Name: Norm Macdonald's SNL Ranking (Rank 139 out of 145)
Uploaded: 2021-03-14T13:27:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald's SNL Ranking (Rank 139 out of 145)' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald's SNL Ranking (Rank 139 out of 145)' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-14. Transcript available.

Processed the information that Rolling Stone had Norm Macdonald ranked 135 at
144 all-time SNL.
It's absolutely back.
Hey, Rolling Stone, you're irrelevant! That's a garbage, garbage call!
You know, it's funny, when Rolling Stone comes out and says,
Oh, Norm Macdonald, number 147, when did you start smoking?
Oh, no, I just do this to relax.
To look cool?
I apologize.
Okay.
I quit smoking.
No, but seriously, when Rolling Stone comes out with a list of who was the
funniest...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like, they put you like that.
I mean, you were one of the best guys on Saturday Night Live.
That was a very funny thing, because when I went to the 40th anniversary, you
know, I went to the...
The party?
My friend had a magazine, the Rolling Stone, you know.
And he's like, they listed all the guys.
And I go, as long as a joke, you know.
I said, as long as I'm trying to pick the person that's, you know, been the
least known person ever.
So there was a British girl once that was on the show for literally three
episodes.
I go, at least, I just hope I beat Marwina Banks.
No.
You didn't beat her.
So I go, wait, now I'm in shock, you know.
So then I remember when the show first started, they had a fellow named George
Coe who would play the old guy.
Yeah.
Because they figured they needed an old guy.
I go, well, as long as I beat George Coe.
No.
No.
Anthony Michael Hall.
You didn't beat...
Like, I mean, he would probably admit he was not good on that.
I didn't beat three people that never appeared on the show.
Laurie Metcalf.
Oh, my goodness.
Who was never, never appeared on the show.
Who did you beat?
You beat, like, three people.
Well, I don't want to say who I beat.
Why do you think that happened?
Because how big an insult would that be?
Right.
Were you offended by that or you really don't care?
No, I didn't care.
But, you know, it's just one guy.
This is what I learned.
I didn't realize this, but I just learned this because my nephew does it.
He has a way to make a living.
He just lives with his father in his basement.
He makes lists.
Yeah.
On the Internet.
Everything about the Internet is hits.
How many hits can you make?
That's right.
So, you know when they say, like, you won't believe what these beautiful stars
look like now that they're old bags.
And then you hit them.
And it's a list.
And you see a list of a bunch of old bags.
And so you hit, you end up hitting, like, 50, 60 ones.
So, my nephew.
Right.
For some reason, because it's on the Internet, you think it has some authority.
But, no, it's my nephew in his basement.
I know, but you have the right attitude.
The best one he did is ten celebrities that went black but did come back.
That's a good list.
Who's on that list?
But, I mean, it is.
Billy Bob was on that list.
It's true.
Don't we tend to see these things?
Like, Rolling Stones.
I mean, we take them as gospel.
Sure.
Like, if that makes you feel better.
We have no idea what's behind it.
There's something wrong with you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because it's some asshole sitting there deciding that you were not the funniest
guy.
And yet, the brilliance of Norm MacDonald was doing the news.
You know, that's a fucking hard gig to pull off.
And also the Jeopardy sketch.
And Larry King, that was a loan put you at least in the top 20.
Come on.
Well, it is finally official.
Murder is legal in the state of California.
A down-and-out O.J. Simpson, depressed that all of his money-making ideas have
failed,
has decided to go back to doing what he does best, killing people.
A new book claims that Madonna once smeared peanut butter all over John F.
Kennedy Jr.'s body
and then licked it up, which just goes to show you, Madonna's a whore.
And finally, Weekend Update would like to congratulate Madonna,
who gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last Monday.
The baby weighed in at 6 pounds, 9 ounces,
making it the fourth largest object ever to pass through Madonna's birth canal.
This week, in a secret ceremony in Australia,
Michael Jackson was married for the second time.
Asked what makes his new bride special,
the King of Pop said, quote,
She has taught me about the power of imagination,
like imagining that a grown woman is a 10-year-old boy.
You know he's a homosexual pedophile, right?
You understand?
Sources report that Michael Jackson's baby is due February 27.
In his words, to make up for not being there for the country's...
Sources report that Michael Jackson's baby is due February 27.
It's conception.
It's conception.
The last word was conception, so.
Last week, at a dramatic press conference about the crash of TWA Flight 800,
ABC News correspondent Pierre Salinger displayed a document which he believes
is proof that the jet was shot down by a U.S. Navy missile.
Later, he proudly showed reporters his solid gold Rolex that he bought on the
street for just $15.
This week, renowned heart surgeon Michael DeBakey attacked the hypocrisy of
Hollywood stars
who oppose the use of animals in medical research
and yet wear ribbons supporting the war on deadly diseases like AIDS.
In response, animal activist Ricky Lake said, quote,
but the red ribbon diverts attention from my gigantic ass.
If it wasn't for the red ribbon, people would notice my gigantic ass more.
By wearing the red ribbon, less people would...
This week, in arguments before the Supreme Court,
lawyers for President Clinton asked that the sexual harassment suit
brought by Paula Jones be delayed until he leaves office.
According to Clinton's attorney, quote,
if the president were hauled into court every time some nut accused him of
sexual harassment,
he'd have no time to scare up tail.
He likes scaring up the tail.
OK, veteran news anchorman David Brinkley apologized to Bill Clinton
for an election night commentary in which he called the president, quote,
boring and uncreative.
Admitted Brinkley, there was certainly nothing uncreative
about the way you moved Vince Foster's body.
The president's a murderer.
You didn't know that?
Safer drivers, men or women?
Well, according to a new survey, 55% of adults feel that women are most
responsible for minor
fender benders, while 78% blame men for most fatal crashes.
Please note that the percentage of these pie graphs do not add up to 100%
because the math
was done by a woman.
For those of you hissing at that joke, it should be noted that that joke was
written by a woman.
So now you don't know what the hell to do.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, I'm just kidding.
We don't hire women.
No, I'm just kidding.
We don't hire women.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, I'm just kidding.
We don't hire women.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, I'm just kidding.
We don't hire women.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, I'm just kidding.
We don't hire women.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, I'm just kidding.
We don't hire women.
No, I'm just kidding.
People here ask me to do the show, you know.
I gotta say, I felt kind of weird, you know.
Now, I don't know if you remember this, but I used to actually be on this show,
you know.
I used to do the weekend update news routine, you remember that?
And, yeah, that's where I did the make-believe news jokes, you know.
That was me, right?
So then, a year and a half ago, right, I had sort of a disagreement with the
management at the NBC.
I wanted to keep my job, right, and they felt the exact opposite.
So, you see, they like, they fired me because they said that I wasn't funny,
you know.
Now, now, with most jobs, I could have had a hell of a lawsuit on my hands for
that, but, but see, this is a comedy show.
So they got me, you know.
You know, I, you know, I, but now, this is the weird part, right?
It's only a year and a half later, and now they asked me to host the show.
So I wondered, I go, hey, wait a second here, hey, how did I go, in a year and
a half, from being not funny enough to be even allowed in the building,
to being so funny that I'm now hosting the show?
How did I suddenly get so goddamn funny?
It was inexplicable to me, because a year and a half, let's face it, is not
enough time for a dude to learn how to be funny.
Then it occurred to me, I haven't gotten funnier, the show has gotten really
bad.
So, yeah, I'm funny compared to, you know, well, you'll see later.
Okay, so let's recap.
The bad news is, I'm still not funny.
The good news is, the show blows.
All right, folks, we've got a bad show for you tonight.
Dr. Dre, Snoop Doggy Dogg, and Eminem are here.
We'll be right back.