Name: Ep 582 - Very Interesting
Uploaded: 2025-10-23T12:01:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 582 - Very Interesting' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 582 - Very Interesting' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-23. Transcript available.

Ep 582 - Very Interesting

wow wow wes hello hello hello hello hey matt how are you good how you doing i'm
doing all right
i'm jet lagged bro i had a fucking i i've i had to fly from la to buffalo and i
had to get up at
1 50 a.m because i had to get on like a 5 a.m flight so i was like damn let me
get there because
every time i check traffic over there at night time i'm like damn it takes an
hour to get to
the airport then i wake up and it's 22 minutes sure yeah so i wake up super
early and dude i get
there and lax is one of a few airports that doesn't run 24 7. like the ticketing
and bagging
everything so i get there at like three being like i'll give myself two hours
it's friday it's
you know it's a giant city it's gonna be i thought it was a booming metropolis
saying dude i get there
early dude because i didn't want to if i missed it i'm i had to get all the way
to beautiful buffalo
i've been i go i fly like an old person i get there two hours early two hours
early oh dude that's
that's like an hour early in a smaller airport i'm like for some reason i'm
like it's lax
there's gonna be a million people dude i get there it's just six people we're
sitting in there and
the guy i was like trying to do the ticket counter and the guy's like yo dude
you can't you gotta wait
till like four o'clock and i was like four o'clock my flight's at 5 30. it only
gives me an hour and a
half it's crazy so easy well dude i'm sitting there so i had to wait till four
o'clock you had to wait
till and then everyone gets to do like the thing and put the bag and then there's
just like you go to the
next level i go up the escalator to go to the tsa pre-check and there's just
people standing there
like get downstairs you're not allowed to be up here i'm like okay so i've ride
the escalator back
down so everyone's just waiting by the escalator and all like for like 20
minutes you watch people
like ride up and a couple like hey you can't and they just ignore them to come
back down as the ride of
shame somebody it was like it was set up to get someone to spaz dude because
then we finally get to
another place and we get to another checkpoint like everybody wait here we're
not open yet it was just like
dude what the it was it was it was tough it's insane to me but i flew all the
way to buffalo and had to
do two shows that and i was so i was up for like three days i basically like
didn't sleep for a day
yeah i was i was i was jacked yeah that's terrible it was bad i guess you can't
go to the airport that
early i had to that was i had in order to get you don't have to that got me to
buffalo by 3 p.m
show was at seven that you had that's what i'm saying i'm saying but i'm saying
you don't have to
get to the airport that early dude in la it was i thought there's gonna be you've
flown so many times
i know but i now you can get to the airport like 20 minutes dude i did this
once and it backfired
on me and i got so shook that i was like never again i had to go i was in i had
to fly out of
austin i was late i was late and i had like i got there as the plane started
boarding and it just so
happened to be slammed i had to go to the wheelchair line beg my way in front
of wheelchair people to be
like hey man yeah i know you got your sitch going on sure i'm running late and
they were like yeah for
sure they let me all go yeah and i was like never again i felt i don't like
asking for stuff i mean
like having to ask a person literally like four people in wheelchairs to be
like can i get in front
of you was just a low point for me personally sure then i had a fight with a
clear representative
because they do two for one all the time but you got to find a middle ground
you can't don't be late
i have no middle ground two hours early i have no middle ground unless you plan
on hitting the bar
i'm not averse to two hours in the airport that'd be fun that results in a
rough day i just work i just
plug in my laptop and drink coffee and just work on my laptop so i kind of like
being there i get i get
focused but i also if i dilly dally i lose track of time easily so if i go i
got time i'll completely
myself so yeah i'm an early bird to the airport i get there so early it's like
my mom yeah for real
my parents do it too but they if they ever fly which they rarely do my parents
flew spirit this
weekend did they really they uh surprised me well they thought it was a
surprise right in vegas uh
which was crazy because they got there at like 10 a.m on saturday which is when
i was i was like we
should hang out but they didn't they wanted to wait until i was watching the
notre dame game to walk in
so they waited until like 4 30. got you and then i had a show like i didn't
even see him oh man i
hung out with i watched football i watched like the first half of the game with
them and they were
just there the whole time yeah but then no then we went and uh we played blackjack
for a little
after the show that's cool so the night before friday first time ever i've left
the casino with
chips i won so much that's awesome because i kept i was tired as fuck and i was
trying to go to bed
so i just kept going all in on blackjack and i did it like three times in a row
and i won all three
and then i ended up with a lot of money so then walked yeah i had to walk
eventually yeah i have a nice
rule of i'll never walk yeah until it's so you know potless then you have to
but uh i uh when
my dad got there the next day i handed him a wad of cash from when i i gave him
10 grand the winnings
yeah i gave him ten thousand dollars in cash first off when i handed to him he
just goes thanks i was
like dude you're such a piece of you're such a piece of i thought this was not
even pretending to be
like oh i can't no no not even want you just go thank you i was like dude that's
i gave it to him
that was funny so then after the show after the show we go play blackjack but i
didn't have time to
go take out more money so i was sitting next to my dad and i was like that let
me get some of that money
and he was like now hold on i was like dude give me the money i just gave you i'm
not going to take
all of it so he gives me a little i lose right away yeah because i go all in
just lose i was like a
little more he goes okay he takes it out and he's such a dickhead dude give me
like 100 bucks he's an
asshole that's so funny yeah i'll give it to him that was funny that's
hilarious yeah 10 000 in cash
yeah thanks peeling the bills separately is such a funny real slowly and
stopping to look at me
keep peeling it taking one back peeling one back into the pile he's very from
what i understand
he's a pretty methodical gambler right he's pretty disciplined and methodical
yeah yeah yeah he hated
watching me he doesn't like yeah i've seen of me just being like i'm all in shane
come on shane god
damn it now look at that you lost that's great just great it's so funny dude
yeah it was it was nice
so it was nice having my mom my mom and dad came that's fun but they flew
spirit and i was like uh
terrible yeah it's like eight hours on spirit airline so when you fly spirit at
austin you
got to go to like a different whole side of the airport which takes an extra 20
minutes to get to
i know yeah that way they'd be like oh yeah i'm flying i think frontier and
spirit yeah like a
different it's a dude it's a totally terminal yeah it taxed like 20 something
minutes onto the trip so it
can sink you yeah luckily i yeah yeah but they wouldn't let me upgrade their
flight home what i
don't know dang i was like guys i can get you first class yeah because i wanted
to not out of like
yeah at least my parents are older it's like yeah for sure i do like them in
the back of spirit just
battling true that is really i feel a burger king crown the what i should have
gotten with the bk crown
you'd have no idea why just wear this
yeah it was it was a good time it is funny because a lot of older people are
like i hate flying and they
fly spirit like see yeah yeah britney used to do when we first met she would it
wasn't spirits you
do southwest at like five in the morning every flight i i just thought that was
like the flight
schedule i'm like damn planes are early as hell like 6 p.m you never have to
fly at 5 a.m i had
you do have to i had to get to the people of buffalo west east and stuff yeah
that was that was man that
fucked me up big time dude gabe was at your show yeah nice gabe was there saturday
nice that was
good i'm glad he went to he went to a good one the uh dude when i left so i
left buffalo beautiful
buffalo new york on a sunday morning i got picked up by this uber driver to go
to the airport the guy
you know he was just like a normal guy he's pretty funny and uh i was like damn
it smells so good
there's the general mills factory and i'm like smells like honey nut cheerios
he goes dude i just learned
what that was i've been here for a while because i picked this lady up from
there she was like yeah
it's a cereal factory that's why it smells good and he goes right and he's like
so i asked her like
so what do you make like all the serious you guys make the cereal for like
buffalo do you ship it
at somewhere else and i was just like did you thought they make a giant factory
cereal factory just
just a buffalo cereal a lot of cheerios it killed me that's so good that killed
me first of all and
then so we keep driving because i do have my happy to chat feature spread that
out or is that just
he thought it was just like every city has their own cereal factory yeah it's
like a video game
yeah so that cracked me up oh my god all right and then uh so i'm like what i
wonder what else this
guy's up to so we're chatting he was just like yeah man people are crazy i
always love telling uber
drivers like yeah i should drive for lyft i kind of know the whole deal and uh
he was so we're getting
like how like people treat you and he was like yeah this is one lady man he
goes i got to record
everything now because this lady i pick her up i drive her i drop her off and
then like you know
we talk just like this we're talking the whole time and uh and i i i'm almost
positive he had the
words mixed up he goes and then she tries to file a complaint for sexual
assault while we're talking
saying like i was like you know i sexually assaulted her and i'm like okay i
didn't like correct him at
all he goes dude like they have i'm 4.98 stars like they have my rating i go
back and forth like guys
you know i never do this i have a family oh then he looks at me he goes i mean
15 years ago maybe
he was being about sexual harassment sure but him hitting me was like 15 years
ago i might have
sexually assaulted that woman i was wild back then he was killing me he was the
funniest dude i've ever
met back in 2010 i might have sexually assaulted i know before i had a wife and
kids i mean who knows
it's a bit of a wild child that's awesome yeah it was my favorite that was
happy to chat must be
devastating happy to chat's the move it's happy to chat for those guys must
just be like holy
all right this dude he was he was pushing me to my best stories he pushed me to
my limit dude he had
after i for he kept talking after he talked the entire time but dude he those
two gems are cracking me
up and i was like damn man you guys what's what do you make all the cereal for
buffalo dude what the
fuck
yeah it's literally that's a child's brain
every town must have a cheerio factory and then i got i got to the club and uh
i had ordered uber
eats like minutes before i could like i wanted to time it so i can get it yeah
go back and eat and
they dropped it off at the bar and i i go up and i'm like hey uh i asked the
one person working there
i'm like i think i have like food over there can i grab it and he just like you
went to the bartender
like hey whatever her name was and she just looked up and went what god damn
got all rough and tumble
buffalo buffalo so rough and i love buffalo it's awesome there was a giant
blood stain on the sidewalk
outside of the club oh like on the bl