna go through shitting i'm gonna for like a month and just i
want to like keep drinking
the water here get it imported and just have a mexican belly yeah dude i get a
mexican belly every once in a
while yeah if i go on like a straight beer bender you know what i mean like no
hard alcohol three
four days in i get a mexican belly do you really yeah get montezuma's revenge
and it's kind of probably it's it might be my favorite place i've been like
traveled outside
the u.s in a while it was awesome where in mexico yeah riviera maya so i was in
the yucatan peninsula
yeah and i didn't know that i was just like because i've been reading about the
mayans just getting
absolutely buttfucked by the spaniards just they like devastated themselves
beforehand i didn't know
that yeah but i was reading about that so i like knew all the towns they were
like campeachia all
these towns and i'm like i know where that is this is yucatan peninsula like
dude you're in the yucatan
peninsula all right my bad oh yeah yeah but dude it was uh dude was so sick it
was in the jungle like
at nighttime like little they weren't monkeys they're called like cape capers
or capuchins something i
don't know what the they were but they looked like raccoons mixed with monkeys
and they just come out
at nighttime and scurry it was sick that's awesome i hired a bunch of guys in
the yucatan to try to
build a health care website for the chinese are you a spaniard christopher cortez
hold on i swear to god
you hired a bunch of people from the yucatan to build a chinese website yeah i
like that's like a crazy
triangulation right yeah i was it was like yeah i don't know when it was early
on in stand-up and i was
like you know you just do any job you could possibly find and i was like
coaching youth lacrosse and one
of the dads put me in touch with this doctor who was chinese and he was like i
need a website made
and i was like i can do that yeah no idea how to do that so uh i found these
dudes in the yucatan that
would build websites for like super cheap and uh i hired them and they they
just built like
kind of the shittiest where wait were they like standing outside of a home depot
with a laptop
chinese doctor websites yeah this episode of matt and shane's secret podcast is
brought to you by dude
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yeah my ass is an absolute
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it turns into a little
tiny like paper dildo you shove up your butt and you're like just comes out
disgusting you're like
fuck dude i i had an itchy for a while and i i started hitting the wipes and it
did help that's
huge yeah yeah oh yeah dude i it's there i mean especially when i travel when i'm
in a hotel it's
like i'm always just cursing myself i don't have the wipes on me because in a
hotel my when i travel my
ass i could talk about this for an hour dude my ass just goes haywire when i
travel well this is the
first time i ever had like chronic itchy no really getting it yes you know yeah
wow this was like
yeah just had to start plaguing me you know what i mean we're early in the
morning you're trying to
get to sleep an extra hour you just can't because your ass squirming in bed
well guys dude wipes
best clean pants down available on amazon and at major retailers nationwide i
was laughing about the
immigrant uh which i'm gonna call it the it wasn't a parade the protests i was
laughing about that the
other day it was just the fire parade no way there was mexican dudes at that
per at that not parade
protest no way they're never anywhere like fun they're always like at work yeah
which is that's
where they've been getting most of them is like at work and then like pulling
up on them at graduation
was cold-blooded but also genius they heard them at graduation they were
getting them at like high
school graduations in la what yeah like literally they would just wait for like
you'd shake all your
teacher's hand or just be an ice agent like hey congratulations basically it
was just like
apparently like ice like pulled up to the graduation and they're just like
making note of who's clapping
at spanish names and then like people kind of became aware of it and then they
you just saw a mass
exodus people just started running off the fucking graduation people are like
really upset yeah i wonder
how much of that because i've actually ardent it wasn't our neighbors in philly
that well there was
our neighbors but they're they're like friends or cousins are ice a