Name: Ep 590 - Wildcat
Uploaded: 2025-12-18T13:00:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 590 - Wildcat' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 590 - Wildcat' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-18. Transcript available.

Ep 590 - Wildcat

the wild wild west oh no they don't even tell me i was that king it was not on
the kingdom coaster
it offers gentle thrills with smooth turns and small hair time
what are you talking about like the size of the cat no the uh
the cat i think is uh let me say brother just feast your eyes i see it that
thing's
nasty as hell so you know what you know what the beast does the beast versus
the wildcat
the wildcat is this is newer dude it's the longest too it's kind of it's kind
of cap
the beast dude beast is longer the wildcat here's your part yeah wow the wildcat
is like higher i
think it has of course it is it's huge it's so scary dang dude bro a classic
figure eight design which
often focuses on the class okay wildcat's just an out and back classic so the
force the forces on the
wildcat are rougher you want to if you ride the beast you want to claim the
largest wooden roller
coaster in the world it's like you know when was the beast constructed i don't
know but my thing is
it's not as uh rough and tumble as the wildcat so the beast is like a longer
ride which gives it the
biggest quote-unquote uh wooden roller coaster in the world but we're talking g-forces
here so damn
it's probably built a long time ago it's 1979. 79. it's the biggest there's
nothing i can say
don't know no no i was wrong there's nothing i can do don't get down on hershey
dude
hershey is it's still hershey has a scarier wooden roller coaster that's
probably higher
i'm telling you i busted my lip on the wildcat and this guy's gonna wear an i
survived hershey
shirts you're gonna steal valley like that how'd you bust your lip on the wildcat
the
fucking thing comes to a screeching hole i smacked my face
it was nothing to me dude spent the rest of the day bloodied up what would you
rather do if you're
at a dorney park you're going to the amusement park or wild water kingdom as a
young man in the water
park as old man you're saying now and you're old man i'd like to not yeah
because when you're a young
man that's getting soaked at a park as a young man's game i didn't give a i
would walk
around just drenched all day now i'd be so mad you don't realize how i went to
a water park recently
you don't realize how up you get on those slot you get elbow burns non-stop
dude i got off and i was like
god the last water ride i was on was with you in south carolina never again
dude right the first
turn i got flipped off the raft and just slowly landed in the pond it's also
like a family's
the water slide isn't yeah it's an absolute vacuum seal on your dick you get
off that thing you're
like yo dude the teenis is fully yeah gym shorts my teenis could be preserved
indefinitely in that
bathing suit it was vacuum sealed it was tight it's crazy dude i think we had
also regular gym shorts on
which is yeah that's not the move i had to wait in the pool until matt could
get us towels yeah i was
like dude i for real can't get out of this people were just coming down landing
next to me and i was
like matt came back with a hotel towel so it was like this big i just covered
my teenis hopped into
the lazy river had the teenis in the fucking yeah i remember that we had we're
the only people adults
there without kids so we were just like riding behind like a guy would be like
down the bottom waiting
for his child you see shade he'd be like hit him with the title then with a big
wave what's up dude
yeah boy up there i've avoided water parks since i kind of i i went to one in
indoor uh last summer
and i it was pretty nice the lines though are just ridiculous man yeah
especially when you're like
you know you're there with your kids you're like you gotta bust a move you'll
go to my wife i'm like
all right hit the kids for a second i'm gonna run up the slide 35 minute wait i'm
just looking down
seeing her tapping her foot i'm like she don't be pissed about this told you i
stopped a young fat
boy trying to do the old like all my friends are up there kind of thing and i
would hit him with the
you stop you go to the back you can wait i was like tell your friends to go
back and wait with you
and they actually he went and got his friends oh he was telling the truth
shit nah man fuck that can't be doing that there's a lot of butters going on in
those water parks bro
and i like to shut it down yeah you know i don't have a lot of authority over
anybody but i'm pretty
sure i can take a little chubby 10 year olds i feel like water parks will
become a minorities game
oh yeah big time they kind of all it kind of always were they scouted them
where i'm from they
weren't no around i'm saying i think they scouted them hard in the 90s because
they were white the
whites definitely controlled the yard in the water park in the 90s
but then we did control the yard dude but that was because that was our
generation of whites
we used to control the yard heavily saw some blackheads you're not afraid to
hit some slurs at the
water park you could yell anything back then
water is our world though true they're going to come into the lazy river and
find out like kevin
costner in the wave pool just like i am when we were there it was the hard
working river
nate did you get to some water parks with your shirt on uh no i was i was i
went i went topless
really oh were you shredded as a kid like no i wasn't that wasn't a fat thing
it was just black
people wear shirts socks socks i would do socks i would do socks or i would do
water shoes you gotta
do water shoes i would do water shoes to this day bro water shoes is so crazy
walking around barefoot
in there is crazy no it's not no not when you're a young young man when you're
a young no dude black
from a young age black people get a drill in their heads their bare feet can
never touch the earth
they're not to touch the earth they're never grounded they've never grounded
dude sneakers
on in the house no bare feet they're never grounded sneakers on the house is a
white person thing
no slippers in the house oh yeah true sneakers it's some type of sandals in the
house there's house
shoes i've learned there's yeah there's such things are shoes for the house i
guess sneakers in the
house is pure white trash that's just white trash and nothing bothers me more
than going to someone's
house and they're like take your shoes off we have slippers next to the door i
gotta wear
slippers now with these jeans i look like a moron or just don't provide any
slippers just let your
because i just it took me a while but it is like if you take your shoes off and
you don't wear them
like i don't we try not to put any shoes on our second floor but every now and
again i like already
have my shoes on and they my wallace upstairs and i walk up and i'm just like
thinking of all the
piss i stepped in in the airport in the bedroom and the bathroom i'm like well
whatever i used to do
this every day for years it'll be fine yeah but yeah no that's that's good yeah
i said i like water
parks man water parks rule they they're sick man what you do you got wet and
wild yeah at the
the schlitter bond i invited nate but he didn't want to come
your aqua socks were two-day prime shipping they were gonna get
yeah it was fun though schlitter bond check it out that's what you got thank
you yep no jokes
nothing funny about it yeah what the hell happened what happened there did
anything good happen yeah well
the lazy river was pretty fun yeah it was actually called the uh torrent river
because it was like a
wave pool mixed with the lazy river i like that that's really fun i feel like
they probably could
have named it the crazy river instead of the tour crazy crazy river would have
been good i uh i heard
when you went down one of the speed slides your uh penis went up your butt you're
going so fast and you
liked it who told you that your girlfriend told us you popped it you popped in
your own butt
said you said you'd buy yourself yourself well that was a good invention isn't
a 16 year old boy to pull
you out of yourself if he was starting a lawnmower he's struggling just ripping
that thing out
you need to push down your nipples like the primer just to get you
is that true uh well did your penis fly into your butt while you were going
down a
slip inside and you came in your own butt yeah that's a 16 year old boy had to
pull it out
prime your nipples is that true that's it yeah i wasn't going to mention it but
that did happen
your girlfriend told us that well i'll have to talk to her about that you're
going to have
to have a talk with her i'm going to have to have a stern talk with you can't
keep telling
people about the time my penis went in my butt when i came in my own when i
came in my own
butt at the slipping slide just hitting the water right as you come in your
butt
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stand by the wildcat
after reviewing no dude i know you're being nice and you're being a good friend
because you were
right you were right about the beast i was wrong about the wildcat i i just
heard i didn't know that
was i'll get the tallest or something why the why did they tell me that dude it's
the largest wooden
roller coaster also no one knew any other it was like pre-internet so no one
just go this is the biggest thing ever yeah no one could be like well there's
actually a big one in
you know wherever ohio they didn't even know but you know where the fuck ohio
was
why do you think this is a question i was thinking of recently why do you think
they made
you memorize the capitals of the states was that like some sort of like
military knowledge was there
some sort of practical benefit of that that comes from like the military or was
that just like
i think it's a good thing to know why it's important dude i went to the capital
in idaho this
weekend boise yeah see i just bro you can just walk right in really i mean i
don't know if i should
tell everyone but yeah you just walk right in i mean you can walk into most capitals
but you could
walk into the governor's we went to the governor's office what just walked in
what's up what's up
just talked to the guy he was signing a bill or some w