Name: Dead Guy Jokes
Uploaded: 2021-06-27T01:42:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dead Guy Jokes' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dead Guy Jokes' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-27. Transcript available.

Deep throat porn legend Harry Reeves, yeah, he died, but how are they going to
close that casket?
I mean, probably because of his erection, I would think.
How are they going to close that casket? That would have been very good.
I didn't write that one.
Plus a man died.
Yeah, a guy died.
How are they going to do it?
He was a real pioneer.
Jonathan Winters is a brilliant improv guy, and he would dress up as this
character,
Marty Frickert, you know, as an old lady, and he'd go, hello there, and he did
a voice.
Johnny Carson just stole it, even the costume, everything, and then so this guy
couldn't do it anymore.
Oh, my God.
You know what I mean?
Because it would be like if Jimmy Fallon took one of your bits.
Yeah.
You can't do it.
You can't do it anymore, yeah.
Robin Williams was notorious for it, right?
Well, listen.
I think it was a well-known.
All right, that's fine.
You know what they always say, speak ill of the dead.
You know, that old fucking, that old style.
God damn.
It's been a couple of years just to let it go.
It doesn't matter.
But anyways, Joyce Brothers.
Well, I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but what a fucking whore.
Jesus.
No, he was a nice lad.
It's hard to believe that the entire cast of Saved by the Bell is now dead.
It's hard to believe that.
What?
Organist Ray Manzarek died this week at the age of 74.
The curse of the doors.
What about this?
What about this?
42-year-old Richard Swanson set out to dribble a soccer ball from Seattle to
Brazil, but got
hit by a car in Oregon and died.
Well, at least he got to die loving what he, at least he got to die doing what
he loved, Nick.
Dribbling a soccer ball in traffic.
No, that's not.
The man behind the voice of Tony the Tiger, sadly, the man behind the voice of
Tony the Tiger died at 64.
His last words?
I don't feel great.
I gave it something.
All my children, sir, Matthew Cowles has died at the age of 69.
Or has he?
David Brenner was the biggest comic ever to come out of Philadelphia.
Well, again, I'm...
He just passed away, and we should talk about him.
Yeah, we should, but let me finish this sentence, and I don't even think David
Brenner would mind if he's watching.
He's probably watching from, actually, probably from down below, getting raped
by the devil.
Well...
I mean, that guy had some sins that he died with, but whatever.
What are you talking about?
No, I'm just saying...
No, I'm saying David Brenner led a life that made Sodom and Gomorrah seem like
Burbank.
Nice guy.
Let me his abacus yesterday.
I want to do this.
Jesus.
Oh, come on.
That's not a Chinese guy.
I wasn't saying it was.
I was kind of racist.
What are you, Mickey Rooney?
Hey.
Hey, come on.
I know he's dead, but Mickey Rooney did a very...
very racist thing, like you just did, in a movie called Breakfast at Tiffany's
by the wonderful
Truman Capote.
I wasn't doing anything racist, and you know it.
But go ahead.
Does Bob Barker still work that?
He's dead.
Bob Barker's dead?
I didn't know.
Well, rest in peace.
No, he's not.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Drew Carey just took over.
Oh, don't listen to fucking Daniel.
Oh, God, he's not dead.
He's alive.
Bob Barker is not dead.
Last week...
I hope he's alive.
Daniel, we wanted to book Jan Michael Vincent.
The guy tells us he's dead.
He's not dead at all.
He's all clean, like you guys.
Oh, by the way, man, my condolences goes out to Hoffman, Dustin Hoffman.
Dustin Hoffman's still around.
I thought he died of a heroin.
No, no, no, no.
Dustin's still with us.
We're waiting for Rain Man 2.
Didn't he die of a heroin overdose?
Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Who's that?
A different actor.
Rain Man?
His son.
No, no, no relation, believe it or not.
None?
No, no relation.
Who's a relic?
Well, good luck to you, Dustin.
Man griefs are the perfect gift for dad this Father's Day.
Your dad's alive.
No.
Fuck.
God damn it.
I'm sorry about your dad.
That's fine.
Is your father still alive?
No.
God damn, that's two out of three.
He's dead, too?
Yeah.
Oh, well.
I like it.
Well, this Father's Day, your father's dead.
But you have children.
You are a father.
Yes, and I'm not dead.
Oh, this is about your aunt.
My aunt?
Is she fucking dead?
Yes.
You don't have a living aunt?
Maybe.
My father was brutally murdered last week, and it's only now I can look back
and laugh.
And then these people would fucking answer.
They'd go like, I'm so sorry.
Like, closure takes a while now.
So I had to go, no, no, it was a joke.
That's cool.
How does anyone read that and not, especially from you, and not think it's a
goddamn joke?
I wanted to talk about the crocodile hunter.
Did you?
Because I think, you know, it was tragic at the time.
But I think, I don't know, people call them, and they're shocked.
Oh, hey, you wouldn't believe it, who got killed?
The crocodile hunter.
Please don't make me laugh at this.
Because they were like, he was 44 years old.
I'm like, that's a ripe old age for a crocodile.
Well, you know, I had to be pissed about it, where the crocodile, because he
got killed by some fruity fish.
So, you know, you know, the crocodiles were like, hey, man, that crocodile
hunter got killed.
Who did it, Frank?
Nah, you don't even want to know, man.
No, Bill, man, you had a chance.
The guy go, man, I had a chance.
I had that mother f***ing, he was, he was timing with a stick.
I could eat him and his f***ing kid.
I don't feel good about this.
Do you remember I ever tell you that story, Bill?
Yeah, only a f***ing thousand times.
That's true of the kids.
You know, I'm so lazy that I feel, like, guilty sometimes that other people,
you know, have, like, put it to me this way, man.
If I got, like, in an accident and was paralyzed and neck down, it wouldn't
really affect my lifestyle.
That's why I feel, man, I feel so sad when some guy, like, is active, like that
Christopher Reeves guy.
He's, like, active, man, and riding horses and he's Superman, you know?
You don't get much more actors than that.
And so, for that guy, it's a tragedy, you know?
For me, it's a tragedy that I don't get it much, right?
But for him, it's a tragedy that he falls off a horse and he's all paralyzed
from the neck down.
And the worst thing about being paralyzed from the neck down is that your c***
is down from your neck.
That's what, that's the bad part about that.
Because the babies tell you, yeah, your calf is paralyzed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, fair enough.
They said, hey, bad news, you're paralyzed from just below the c*** down.
And I go, oh, man, that's too bad.
That's, uh, I was going to use those toes and shit.
That's, like, Christopher Reeves lying in his bed there.
I was, like, that was a guy, like, little, hey, Christopher, we're going to
work on your, like, that.
We're going to have, we do a thing now, you can move your neck up a little bit
later.
And he's got to be going, hey, listen, anything on the c***, man, anything at
all.
If you guys could focus the next couple of years just on the c***, exclusively
on the c***, you know?
I'm going to get used to sitting down, you know?
All right, I feel sorry for that guy.
Remember when he was a director for a while?
Wasn't that odd?
He was in that f***ing thing, but he was a director?
Crazy?
I don't know what the h*** that was.
He was directing a movie, but from a crazy...
How can you do that?
I don't even know how you can do that.
What if he was one of those real bastard directors, you know?
He's like, you call that acting, you f***ing mother f***er?
What the f*** was that?
Ridiculous.
He's like, hey, I got something I want to do in the next scene there, Jimmy.
How about we kill a f***ing horse?
I was thinking...
I was thinking that would be a good scene.
Shoot a horse in the head.
I don't know.
That might be a good scene.
That might be a good scene.
He's like, I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is like.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.
I don't know what the f***ing horse is.