Name: Norm Macdondald is On Fire in this Interview
Uploaded: 2021-04-01T23:29:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdondald is On Fire in this Interview' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdondald is On Fire in this Interview' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-01. Transcript available.

Norm Macdondald is On Fire in this Interview

Yeah, Norm McDonald, one of my favorite people on the planet. He doesn't even
know that. You don't even know that.
I know. I know. Oh, do you? Yeah, man.
One of my favorite people come in here every time. It's been like two years.
You kind of took a year away from it.
Has it been that? I think so, yeah. Holy crow, man.
Yeah, yeah, you've been busy eating, evidently. I'm flies.
Wait, don't. Not now. You've cleared it up. You had to eat and then lose the
weight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you took a year off from us.
Yeah, some weird thing happened where I had a huge hunger, and Sean was around.
You haven't introduced Sean.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sean O'Connor. Oh, Connor. Your helper.
Yeah, no, he's the future of comedy. Oh, is he the future of comedy? This isn't
like a Liberace situation where you've got a helper?
Oh, Lord. I mean, he did say he would pay for my plastic surgery.
They're going to make you look like Norm. That's the thing.
Sean's got a house. Can I read a little news story?
Yes, of course. A Brazilian serial killer has confessed to murdering 39 people.
The alleged serial killer, apparently he was coerced into confessing his crime,
and what he did was, geez, this is kind of grisly now that I read it.
He would lure young women and men. He would kill regardless of gender, slice,
chop up the victims, and then, I mean, this guy was a real jerk.
Yeah. And that's why you're one of my favorite people. It's so succinct. It's
such a...
No, yes, I had a big, I had a hunger issue, what I would call it.
Yeah. What did you put on? Because when I turned, I was watching your podcast,
I think it was Gilbert or Superdive.
250. What? No kidding?
Maybe. I remember one time I was 235, but I remember being fatter after that.
But yeah, I would eat all the time.
And then just for no reason.
Because all of a sudden the appetite just started...
Yeah, he just bloomed.
Constantly hungry.
Out of nowhere. And then I got real worried. And I said to him, I went to a
doctor, and then all the tests came out positive.
And I'm like, I mean, you know, I don't know if I told you about this doctor,
but he wasn't the nicest guy, you know?
Like, at one point he said, open your mouth and say, oink.
That's not nice, right?
Oh, no.
So, earlier this morning, you know, you say the people in Cool were doing mounds
of blow at the station? What the hell is that?
Oh, my God.
I didn't know we could talk about that.
Sure we can. You're in a safe place.
So, what did you cut some lines?
We cut lines off of America?
No, they just kept giving us donuts.
They were, like, going away for a while.
They had incredible energy, man. They were, like...
It was fantastic to see.
It's the oldest station. They have to have energy, I guess.
I guess, yeah. It was a lot of fun, though.
I don't buy it.
But, listen, man. Sean, you know...
The future of comedy.
The future of comedy.
It reminded me last night, because I got in early yesterday, and then I waited
up on Sean, because he drove from Los Angeles.
Oh, jeez.
Because he's afraid of Ebola.
And it sort of reminded me, like, because I would phone him, you know, in his
car, and I'd go, how are you doing?
He goes, now I'm in, you know, wherever he was.
Quartzite.
Yeah.
Yeah, and it reminded me of, like, yeah, he had a date shake.
Yeah, I ate at McDonald's twice.
On the drive?
That's a long drive.
You ever have a date shake?
No.
Oh, they're awesome.
Yeah.
But it reminded me of kind of like a Stephen King novel.
I'm on the phone.
Right.
He's like, you know, I haven't touched anyone yet, you know, and, like, he's so
afraid of Ebola, but...
Are you really afraid of the Ebola?
Because I think I'm horrified.
Oh, yeah, I'm terrified, because what just happened is it was one person, then
it was two people, then it was three people, and then that second person went
on a plane.
Yeah.
So now 800 people are...
Yeah, but there's another one on a boat now, on a cruise line.
The one on a plane doesn't have it yet.
Yeah, but close enough.
It's so close.
We've had two people that have had it.
And the other one that was handling...
The other one are being accused.
Yeah.
Right now we're taking the witches right now, and we're going to start burning
them.
Good.
Good.
Yeah, well...
Who's for burning?
Show of hands.
I mean, if it saves me...
Me too.
That's all it is.
Well, I was not going to tell you...
Diarying blood.
Yes.
Affirm that guy.
Fidel Castro, right?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Who has an island.
His country is an island, right?
So when the AIDS outbreak happened, you know, you're on an island, it could
knock your whole island down.
Right.
Yeah.
So what he did is, they had a big, beautiful resort, right?
And he just took it over, you know, because that's what they can do in...
Right.
When it's your island.
Yeah.
And he put all the AIDS patients in this beautiful resort, fed them all, and...
What's wrong with that?
Yeah, I don't know.
It almost makes you want AIDS in Cuba, doesn't it?
Kind of like trying to get it.
But it knocked the disease out.
It killed the disease.
Yeah.
Because you quarantine everybody into their own little package.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the thing.
So the lady who they keep saying was handling samples, which basically means
the poop and pee of the Duncan guy.
She's taking them out.
He's on a Royal Caribbean cruise and he's got it locked in a cabin now.
Yeah.
I'm the same way, because I think...
But also, like a nurse, if a nurse can get it, I mean, because they take care.
They try not to get stuff.
Right, right.
Every day, that's their job.
So if it's not airborne, Shama's saying it's just a droplet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, wait until terrorists get it.
I mean, of course.
If you take in someone's breath that has Ebola, you know.
It's like a horrible movie.
It's going to be awful.
I had to stop drinking people's blood.
Oh, that'll do it.
I mean...
Yeah, you've got to be careful with that.
Stupid Twilight movies, and now we've got this.
It's taking a horrible turn on all of us.
Yeah, I mean, it would be the worst when terrorists get it, but I also think it
would be bad when just, like, innocent people get it.
That's when you got something.
I think you misunderstood me, but it's okay.
Who did you usurp as the future of comedy?
It has to be, like, the guy who had that role that you took it from.
Yeah, who got the role?
Probably as easy as I'm sorry.
You think?
And now he's just comedy.
Yeah, now he's the president of comedy.
He's the czar.
And, Norm, are you the ghost of comedy?
Who says that to you?
Where do we go to get the president?
People will review your show that way.
That's just an awful person to say that about the show he just watched.
I saw the future and I saw the past.
Yeah.
Just looking for something in the middle.
Yeah, well, listen, man, the future and the past are all we got because the
present is, you know, people falling down, bleeding from every orifice of their
body.
Yeah, that is, I don't like the present.
Did you guys ever read The Hot Zone?
Yeah, we were talking about that.
I never read it.
God, that was a terrifying book.
It's the one that makes me go, okay, Ebola, I'm not going to fool around with
this.
We had a record of zero cases up until about a month and a half ago.
And they could have had a vaccine.
It was 20 years ago.
Oh, that's right.
They could have worked on a vaccine, but they didn't.
What was the thing that you told me about The Hot Zone that sounded like a lie?
Oh, what, the horrifying story?
Oh, you think it's a lie, yeah.
No, in The Hot Zone, they're talking about the first guy that got it.
And, you know, it's just a nightmare.
And he gets to the, you know, it's on a little plane from Africa, and he gets
to the hospital
and he goes there, you know, and it's an African hospital.
Which says that.
I'm not saying it's Africa, but my God.
Look at these hospitals.
And then he goes there, and they don't know Ebola.
Sure.
So it's like, uh-huh.
And they said at that point, anyways, he collapsed and blood exploded from
everywhere.
And they said that the blood hit the ground and started moving.
What?
Because it's like a sci-fi movie.
Like a sci-fi movie, because it's more Ebola than plasma at that point.
Oh.
And it's just looking for a host that's going to die.
I'm out.
I'm out on that.
Yeah.
Start to fire.
It's like Alien.
Yeah, no, that's just an opposite.
So burn all the Ebola, that's what you're saying?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm fine with that.
Are you opposed?
Are you opposed?
Give me a counter-argument to it.
You take that resort, Norm, and then you torch it.
That's John's idea.
I have an odd approach to curing starvation as well, which is kill all the
starving people.
It goes away if we team up with the warlords.
I mean, we've raised so much money and they're still hungry.
We've teamed up with the wrong side.
Oh, yeah.
Don't you think?
Do you have to go already?
No, Brad's just pointing at my coffee.
Brad, I don't like when you stand up.
Sit back down.
Doesn't he look like he's from a Wallace and Gromit special?
The were-rabbits right behind him.
Norm, you've been at this for a long time now.
How long have you been doing this?
25 years.
Is it 25 years?
No doubt.
And it's your birthday today.
And I started late.
51 years old, Norm.
Happy birthday.
Oh, yes.
It is my birthday.
We get lists.
I actually started very late for a stand-up.
Yeah.
What were you doing before that?
Most of them started as kids, you know?
Sean started...
I started at 19, yeah.
No kidding.
That's just brave.
And even 19 is sort of.
Some people are 60.
So you stopped hooking and you went into comedy at 19.
What were you doing before?
Were you a prostitute?
That's where you pointed out?
I want some to come out of my mouth.
Well, that's your choice.
That's just an extra 20 bucks.
You can go in the direction.
Norm, did you have different aspirations before you started doing-
Oh, no.
I just did manual labor.
Really?
Like tile work or drywall?
What are you looking at?
Drywall was too hard for me.
Anything with any skill, I was horrible at.
Well, what was the manual?
I moved furniture, you know?
I worked in a logging camp.
I lived in Canada.
I just traveled around to...
And then just all of a sudden said, this is it.
What would Norm...
Today is your birthday, so it's a time for reflection.
Yeah, it's true.
It is my birthday.
What would birthday Norm today go back and tell young Norm 25 years ago?
What would I go back and tell myself?
Yeah, would you go back and say, all right, Norm, here's what you need to know.
Watch out for Ebola, first of all.
That's clear.
That's coming.
That's coming.
That's coming.
You've got a future ahead of you.
Yeah, I guess I would...
Gosh, man.
I mean, I have no regrets in my life.
I'm not asking.
You're not on a deathbed or anything.
I'm not trying to pin anything on you.
Just is there anything you're like, man, I could have done that better?
Oh, almost everything.
So you just have a list of stuff for young Norm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would say, you know how they say a life unexamined is not worth living?
True.
But another bad thing, though, is you ever try to examine your life, which is
what you're
asking me to do right now?
And you hate it.
Yeah, I apologize.
Oh, it's depressing.
So you look back, you're like, why did I do that?
Why did I do that?
Why did I do that?
Why did I do that?
What are these bumps?
Why do I not remember the last six days and there were scabs all over my face?
When I used to drink, I used to walk, this is what my friends told me, I would
walk, fall
down, walk, fall down, walk, fall down, and then I would black out for a couple
of days
and I'd wake up and there'd always be scabs.
This is what your friends told you.
I thought I'd been in a big fight, but my friends told me, no, you're just
walking down.
They were just kicking your ass.
You were in a fight club and they did beat the time and put you in a bed.
Norm, have you ever met any other celebrity that shares the same birthday as
you, like
Ziggy Marley?
Yeah.
Ziggy Marley?
No, he shares my birthday