Name: The Funnier Brother
Uploaded: 2021-05-03T21:25:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Funnier Brother' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Funnier Brother' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-03. Transcript available.

Little kid walking down the hall of his house.
Yeah.
He was screaming in his parents' bedroom.
Opens the door, there's his father dressed only in chaps.
His mother's dressed in a cheerleading outfit, no underwear.
They're really having fun.
What's going on?
He said, oh, don't worry, sweetheart.
We're just having fun.
Go back to bed.
I'll be down there.
I'll tuck you in in a minute.
Twenty minutes later, father walks down the hall.
He was screaming in the kid's bedroom.
Opens the door, there's his kid having sex with his grandmother.
He said, Billy, what are you doing?
He said, it's not so funny when it's your mother, is it?
The stylings of Super Dave Osborne in studio.
Norm MacDonald and brother Neil MacDonald on tour together sometime very soon.
Norm's in town at Zadie's.
Zadie's all weekend, Zadie's.com.
Are you in Zadie's in Chicago?
Yeah.
You know that place?
Of course.
That's a great place.
How do you not?
I don't.
I knew he was going to.
You know, any place that's called Zadie's is great.
Yeah.
I thought Canadians were supposed to do witty repartee and not tell jokes.
Ooh.
That's Neil MacDonald talking to Super Dave right now.
Once again, Neil MacDonald is a blank.
May I say something?
That's the old match game stuff.
Norm used to sit in front of some of us and watch match games.
I've been in this business a while.
And I've never heard anybody say what he just said.
I've never heard anybody say witty repartee.
Even in class, when I was a class clown, the teacher never stopped me like that.
I've heard ready repartee before, but that's silence.
No, but aren't you supposed to be experts in off-the-cuff badinage?
Wait a minute.
Neil said it worked.
I'll bring this thing right off the air.
If you've got anybody listening, I'll just stop it.
Neil, I heard you say something that I hadn't heard ever.
Would you say that last line again that Super Dave was talking about?
Aren't comedians supposed to be experts in off-the-cuff badinage?
You know, the witty back-and-forth?
What happened to that?
Badinage is like a badminton term.
I said you weren't listening at the first part of the show when I did my repartee
badinage.
Whatever the heck you're talking about.
My badinage.
But Norm, it was so funny.
Norm, as like a real friend, you tried to explain to me in the studio,
you'd go like, it's like a badminton game.
It is.
It's a badminton term originally.
Now, why did you say badminton?
Yeah, Neil McDonald, Norm's brother, why didn't you say badminton?
Make it easy for us.
No, badinage is a badminton term.
A tournament.
I'm actually funnier than Norm, and he's just got the professional kit.
Do you think that's why you haven't called each other back?
Is that why there's some hatred there?
I was reluctant to come on this show because I'm going to get a lot of calls
now, you know.
Norm is hysterical.
I'm going to go to Zaney's.
How do I get there?
All right, here's how you get to Zaney's.
You go to Zaney's, there's Super Dave.
You go to Zaney's tonight through Saturday, Norm will be there.
Zaney's in St. Charles, then tomorrow on Saturday, Zaney's in Vernon Hills.
Zaney's.com, Super Dave.
And Norm's brother, Neil, will be at a badminton event.
Neil, say goodbye to Norm.
Goodbye, Norm.
Say goodbye to Super Dave.
Hey, by the way.
Talk to you again in a few years.
Wait a second now.
Tell him you'll call him back.
Sure, man.
I'll call.
No, you won't.
Of course.
Will you?
Yeah.
Can I give Super Dave Neil's number?
Yeah.
Oh, just don't do that.
What am I going to call Neil for?
Neil, what am I going to do?
I'm in a good mood.
I don't want to blow the whole thing.
No, he can call me up and we can praise bars, you know.
We're at an all-time low in world opinion and I'm going to call Neil to pep me
up.
He just said.
Hey, Neil, how you doing?
What's your badminton term today?
What's your term of the day that I can take with me all day and pep me up?
No, no, no.
Call me anytime.
I am going to give Super Dave.
I'm giving you the number.
Neil ought to be on match game.
It's a match game.
Neil ought to be on match game.
Hey, he said, by the way.
I'll take Neil to win.
He said.
He's a super blank.
What did he not say when it came out of the pet shop going meow?
What did what?
No, no.
He's going to tell a joke.
Go ahead.
It's going to be good.
Norm, you know what?
I don't know how you wound up funny.
That's all I can tell you.
I have no concept.
You must have run away from home when you were three.
Do you have any other funny brothers and sisters?
Get them all on the phone.
We could destroy Brandmeier forever.
Oh, wait a minute.
I want to hear the joke, man.
Go ahead, Neil.
Come on, Super.
Tell me the joke.
Do you have a joke, Neil?
Yeah, yeah.
I want to hear it.
No, he said, do you have a joke, Neil?
No, I'm not telling Neil another joke.
You don't have to pay me.
All right, Neil.
I do, I do, I do.
I got one.
Come and pay him.
I got one.
No, wait, wait.
The priest is checking into a hotel, and he says to the woman behind the
counter,
I assume the porn channel in my room is disabled.
And she says, no, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.
The comedy stylings of Neil McDonald, Norm's older brother, Super Dave Osborne,
blown off the map today by that.
Hey, Super, let me hear you.
I have a joke.
Oh, Norm's got a joke.
Wait a minute.
Here we go.
Go.
A dog walks into a telegraph office where they send telegrams, telegram office,
right?
And so the guy says, okay, what do you want your telegram to read?
So the dog goes, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.
And then the guy goes, oh, I noticed you have nine words.
Do you want to put an extra woof like it's for free?
And then the dog goes, no, that wouldn't make any sense.
You know, I love so a big dog.
You should have got a bad idea.
I love him.
Because he'll do that at the dinner table, too.
Hey, here's one.
A guy's having trouble with his wife, so he calls his best.
Hey, Neil, are you off the phone?
Neil, will you get off the phone?
I just finished writing down that great porn joke, Neil.
I won't have to put my finger in my mouth if I get sick to my stomach anymore.
I told you I'm not a professional.
A guy's going to have trouble with his wife, so he calls his best friend.
He says, you've got to meet me at a bar.
I've got to talk to you.
So they go to a bar.
He starts drinking.
He drinks so much he throws up on his shirt.
He says, now what am I going to do?
I'm going to go home.
She's going to scream, and she's probably going to hit me.
Fred says, don't worry about a thing.
Tell her you had one drink.
The guy next to you over drank, got sick, and threw up on your shirt.
And to prove it, he put $10 in your pocket to get it clean.
I'm putting $10 right in there.
He said, you're brilliant.
He goes home.
He says, I'm home.
She comes downstairs and starts screaming at him.
He says, listen to me.
I had one drink, but a guy at the bar got sick, threw up on my shirt,
and to prove it, he put $10 in my pocket to get it clean.
She reaches in.
She says, there's $20 here.
He says, I know.
He also crapped in my pants.
Super Dave Oswald.
Super Dave Oswald.
And Norm Macdonald in the studio and his fabulously funny brother,
Neil Macdonald in Washington, D.C., award-winning journalist.
*music*
*music*
Neil!
Okay, hey, Norm, happy birthday, you're a great, you're the greatest of the
fucking zanies, and I hope that we get together.
Oh, you're gonna hang up again.
No, yeah, wait a minute, wait a sec, you know what I would love to do?
I would love to do some more botanage.
He's a great Canadian, Norm's a great Canadian, he'll probably be mad at me for
saying that.
Let's do some botanage!
He's a great Canadian!
What is botanage?
Are comedians supposed to be experts in off-the-cuff botanage?
What did you say, Super?
Who cares if he's a great Canadian?
Oh, Super Dave worked in Canada.
I worked for 12 years in Canada, I'm a great Canadian.
Neil, that's a point you could answer, what is the big deal if he is a good
Canadian?
What's he doing in Canada, running around in that weird flight suit?
Super Dave was working in Canada.
I did Bazaar, which was the first series in the history of cable, and then I
did Super Dave.
I was running around in that weird flight suit, A-Wipe.
That's what I was doing.
Is that an Arab name, A-Wipe?
While you were sitting at home going, what?
What is that?
Why aren't I watching the Canadian news?
That sounded like Rickles.
I know, I did remember.
While you were at home going, I'm sorry, I got to do it.
While you were at home with it.
I'm going to apologize, I said I'm sorry.
While you were at home sitting with a rake going, barf.
I said I'm sorry, okay?
I know, but Norm said that was very Ricklish.
I said I'm sorry.
He said, Neil.
What do you want me to do?
I got caught up.
Let me explain something to you.
Neil can bring things out of you you don't normally do.
That's right.
Okay.
You know what, guys?
If I was captured, I'd rather have bamboo under my fingernails than have Neil
come in and talk to me.
If I was captured, I'd want to be in a room with Super Dave.
I would.
I just love this.
I just think it's interesting that Neil worked in Washington.
Yes.
Which was in the United States, while Super Dave worked in Canada.
Isn't that interesting?
Super?
Yeah, that's quite an observation there, Norm.
You were both countries away from each other.
This is probably the way that you're going to stay now, isn't it?
What night are you going to be at Zaney's?
What night are you going to be at Zaney's?
Tonight, tomorrow, and Saturday.
I think he's still...
Are you on the road now?
When do you come home?
I come home in 12 or 14 days, I think.
Where do you go after Zaney's?
I go...
I'm going to be on Canadian television tonight.
Almost like you don't care.
No, we care.
We love Canada.
We love it.
What time are you going to be at, Neil MacDonald, Norm's brother?
9 p.m. Eastern.
9 p.m. Eastern.
On the national.
On the Canadian national television.
Super, you got a satellite dish?
Yeah, I got a satellite dish.
Well, you might want to watch that.
Yeah, I might.
Yeah.
You might want to.
I really might.
There's a lot of things I might want to do.
You know what?
I'm going to be doing a piece on the economy there, Super.
Oh, well, that ought to be quick.
What are you going to say?
It's not so bad.
No, no.
I'm going to say...
You know, this is worse than 1929, in case you're interested.
No, I'm going to say that, you know, after spending five years in this country
being told that I'm from, you know, that I'm from a socialist nation,
I'm going to be talking about how the United States government is nationalizing
banks and taking over companies
and putting trillions of dollars of public money into bailouts.
Nothing socialist about that, right?
No, that's interesting.
Now, here's the thing.
When I did my shows in Canada, the Canadian dollar was 63 cents, and now it's
more than the American dollar.
Do you mean when you were just running around with that crazy suit on?
Oh, you know what, Johnny B?
Just did it.
What?
No, wait a minute.
Just did it.
That was your farewell thing to me, and that's it.
I'm going now, and I'm going to take my clothes off and play badminton.
Neil's badmitage.
Badmitage.
Neil, say goodbye to Super Dave.
Neil, say goodbye to Super Dave.
All right, Super Dave.
Come on, Neil.
Are you leaving?
Nice talking to you, buddy.
Are you going?
Yeah, I'm going.
You still getting on?
We've got to keep in touch, you and I.
I think we're coming now.
He wants to hear you hang up.
What?
He wants to hear you.
Neil, he wants to hear you hang up, so go ahead.
I'm going to hang it up.
No, Neil is.