Name: Ep 589 - Broke Mind Virus
Uploaded: 2025-12-12T13:01:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 589 - Broke Mind Virus' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 589 - Broke Mind Virus' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-12. Transcript available.

Ep 589 - Broke Mind Virus

- Wow, wow, Wes.
- All right, hello.
- Hey.
- Hello, we're live now.
Dude, how much does Nate's brother look like Dr. Umar?
- I thought it was a good doctor, for sure.
- When your brother walked in,
and of course I know him, so that's how I knew him,
but when he walked in, I was like, oh shit.
I thought it was Dr. Umar.
And then the good doctor, you guys were,
you and your brother put on the fucking dipshit brothers.
You and your brother are the dipshit brothers.
- My brother, I don't know how he,
he usually holds it together.
I did what I do, but him, that was out of character.
- Right before, right before I go on stage,
he comes walking through, puts his arm around Nate's shoulder,
can't walk, going through the tunnel.
I go get him a chair, we sitting down.
I turn around, he falls out of the chair.
- Yeah, he never hit the chair.
I was trying to put him in the chair.
- Did you pull it out and he just went over it?
- And like leg just still up on the chair.
- That was like a medical pass out though.
- Yeah.
- It was, and Nate, Nate cried.
- I didn't cry, but I didn't.
- Holy shit, is he all right?
Nate goes, "I don't know."
- It wasn't that bad, but I did hit it.
I was worried about him.
He went down.
- "I don't even know, help."
I saw, I never see, I didn't say help.
- Ambulance.
Somebody call an ambulance.
I was thinking about it for a second.
- I was like, "I can't go on stage."
Nate's brother just died.
The good doctor.
- Nah, Shane A.I. stepped over him.
- I did step over him.
- He's all right.
I don't know if you heard of what he popped up.
He popped up and was like, "I wasn't on the ground."
That was the first thing he said.
- Yeah, I heard him when he popped up.
- I didn't pass out.
- As fellow big guys, we were both celebrating the fact
that his belly did not fall out.
- Yeah, yeah, that was good.
That was a good look.
- 'Cause that could have been devastating.
He's laying on your side that big.
It's like, it's got a slight curvature.
It's a rough look.
- Yeah, he laid it on his back.
He got lucky.
- Yeah, it's two hits.
- You hit the floor and your belly hit in the floor?
- Yeah, I can't even remember.
It was just...
- Leg in the air.
Yeah, you were pure panic.
- Yeah.
- It sucks.
- Yeah, I mean, once he was good.
- I was still on eight.
Passing out, sus, dude.
Passing out is sus.
- That's what Jim Jones said.
- I was been watching Jim Jones' podcast.
Dude, the old black guys are flying into the podcast game.
They figured out the code.
All you gotta do is call each other gay the whole time.
And they're making millions already.
- We've been doing it for a decade.
- Welcome, brothers.
- I know.
They're just coming in, talking.
They're like, "Wait, you pass out?
It's kind of fucking gay.
You pass out?"
Like, "I never pass out.
Fuck passing out.
That shit's gay as hell."
- Fuck, that is actually my whole act.
My whole act, dude.
- Now, old black dudes, they've been doing it forever.
The Pauls, they're the Pauls fathers.
Pauls and each other is the best.
- It's the best.
- Jada Kisses and Fat Joe's podcast
is just so Fat Joe gets Pauls nonstop.
- He does.
He says the wild ones.
- Oh, he's crazy.
- It's almost like he's doing it on purpose.
- I really think so.
He probably has a staff of writers
be like, "Write me the gayest shit
you can possibly think of."
- But no, Nate's brother bounced back
and then Nate picked up the torch.
- Bro.
- He said, "How can I make a bigger fool of my family?"
- He was rolling around on the couch.
- Now, when you say roll, like I couldn't have been.
- You literally were standing right there.
You'd fall over the couch like a scuba diver.
- Like going, "Oh, shit."
- You'd fall backwards.
- I didn't know you were that drunk.
We were all on the plane together.
- Do you know why scuba divers,
you know how they sit on the boat and fall backwards?
- Yeah. - Do you know why they do that?
- Look cool.
- No, 'cause if they fell forward,
they would land in the boat.
- Come on, guys.
- Classic.
Highlight reel, 2025, markup.
- Joke world, clip it.
- Joke world.
Highlight reel, 2025, just run that back 25 times.
- Yep.
- That's what we'll do for the New Year's episode.
- New Year's episode, just that joke.
- Over and over for three hours.
- You can fall asleep to it.
But you're gonna laugh every time.
You're gonna try to sleep and you go,
no, Phil hit me with that.
- That's so funny.
- Phil hit me and Gervies with that.
It was great.
We were watching his shit.
He was watching some fucking bullshit travel show.
He was watching like a show about cruise ships.
And they were showing, I was like,
"Did you want to go on a cruise so bad?"
- Did you hear about the guy who just died on a cruise?
- No.
- Some dude had on record 33 drinks,
'cause I guess they went in tally.
- Oh, I did, yeah.
- Dude, and they-
- Yo, back to the black podcast.
- He's kinda gay.
He's kinda gay, dude.
- Well, dude, they shot him with an anti-psychotic.
So he was, he had fully rodeo-bulled himself.
He just got 33 drinks in.
He's getting his fucking money's worth, honestly.
There's nothing wrong with that.
And then they tried to like subdue him.
And apparently they gave him an injection.
- Oh, that'll kill you.
- Yeah, I think the two things combined,
which is like, first of all,
if you're gonna subdue anyone on a cruise ship,
it's probably gonna be from alcohol.
Why would you have a thing that does that?
Secondly, like, why don't they have
a Narcan version of alcohol
that as soon as you give someone,
they're just like, "What the what?"
- God, that'd be bad.
- Yeah.
- I'd carry it around.
I'd just be like, "All right, well, that's Coke."
But just so you know, that is Coke.
- True, true, true.
- People go, "I'm a little too drunk."
"Ah, I'm back.
Hey, what do you guys wanna talk about?"
- But no one would take it.
If you're drunk, you're like,
"Yo, you gotta take your anti-alcohol."
You'd be like, "Shut the fuck up, I'm not taking it."
- Yeah, I'm fine, this feels good.
He, we could have used it on Nate.
Yeah, dude, you were rolling all over the couch.
- We could have, we should have Narcan, Nate, dude.
- My apologies, the couch rolls.
- And you got on the plane going, "I'm sober.
I had to take care of my brother this whole time."
- I was kind of--
- You were not, you were fucking--
- I really felt sober, I don't know.
- We talked about it, me and Matthew talked about it.
- Yeah, we did the math, not sober.
- You were drinking, when we got into the green room,
you poured a glass.
- True. - Of liquor.
- True.
- You were drinking liquor in the entire show.
- And then you did those poppers,
you did a couple poppers in the bathroom.
- And you took the poppers, you and your brothers,
you and your brothers snorted poppers.
- You took poppers and choosie with your brother.
- Don't put Danny on it.
- Yeah, you were like,
rail lines and choosie before the show.
And then you had GHB-laced baby oil.
You gotta start traveling with just a milk carton of baby oil.
- Obviously.
- You gotta start, dude.
- What the hell?
- God damn.
- Where the hell's that?
- We're never gonna get this podcast done.
- We're never gonna get this thing done.
- This is the busiest day in my house.
- That was a hard, that was an authoritative knock, too.
Let's see what that is.
- Sounds good so far.
- It was fucking...
- I don't know what the hell that...
Maybe did you guys order something?
- No, it's probably birthday bullshit.
- You think so?
It's like a hat and like a...
- It says "Fragile".
Must be Italian.
- Ooh.
- Come on, man.
- Put it 2025, clip that up.
- 2025, that's the best of 2025 joke world clips.
Clip it up.
- Damn, dude, stop sending me boxes.
- I know, just crap.
- More boxes.
- Just fucking crap.
- All right, so Nate, you and your brother were snorting poppers.
You kissed.
He fainted.
That's how...
That's how Nate woke him up, dude.
He was a little fucking Prince Charming.
- Really?
- Yeah, he kissed him on his lips and he came back to life.
- Kissed him on the center of his forehead.
Told him I'm big bro.
- Damn.
- You did handle it.
I didn't like the way you were handling him.
You were saying nasty things to your brother.
He just died.
- Once I knew he was okay, that's how I had to start...
- He was sitting there, coming back to fucking life
and you were standing over him being like, "You fucking piece of shit."
"Hey, you dumbass, fucking fainted pussy."
- I didn't do that.
Why are you making me sound like that one?
- Yeah, I remember that.
- I was shaking my head at him.
- Yeah, he was like, "Give me that 25% of the company back, dude.
Fuck you."
They went full Diddy on his brother.
- Yeah, baseball bat.
- I had to take advantage of being big bro for one hour.
That was...
He's like older than me by enough time.
- You couldn't handle the success.
You immediately blacked out and rolled around.
You were laying on this couch.
You passed out.
I grabbed you by the legs and pulled you as hard as I could.
- Lost the check immediately.
- Belly came out.
Lost the paycheck from the show.
- Well, I didn't forget that.
I actually think about that every day.
- True.
- Yeah, you gotta get on that.
- Yeah.
- But no, I was shocked.
We got back and it was just like thinking everything was cool.
And then all of a sudden, I looked over.
You're on the couch just like a fish out of water.
- You're flopping around on the deck.
- What the fuck?
- You're flopping around and everyone's going,
"Nate, what are you doing?"
And you're going, "Isn't this funny?"
And we were like, "No, dude.
It's kind of embarrassing."
- I mean, bro, in different entertainment circles,
you would have gotten clapped.
- Yeah.
- You would have gotten fully clapped.
- You're lucky.
- I knew I was in a safe space.
- You would have woke up.
- I knew I wasn't a no clap though.
- You would have been in the camera
and facing you 10 years from now.
You'd be like, "I don't know what happened."
- Yeah.
- Pilot could have clapped him.
- Anyone could have, anyone.
- Anyone could have clapped.
- Could have been a lady with a strap on
could have clapped you?
- Well, I didn't get clapped,
so that's a good thing.
- That would have been nice.
I'd pay to watch that.
I'd ditty that.
I'd take ecstasy and watch you get clapped
for three days.
- Three straight days.
- What were they taking?
I was making them clap for three days.
- I don't know.
Anytime I take any of those drugs,
I'm like, "I don't want to talk to anybody."
- Yeah, you don't want to clap,
let alone clap for three days?
- You want to watch someone clap for three days?
- It's an ovation.
- Matt, this episode is brought to you by PrizePix.
I love the holidays, gifts, food,
and most importantly, sports.
- We got bowl games, basketball matchups,
playoff pushes, it's all going on.
And while you and I are out here making decisions
every day, like how much turkey is too much turkey,
there is one place where it feels good to be right.
PrizePix.
- God.
Matt, could you just riff for me, Daddy,
on talk about something PrizePix offers in the app
that you love lately?
- I just love them more or less.
And I love, that's always, that's like the, you know,
flagship feature. - That's fun.
I do love the fact that they have another feature
where I believe you can like completely get out of something
if the player's not performing well.
- Yeah, something like that.
- Yeah, I like that one too.
- It's a good feature.
- I love that.
- Sweet riff.
Matt, is your fantasy season over already?
My team is cooked.
Haha, this couldn't be written for me
because my team's in first place.
But with PrizePix, I don't have to wait
until next year's draft.
PrizePix has something to play every week.
Pick your favorite players and teams all season long.
Think about that.
- Download the PrizePix app today
and use code Drench to get $50 in lineups
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That's code Drench to get $50 in lineups
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- PrizePix.
- It's good to be right.
- What's up, Wolfram?
- I do like how Diddy slowl