Name: Ep 572 - Gabriel (feat. Gabe Davis)
Uploaded: 2025-08-14T20:12:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 572 - Gabriel (feat. Gabe Davis)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 572 - Gabriel (feat. Gabe Davis)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-14. Transcript available.

Ep 572 - Gabriel (feat. Gabe Davis)

wild wild west yeah let's do it hey we're live welcome to matt jane's secret
pod we're here
with special guest gabriel davis yes sir you what up so how are you i'm good
doing good good nice
energy in here is a wild crazy energy energy is uncomfortable it's like it's
like his entourage
i know it's sick entourage there's seven guys here you guys all day just kept
being like yo
is it cool if another guy comes over it does feel like a grade school dance
where the boys are lined
up against the wall but there's just other boys on the other side of the boys
it's an all-boy dance
the dorks are nervous the podcast dorks are nervous it's the dorks and the jocks
we're gonna get wedgie
yes dude it's gonna be sick dude you made fun of my hat a minute ago no i did
it was crazy i said i
like i was nervous about the hat i almost gave it to nate right away why
because it's a cool hat and
i don't like wearing cool hats why do you think i said that's a sick hat no you
smiled when you said
it you know you know that's nasty you know that's fucking nasty you smiled when
you can't laugh and
give a compliment i like the hat i smiled going the beezer would love that hat
that's why i smiled
the bees is gonna get his hands on this hat i'm giving him this hat i like i
genuinely like the
hat and then i thought of how much the bees would like that hat i i smiled that's
all yeah but if you
give someone a compliment and smile while you're doing it it's clearly it wasn't
it wasn't cool
shoes i just thought about how it's race week i know it's race week and your
test dude you're
really raging again my hat i just i i can say i can like a hat and laugh about
how much the bees would
cover the hat bees would go nuts for this hat that's what i thought about him
on the couch being like
yo that's i miss the bees i know miss the bees you have you met the beezer no
he might have been in
buffalo no no he wasn't i never met him no he might have flashed by you don't
even see him he's the man
he bees is around he'd flash right by you he's like a hummingbird he's
apparently he's posted he's
posted up at bonners now you can find the bees yeah you find my bonners yeah
that's nice go down
to bonners meet the bees a little bees they have a little bees house yeah he
just buses by dips his
beak and leaves blizz was it you know somebody was just telling me about blizz
blizz and him we're
gonna go get lunch he was supposed to meet him there and he blizz was riding
his bike and he rode past
bonners and he was blizz was late and he drove past bonners and beezer was out
there just smoking a
cigarette in front of the bar he was like aren't we supposed to meet for lunch
he's like yeah i'll
be there what the hell he wasn't going he just wasn't gonna go he's gonna stay
at bonners
we gotta get you to bonners what is that it's just a nice bar in philly it's a
good time yeah philly
rules what are you hinting at you're gonna go to philly what are you doing
there
they got enough out there they got enough out there yeah i can't do that those
boys are all
paid and making plays i can't yeah that's great could do it again this year nah
i can't believe
you turned on me at the beginning of the episode you made fun of my hat and you
juiced juice to
the gills and it's it's affecting everyone it's race week and you're juiced you
the cycle must be
crazy this week dude he's just a she legit man it's just a she legit and what
is she legit it's like this
uh i don't know i feel like uh muslim guys get it from like mountains or
something well they're always
jacked i know they're jacked that's high that's the most high tea religion
there is religiously yeah
probably most high tea religion yeah for sure you can't do anything yeah it's
hot too high tea dude
making women cover themselves up like that i hate to say it's high tea amish is
good hi too super high
too yeah amish is crazy amish is so high tea that like you might around and
marry your cousin
that is the highest form of tea only dudes with high tea thought their cousins
were hot as
growing up only your team is so high you're like yo my aunt i would
that's high tea dude you gotta have a lot of tea to like kiss your cousin and
be like
what you have high tea bro you definitely want to
you don't even know my other aunt so you're saying she's not hot that's just
gonna see this
so mean no she's not that she's not hot she just she's my hand
that's wild there's some hot ants kicking around there are yeah is your aunt
huh no
what about ants that marry into the family yes there's ants that marry into the
family
all my aunts that marry in the family i like call them every now and again i'm
like yeah you look
so beautiful yeah you look so cold
i almost said yeah right yeah uncle blank is so lucky
i don't said his name i told you i got drunk and told my cousin how beautiful
she looked at her
wedding like you look like helen of droid they're like all right man let's get
him out of here
do you look so beautiful up there that was just that was a low point we are
getting to the age
though we can start telling women how beautiful they are and it's like not that
big of a deal
yeah if you see a woman dressed up at all i'm like you look beautiful you look
stunning
yeah you go to yeah you're at applebee's some guy some like old man just hit
britney with that
because i like i have no agenda i just want to say beautiful i know it wasn't
bus a bus
motherfucker bus a bus but i leave the room for one second she comes back in
she's like oh my god
buster rhymes kissed my hand i was like one of my one of my home girls had a
had a runner with buster
rhymes though he did the same thing he did the same thing he felt like in the
club in the club
he like walked up to him was like i just want to tell you the most beautiful
girl in here
yeah yeah i've seen autistic dudes he's on that yeah it's sigma grind it's
total sigma grind to be
like i have no i don't even care what happens i just want to tell you you're
beautiful and just
walk away yeah it's a good move it's a good move i told my wife i'm gonna start
she told me about it
i was like i'm gonna start doing it to every lady i see then if it's such a
nice thing it's such a nice
thing yeah that's my plan for 2026 i'm gonna do that i'm gonna try to get a ton
of female friends
just so i can be like laying in bed and be like oh dude samantha dude she's so
funny so funny
you should send me this thing it's so you guys you guys should hang out it's a
really great move
yeah just do everything your girlfriend says is not a big deal fine we can do
this
like dude kimberly just sent me a meme you guys have a similar sense of humor
you guys would love
each other we said we should all hang out i'm gonna go to the beach with my
friends from college
of course a couple of my guys it's gonna be fun we're gonna get a beach house
do you know who actually
does this who hoss you trash dog in the press conference he called one time and
he's
he texted britney one time and he goes i'm on a girl's trip and she was like oh
he must be talking
to his wife and i was like no it's just like my friends from college it's like
a girl's trip but i
go wanted to jesus christ what an animal he's a b he's high t he's the highest
t you can have going
on the girl's trip 140 he's crazy what we were friends that's crazy you would
you go on girl's trips
hello and we're back deleted i always oh you gotta bring the mic up oh my bad
what do you ever like
come across those dudes or like yeah i was just kicking it with my home girl
last night it's like
what are you talking about dude your best for your girl best friend it's like
what are you doing man
unless you're having sexual intercourse yeah obviously but at that point you
can't call them your home
girl that's crazy i had a guy call a male called a girl a buddy last night yeah
i don't like that i
don't like that i don't like lady friend sean said that one time that's my lady
friend what the
fuck who the hell do you think you are that's just my lady friend we gotta get
out of here everyone's
dude it's stranger girlfriend wife this is a complete stranger to me that's
what i say about
all of them never met i introduced my girlfriend to people i go this is a
complete stranger i just met
her earlier this episode of matt and shane's secret podcast is brought to you
by dude wipes
matt take it from there well let me tell you something about these dude wipes
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i'm the one dealing with
your poor choices that's from the butthole what and then you drag a dry ass
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dude uh speaking of strangers i uh i recently got i got like accepted into a
spider league or
invited to a spider league what's that i i didn't know what it was at first but
i was like what it's
basically you take pictures of spiders you see around submit it to chat gbt
saying like hey what
is this identify the spider and rate one from 100 how dangerous it is to other
spiders submit the chat
gbt with the picture and then you're in like a tournament bracket where you're
fighting spiders
against other people dude that's awesome just found a false widow today danger
rating 75.
i've had a couple good for i've had two picks so far 85 and 75. it's like it's
real life pokemon go
yeah it's awesome it's fucking awesome it's the false dogs huh do it dog dogs
should be tied to a black
no i'm joking about that come on oh my bad i didn't mean to put you on the spot
like that
what would my rating be though you your ratings high as dude you're dangerous
scary psycho
i've seen him talk to like you and spencer that was when you would talk to spencer
brown i was like
gabe chill you're like nah i'll beat the out of you i mean they're joking but
no for sure no i got
something against smith like you think you can beat up spencer yeah because he's
so big and he thinks
because he's so big he can like beat people up but i feel like i think that's
he's soft because he's so big
no spencer's spencer's soft as fuck though i don't know dude he's playing
football he's pretty
no i'd beat his ass how big is this guy like gigantic six six nine like 300 bro
he's huge
it's like the undertaker he's literally the undertaker he was the one who was
playing the
dave and busters i was on mushrooms watching him play video games and i was
just like
he's terrifying yeah yeah that would be kind of scary on mushrooms seeing giant
guys seeing a giant
guy play a kid's game i was like damn dud