Name: Norm Macdonald on Ebola Virus
Uploaded: 2021-07-28T19:18:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Ebola Virus' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Ebola Virus' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-28. Transcript available.

A deadly outbreak of the Ebola virus is said to be responsible for more than
100 deaths in Africa
and a couple of really bad movies here in the United States.
Listen, man, Sean, you know...
The future of comedy.
The future of comedy.
It reminded me last night, because I got in early yesterday,
and then I waited up on Sean because he drove from Los Angeles.
Oh, jeez.
Because he's afraid of Ebola.
And it sort of reminded me, like, because I would phone him, you know, on his
car,
and I'd go, how are you doing?
He goes, now I'm in, you know, wherever he was.
Quartzite.
Yeah.
And it reminded me of, like, yeah, he had a date shake.
No, I ate at McDonald's twice.
On the drive?
That's a long drive.
You ever have a date shake?
No.
Oh, they're awesome.
But it reminded me of kind of like a Stephen King novel.
I'm on the phone.
He's like, you know, I haven't touched anyone yet.
You know, and like, he's so afraid of Ebola.
Are you really afraid of the Ebola?
Because I think I'm horrified.
Oh, yeah, I'm terrified.
Because what just happened is it was one person,
then it was two people, then it was three people,
and then that second person went on a plane.
Yeah.
So now 800 people are quarantined.
And there's another one on a boat now, on a cruise line.
The one on a plane doesn't have it yet.
Yeah, but close enough.
It's so close.
We've had two people that have had it.
And the other one that was handling it.
The other one are being accused.
Yeah.
Right now we're taking the witches right now,
and we're going to start burning them.
Good.
Good.
Who's for burning?
Show of hands.
I mean, if it saves me.
Me too.
That's all I miss you.
Well, I was not going to tell you.
I was not going to tell you.
Diarying blood.
Yes.
Burn that guy.
Fidel Castro, right?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Who has an island.
His country is an island, right?
So when the AIDS outbreak happened, you know, you're on an island.
It could knock your whole island down.
Right.
Yeah.
So what he did is they had a big, beautiful resort, right?
And he just took it over, you know, because that's what they can do.
Right.
When it's your island.
Yeah.
And he put all the AIDS patients in this beautiful resort, fed them all.
What's wrong with that?
Yeah, I don't know.
It almost makes you want AIDS in Cuba, doesn't it?
Kind of like trying to get it.
But it knocked the disease out.
It killed the disease.
Yeah.
Because you quarantine everybody into their own little package.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the thing.
So the lady who they keep saying was handling samples, which basically means
the poop and
pee of the Duncan guy.
She's taken out.
She's on a Royal Caribbean cruise and she's got locked in a cabin now.
Yeah.
I'm the same way.
But also, like a nurse, if a nurse can get it, I mean, because they take care.
They try not to get stuff.
Right, right.
Every day, that's their job.
So if it's not airborne, Sean was saying it's just a droplet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, wait until terrorists get it.
I mean, of course.
If you take in someone's breath that has Ebola, you know.
It's like a horrible movie.
It's going to be awful.
I had to stop drinking people's blood.
Oh, that would be good.
I mean.
Yeah, you've got to be careful with that.
Stupid Twilight movies and now we've got this.
It's taking a horrible turn on all of us.
Yeah, I mean, it would be the worst when terrorists get it, but I also think it
would be bad when
just, like, innocent people get it.
That's when you got something.
I think you misunderstood me, but it's okay.
Who did you usurp as the future of comedy?
It has to be, like, the guy who had that role that you took it from.
Yeah, who got enrolled?
Probably Aziz Ansari.
You think?
And now he's just comedy.
Yeah, now he's the president of comedy.
He's the czar.
And Norma, are you the ghost of comedy?
Yeah.
A lot of times me and Sean will go and then people will go, hey, man, that guy
seems like
the future of comedy.
That guy seems like the past of comedy.
Where do we go to get that?
Who says that to you?
Where do we go to get the president?
People will review your show that way.
That's just an awful person to say that about the show he just watched.
I saw the future and I saw the past.
Yeah.
Just looking for something in the middle.
Yeah, well, listen, man, the future and the past are all we got because the
present is,
you know, people falling down, bleeding from every orifice of their body.
Yeah, that is, I don't like the present.
Did you guys ever read The Hot Zone?
Yeah, we were talking about that.
I never read it.
God, that was a terrifying one.
It's the one that makes me go, okay, Ebola, I'm not going to fool around with
this one.
We had a record of zero cases up until about a month and a half ago.
And they could have had a vaccine.
It was 20 years ago.
Oh, that's right.
They could have worked on a vaccine, but they didn't.
What was the thing that you told me about The Hot Zone that sounded like a lie?
Oh, what, the horrifying story?
Oh, you think it's a lie, yeah.
No, in The Hot Zone, they're talking about the first guy that got it.
And, you know, it's just a nightmare.
And he gets to the, you know, it's on a little plane from Africa.
And he gets to the hospital and he goes there, you know, and it's an African
hospital.
I was saying against Africa, but by God.
And then he goes there and they don't know Ebola.
And they said at that point, anyways, he collapsed and blood exploded from
everywhere.
And they said that the blood hit the ground and started moving.
What?
Because it's more Ebola than plasma at that point.
And it's just looking for a host that's going to die.
I'm out.
I'm out on that.
Start the fire.
It's like alien.
Yeah, no, that's just an awful lot.
So burn all the Ebola, that's what you're saying?
Yeah, yep.
I'm fine with that.
Are you opposed?
Are you opposed to it?
Give me a counter argument to it.
You take that resort, Norm, and then you torch it.
That's John's idea.
I have an odd approach to curing starvation as well, which is kill all the
starving people.
It goes away if we team up with the warlords.
I mean, we've raised so much money and they're still hungry.
We've teamed up with the wrong side.
Oh, yeah.
Don't you think?
Do you have to go already?
No, Brad's just pointing at my coffee.
Brad, I don't like when you stand up.
Sit back down.
Doesn't he look like he's from a Wallace and Gromit special?
The were-rabbits.
Right behind him.
Come on, right behind him.
Thank you.
you