Name: Ep 587 - PHIL (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)
Uploaded: 2025-11-26T22:26:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 587 - PHIL (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 587 - PHIL (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-26. Transcript available.

Ep 587 - PHIL (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)

wild wild west darling you send me check check i know who you
oh you're nervous
you're singing you're nervous catch your breath you all right yeah i'm fine all
right
yeah we're rocking and i mean this this is it recording yeah i'm already mad
this coffee is
three hours old it's from westchester he doesn't this is what he does yeah yeah
we'll go to a bar
he'll order wings we'll eat three wings and then have a plate of wings in front
of him
for three more hours until the game's over and then they come by and they go do
you want us to
take this and he's like yeah insane a lot of times i'll finish it this was a
situation i was
my my lady even this even this it's like a coffee takes two sips and then
brings it to harrisburg
well someone brings it to the mechanics someone got me the coffee just drink
the coffee
i wasn't ready for it phil how are you we're here live with phil phil you got
talking to the mic i'm
doing great i knew you'd get nervous when that light came on i didn't even see
the light some
guys aren't built for this yeah some broadcasting's tough it is tough i've seen
it it's hard work
how you do it yeah well you're sitting next to the the mayor of westchester i
know the king i'm
honored uh you're not did you wind up bringing the hats did you have hats uh
well i forgot them oh
he forgot you're gonna dress up like uh pilgrims and indians for thanksgiving
it was okay i agree
i agree i was fully against it it's fine then i realized phil wearing a pilgrim
hat what do you do
for easter that's where i got bombing from little buddy outfits people ask me
how i got my comedy
phil taught me how to bomb regularly but you can walk through a bomb uh-huh
that's like one of your
you tell a bad joke and just go hilarious he is yeah what was the line that he
had when we were
in the golf tournament with billy where he was saying billy was like uh it's
because you were
talking in my backswing yeah and billy's backswing really quickly billy billy
goes you're talking to
my backswing phil and phil goes i'd have to be a auctioneer oh my god he swings
so hard
and and the results are never any good yeah he's new he's new to golf i know
yeah i know when he
connects he kills it but we're not sure where it's gone right yeah well he's
jacked of course the first
the first couple holes gurby's didn't know we were playing the scramble so all
of a sudden he'd go up
and play his ball and then we'd all drive up and he's like looking at us like
what are you hitting from
here for this is my shot of course we didn't have to hit after he hit because
it was already right on
the green yeah he's a very good golfer very good he took the he took the game
very seriously a couple
cart bumps at the end sent him pack i hate cart bumps
o'connor was in there with you just going don't don't do it don't let him win
he got out he got out of the cart i just you saw it i just turned straight for
him
last thing you want to do is get out of the car
we were also we were starting to find it at the end
it was crunch time and that's when i found it it was perfect just a nightmare
no when the ride
in the valkyries started playing yeah i think it was around 16. he's playing on
the bluetooth chasing
gurus and you had to dan o'leary yeah good i might have been by myself at that
point or o'leary could
have been in there regardless yeah we were six hours into a round of golf just
trying to finish strong
you came in well yeah rattled i'm sorry about that steve i didn't
i felt bad when you were very upset it's perfectly fine all right my mom
noticed your mom noticed yeah
she was like hey aren't you gonna come say hello to all the people here and you're
like nope i have to
go yes no that's not really for me well it's the killer it's the killer style
you guys nobody can leave
every time you try and go yeah just well just what are you just one more yeah
exactly it's like you
just gotta leave and the next day go i'm sorry i'm sorry i left i'm sorry yeah
yeah your mom was
on me on instagram message because she was like promise you'll come on dm do
you what the yeah we dm
sometimes your wife's in his dms how do you do that well how do i do how do you
do you know how to dm you
dm me you send me is that what that's called yeah like a direct message yeah
yeah yeah all right i'm
doing those instagram reels it's very nice okay what what kind of stuff is he
sending uh it was like
drinking instagram reels which was really funny but then he'll clearly be drunk
and send me like an
inspirational one nice which is nice keep you on track yeah that's how yeah we
don't really talk
much i just get a drunk dm from my dad that's like michael jordan highlights
yeah that'll get
i tossed those out this weekend yeah you were hitting me with yeah well you
know you gotta find uh
inspiration during dark times it's 4am the bars closed it yeah maybe it's my
fault but phil what's
going on man well just starting our basketball season right now i think you're
gonna get fired
no i can't get fired i'm a volunteer i can't get fired other people have to go
before all these come
on man huh you're gonna fire that no there's too many rings yeah there's a lot
of stuff up there
there's too many championships hardware yeah yep what's that five gold medals
up there well um two
with trinity three with no i got three with cumberland valley and one with trinity
as far as state titles
and that's again just coaching helping coach kids it believe me it's all the it's
all the kids and the
head coach i mean just just coach speak you're just a humble guy i am i want
everyone to know behind
closed doors this guy's a menace when the mic's off he's going those would be
nothing without me
yeah right right now it takes good kids to win for sure to make you look smart
yeah well what's the
hope for this year do you think you got a championship well we've no we're
gonna we're gonna we're gonna
don't want to say that we're gonna we're gonna have to work for everything yeah
yeah i've got a great uh
group of girls but uh um we you know there was a couple kids that were going to
come out that played
for us and now we're going to stick with another sport so they're not going to
play basketball and
that hurts us a little bit but uh the kids that we have we're going to go with
them and they're great
this is good stuff why well i'm sure we got a lot of 6a girls b-ball
now we're the number one women's 6a basketball podcast yeah district three
girls hoops this is
good press conference material yeah this is an old press conference sure phil
now what do you say
those people that uh found out your dad killed a bunch of cats what kind of
question is that
phil what do you what do the costa ricans think about this
a press conference yeah so to answer his question about cats when i was growing
up we lived out in the
rural area and uh talk to steve and us we we had uh you know we had a a few
cats and they all got
pregnant at the same time so we had what'd you do like 25 kittens running
around and it was just too
many and my dad put them in a box a cardboard box and put them on the in the
creek and they went down
over the dam and about three hours later about five or six of them came walking
back and he said
okay you can stay that was it the other ones never made it back or they said we're
not going back
even though they surprised they uh survived the the creek and the dam but yeah
just got the five
dumbest kittens let's go back yeah let's go back maybe he'll do it again but
then you said it was
like they were like getting the horse was stepping on them and well the horse
stepped on one kitten
one time i started the lawnmower and the kitten crawled under the lawnmower
while i went to get gas
because it was hot in the summer and he thought that was the nice shade place i
didn't know he was
under there and i started the lawnmower your dad getting rid of them was it was
time they were
everywhere they were there were a lot of cats a lot just 30 cats we had a lot
of cats we had dogs we
shetland pony um oh no i didn't know you had a shetland pony yeah what is a shetland
pony it's a
little adorable tiny pony yeah what happened there oh god what happened there
we sold him stepped on a
cat sold him for stepping on the cat we sold the shetland things got tough you
gotta sell a shetland pony
right oh we had a steer named sambo and we had him butchered it was a tough
name sambo he was butchered
yeah how old were you did you like all these animals no not sambo because he
would chase he had
horns he would chase you and you'd have to run and yeah the the horse or the
the shetland pony was fine
dusty was fine dusty what do you get what do you get for a shetland pony i have
no idea back then 10
bucks i don't know it wasn't much yeah what do you do with it well we had a
cart and like a trotter oh
okay and it would yeah we would he would take rides with it on sundays and
stuff there was no traffic
on the road back then now you would ride a shetland pony in a cart like a trotter
yeah yeah that's
fucking insane that's fun it's fun all right it's fun yeah no i thought the
blinkers on them or the
blinders whatever they're called and you just get down the road and and go
about a mile and then come
back yeah all right well that's fun i thought you were like literally using it
as transportation
no it's crazy go-kart yeah that's fun yeah all right i take it back that rules
i wish i had a
shetland pony that'd be nice yeah just go out for a sunday truck i'd need i'd
need a team
i need the clidesdales yeah you'd have to get like the spike like the roman
spike coming off the cart
too that'd be a nice dui on the back of a shell yeah yeah can you get a dui in
the cart yeah i feel
like the amish get duis all the time you can get them on a bike you can get up
walking you can get a dui
yeah well well seriously trust me if he's dodging all right well they must not
have been out if they
haven't got him yet that's just drunk in public right you can you can walk
drunk i think you can
present danger to other people while you're out there besides just being stumbling
public yeah yeah well
that's you guys you get a little bit bigger than me no i've seen i'm not a
danger you're definitely a
threat you run that's true he starts running and but i'm safer running than
walking
where are you running i just home as fast as what about oh like what is he
running from
that's the real question yeah 3 a.m when you're like i need to get out of here
and sprint
something's going on when you when you know you got a kind of a long trip and
you're and you're full
stumble bum you speed it up i do understand moving quicker when you're that
drunk helps i do know what
you mean yeah yeah you want like the shortest amount of time nothing public
nothing worse than stumbling
yeah when you can't stop a stumble yeah that's tough speed it up anyway phil
what else you got for us
this is your big debut people have been really clamoring for this yeah i know
they are um i don't
know uh just getting ready for the holidays here yeah i just closed the pool
realized i screwed that up
i had like a submersible pump and i stuck it on top of you know the the
enclosure that they put over the
pool and the guy came out yesterday to close the spa down and uh he said did
did you put that submersible
pump on top of the the netting there like and i said well yeah he said well the
water goes right
through you've got to put the submersible pump underneath that on the step i
didn't know that
i thought man this thing's really working i never saw any water on top there phil
here it's just going
right into the pool the whole time you got to get a podcast man this is top
fucking shit wait how come
you're shutting the spa down you got to keep the spa open for you gotta keep
the spa for the winter i kept it
open for an extra month and joan got in at one time remember when you got drunk
and fell onto the tarp
uh you you were sober i was i was no but i wasn't drunk right no what happened
is the pavers weren't
d