Name: Untold Norm Macdonald Stories from Jim Breuer
Uploaded: 2021-02-08T13:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Untold Norm Macdonald Stories from Jim Breuer' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Untold Norm Macdonald Stories from Jim Breuer' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-08. Transcript available.

I have so many Norm moments in my life.
My first press conference with Norm was...
They prepped us into, like, you know,
this is going to Spake, and this is so much live, BBC.
And he's a bigger star than you, so you have to sit there and kind of pay...
You have to be...
It was him and Spade right next to me.
So you have to be second fiddle at the moment?
Yeah, man, I'm the new kid on the block.
We're all a new cast.
It's all a new cast, except for Spade, Tim Meadows, and Norm Macdonald.
Wow.
And we're like, whoa.
And even looking at Norman Spade, I was like,
oh, these guys are stars.
This is huge.
Yeah, man.
I'm really looking up to them.
And the press conference go, and I dropped the ball right out of the bat.
Right out of the bat.
They asked me...
The head of NBC who fought for me to be there goes,
Jim, what was it like growing up watching SNL?
And now you're here.
You're from New York, and now a fellow New Yorker.
I said, I didn't watch SNL growing up.
Well, you can hear...
I was like, oh.
I saw...
I went, oh, that was...
That was...
Spade went, heh, heh, heh, heh.
So he said, heh, heh, heh.
And I knew right away, like, oh, man, that was really bad.
That was bad.
And so he goes...
I go, well, I...
I wasn't allowed to because I was young.
And he goes, what about when you were old?
He's trying to prep me.
He goes, surely when you got older and you were allowed to watch it.
Yes.
And I went, I was out on Saturdays.
I wasn't watching TV.
He, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.
And Norm's like, they're gonna like you.
They're gonna like you.
Yeah, this guy, this guy.
And he's smoking.
No way.
He's smoking.
And Marcy Klein is going, Norm, put out the cigarette.
I'm not done.
This guy's gonna get fired.
So I think I'm gonna get fired because I saw Lorne Michaels' face.
He was pissed.
So you're sitting there super nervous at this point?
I swear in my life, in my kids' lives, I thought I was gonna get fired.
Damn.
Because I just basically said, I don't watch Sunday Live.
Yeah.
And I never did.
Yeah, which is not...
Not a good answer.
It's not the message.
In front of the press.
Yeah.
And I didn't say it in a mean manner, but I could just tell the boss man was
like...
So I went, oh, Jesus, Lord.
So now I'm sitting there thinking I'm gonna get fired.
Swear to God.
And I'm just like, oh my God, I didn't even make it to the first episode.
They're gonna let me go.
This is what's going on in my head.
There has to be a video of this press conference in the black market somewhere.
I've looked for it, never found it.
It's the 1995 press conference.
And so they ask Norm, they go, Norm, you, Tim Meadows, David Spade.
You've been here.
You know the frat house.
Everyone knows SNL is a frat house.
What kind of practical jokes you got lined up for these new cast members?
And I swear to you, I went, I'm not even gonna be part of the frat house or the
practical jokes.
And Norm goes, eh.
First of all, he's annoyed.
He goes, practical jokes?
Is that what you asked?
What kind of practical jokes?
Eh, well, first we were thinking about anal rape.
You know, like, hey, hey, take your pant.
We're gonna anally rape you.
Welcome to Saturday Night Live.
We're going, oh, shit.
He's gonna get fired, too?
Yeah.
You can't say anal rape in front of the press.
Yeah.
He said anal rape.
So suddenly you're like, I'm back in this.
I'm in it.
I'm good.
I'm good.
And I went up to him after.
I went, Norm, he's like, they don't give it.
No one gives a shit, bro.
You know what he gives.
Fuck these guys.
And I realized he would pitch at the pitch meeting.
He just didn't care.
He didn't care.
And I learned so much from him.
Just clearly he saw a lot.
And he's been there forever.
And I remember he gathered the new cast up.
He's like, he goes, where are you guys?
Hey, don't write me any of your gay sketches.
He goes, I'm telling you right now, what I do is sketch is getting you on.
But don't put me any of your gay little sketches.
I swear to God.
I swear to God, man.
I also traumatized him.
We would play football in the hallway because he was very competitive.
He's always betting.
And it was a very tiny hallway, maybe as wide as this, maybe.
And he's like, come on, baby, we're playing three in the morning.
Oh, fuck it.
Come on, we're playing fucking playing football.
Me, you, Colin Quinn, and fucking Justin.
Justin, you fucking fuck the phone calls.
No one's calling three in the morning.
Get in the fucking ball.
Let's go.
So he would cheat.
It would piss me off because I'm competitive.
And I'll never forget, he keeps cheating and cheating.
And now I'm pissed, right?
How's he cheating?
It's like a hallway.
It's like a hospital hallway.
It's hallway, but he fucking cheat.
He's a cheater.
Yeah, he is a cheater.
I had boots on.
So I had work boots on.
Yeah, yeah.
Because, yeah, you used those to write in.
I used those to write in.
Fucking work boots on.
I'm stoned.
Oh, the ink's heavy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So now he cheated.
I caught the ball, and then he grabbed it and pulled it from me.
He's like, hey, he fumbled.
And he starts running the other way.
I'll never forget, I fucking kicked him.
And as he's running, in his calf, I'm like, pow.
And he goes, ah, ah, Jesus Christ, bro.
Why did you fucking kick me in my fucking calf?
I said, because you're cheating.
So you fucking kicked me?
Ah, Jesus Christ.
And all he did, all week, he's like, fucking, bro, you fucking kicked me in my
calf?
Because I took the fucking ball?
Jesus Christ, bro.
Yeah.