Name: Fat Jokes Compilation
Uploaded: 2021-08-08T14:28:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fat Jokes Compilation' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fat Jokes Compilation' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-08. Transcript available.

It's an exciting day here at 30 Rock, you know, the Rosie O'Donnell show
premiered today,
and I was in, it's tapes at the same floor at Saturday Night Live on 8H.
They had flowers sent, there was the whole, it's unbelievable, you know, people
must love it.
There's flowers all along the entire 8H, all flowers, they're sent by, like,
there's one
from Madonna, one from Elizabeth Taylor, Regis and Kathy Lee, I've never seen
so many flowers,
because it was, I didn't even realize you could eat flowers.
I didn't even know that.
But, no.
Hiya, Rosie.
How are you, pal?
That's mighty neighborly of you, Nolan.
Nice of you to eat all those flowers.
No, she's great.
The show is great, you know.
Ah, you're screwed now.
Postal authorities removed a cigarette from a photo of blues artist Robert
Johnson to help
dignify the musician in a new stamp they've issued in his honor.
This isn't the first time the Post Office has altered a photograph.
In fact, the original photo used on the Elvis stamp was based on this photo.
King enjoying a hoagie.
Ted Kennedy says now that he's won re-election, he can finally relax, get off
that crazy diet,
and really let himself go.
New medical research shows that men and women have different food cravings.
Men preferring meat, and women preferring sweets.
Scientists trace this back to caveman days, when men had to go out and hunt for
food,
while women sat on their fat asses eating chocolates.
Last week, Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson visited the Big Apple and showed off
her 14-pound weight loss.
Hopefully, this will not interfere with her official duties of sitting on her
fat ass all day long.
Recently, Joey Badafucco said of Amy Fisher,
"I hope she gets hers and dies in prison like Jeffrey Dahmer,
and when she does, I will go out and eat cake."
Moments later, however, he admitted,
"Look, I'll be honest with you, even if nothing bad happens to Amy Fisher,
I'll probably go out and eat cake."
In what is considered a remarkably short period of time,
the head of the federal advisory board, Dr. Peter Melman,
has given speedy approval to a controversial new anti-obesity drug.
It should be noted, however, Dr. Melman's wife is a fat pig.
This week in Minneapolis, the Minnesota Obesity Center officially opened.
It's goal is to find ways to identify behaviors that lead to obesity.
Also, it's a good place to meet fat chicks.
And in California, Christian Brando was released from state prison Monday
after serving nearly five years for killing his sister's boyfriend.
Meanwhile, his father, Marlon Brando, ate nine pizzas.
Well, at a local town meeting in Montpelier, Vermont last week,
representatives from the McDonald's Corporation,
who want to put a restaurant in a historic district,
were booed by angry residents.
But they were cheered by the town fat guy.
Every town has one, the town fat guy.
John Goodman has announced that he will not be returning to Roseanne next year.
So how will the show get rid of him on screen?
Well, insiders now say that over the last few episodes of the season,
Roseanne will gradually eat him.
According to a controversial new biography,
Elizabeth Taylor likes her lovemaking loud, rough, and frequent.
Coincidentally, that's also how she likes to eat.
Well, television history will be made this week
when film legend Elizabeth Taylor appears as herself
on all four CBS Monday night sitcoms.
It's part of the network's new campaign, "Must Eat TV."
She enjoys eating.
The New York Post has reported that Michael Jackson
wants his closest friend in the world, Elizabeth Taylor,
to be the godmother of his child.
However, those close to the pair worry
that this could eventually lead to heated arguments
over whether the child will be molested or eaten.
Yeah, Rikki Lake, you know, she really is an animal lover, though.
She has three cats, two dogs,
and a big ass that follows her around everywhere.
She has three cats, two dogs, two dogs, and two dogs.
She has three cats, two dogs, and two dogs.
She has three cats, two dogs, and two dogs.
She has three cats, two dogs, and two dogs.
She has three cats, two dogs, and two dogs.
She has three cats, two dogs, and two dogs.
She has three cats, two dogs, and two dogs.
She has three cats, two dogs, and two dogs.
Former Wilson Phillips member,
Kearney Wilson's new talk show kicked off this month.
According to Kearney,
her show will be different from the others
in that guests will be treated with respect and dignity.
And then she will eat them.
Talk show host Rikki Lake has announced
that she will finally publicly apologize
for her role in a destructive anti-fur demonstration.
Then she will eat a huge can of frosting.
In the new movie Mrs. Winterborn,
talk show host Rikki Lake plays the part of a young mother-to-be.
According to film's producers,
Ms. Lake was so serious about achieving a realistic pregnant look,
she forced herself to lose 30 pounds.
This week, renowned heart surgeon Michael DeBakey
attacked the hypocrisy of Hollywood stars
who oppose the use of animals in medical research
and yet wear ribbons supporting the war
on deadly diseases like AIDS.
In response, animal activist Rikki Lake said,
"But the red ribbon diverts attention from my gigantic ass."
A sad story from the world of entertainment this week.
Talk show host Rikki Lake had to get rid of her dog Dudley
after the pooch became too aggressive with her seven-month-old son, Milo.
A clearly saddened Lake said,
"It broke my heart to get rid of that dog,
but he was delicious."
"She ate a whole dog."
In Virginia, police are looking for a stripper
who stabbed a man for telling her she was too fat to strip.
Police warn that the woman is armed and extremely fat.
"At an emotional press conference this week a now exonerated Richard Jewell
spoke about his ordeal
as the chief suspect in the Olympic Park bombing.
"I couldn't think straight, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat," he said.
"Then later he admitted, 'All right, I could eat. I uh, I couldn't sleep though,
I had trouble.'
"The FBI, still pursuing its investigation of the Olympic Park bombing,
has decided to launch an internet web page.
Net users can log on to view crime scene photos, leave tips and try to guess
Richard Jewell's weight."
"Last weekend in a dramatic rescue off the coast of Long Island,
fishermen pulled a 300-pound man from frigid waters.
They were alerted by his desperate cries of,
"Help! Help! I'm starving! I'm starving!"
"Big fat guy."
In New Zealand, a convicted swindler, who weighs 670 pounds,
has been sentenced to house arrest because he is too big for prison.
According to prison officials, it took four inmates just to rape him.
Oh, damn.
I ain't lying, it's my life, I'm in love.
It's my life, my flight, my joy ride.
I won't stop, here's the day.
Norm, I don't understand something.
Right.
You went to a doctor, you said, "Hey, I'm with me, I'm around El McPherson and
I'm not getting aroused."
No, I didn't mention that.
Yeah, but you start to get concerned that,
"Hey, why am I not getting aroused around these beautiful women?"
Yeah, because I used to always get aroused all the time, no matter what.
Like, I could see a giant fat woman, like, part of her ass.
Right, and you get excited by that.
Are you on medication of any kind?
No, no, I just, now I'm just...
Do you need that testosterone patch or something?
Yeah.
What's that?
It makes you more masculine, you know what I mean?
But then your hair falls out.
Yeah, you've got to be careful about that.
So, Norm, what do you think about when you're masturbating?
What do you think about?
Well, you know, like...
Fat woman's ass?
No.
No.
Like, who do you think?
Did you ever think about El McPherson?
No, no, no.
Oh, I don't believe that.
Who do you think about?
I don't think about...
Girls you just met.
Girls that I don't think I could have sex with, because I don't have that good
an imagination.
Right, you've got to be someone you think you can get.
Right, exactly.
That's how I am.
Right.
And so, sometimes I think of, like, kind of unattractive girls where I'm...
Right, right, when you're doing stuff.
When you're doing stuff.
Right.
Yeah, I do that, too, though.
Yeah.
Sometimes, like, one of the interns here or something I'll think about, because
I think
that, like, I could definitely get her.
Do you ever think about Rosie O'Donnell when you're doing it?
Good lord.
No way, right?
Name some names.
Name some names.
Who do you think about?
You know what Rosie O'Donnell would be good at giving?
What?
Really wide head.
Oh!
That's funny.
Does Rosie O'Donnell have the biggest head on the planet?
She really does.
How much does her head weigh?
Take a guess.
About her head weight?
Yeah.
Well, that age-old argument, I'm not going to get into that.
You're not even going to get into it.
I see.
I see.
She's on the new $100 bill.
Did you see her picture?
It's pretty wild.