Name: Ep 573 - Angry Jets
Uploaded: 2025-08-21T23:53:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 573 - Angry Jets' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 573 - Angry Jets' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-21. Transcript available.

Ep 573 - Angry Jets

Wow, wow, Wes.
Look at those fat boys. Run!
Oh, come on, Matt!
Hello, this is Sean Gardini.
I just wanted to chime in to let the audio listener know
that I'm currently playing a video of Matt's race with Hoss.
So if you'd like to see that, switch over to the video.
Keep going, Matt!
He's catching up!
Some words of encouragement from Mrs. McCusker.
For those of you who don't know, Matt was racing his cousin Hoss
this weekend on the Jersey Shore, so this is the footage of that.
I think the end is coming now, and Matt wins,
so it was a good effort by both of them.
But congratulations to Matt.
He finished with about a 7-minute, 30-second mile on the sand, too, by the way.
And I think Hoss was about 20, 15, 20 seconds behind him.
So congrats to both competitors.
And congrats to Matt for winning the race.
Maya, get over here!
Enjoy the podcast, everybody.
Goodbye.
Finish!
Woo!
You're all firing on all cylinders right now.
Press record, dude.
The console war is over.
The black nerds have broken the story.
The black nerds are on it.
That's a big deal, dude.
It's been a 20-year war.
It has.
It's been our whole lives.
Since PS1?
Xbox?
And PlayStation was in the bundaroo.
PlayStation had the big bundaroo.
To try to win the war.
Wait, so what crossed over?
Both of their, like, two biggest franchises.
Spider-Man and Halo.
Yeah.
Halo was Xbox only, right?
Yeah.
It does feel like PlayStation kind of won, though.
Like, if it would have been Uncharted or Last of Us switched.
That is true.
Halo.
Halo's the biggest one.
Halo's the biggest one on Xbox.
Spider-Man's big, but I don't think it's their biggest.
Yeah, I feel like I don't know anyone who plays fucking Spider-Man.
They all.
Everybody plays Spider-Man.
Really?
They love Spider-Man.
What do you, it's just you, Spidey, rolling around?
That's your favorite part of the game, is playing as Mary Jane.
Yeah, right.
I couldn't beat the game because of that part.
It made me check out for, like, a week.
Spider-Man was so boring.
Isn't it like just Grand Theft Auto?
Kind of.
Isn't it like an open world?
You get to just swing around?
Yeah, it's open world conditions.
Soda would play it.
If you smoke weed and like wrestling, Spider-Man is for you.
I mean, Spider-Man's for anybody.
If you had a PlayStation, you'd have played Spider-Man.
No, I wouldn't.
You could play Spider-Man now.
Yeah, you could play Spider-Man now.
I bet you I don't.
That's your loss, brother.
I'm just waiting for Vietnam, hella loose.
I mean, that does look sick.
Wait, so is it like, so it's like GTA, but like, why wouldn't you?
GTA's got to be better than Spider-Man.
Definitely.
Sell me on why you'd have played Spider-Man over GTA.
Swinging through the city.
They perfected swinging through the city.
That's kind of right.
And it's so sick.
I would watch Soda play.
Swinging was nice.
Yeah, okay.
I get it.
When it first came out, because I didn't buy it, but I went on YouTube and just
watched
like 10 minutes of somebody just swinging from end to end.
That makes sense.
Swinging through the city and even just kind of.
And Soda was high as shit.
We didn't talk.
I would just watch him play a video game silently.
He was so high.
He got high as fuck, dude.
I forgot how high he got.
I would just go sit at his house and he would just get high as fuck.
If we had a dynasty, we were playing together.
I'd be defense.
Or he'd play defense.
I was offense.
That's nice.
It was nice.
It was good bro time.
Yeah.
Except he'd get high as shit.
Sometimes I'd show up after a couple of brewskis.
The Colorado Buffaloes would lose.
Dude, the dinosaur game, I believe it was Gabe who broke the news of the
dinosaur game.
Dinosaur game's pretty sick.
What is that game called?
Where you start out as a tiny little baby dinosaur and you slowly.
Yeah, it's pretty great.
I was, when I did, whatchamacallit, Dr. Phil Alive, Soda was on the show and
like backstage
I told him about that dinosaur game and he was like, yo, what the fuck?
And I was like showing him videos.
He's like, I gotta get this.
I gotta get this.
I figured he would appreciate it.
He would.
Dude, just laying up at like two in the morning, just being a baby dinosaur and
trying to get
bigger is, it's, first of all, it would catch me in that.
I could get caught up in that.
It's a dream.
For sure in that life.
I've watched videos about it.
It's pretty great.
It looks so tight.
Yeah.
Wasn't there a game where you started off as like a little amoeba and you had a,
I might
just be thinking of an episode of like a fucking, huh?
The aisle, right?
You start off as a little baby amoeba.
You gotta fucking become like a dominant life form.
That's also.
That's a good game.
It's all, huh?
It's called Spore?
No, I think it was the aisle game.
I meant, or is that the same game where you start as an amoeba and turn into a
dinosaur?
I don't know.
I'm just, I'm just throwing stuff out there.
I don't know.
I'm just throwing stuff out.
Toe Jam and Earl ruled.
Yeah.
Shit rule.
Battletoads.
Battletoads.
I never realized Toe Jam and Earl were black.
I never, I should have put that together.
Are they?
They gotta be.
They're walking around with fucking boomboxes on their shoulders.
They're either that or Puerto Rican.
This is, the council were.
Toe Jam and Earl.
Like, it's crazy.
Yeah.
Toe Jam and Earl are definitely black.
Do you think Mario's gonna come to Nintendo and Xbox?
I mean, play such an Xbox.
Do you think Mario's gonna come into the Xbox?
That's all they got.
They just came out with a new system.
They can't, they can't.
They can't do that yet.
Nintendo's not giving up the goods on Mario.
He's bigger than ever right now.
That Mario movie fucking rules, dude.
I still haven't seen it.
Dude, I'm telling you, I was like trying, I think I said it before, I was
trying to hate
on it, watching a guy watch it in front of me on a flight, and I was like,
fucking
grown man, watch the Mario movie.
And I watched the entire, he had headphones in, I watched no sound Mario movie
for a whole
flight.
It's like, yo, this is sick.
Yeah.
Starts in Brooklyn.
Fucking fall through a pipe.
It's good.
The Waps, they're in Brooklyn?
Yeah.
The Waps are in Brooklyn.
They're losers in Brooklyn, dude.
Nobody, nobody believes in the business.
Classic Waps.
Dude, they're fucking families.
What's the business?
Pumming.
Pumming.
They say they do their own like TV commercial, and they're like, don't quit the
media.
I can't even find the live action one anymore.
I searched for it.
Who was in the live action?
I love that.
John Leguizamo, bro.
What?
The past was.
Fucking Bob, uh, Bob Haskins.
Bob Haskins.
Okay.
Who the fuck is Bob Haskins?
I love the.
You guys know.
Bob Haskins.
You guys know.
Bob Haskins.
What do you play, Luigi?
Oh, he played Smee.
What?
He played Smee in Hook.
That's Bob Haskins.
That guy, he crushed me, dude.
Yeah, he did.
I'll give Bob Haskins.
He played Smee and Mario.
I know he's from fucking, he's a British actor.
Yeah.
He's a beast.
He was also in Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Really?
He was the detective.
Yeah.
We should have known Haskins.
Haskins is a hell of a run, bro.
Okay.
Hell of a run, dude.
Fair enough.
Super Mario Bros.
The movie.
He was Mario.
I don't remember the live action.
It was the one where the Goombas looked exactly like Chris Wood.
Koopa.
It looked exactly like him.
The Koopas.
Yes.
It's the Wood Man.
Let me say that.
I'm going to see this live action Mario movie.
Live action Mario movie was funny because their last names was Mario.
He was like, I'm Mario Mario and I'm Luigi Mario.
That was pretty funny.
I just remember being a kid watching it, getting hyped.
I liked it.
I can't believe the council wars are over.
This is like for real life changing.
Yeah.
I feel like a wave of relief.
The Wood Man?
Yeah.
I see him.
Damn.
This shit looked fucking sick, actually.
It was sick.
I don't think it's streaming anywhere.
It's streaming on Amazon.
Amazon has everything.
Look for it.
That's what ChatGPP said.
Those fuckers.
ChatGPP.
I'm going to watch that tonight.
This is a big night.
Oh.
I'm just watching people run routes.
Can't wait for football.
Dude, you know what?
LaMare, last week we were at the creek and LaMare tossed on soap, like the best
of soapbox
racing.
You ever watch that before?
Yeah.
Like the Red Bull.
Red Bull, yeah.
When the dudes do their own cars.
Yeah.
I was fucking awesome.
We just missed it in Iowa.
When are you guys with me in Iowa?
Nebraska and Iowa.
Bro, that shit fucking rules.
It might have just been in Nebraska.
I forget which one.
Or Iowa.
It was that day.
We got in too late.
They were like, they just cleared the streets out of me.
Dude, I was watching like heavy critiques.
I'm like, what the fuck are they doing?
They're like, dude, it's soapbox.
Like, just have fun and watch it.
And I was like, no, I need to see why these guys can play.
Mind you, cause Mario and Luigi?
Huh?
Yeah, I don't know.
For real.
No, Mario and Luigi is a box, one of the cars.
Do they really?
Yeah, I've seen Mario and Luigi get wrecked in Red Bull.
Oh, shit.
I swear to God.
They had some cool ones, man.
One of them was just like a giant castle.
They get fucked up, dude.
Yeah, they get launched.
Yeah, how do you like practice that?
Because you must get hurt.
Like, I could see like the crowd.
If you put up the Red Bull decals, obviously I'll go all out.
But like, just practicing that, you could get so fucking hurt doing that.
Yeah, I doubt they even like practice that much.
True.
I think you have a couple beers and go, fuck it.
We built this thing.
I'm going to slide it down the road in fucking Des Moines, Iowa.
That's a good day.
I was getting kind of frustrated where I was like, dude, like, you think these
things would
have better steer?
I guess, you know, it's just people building them.
But like, I was getting like kind of pissed.
They're like Wright Brothers level cars.
Yeah, they are.
They're like, this thing's fucking never going to work.
Yeah, I was like, dude, can I see one guy smoke this course?
And it was like, nope, nobody does it.
I mean, it's, you know, hats off to doing it, but.
Have you ever seen the Bobby?
A Bobby.
Barbie car races?
No.
The guys, it's like in Texas, these guys, they go down this big hill on Bobby,
Barbie
cars.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they just crash.
What the fuck is a Barbie car?
Is it like a power wheel kind of thing?
Yeah.
The power wheels?
Yeah, like Barbies and power wheels.
Yeah, the little Jeep things.
Yeah.
It's a Jeep thing.
They take it down a hill and they fucking wipe out.
Oh, those things would roll.
Yeah.
If you just put them on a hill, they would start moving.
Yeah.
I've watched tons of videos of just kids getting fucked up on those things.
Whipping it around, hitting a curb.
That's great.
They're able to get ejected from the cars.
The kids stay in the high wheels.
They go forward.
They go ahead first.
They'd never get ejected.
They're not like the Saudis.
We have one.
We have a power wheel.
And Maya's pretty good at driving it.
But then Chloe will go gremlin mode and put her foot on the gas.
Where Maya's like, stop.
It's my turn to drive.
From the past.
She's already practicing her fucking crazy girlfriend.
She's already going to be a crazy girlfriend.
She's like, what did you do?
I hope we die tonight.
They were pulling into the garage.
Maya's being all careful.
And Chloe's went, bang, gremlin mode.
They almost hit the car.
It was so fucking funny.
Stop.
Stop.
Total gremlin mode.
Yeah, I get it.
Yeah.
Now, a lot of parents have them on remote control.
Put your kid in the power wheel, but you sit and control it remotely.
That'd be so fun.
It'd be fun.
I know it's not great parenting.
It'd be fun.
No, it's like safer.
Yeah, I know.
But you got to let them ride, bro.
Yeah, you got to let them ride.
But that'd be nice.
Dude, it'd be so funny fucking with them.
Yeah.
Just forward, backwards, forward, backwards.
That's a good DUI.
True.
You can just sit in the lawn chair, have a couple drinks.
Fucking race kids.
Just one eye on yo