Name: Porn Macdonald
Uploaded: 2021-02-21T15:54:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Porn Macdonald' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Porn Macdonald' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-21. Transcript available.

In Washington this week, the Supreme Court is having arguments on whether or
not pornography should be banned from the Internet.
According to veteran court watchers, eight justices are leading toward a ban,
with one against.
Gee, I wonder which one would be against a ban on pornography.
How do they say now, though? I don't even know.
In a related story, three of Hollywood's most powerful men, David Geffen,
Steven Spielberg, and Jeffrey Katzenberg,
joined forces last week to form their own movie studio.
When asked what sort of films we could expect from them, the trio replied,
mostly pornos.
That's good news.
Deep Throat porn legend Harry Rames? Yeah, he died, but how are they going to
close that casket?
I mean, probably because of his erection, I would think.
How are they going to close that casket? That isn't very good.
I don't know. I didn't write that one.
Plus, a man died.
Yeah, a guy died.
If you're looking for your porn star name, have you ever heard of this, where
people make up porn star names?
They take their childhood pet's name, and then they combine it with the street
name.
So anyways, mine would be Dick Fuckington.
Former porn star Jenna Jameson was arrested this weekend after allegedly
assaulting someone.
This may be the most damaging thing that happened to her image since her 16-year
career in pornography.
16th. What do you feel about this?
Xana, they call it.
Xana, they call it.
Xana, they call it.
Xana, they call it. Xana, they call it. Xana, they porn now. They have to wear
condoms.
Did they pass that? That was it? Yeah.
Because there was a thing. Only time I ever voted.
That you went out. No.
To take it. You didn't want condoms.
Oh, no, I wanted condoms. Nothing I like better when I'm whacking off. I'm
thinking about AIDS.
Okay, get ready to laugh.
Why is it so different to find pornography about people in stable, monogamous
relationships?
Why is it so what?
Different.
Different?
Difficult!
Damn.
Start all over, and the joke still works.
Michelle Obama has booked a cameo on the ABC show Nashville.
With this and her appearance on iCarly, I think Michelle's ready to start
appearing in films.
May I suggest my favorite film series, Black Ass Fuckers?
What'd you grow up in?
Tarzana.
That's the porn business, I'd say.
That's the fucking porn business, man.
His mom cast porn.
Yeah.
Wasn't your dad Edgar Rice Burroughs?
No.
No? I heard that.
No.
No, there is a lot of porn in it.
We are living in a golden age.
We go, can we just tell people we went in the behind, and we don't have to
really do it.
The behind.
I'm trying to clean up your fucking show.
We are living in a golden age of Adam masturbating to interracial granny porn.
Gary told you that one in confidence, so it's fine.
What about this?
Porn actor Ron Jeremy is back at work after having open heart surgery.
I think this is interesting.
The name of his next feature is going to be called, I'm going to have to sit
down for most of this.
Do you ever meet Ron Jeremy?
No.
Why would I meet him?
This guy's met him.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I could tell.
You've got to avoid this guy, because Ron Jeremy, he thinks he's funny.
He wants to be a funny guy, right?
Yeah.
He's always pitching jokes and sketches.
Yeah, he's pitching jokes a lot.
In a comedy store with two hookers, and he's waiting for Ron Jeremy to show up.
Oh, my goodness.
So this is two days later.
So Saga told me, he walked in, he was like completely shocked.
He said, Rodney, how you doing?
Well, what's going on?
He goes, how are you doing?
And Rodney goes, how am I doing?
Here's, I'm sitting here with two whores waiting for a guy who can suck his own
dick.
How you doing?
This guy sucks his own cock.
That's what he tells me.
Inconfident.
OK, let's talk about the military a little, because an important ruling came
down last
week from federal judge Shira Scheindlin, who said that they could now buy at
the PX,
on the base, Dirty Magazine, if you will.
Big military support here.
It's a big military state.
And deprived military personnel, we can see.
She also included videos in the ruling saying they were also protected by free
speech, although
the plots were kind of thin.
Anyway, it was called, the act that she overturned was called the Military
Honor and Decency Act,
which for years had banned the selling of this kind of material, because they
said in that
act that they thought it would encourage sexual harassment, where now people,
some people are
saying maybe the opposite is true.
A quick session with the pet of the month, and maybe that soldier is...
Yeah, yeah.
You get sleepy, you get sleepy.
Don't you get sleepy?
What do you mean?
You don't want to rape somebody when you're sleepy.
Why are you sleepy?
Well, after you watch the porno.
Listen, I like...
I like, I like, I like, I like...
You have a strange metabolism.
Maybe it's those beach long shots you got.
Right, no.
You're in high school.
I like porno as much as the next guy, you know?
I'd probably like it...
I'd probably like it a hundred times as much as the next guy, but...
Although, you know, I have been watching...
This is amazing, because porno is my favorite kind of movie to watch, and yet,
I've seen some
pornos lately that my buddies have shown me.
Have you seen these ones with all-male casts?
Gay pornos, they're called.
These things are horrible.
And there's thousands, there's a thousand of them, maybe thousands of them, and
they have
not made one good one.
And I'll tell you what the problem with it is.
I'll tell you what the problem with it is.
Quite seriously, quite seriously, the problem with these gay pornos, and
everyone, guys,
having sex with each other.
Who the hell wants to see that?
Yeah, I...
Maybe you're shopping in the wrong section of the store.
It's just not for me.
I wonder if they can't have those in the military base, then.
But these...
Don't ask, don't tell, don't watch.
Right.
That's an interesting question.
I don't know if this ruling includes gay material on the base.
Do you know?
Well, you know, it's really ironic.
At a time when they're trying to sensitize the soldiers.
They're sending them to training on how to treat women with respect.
And now they're stalking the PXs with porno magazines.
It doesn't make sense.
I mean, it's a mixed message, wouldn't you say?
Why?
Well, because these magazines degrade women.
They do.
Don't say one thing.
Why don't you just stand up for this segment?
You know, like in the...
This is a little warning for people.
Playgirl magazine has not got any girls in it.
I give up.
No, please.
This hunk is done.
But I don't see...
What do you say?
But they don't all degrade.
You don't think playboy degrade women?
Well, I don't look at them.
Obviously, I don't look at them.
Well, then how can you speak when they're already...
You know, I've read about it and I have a general idea of what's going on.
Have you ever seen...
Oh, you...
Yes, I have.
But I don't, you know, I don't go out of my way to look for...
No, I don't.
Well, Norm has some of the material...
Yes, I'll ask Norm next time.
I'll call him and see what he thinks.
He's got thousands of videos.
Right.
But they're all male.
They might...
You might enjoy them.
No, no, no.
And then also what you do is you watch...
You try to get the pay movies there, you know?
Oh, yeah.
You ever dial up any of the...
You can get, like, first-run features.
Yeah, yeah.
I got...
I ordered Pulp Fiction.
You know that movie?
Oh, sure.
It's a gritty urban satire, you know?
It said that on the little thing.
I wouldn't have known.
And so I said, yeah, I'll get Pulp Fiction.
I heard great things about that.
So I order it, right?
Mm-hmm.
And they send me a different movie,
a movie called...
by the name of Pump Friction.
I've never heard of it.
I've never heard of it.
You've never heard of that movie?
No.
What is it?
What is it?
Well, it's different than Pulp Fiction.
Uh-huh.
Pulp Fiction is a gritty urban satire.
Pump Friction is a bunch of dudes and ladies
having dirty sex.
Whoa!
And, you know...
So there's a mix-up, obviously.
Yeah.
And it wasn't a bad movie, you know?
It was...
Actually, with those dirty movies,
I find, like, they're good for about 15, 20 minutes.
I'm really interested.
Right.
And then, uh, there's one point
that all of a sudden I'm bored, you know?
I can't...
I just...
I just lose interest completely,
and I feel deeply ashamed, you know?
You have a mechanism working there.
I don't know what that is.
I think why nobody knows,
because people forget a very important thing.
The Chinese are a lot smarter than us.
So...
It's hard to...
to criticize.
But some things we excel at that they don't, you know?
I mean...
One thing they excel at...
I have never seen a Chinese guy in a porno.
You know what I mean?