Name: The Greatest Pig in the World
Uploaded: 2021-03-08T13:40:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Greatest Pig in the World' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Greatest Pig in the World' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-08. Transcript available.

So, let me think if I can think of a joke, it always seems fair.
Geez, I don't know a lot of jokes.
Oh, I know a joke.
There was a guy who had a great pig, man.
This guy had the greatest pig in the world.
And so a guy come to his house and said,
man, I hear you got the greatest pig in the world.
So the farmer goes, are you kidding?
Are you kidding? You talking about Bill?
The guy goes, I don't know, man.
I just heard it was a pig.
I didn't know it was a name.
He goes, yeah, his name is Bill.
Bill the pig.
And this pig, man, he's the best.
He goes, why do you say that?
How come you say that?
You got any examples?
He goes, I got examples.
He goes, last summer, man, he goes,
our child fell into the well, you know,
and was in the well.
We didn't even know.
And the pig came running.
I was at the back 40 hoeing.
And the pig grunted and snorted.
And I came, just got my son out just in time.
God bless that pig, you know.
The pig had a wooden leg, by the way.
I forgot to tell you that part.
And so then he goes, yeah, that's interesting.
But he's got a wooden leg.
He goes, let me tell you more about the pig.
He goes, then another time, he goes,
that pig saved my life.
Man, I was under the tractor.
And a pig, with his own weight, pushed up the tractor and hurt his spine.
He had disc issues later, but he did it for me on account he loves me.
And he goes, well, but still, you only got the wooden leg.
Never mind that, the guy says.
He says, listen to my stories about the pig.
He goes, this pig.
Well, you know, last summer, the big fire.
You heard about the big fire?
You never heard about it?
It was a big fire.
It was a big fire all down the rural Route 20 here.
And it hit our house the worst.
Anyways, the wife and I are very sound sleepers.
And we didn't hear anything.
And if it weren't for the pig, who hit his snout on the window outside of our
bedroom,
hit it with such ferocity that it smashed the window open,
and we escaped, you know, the black smoke.
Then we would not be alive today.
Why, why we, we, we, we, we belong to this pig.
This pig, we would not exist without it.
It's our most prized possession, if you could even call it that.
We love that pig more than anything.
And so then the guy said, but I still don't understand.
How come it's got a wooden leg?
And then the guy says, are you kidding me, man?
Have you even been listening to me?
You can't eat a great pig like that all at once.
You know?
You haven't heard a word I've said.
What is wrong with you?
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You haven't heard a word I've said.
You often speak of your native Canada.
Yeah I love Canada.
You mention it a lot.
Yeah people love people a couple of people.
Three to be exact.
They like it.
That's important.
Where are you from?
Are you from a big city?
No I'm from a little town.
It's called Monkland and it's only 108 people.
108.
That's small.
Yeah.
It's country.
It's really rural.
But man I'll tell you.
There's lots of funny stories from there.
Well I'm sorry we don't have time.
Thank you very much for coming Norm.
It was good having you here.
It was Norm Macdonald.
Good night everybody.
Because farm people.
Really.
There are funny stories from this town.
Yeah because farm people.
They all seem to be.
They all seem to be a funny story.
I remember one time.
There better be Norm.
There was a guy man.
He lived down the road.
His name was John Neal Mergerison.
And this guy.
I went to him once.
I've been away for a couple of years.
You know.
I moved to the city.
And I came back.
And I said John Neal how are you doing?
I went to his farm.
What do you call him?
A farm?
Yeah.
That thing yeah.
So he showed me his pigs.
He had a bunch of pigs there.
You know.
He had a bunch of pigs.
A bunch of them.
And one of the pigs.
One of the pigs had a wooden leg.
You know.
What?
Yeah.
A wooden leg.
I said John Neal.
That's odd.
What's that pig?
What's the story with that pig?
So John Neal.
He goes.
Oh man Norm.
He says.
That's a special pig.
He goes.
You wouldn't believe that pig.
He says.
Last.
Last winter.
You know.
He goes.
The house burned down.
You know.
He probably heard.
The house burned down.
And he says.
Me and the wife.
We were sleeping on our bed.
And he says.
We never would have heard.
We never would have heard.
We never would have woken up.
But he goes.
That pig.
He broke out of his pen.
He ran all the way to the house.
And he went out to the bedroom window.
You know.
He says.
He starts hitting his little snout.
On a window.
You know.
And he says.
Me and the wife.
We woke up.
And just in time.
We escaped that inferno.
He didn't use the word inferno.
He's just a farmer.
You threw that in there.
Yeah.
He said.
We escaped that conflagration.
You know.
So.
So.
I go.
Man.
That's quite a story about the pig.
He goes.
Oh man.
It doesn't stop there.
I go.
Really?
And he goes.
Yeah.
And he goes.
He goes.
Just later after that.
Like the following summer.
We were.
Me and the wife.
Fell into the well.
And all alone.
You know.
And we didn't.
We.
No way we could do anything.
We were plowing.
And.
He says.
We didn't hear.
You know.
And he says.
Man.
You know.
You know.
We're getting older.
We're probably not going to have another kid.
You know.
That kid means everything to us.
You know.
I know that.
You don't have to tell me that.
Uh huh.
So.
I said.
What happens?
He goes.
That's their very same pig.
He says.
He heard the child's wailing plaintiff cry.
He didn't say plaintiff.
You know.
He's a farmer.
He heard the child.
He broke out of his panty.
He ran all the way to the well.
He looked down.
There was the poor son of ours there.
Uh.
Billy.
You know.
Down at the bottom of the well.
He says.
The pig.
He took his snout there.
On a roof.
And he got.
The kid got right out.
You know.
And he.
Man.
That's great.
Isn't it?
And I go.
I go.
Man.
That's the greatest story I ever heard.
Man.
Oh.
What a pig.
I said.
One question though.
John Neal.
I said.
He got a wooden leg.
I don't understand that part.
He got.
Pig.
He goes.
What are you crazy?
He says.
A great pig like that.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.
You can't eat them all at once.