Name: Ep 588 - Horse Life (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Uploaded: 2025-12-04T13:01:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 588 - Horse Life (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 588 - Horse Life (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-04. Transcript available.

Ep 588 - Horse Life (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)

the wild wild west i'm a night shower i don't really shower in the morning i'm
a night shower
guy i it depends what i'm well not usually mornings but flights i try i
sometimes will
bust out a shower i might bust out a night shower before the flight before the
flight
yeah i don't even wipe my ass before a flight dude you see they uh i think
spirit band pjs
on the airplane what do you mean you can't wear spirit spirit airlines kind of
did pull
your pants up oh they're like no pjs i kind of for real photo i'm i'm with that
no that's
crazy put on sweat pants that's what i was saying it's like put on some sweats
just put on sweats
are more comfortable pjs no they're not not for real pjs no they're dude
wearing sweatpants
and pjs in public are two totally different what do you mean like just the
checker flannel
pjs yes yeah flannel pjs it's bad they're saying like dude no more because they're
it's also
they're like maybe if people stop wearing pjs people act a little nicer and
more courteous
and it's like damn dude you're dancing around
dude they put every they put spirit in a bus stop out here like it's like
come on dude you still don't wear pajamas out that i like i'd you be a five
dollar fine
to wear pajamas pajamas a police man should write you a five dollar ticket
put it on my ticket dude put it on my tab i didn't get cheeks one time when i
was young
because it was this when i learned that no i was in pajamas in public and i saw
this girl
that i was like talking to but we didn't smash and then she saw me like coming
out of my friend's
house in pajamas but this is like 3 p.m you know what i mean i clearly was in
my pajamas
princess the border and like i texted her she was like so i'm so i saw you
earlier today
your pajamas and it's over and it was over it was pretty much it was more words
than that but it was
yeah that was that was it she had more words for she's like one day you'll see
you'll go to spirit
airlines i i my favorite to see at the airport is i've noticed i've seen women
just wear basically
their underwear on the plane have you ever seen that yeah it's kind of crazy
when you go what the
fuck well i go yeah i mean sluts on the plane all these sluts on this motherfucking
plane that's
that's been an issue too ladies have got in trouble there was one lady who
couldn't board because she
was just like her whole ass was out and the pilot was like no you can't you can't
bring your ass
can't bring all that can't bring your ass onto this plane right now dude i got
my kid fucked me up
recently i was like sitting there i was doing something britney was watching
our one kid's hair
in the sink uh maya the older ones and then the younger one was just on the
couch watching tv
and i went to like hooker she's like i'm cold i went to like hit her with a
blanket and she popped
up and she had her pants down her ass was out i was like what the fuck are you
doing she was like
just been scratching my butthole and i was like get the fuck up and wash your
hands she's like i like
how it smells i'm like dude i was like just completely dumbfounded like no it
actually smells
bad and she's like no it doesn't i'm like yes it does asses smell bad just dude
the full surprise
moon was crazy yeah yeah just casually pants down so you could scratch your ass
surprise
mood it's so funny and just be like i don't mind the smell it's like no it's
bad it's the best and
you're like touching my fucking face i know you're digging into your ass all
the time that's what it
was you got to convince him like no i promise you this is not the right thing
but then here's the
thing a big old hypocrite that i am so i'm like yeah dude your ass doesn't
nobody's ass smells good
stop i was like i get how you can get tricked into thinking it's at least
interesting to smell your
ass but i was like it's no good and then uh that night dude i i went back on
the raw milk hard in
hell along with the parmesan cheese because egan told me parmesan regineau is
made or whatever
however you say it is made with raw milk as well i know this i just been
crushing parmesan cheese
raw milk and a ton of steak which apparently cooks up the most yeah insane farts
those are diabolical farts dude they're like no literally like it's they're the
types of farts
that like you get like mad like really mad because of the smell it smells so
bad that you're like
dude what the fuck's wrong with you they got ozempic farts yeah pretty much it's
almost the point
where it's like almost innate where you're just kind of like get away from me
now because like
you're sick i'm scared of you get away from me and like so i lay there i'm in
bed my wife passed
out and i'm just like laying there reading a book and i just start dude like 30
second long hot farts
and i'm going like i have no business if i have a hot fart that i can tell like
it's coming i will
do the courtesy of getting out of bed and i go to our closet and i fart in our
closet and i chill i do
a 10 10 second like chill so it doesn't follow you so it doesn't follow me in i
give that much
courage because sometimes i can get like it's not all the time but if i have
like a fart attack like
that it could be a good like two hours of the night where like i would
completely change the
atmosphere of our room so i was like i it was one of those nights but i was
like up it's all muggy
but you've you've changed the smell of a room before yeah but of course it's
like a humidifier
that's where babes get off the funny they're like it's not funny and you've
literally altered the
atmosphere so they don't you know so if i have one of those nights i try to
like at least step outside
or like don't you know i'll like give a little bit and see and if it's like
however it's met i'll be
all right i'll go to the closet but the uh let's go fart in the fucking walk in
but the so i'm laying
there i'm so cozy in bed and my wife passed out and i just start like dude just
crushing like 30
second hot farts and i was like kind of surprised i'm like how does this not
smell but there was all
trapped under the blanket oh and the whole thing is i was like telling my
daughter like dude like
don't smell your ass that's crazy i couldn't help it i was like does it smell i
started real sipping
dude i'd be like i take a little smell and i was like dude that is you gave
yourself a dutch oven
well i was just just letting a little bit out to test the waters just to see if
it smelled
and it did i call it the whiff and i was like i it was almost so it was it was
like so heady that
i was like this is like intoxicating it was crazy and then i like and then
finally i'm letting
a little i'm letting it out more and more because i'm like i gotta get it out
front of this blanket
so i started letting it out and finally like i got up fully to go to the
bathroom to take a pee
and as i started to get out of bed my wife woke up out of deep sleep dude out
of deep sleep it was so
bad she popped up it was like what the fuck oh and she like oh she never says
like bro or dude
she was so tired she what the fuck bro bro oh my god what the fuck she was like
mad like literally
being like fuck you and she was mad at me and then she passed back out and she
i've never checked
she doesn't know this happened really she doesn't remember she totally might be
flat dude the fart
knocked her back out she passed back out and like it's been two days and i have
yet to bring it up
but she hasn't said anything dude you hit her with a bro i got away with an
absolute murder yeah
yeah the bro getting like a fuck you bro out of my wife was like what the fuck
i hit her with the holy
ghost dude oh fuck you bro what the fuck dude i was howling laughing in bed
she was like fuck you you think this is funny and i'm like no i'm not laughing
he's not funny
oh it was literally watching her go zombie mode from like an absolute i mean it
was like a royal it
was like a spoiled fruit for it was it was i mean i feel ashamed even talking
about it i shouldn't talk
about it no raw milk fart sounds like it's gotta be parmesan dude is what
really gets you to pinch your
nose parmesan hits you with notes that you're like the parmesan gives you some
exquisite news
gives you a different taste on your fire a nice twist
i was it's okay i was talking about this last night i said december is
officially anal health
awareness month yeah november and then now it's no solid log december
because i yeah i mean it's sorry guys this is going to be a diarrhea podcast
yeah sorry man it's i think the whole the whole squad's got diarrhea you said
you did basically a
sampler basket yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i had one of those two where it's one
of every type of turn
you're like what the fuck is my part it's a smorgasbord it's shrimp it's a log
and then it's just like
i had one of those yesterday that was the full smorgasbord that now i'm just
locked in a diary
i'm in diarrhea right now which is i haven't had diarrhea in a while but it's
like i'm rocking it
i kind of like diarrhea better than regular poop honestly dude so do i i like i
don't mind the power
wouldn't but once you get a hot pile a hot pile like the true heat from
diarrhea here's the thing it's
all about solid diarrhea ratio diarrhea is a nice treat yeah if you can't be
the mainstay if you're
if you're locked in diarrhea that's that i'll get scared after four days i get
start going all right
what's going on that's it four days four days yeah i get alarmed that you
should too don't lower the bar
four days is nothing dude four days with no solid turds is nothing i had my
first log today i was really
happy oh yeah you had uh stomach problems over the holidays i struggled with
the neurovirus yeah
and you had to cancel the show i had to cancel the show i said last night at
the noctis i was
pissing out of my ass and out of my mouth you look for real like you lost ted
pals i did as a cleanse
yeah you probably did honestly i i i kind of like it i feel like healthier now
and you were locked up with
bae and her family yeah how was that really going as a guest and just shitting
and puking all right you
got it the tub no it's just like is that too many details is that tmi i don't
want to talk about it
because i think like her cousins and stuff listen to this but they don't wait
so you were secretly
throwing up and shit no no they know that i was really really sick but i don't
want to get into the
nitty-gritty i want to know what happened in the term it was just like dude i
lost control of all of my
faculty and like i was busting out of it but you gotta be quiet though no i
mean i should have been
quiet but i wasn't i was like i couldn't help it i wonder if any of them
thought you were toning it up
this fucking asshole they invited him to our house for thanksgiving he's up
there tearing it up
you invisibly lost five pounds like yo how much did this dude spray
so they knew you were sickly they knew you were diarrhea and vomit but they
didn't they were they
were polite about it they didn't say they were nice about it yeah they one of
her aunts was a nurse
she offered to get me an iv it was like horrible like i couldn't drink water i
just wanted water so
bad i was so thirsty every time i would drink anything i would just puke it
immediately oh it
stinks weird i said can you still rip cigs it was like you know that was the
first time i probably won
a day without a cig in years dang how'd it feel i guess i didn't even notice
yeah like i
and i went to bed at like 6 p.m and i woke up at like noon the next day feeling
that's nice 24 24
hour bug 24 hours and uh one of her aunt they were really nice they got me like
a bunch of drinks and
and one of them gave me like these nice nausea pills that helped me sleep
really hard
so everyone was really yeah yeah everyone was really nice and helped me out a
lot but it was
still humiliating that was like your first time meeting most of them right most
of them yeah
it was the most embarrassing thing ever hello uncle zach that's what it was
like i 