Name: Norm Macdonald Got Woke..... or Has He?
Uploaded: 2021-07-10T19:08:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Got Woke..... or Has He?' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Got Woke..... or Has He?' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-10. Transcript available.

in this cancel culture and everything i have to say i no longer take that
position with oj simpson
he was found uh not guilty by a jury of his peers i accept that i see him as
the greatest rusher
in the head that's all he's guilty of to me is the greatest rusher in the
history of the nfl
yeah maybe i was the greatest rusher to judgment
now you know what my friend told me you gotta get woke you know because i'm not
woke
but why why is it i have to blow it just because some person believes some
i was talking to this lady that was a man whatever the it was
it was a uh man but it was clearly a lady so the man says to me because i'm
christian the man says
to me how can you believe in a an invisible man in the sky i go well i believe
you're a man
shouldn't she have to believe what i say
how dare you say jesus christ how dare you you fucker anyways that's the old me
i got my woke jokes i
wrote about my magic phone i just started today but nothing funnier than woke
jokes
nobody gets hurt nobody laughs
god damn it where are my excellent woke jokes
you i can't turn my god damn you know that whatever
all right i have notes on my magic phone and i write them down
maybe i can just remember it off the top of my head here it is first of all
with woke jokes you gotta
remember one thing they're not funny but they're important
and they're sad with a great deal of uh either anger or you know so here it is
um hey
listen i don't know what's happening to us as americans but there's some things
that are happening they're wrong and not who we are as americans now you take
the southern border
and what's happening at the southern border well that is not who we are as america
you know you may
not know this but there at the southern word right now today there are children
as young as two or three
years old that are being separated from the people that bought them from the
parents
or the cartel or whatever and
and the kid gets through and then the cartel guy can't get through and a deal's
a deal
it's not who we are as americans ripped from the arms
i don't i don't think they do that every time
by the way you know what journalists usually say and then they take the and now
it's like
is that a baby in your arms rip rip that baby out and then we'll throw it over
there
and actually when any retard believes happens that's another thing i'm not
supposed to say
i i got in trouble i said retard but anyway i get in trouble for everything
like uh
i said retard man so anyway i got this reviewer guy all mad at me said norm
said retard he goes uh and
uh the reviewer said uh i mean this just shows how uh stupid norm is and then i
said to myself hey what
about the stupid people
it's not their fault they're stupid this guy's insulting all stupid people
i guess you're allowed to insult stupid people unless they're real stupid and
they're retards
i don't get it you tell me the rules and i'll do my best
and context means something right apparently not like i remember when i said
retard my act because
i remember the joke and here was the context you tell me if this makes any
difference the context of
me using the word retard was i love retards
is that hate speech can that possibly be defined as hate speech
i'll tell you a precise thing i said i said that because of the reason is i do
love retards
and i and and i also use the word retard because it's just i know what it means
it means arrested
and your development sometimes retarded stop slow down you know i could say
down syndrome but
then i'd be worried people think i'm a doctor or something and then
and they'd want me to hit their knee with a hammer or something i don't got
time for that
by the way why do they still do that what the
we're not retarded are we like you go to a doctor and he goes okay i'm gonna
hit your knee with a
hammer now you're like okay excellent good idea then he hits your knee with a
hammer like ah my knee
and he's like excellent he writes it down and he's a favorite so that's exactly
how you're supposed
you're supposed to react when struck on the knee by a hammer good good good
good you're now you're
not paralyzed that's good we can uh check that point but anyway so that's why i
don't say it down
the center i might say return so but i love retards and this is the reason i
had a a retard uh lived
uh three three um i live in an apartment so three apartments away from me there
was this
retard he was i think he was like 22 years old lived with his parents and i was
trying to become
his friend and his parents wanted nothing to do with that for obvious reasons
because we live in this
cynical world where i didn't want to them obviously what i wanted is i thought
some of his happiness
would wear off because see retards are happy that's why i envy them so much
that's why i love them
i mean god damn if there was a like a like an injection of retard juice i could
take
take in a second because it's happiness that's all we want right what do we
want other than to be happy
and how often are we happy you know once or twice i mean not your life but you
know like like i'm happy
when i wake up i think it's because that's when there's all the hope you know
what i mean i think
that's where i think that's where i'm happiest i wake up i'm like yeah god damn
i'm glad i bought that
tempurpedia pillow god damn that was the best purchase of my life but then that
doesn't last
long because the light comes in and then you know kind of your life comes in
and it gets all over
you like a spider web or something like yeah what the what happened to me well
you ever look
in the mirror i'm not talking physically i mean like like late at night or
something you have you
turned the light on you look in the mirror now what became of me i used to be a
nice fella
and at that point i'd like to have a retarded friend and he'd go hey i like
bananas i go yeah
me too god damn i never thought of it that way man
they're yellow your rice they're yellow
what do you say we go buy a banana right now me and you
happiness man that ain't that ain't that's hard hey i wanted to ask you man
these days with your
comedy do you feel like you're walking on eggshells at all do you do you feel
more like nervous about
stuff you tweet and stuff you save just because of the climate we're in and
everything that's happened
uh yeah like we're gonna go do stand up right now it's mostly trying out new
stuff you don't have the
freedom to to just talk and free associate and then you know carve it back from
there because usually
the process would be you go way over the line yeah and then you bring it you
know and people go we hate
you yeah you take away all the parts where they hate you and then you're left
with the stuff that's
that's not you know that's on the line but not over it is your starting point a
little bit more sort
of tamer these days oh yeah yeah yeah it's very calculated and thought out and
does that hurt your act though oh yeah it's way less funny is that right other
than it being
not as funny it's wonderful it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings anymore but
virtually no one laughs
so it's a trade-off but so that's really hurt your career in terms of the fact
that you're
you're an eggshell comedian and i don't think like i'm an egg is that a new
term i just made it up just
now shouldn't comedy be some sort of sacred place where you're allowed to say
whatever's kind of on
your mind and like if it's funny then it's okay it used to be you know like
like jerry sionville always
says the audience will let you know yeah you know when it's when it's gone too
far because they they're
across you know representation of the population yeah but um but now uh it's
not enough to get you
know 99 you have to get 100 you know most of the audience wants to be funny it
doesn't care about
anything but that they just want to escape yeah but a tiny uh a group of people
uh ruin it for everyone
and that's who you cater your performance to these days i cater my performance
to a tiny group of people
that's sad i hate me
that's sad i hate me