Name: Ep 583 - Ice Cream Dream (feat. James McCann)
Uploaded: 2025-10-31T12:01:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 583 - Ice Cream Dream (feat. James McCann)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 583 - Ice Cream Dream (feat. James McCann)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-31. Transcript available.

Ep 583 - Ice Cream Dream (feat. James McCann)

the wild wild west hey what's up guys what's up everybody how we doing this is
this is just
awesome stuff this is awesome this is great stuff i love this man what's that
just this
yeah podcasting chilling i'm right now i'm i have i'm dealing with all the
haters on twitter right
now what are the haters doing dude i sent like a friendly tweet out yesterday
saying like how
much i can't believe i can't believe how much i look like mark walberg with my
hat backwards
everyone's attacking me saying like yeah mark walberg quotes and they give me
pictures of
fred durst i'm like yo what the hell guys it's got to be nicer than the
handsome young boys
there's rules i'm going for walberg bro i'm going for i was joe obviously i was
kidding i was like
damn i can't believe how much i love can i see
i look exactly like i know i know you look exactly i look exactly like a walberg
impression
uh i'll have to think about it was he doing a thing yeah you gotta show him the
uh what's the
fucking name of the brand municipal how long my my jeans are too short my wife
made fun of me this
morning oh yeah you do this i got the project you got the shaltys on you got
the capris dude
municipal look at the swag did you see him with you pray this morning at 5 a.m
did i what did you
pray at 5 a.m i probably did i woke up right up if i i always i say very prayed
up did you and ac
slater stay straight played up ac slater stays prayed up yes i didn't know that
slater and
fucking walberg are boys are they boys yes and they're tough i saw him mog and
drewski bro
do you see mark walberg oh yeah i did see that where you think i'm from that's
what he said on
what do you think i'm from it's pretty sick you ever see eminem mog walberg yes
i saw that one that was
he mog the shit well walberg was trying to switch lanes i think walberg was
probably like man you
catch me 10 years ago when i was wowing out we see about this but yeah eminem
mogged walberg on trl
i was mean to him dude well he was just kind of like it's killing him i don't
know what what was
what was walberg doing that he didn't like he was probably partied out eminem i
think hated every
white rapper yeah well also he was marky mark so he was getting compared to
marky mark all the time
it was kind of like a diss he hated so he had to bring it to you always talk
shit on vanilla ice
mark walberg true all of them that's that's our problem is white rappers dude
just grabs in a
bucket i know we gotta change the culture we gotta stop the violence and vote
as white rappers we
need to stop the violence and vote white rappers probably do need to stop the
violence and vote
they do they i think they're non-jewish white rappers i feel like the jewish
rap the white rappers
are nice yeah they're fine you think the beastie boys they're definitely cool
dude i was at a uh
where was i recently buffalo i was in buffalo walking into a show and a guy was
like
yo check it out it's ad rock's jacket he was like i think he used to drive limos
and ad rock
left his jet it literally said ad rock was an old beastie boy's jacket it's
incredible it's awesome
how he let me wear it he just put i didn't he's like put it on that's how you
started feeling
like mark walberg what the hell are you talking about talking about you felt
the ad rock flowed
through you in the dead blood of the white rapper king i really felt i really
felt the power man
he felt our ancestors i did i felt good man i put on the ad rock jacket you
know but hey you know i
had to give it right back but i was kind of hoping he let me keep it but it was
actually it's a sick
possession yeah driving a limo and ad rock leaves the jacket he's like dude i've
been wearing this thing
for like 10 years i think it was sick but yeah oh you're a white rapper oh i've
been rapping i've
been laying it down mr very good rapper i'll be out there i'm just waiting i'm
trying to do production
now i'm trying to get other people to do the rapping and no one will buy the
beats really zero beats
purchased you know it's it's hard to sell beats now so you can just go on yeah
you just go on and be
like you can really make like 250 000 for beats and now it's like you just do a
whatever swiss
beat style there's a million things on youtube i may have to pay for a feature
it may come to it
yeah what i would like to do is get a street rapper what's your hook you gotta
yell something out
yell something just like we the best i'm like i'm lupe fiasco i got no hooks
yeah you need a
cool you need a cool hook that everyone has to have oh like a producer tag yes
wasn't lupe's first
and 15th or was that just the album first dan person 15 i think was like the
crew just you know it's kind
the days that the welfare checks would arrive in the neighborhood yes that's
true you need like if
young metro don't something like that yeah you need something like that or i
mean if young metro yeah
one time we were in a car yeah i'm not gonna name the perpetrator yeah because
i know snitch yeah but
it's me nate and another white comedian in the car
and out of nowhere he yelled take heat fuck these and he did it whoa i think he
forgot nate was in
the back seat and we all had to just be like all right we all agree that was a
mistake sorry
everybody's sorry everybody i feel like you handled it well no it was it was it
was
unlike classic mistake we had it was so loud it was out of nowhere i do feel
like the rap i feel like
the rap excitement n-word gets a song wasn't even playing oh okay well i
thought i think the song
was but it was not it was not i vividly remember he what was the guy trying to
create that part of my
mind like no we were at that no it was we were in traffic uh traffic traffic
exactly i think that's
what jarred it loose for him at that childish gambino gig he did the stay woke
song which has
a very prominent uh n in it but the audience is mostly white yeah oh rap
concert and it's at the
it was very strange though at the peak of the chorus the energy comes right
down for two seconds
when everyone respectfully leaves the words out and goes back to singing the
course oh yeah stay woke
creeping they leave it that's i've seen rap i've seen white people at rap
concerts fully
get their money's worth so it would suck yeah you saw one suck 99. you saw dmx
would suck 99.
i think i was at a kanye concert 10 million whites getting it in i was given
permission by kanye from
the stage to participate i believe really when he was doing his tours he would
always he would say
get into it say that it was always like don't roll back i think school boy q
remember when kendrick
tricked that poor honky woman it's not right yeah that evil bastard wait so nate
what was the was it
like you just give the guy a yellow card or like what was the he got yellow he's
yellow one more it was
red but i think it's like anything we've ever seen before
yeah it was uh it was a tough one yeah it's just so funny out of nowhere
screamed it
it woke me up i was half asleep back there just coming yeah i think that was it
you were quiet for
a while i think you were sleepy in the car yeah we had like a two-hour drive or
something yeah it was
i had a i was talking to an uber driver in tulsa this weekend who said he
picked up this like old black
lady like an old like church lady was driving her from the airport somewhere
like kind of far away
and the ride was so long that he had forgotten he had an uber passenger and he's
like dude so i'm like
thinking i'm going home i have a joint in my mouth i'm blasting too just
chilling and he said someone
cut him off he didn't say what he said he goes bro i let out every word in the
book and just just
everything screaming and i turn around to see this little old black lady just
staring from the back he
went oh jesus christ man i forgot you're back there i'm so sorry about that
scared of a passenger he
got terrified he was like you should have seen the look on your face ma'am she's
like you should
have seen the look on your face and he goes yeah i was scared and then he uh he
dropped her off she
goes i'll pray for you young man who just walked away thank you ma'am yeah
forgetting you
have a passenger in uber is so funny he goes dude i was like almost home i
almost brought this
lady to my house down you happy to chat feature is where it's at you get the
good story i literally
couldn't disagree more i know you're getting good stories for the pub i get
great good stories for
the pub but that sucks you can set happy to chat on your uber yeah but you're
still selecting comfort
to get happy to chat you don't get that option at the lower down uber and you
don't have those chat
on uber x no no it's just they're gonna be chatting i think it's default they're
not getting paid as
much they want to they want to make their time valuable they'll be chatting i've
chatted them
up in some uber i've had some of the worst uber x chats of my uh really i
explained his movie ideas
to me and then i felt like we'll just get to the end of it don't interrupt and
then i noticed he had
started going like 12 miles an hour he slowed right down so that he could
explain the full extent of
the movie idea it was his idea was to get homeless people to work in a hotel
and make a documentary
about it almost and have the documentary it was your driver matt the homeless
hotel yeah obviously
what a cruel but they can't stay there i don't and yeah you know they were
making so much money from
working in the basement for him who's choosing to stay at when you're looking
up all the yelp reviews
or the hotels or whatever you're going i think this homeless hotel that's a
good yeah that's a terrible
idea what else did he did he elaborate anything there was going to be a sequel
he was going to
hire one as a manager he was going to open a chain and solve homelessness in
america to be fair man
they're already equipped they got the shopping carts you could have lined up
like the uber for your
stuff just have like a line of like 20 of them come up put them in they watch
them just walk away with
all of your stuff yeah just take it immediately homeless hotel would be nice i
think the answer
is the military the more i think about it military military wing for the
homeless they need jobs this
is how mount zedong fixed the opium crisis in china he just took everyone who
was an opium addict and he
put them in the army and he said you have purpose you have a uniform this is
what you do now i honestly
don't think that's in the national guardian turn them into the national guard
it'll be a very scary
brigade they could just there's a ton of work they could do in the military
that wouldn't be bad hitler
did that many people kind of he took like insane people and criminals and and
was just
like just go kill as many people as you can civilians on the on the eastern
front yeah i forget the name
i'm thinking more like having appeals the name of that group i don't know this
is the first time
hearing about that uh yes look that up there's like a like berserkers no they
were just the worst
people and their job was to kill civilians well the problem is too once you put
homeless people in the
military now they're they have to answer to like military court so i think you
could like beat them
up and stuff if they try to run off i think they try to run away i think you'd
be able to like get in
their face and be like maggot maggot where are you going wish fulfillment right
back i'm not a maggot
i have maggots in my skin there's bugs everywhere i might start a street
military like just like um
like a cadre where i go out and i'm like get up
wake up
kiss your mother boys just get to wake them up that'd be a good service
just to wake up homeless guys you gotta play taps to put them to bed
you gotta hit taps at like noon when they're nodding out
damn that'd be so funny blasting with the bugle wake up boys welcome to hell it
just reminds me of
my time at the point yeah my bad my bad no that's all right there was a time
they do play taps before
you go