Name: Too Fat to Strip
Uploaded: 2021-03-07T13:02:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Too Fat to Strip' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Too Fat to Strip' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-07. Transcript available.

In Virginia, police are looking for a stripper who stabbed a man for telling
her she was too fat to strip.
Police warn that the woman is armed and extremely fat.
Under a new ordinance, exotic, nude, and topless dancing will be banned in any
establishment selling alcoholic beverages in the city of New Iberia, Louisiana.
Or, as I now refer to it, the most horrible place on earth.
Exotic dancers say city ordinance requiring them to keep four feet away from
their customers will put them out of business in Shoreline, Washington.
Or, as I now refer to it, Nazi Germany.
Just backstage, a lot of celebrities back there.
I mean, I was talking to Jerry Jones, you know, the Cowboys owner, and he's
disappointed, obviously.
Yeah.
Well, he's a good guy, though, man.
He's talking about rebuilding the team, you know.
And he told me, he says, we have to get back to what made us a championship
team.
Strippers and crack.
I met you first.
You'll never remember this because I was just hanging out.
Where did we meet?
Crazy girls.
Crazy girls.
Talk about truth and advertising in that fucking time.
How are you so funny?
Crazy girls.
Half price of crazy girls.
That's my favorite strip club.
Crazy girls.
And you know what I like about it?
I'll tell you what I like about it.
That title, crazy girls.
You want to talk about truth and advertising.
Got it right there.
Why did you say shh to her?
Does she work at crazy girls?
No, she works at the library.
No, I used to work at one of those clubs.
You used to work at a strip club?
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
And were you an exotic dancer?
Yes.
Oh, that's cool.
What's your name?
Lauren Thompson.
No, no, I'm just...
Lauren Thompson.
Lauren Thompson?
Yeah.
Yeah, but I mean your real name.
Lauren Thompson.
Yeah, sure.
No, it's very interesting.
How long did you do that?
About four years.
For four years?
Yeah.
Wow.
And would you say that any girl should follow that course?
Not really.
In their 20s.
In their 20s?
Yeah, they're in their 20s.
Yeah.
And then they spend their 30s in rehab?
Is that how you...
In real estate.
In real estate.
Yeah.
We're from here.
No, that's fantastic.
If you can use it to your advantage
and not get hooked on drugs,
drugs obviously, right?
There's an enormous amount of drugs
in the exotic dancing community, isn't there?
Yeah.
At least when I did it.
Why are you answering all her questions?
What the fuck?
Are you a pimp or something?
God damn.
Why can't you just let Lauren...
What do you do now, Lauren?
I'm self-employed.
Oh, wow.
That's great.
I do design, freelance design.
Oh, that's fantastic.
How old were you when you started in exotic dancing?
I was 21.
And what are you now?
You're under 30.
I am 37.
You're 37?
Yeah.
Wow.
You're a wonderful little girl.
It is her birthday.
She's 39 today.
She's 39 today?
This is your 39th birthday?
Yeah, I came to see you.
Oh, for your 39th birthday?
Oh, that's sweet.
Thank you.
What's your name?
I'm her sister, Jill.
Oh, you're her sister?
Yeah.
Oh, that's cool.
Jill.
That's awesome.
What do you do, Jill?
I'd rather not say.
Mental health.
I work in mental health.
Oh, you work in mental health.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a great thing.
I don't know why you wouldn't want to say that.
She's professional, like, she's like.
She's what?
She's trying to be professional.
Like, I'm, like, the FBI.
She's trying to be professional.
FBI?
I used to work at the FBI.
I was a, I was a, a female bodyguard.
I was a body inspector.
No, I work for the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
And, uh, I'd like to talk to you after the show.
I love that.
Would you love that?
What's that?
You said you could lay down on top of me for a few days.
I could lay down on top of me for a few days.
Maybe.
I can see what your self-employment is now.
She was an exotic dancer.
Now she whores out her sister to a traveling, shadowy, stand-up comedian.
No, you're the love of her life.
I'm the love of your life?
Her life.
I'm the love of her life.
I don't know.
And yet you came to see me on your 39th birthday.
We both think you're awesome, that's all.
Really?
Yes, we do.
Have you ever had a threesome?
You've been asked, but never done it?
Yeah.
I had, I mean, I don't want to tell that.
Last night, I had the craziest, hottest fucking threesome.
And, and also, you know, you think when you have a threesome that everybody is
so, you know, evil and gross.
Two of the nicest fellas I ever met.
I mean, gentlemen, they were gentlemen.
They really were.
Hey, listen, guys, thank you so much for coming.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
On October 27th, 1990, the show spoofed the Chippendales in a dance-off sketch
featuring Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze.