Name: David Spade Can't Keep Up with Norm Macdonald
Uploaded: 2021-03-30T00:02:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Spade Can't Keep Up with Norm Macdonald' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Spade Can't Keep Up with Norm Macdonald' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-30. Transcript available.

Yeah, I was just thinking, you know, because they have that Viagra thing out.
Yeah.
And the other day, you know, Bob Dole came right out and said...
He was one of the first.
Yeah.
And, you know, you don't want to hear about Bob Dole's cock, you know?
I mean, President Clinton's cock, Bob Dole's cock, what the hell?
But mostly, an old man like that, an old man, you don't want him to have a
super hard cock.
You know what I mean?
Why?
Why?
Because an old man, you want him to be, got a pipe going, a newspaper, the dog
at his feet there?
Well, that, in some corners, is considered pipe.
Oh.
But now they're going to have to create some goddamn pill that makes women arouse
at the sight of a fucking 70-year-old dude with a super hard cock.
You know what I'm saying?
It's crazy.
This Viagra.
It's insane.
And you know what?
It's for impotent people, right?
It's for impotent guys.
So, get this.
I read this.
The pill can make your cock hard for four hours.
Right.
So, now, who has the four-hour hard cock?
The impotent guys.
The rest of us are fucked.
Me and you.
Me and you got our regular cocks.
Meanwhile, fucking Spade is, you know, is.
Refer to Spade.
Oh, man.
I didn't see it.
I didn't see it coming back.
Dude, I know you didn't.
He brought it all around and then a vicious rip kick into his best friend's
cock.
Once there's too much cock talk, I try to just zone out for a minute until it
goes back the other way.
If there's too much cock talk, this guy has fevered nightmares all night.
Dreams, I mean.
Like, sweaty, fevered dreams from the cock talk that's been all over his head.
Cock, cock, cock.
Why bury me twice?
He's killing me.
No, he's a good man.
That erased it.
All right.
No, he's a good man.
Who cares?
After all that, that's the white out he puts on.
I know.
It's awesome.
After he talks about you doing shit-ups on cock for 18 minutes, no, he's a good
guy.
If you're gay, he's a completely straight guy.
He gets a lot of ladies.
You know that about him with the ladies.
Don't say ladies.
Women, girls.
Okay, thank you.
Ladies, what are we, fucking on an FM station here?
He's Don Cornelius.
But these gay guys, man, I was reading, you know about the...
These gay guys.
I haven't even said hi yet.
All right.
Tell me what it is with these gay guys.
I know, I'm already.
I just read this thing about the Michael, George Michael.
You're reading a lot, aren't you?
Yeah, I read.
I got a little time off now.
I read the newspaper.
And this really strikes me about the gay community.
I don't know if they're a community, but...
It's called West Hollywood.
Yeah, they're gay, and it's...
You know George Michael?
He hangs around the bathroom.
He has sex with multiple guys.
This is like...
No, no, no, no way.
You got to get it right.
Hangs around the bathroom, and it was described as a lewd behavior,
but I don't remember sex with numerous guys.
Is that what you took away from it?
What does he do?
What were you, in the next stall?
I could have been just having a nice bathroom regular thing.
I don't know what lewd behavior is,
but I don't know that he was in there with numerous guys.
But anyway, we get the gist of it.
This is definitely a gay thing, like...
Because this is a pop superstar, you know what I mean?
You're not going to walk into a bathroom,
and all of a sudden, Farrah Fawcett's like...
You know?
You're not going to...
What?
I love it.
What I'm saying is, why...
Why would a famous pop...
Wait, what was she doing?
What was it like?
Some sort of cervical belt sander thing, or what was that?
Oh, Christ, what are you, Linda Blair?
They do.
That's what they do.
That's what ladies that I know do.
Good to know that prime-time exposure's paying dividends there.
But I think that's what it is.
It's that the gay...
That's why they have separate bathrooms.
Let's face it.
If they had women, you know, women, as you call them.
I call them ladies.
If you had them in the same bathroom...
Like you go in the bathroom to do your business,
see a man about a dog there, you know?
And you're in the bathroom.
You're in the bathroom.
All of a sudden, a beautiful lady comes out.
Oh, here's my vagina and breasts.
You're going to be hanging out at that bathroom a lot.
So I don't blame anybody for anything.
Can you believe Ohlmeyer didn't get him?
We're all the same, man.
Have you ever met Ohlmeyer since then?
Don Ohlmeyer I met once, yeah, after he fired me.
Yeah.
Then I went and visited him in his office,
which wasn't an office I've never seen.
It was like a wet bar and a bunch of weird sports trophies.
He's a big sports guy, you know?
Yeah.
So he explained it to me, what happened.
But he did it all with sports stuff, you know?
Like he said, ah, man, you see, you're the number three hitter,
but now you're going to be number eight.
And then later on, Ken Griffey will show up.
I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.
And then I said, well, correct, man,
what the hell am I supposed to do?
And he goes, I don't know, just walk it off, you know?
I'll put it in sports terms why you got fired.
You were fucking with O.J. too much.
That's exactly why you were fired, man.
Well, I don't know about that.
That's his buddy.
Yeah, it's his buddy.
Yeah.
Well, that's why you got Ken.
O.J.'s a good guy.
I mean, he's not a...
Well, we got to end on that, Normie,
but there's what they'll remember you by.
O.J.'s a good guy.
Thanks for coming on.
Norm MacDonald and David Spence.
Stick around.
I'll see you next time.