Name: Ep 568 - Hollywood Night Cast
Uploaded: 2025-07-21T12:01:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 568 - Hollywood Night Cast' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 568 - Hollywood Night Cast' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-21. Transcript available.

Ep 568 - Hollywood Night Cast

wow wow wes oh my god bro we're out here just living these hollywood nights
dude hollywood
nights poly bye damn dude you're i'm i'm absolutely i'm like you're a new year's
anderson cooper
my goal was to keep it together to have it completely i'm not trying to like
claim
good ones but i'm new year's don lemon called it called it your new year's anderson
coop nate's
just nate nate nobody's been hornier since they've gotten to l.a it's crazy not
not in a
not in a heterosexual horniness look at it look at the glass he's using no we're
not using those same
glasses nate nate we got to show the truth bro and the shorts bro these were
free shorts and i love
them and i'm like why are you what what what's free who gave them to your sugar
daddy
it was it was five gentlemen guys guys let's get serious guys let's get serious
there's so much
serious stuff going on in the world today seriously man nate though is i've
never met a disaster guy
bro just on dead as soon as the plane landed he was like when are we gonna
death like it was like yo yo
but nate i never knew your hello this is sean gardini i just wanted to stop in
to let you guys know
that the guys had been drinking a lot during this episode uh not there's
anything wrong with that but
i just wanted to clarify that because there's going to be a handful of edits so
we just wanted to say
we're sorry about that uh but we still think you'll enjoy the episode well we
hope you'll enjoy the episode
and yeah that that's about it so back to the show let's stop now this is good
yeah we're wrong you
definitely this is devastating
matt's matt's cooped up i'm completely silver fox anderson cooper i'm cia asset
anderson cooper
vanderbilt fully vanderbilt right now you're vandy dude three spicy margaritas
turn you into a vanderbilt
asset three margaritas yeah all right here's the topic of the day here's the
thing we need let's
talk let's get down to business let's talk let's talk brass tats we were
hanging out at the pool earlier
and we watched a boy 69 with his mom yo that was for real like disturbing it
was crazy there was a
i don't even i i i don't want to assume any ethnicity there what would you have
guessed
no it was i i don't have to guess i literally saw it it was a middle eastern
boy
some type of having sex i was trying to pinpoint it that kid you're you're
being generous with eight
that kid was 12. not 12. not 12. not 12. i think he might have been close to 10
dude he was big he was
like nine bro he was like six five he wasn't double ditch he wasn't he was
still in the garden of eden
he was humping his mom he was he didn't it was on her we were that was on her
obviously we were that was
nuts we were at the pool today and there was i literally i had a i had a
reference croc i was like
groc is it cool i asked groc no for real there there was a kid today at the
pool this is this is brass tacks
this is brass tacks we were at the pool today we were chilling we were just recouping
we're chilling
having some pina coladas out of a coconut by the way virgin pina clothes so end
of the day
virgin pina coladas we got they were bamboozled big time they were they had
such low alcohol content
that another group of dudes came over and we're like yo are you guys up and we're
like no no we
aren't either we've been chugging these pina coladas no one is up but i'll tell
you who was up
that giant titted mom and i'm not gonna you know that was a clash of cultures
that was a culture class
for real it was a to be fair we're at the pool there was a middle eastern lady
and she had her
maybe nine-year-old son of for being generous like rapidly humping her leg and
we all had to
switch positions he was switching positions i think that kid invented sex he
literally invented sex
enough that other groups other everybody else at the pool was making eye
contact going
it was up bro you seeing this it was then everyone would kind of look over and
he'd be his mom was
laying i swear to god legs spread on a folding chair while the sun was smashing
bro humping your
leg humping like literally up and down rock grok was like grok was like middle
eastern culture i asked
grok i was like grok what's up with this why is is it like a thing like middle
eastern cultures
with the mom is there like a thing that i'm missing as like a you know european
guy
and grok was like yeah they're a little more like fluid in terms of like
affection
but if you see something that triggers your like sensibilities you should
report it to the staff
and i was like i'm not going to tell the lady who's bringing us margaritas
that a middle eastern boy is humping his mom the whole staff was persian they
would have been like
you're saying middle eastern culture is free use
that's honestly
no but i i didn't want to be a cultural imperialist i didn't want to be a
cultural imperialist
i don't want to be like hey what i do is what you should do but i also i was
like grok isn't it
kind of universal that like if you're don't hump your mom if you have a boner
from your mom
isn't that universally frowned upon and grok was like dude if you see something
troublesome
talk to the staff and i was like talk to the big titty latina that's serving me
drinks
well you said it grok honey it was grok grok told me to talk to her no it was
frilled no it was really
like troubling my heart i was like this isn't right this kid the mom was laying
first of all the way
the mom was laying i was like this is crazy mom was laying without a boy humping
her that would have
been that was enough that would have been crazy that wasn't that was enough for
like how about a towel
dude tbh her pussy was out i'm there it wasn't out but y'all saw my pussy this
morning yes you were too
busy ass up swimming like a shrimp dude i was giving it my best you swim like a
you are the crawl daddy
yes nate was swimming nate swimmers like this this is his ass that's how he
floats through the water
it's like jaws it's yeah you see nate's ass you go donut yeah the fins out
oh we probably should be actually a little quiet yeah it's late here it's late
dude we're just in
beverly hills we're just in the pink pony we're in the pink pony club pink pony
club
my daughter my daughters love that song i can't be like guys i know you love
this song i know you
love to sing the lyrics but yeah it's about yeah anyway this episode of matt
and shane's secret
podcast is brought to you by dude wipes have you left poop streaks in someone
else's toilet yeah every
time every single time yeah i did it all week it's a fucking disaster i left a
i mean i literally
painted my bowl this morning yeah it was crazy there's nothing wrong with that
no it was a little
paint job uh do you ever pack extra underwear when you travel how much extra do
you ever need it
pretty much an extra pair per day yeah i always bring extra underwear yeah yeah
yes
not because i'm fucking shitting my pants constantly yeah i just used to
probably work
the fuck you guys getting at here do you wipe standing or sitting down does it
make a difference
what is going on dude how horny are these people what do they want to know
there's got to be something
about standing up though like i'm a stand-up wiper honestly sitting down i just
smears i don't know i
can't do it uh well matt whichever way you wipe it's time to show your b-hole
some respect and upgrade
to dude wipes dude wipes tackle the mess without any fuss and the flushable
design makes cleanup a
breeze they leave no room for dingleberries or stray butt crumbs that tp might
miss plus they're extra
large and designed for adults so no uh so no more endless rolls or settling for
a less than perfect
wipe dude wipes best clean pants down available these guys are really funny
amazon uh it's available on
amazon and at major retailers nationwide guys we're just we're in california
having a good time also they
would get in the pool and gavin newsom's sponk ass he would no we were we dude
we were in the
brother he would kiss her they were kissing no for real while he was wrapped
around her was it was
it like lips kisser no it was like it was not they were talking about they were
kissing so much that i was
like is he special needs yes i thought like and i was like maybe i'm an asshole
made this kid
is severely special needs i heard him talking he was like ah the dodgers are
looking great i was like
he's like god damn this guy's 38 years old
he's like dodgers lost the series of the padres
no we really did we sat in a pool today we're just having a nice quiet time
chilling it was a very nice
quiet time and there was a kid like literally not not figuratively literally humping
his mother
and we ought to sit by the pool and be like you just got to swap maybe we got
to adapt we got to
just this is what you know this is what we're doing now and this is how we get
down if that if that was
and if that if that was a honky family i would have said yo yeah yeah what the
are you two doing
yeah that i've never seen anything like this in my life it was crazy man and
you were right
earlier about handling business about the whole situation yes yes i'm not gonna
bring anything
from a 40 from a 40 in perspective absolutely freudian
it it was so intense that it led us into a discussion about how gay freud is
and we were like freud must have been in a pool like this once i've been like
everyone wants to
do that because everyone did want to do that everyone watched him float around
with his
gigantic iranian babe mom i mean hello a threat
no no to paint the picture to be totally fair the kid's mom was hot as it was
it was undeniable the
kid's mom she had a up face though she had a full-on cat face she had the bimbo
build hold on all
women are like not all women but a lot of women are going completely artificial
she was a hit a cyborg
my hit an ai mom an ai mom fake mom fake tids a face yeah here's the thing we
didn't have to deal
with grok moms imagine if your mom had lip fillers if your mom had all you know
your mom was you know
upgrades what are you gonna do you're a boy you're a boy attaching to super
neural stimuli
i was obsessed with my mom anyway that's what i'm saying and she was just hello
this is crazy
we can say that my mom knows i'm joking for sure she knows we had classic moms
yeah these eight-year-old
these potentially 10-year-old boys are dealing with moms who are under the
knife moms under the knife
porn hub and then grok mom
it's not his fault and grok mom's also willing to let you rub her inner thigh
yes we saw that rubbing
the inner thigh no it was true it that's that's an odd thing we're not exaggerating
it for real would
have been disgusting if it was a adult couple yes you'd be like man this couple's
like yo for real get
a room get a room it was get a room status i think she would have let us get in
there you know
you know what that's unfortunately that was the thought that was torturing me
the whole day
well man that's the excitement about the whole thing
yeah let's go let's go asset for asset for this eight-year-old boy
die shit yeah we might be breaking even on that
the whole time i was gonna let me upgrade
mr steel your girl coming in going i noticed how much you were hugging your son
how would you
like to try that with an adult man it's weirder huh yeah let's let's raise the
bar mama
you hit the boy with the go to bed there's no way we got this this is fine we
haven't said anything
bad you are the crawl daddy though i've never seen anyone swim more like a scrimp
but you've never
seen it level up you swim like a yo for real i was worried i thought bubba gum
was going to
no tom hanks was backed back with bubba going imagine what you could do with
this guy
nate dude dude you're swimming shrimp i fried shrimp nate how does your ass
come up higher than your
head when you don't know i don't want to say it this way but i think my ass is
boiling it is it's not
it's not it's not it's not it might be boy we've had a discussion about this
you have developed an
you've on you've unked ou