Name: That's Sounds Racist To Me
Uploaded: 2021-08-21T20:35:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'That's Sounds Racist To Me' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'That's Sounds Racist To Me' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-21. Transcript available.

Do you have any other color jokes?
I mean, he's just blue and yellow.
Did you just say, do I have any other colored jokes?
I knew you were going to say that.
Fucking Jimmy the Greek over here.
I don't want to...
Jimmy the Greek.
How about Jimmy the Greek gets kicked out for being a racist?
Meanwhile, they call him the Greek.
No, I'm going to lose it, though.
Yeah, it's the happiest I've ever seen it.
And since I've gained it, I sweat like a...
Yeah, you sweat like a whore in church.
I don't mean to be...
What?
I don't mean to be filthy, but...
A whore in church?
Yeah, she's nervous, so she sweats because...
She's like a Chris Dorner in a Big Bear cabin.
Okay, come on.
Well, I'm just...
That's racist.
Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $550 million.
They are very excited with their purchase,
as this is the only legal way to own black people.
Now, that is here, and I read that?
Well, you're nuts.
There.
You know how businessmen are racist?
They are.
Yeah, so it's them being racist.
They are.
The two businessmen that bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $550 million
are racist, according to this...
Oh, no, they're fine, man.
They're...
Jim's...
Is that what you said their neighbor was?
Jim Ping?
That is my neighbor.
A nice fella.
Nice guy.
Let me as abacus yesterday.
I want to do this.
Oh, come on.
That's not a Chinese guy.
I wasn't saying it was.
I was kind of racist.
What are you, Mickey Rooney?
Hey.
Hey, come on.
I know he's dead, but Mickey Rooney did a very racist thing,
like you just did, in a movie called Breakfast at Tiffany's
by the wonderful Truman Capote.
I wasn't doing anything racist, and you know it.
Go ahead.
We start talking.
She's immediately...
She's texting me at, like, 4 a.m., and I'm like,
oh, you know, what's going on?
She's like, oh, I'm bored, and I wish I had some weed.
You want to come over?
And I'm like, yeah, sure.
And she's sending pictures of her...
Oh, maybe, you know, maybe we'll have fun, and, like...
And I'm like...
And so, at this point...
What were the pictures?
It was, like, her bent over with no, you know, clothes on and stuff,
and I'm like, so...
But at this point, my cock's making the decisions.
Oh, well, it's...
Anyway...
Tell me.
And so, I call my friend, and then...
No, and then she's like, yeah, just...
Can you bring a C-note?
I have a roommate that sells...
A $100 bill.
Yeah, a $100 bill, and we'll go get some weed, and you can come on.
I'm like, am I getting mugged?
I call my friend.
He said, put the phone number into Facebook, and you can see who the person is.
Shut the fuck up.
Yeah, so I put the phone number into Facebook, and the profile comes up.
It's this black guy in a ski mask in all the pictures.
It doesn't matter where we're going to say that.
So, I...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
As a matter of fact, I don't know how he knew his black is wearing a ski mask
in my head.
Well, you can tell.
So, I head over there.
No, you can tell.
I know.
No.
I've never heard his view on African-Americans until this very show.
That's interesting that he got that out of him.
I have plenty of black friends dated a black woman for months.
No, I'm not a racist.
Yes.
If a man has a job, and he is a racist, should the job be taken away from him?
No.
Okay.
But his fellow should...
Good news for him.
Yeah.
Not a racist.
Do you know the joke about B.B. King's wife?
No.
No.
You don't?
No, I don't think so.
B.B.'s having a birthday, so she wants to surprise him.
So, she goes to the tattoo parlor.
She says, put a B on one cheek and a B on the other.
So, the guy does it, she goes home, B.B. comes home, she opens the door, pens
over, drops
her shorts, and says, surprise!
He said, who's Bob?
Oh, that's racist.
There it is.
Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Super Dave, I was born in this joke
about B.B. King.
Yeah, sell that to Michael Richards, man.
Wow.
Why, is that a racist joke?
Yeah, sure it isn't.
Who's Bob?
Yeah, you know.
Now, what do you think about this dog, the bounty hunter?
Have you been following that at all, Norm?
Oh, that guy, I mean, to me, that sounds racist.
But, you've got to remember that even though that is a racist comment, listen,
man, we've
all known bounty hunters in our time, you know, and they have that thing like,
cursed like
a sailor.
Well, that could go for bounty hunters just as well.
They just chose sailor.
Those guys, I mean, they're not like you or me, you know?
No, they're probably not.
If you choose that as your career, you know, you're a bounty hunter.
Listen, you're, some salty language is not going to be a, you might as well
just be a blonde
shoreman.
No, there's nothing worse than bounty hunting.
Norm, you're a genius.
All right, we've got a couple minutes left.
Anything else you want to lay on the listeners before we leave today?
That was funny, that bounty hunting thing.
It seems like he's going to get a pass on it, right?
I don't think so, Norm.
I think he's in trouble.
Are his bounty hunting days over?
Where does he go from there?
We can't keep you on it.
I'm sorry, but, you know, you have to, you know, you have a public image of
hunting down
criminals in their hotel rooms, diving at them in the middle of the night and
beating
them up.
We can't have you saying racist things.
I don't know.
All right, Norm, I'm going to put some oxygen on my face here and recover.
You're going to be on every Friday now?
Yeah, that'll be fun, right?
Oh, are you kidding me?
I'll be like your P-Bar beauty.
P-Bar beauty.
No, stop.
Chuck Mangione references you are behind.
Thank you, Storm and Norman.
We'll talk at you down the road.
This is the Dennis Miller Show.
I ain't nice, it's not a lie.
I've been nice, my headlights, my fly, but you're right.
I won't stop.
You're the same.
Norm, come to my fifth grade class.
I dare you.
Well, where does she, is it, are there black people there?
Oh, my God.
Where does that have to do with this?
Why, is it harder if there's black people there?
Because black people are generally poor, and poor people are generally
dangerous.
Oh, my God.
Wow, Norm.
I can't believe you just went there.
What, black people are rich?
Black people span all the strata.
No, no, no, no, no.
And you're saying that white people are poor?
Oh, my God.
No, black people are poorer than white people.
You didn't know that?
Are you telling me that you think black people are poor?
What I'm saying is that I try not to pigeonhole people into black people are
poor, not into the truth.
Listen, there's a huge ignored middle class black population out there.
How dare you say black people are poor and therefore dangerous?
Because I want them to be not poor, that's why.
And really, what's your plan?
My plan is to, first of all, admit that black people have less money than white
people, because we live in a racist society.
Black people, our phone number is 800-400-FM97.
If you'd like to talk with Norm Macdonald, I'm sure he'd love to take your call
right now.
Absolutely.
Michelle, you're on the air.
I just wanted to say that was one of the funniest things I've ever heard.
What, that black people are poor?
It's hilarious.
The teacher thing, and you need to probably act like you're not offended by
that,
because first, you don't have a right to act like you're offended.
And that was funny as hell.
He is right about black people being poor.
You know it.
I know it.
And the black people know it.
Oh my God, what has happened on the show?
Well, he taught us a lot today.
I think moms is a learning show.
Moms is an easy job.
Teachers is an easy job.
Where have you guys been living for the last 300 years?
Paris, you are on the air.
I think that that is completely untrue.
Go on.
Not all black people are poor.
Amen.
Sister?
Well, I didn't say that.
That's what you said.
No, you said black people have less money than white people.
Have less money than white people.
You've been to West Virginia?
Because there's some white people with no money there.
Exactly.
Well, okay, okay, you're saying one black person has more money than one white
person?
True.
What about Annie Murphy?
Yeah, what about Annie Murphy?
You're saying by and large, if you break it down.
You're right.
Of course, black people have less money than white people.
Not true.
Not all black people have less money than white people.
Oh my God.
But he's talking.
Oh my God.
We all get what he's saying.
Listen, listen, listen, listen.
Guys in a wheelchair, there's a guy in a wheelchair that can go faster than me
in a race.
But if I said guys in wheelchairs are generally slower than me, you know, come
on.
The way you said it was so harsh.
Give your head a shake.
Give your head a shake.
Oh my God.
All right, thank you.
Hey, it's Danielle from Big Brother.
Famously black woman.
Where's my 40 acres in a mule?
I mean, my 40 acres in a mule.
But you know what?
He's right.
Go on, Danielle.
I mean, if you think about it, there's been cases where the same person will
apply for
a job, and at times, the other race gets the higher pay.
I'm just keeping it real, folks.
All right.
Thank you, Danielle.
Are you?
Yeah.
All right.
To sum it all up, Norm MacDonald.
Well, I'm saying that having less...
Try to offend everyone equally.
Having less money or not having less money is not a product of your nature.
It's that you don't have the money because the white people don't give you the
money.
You're actually supportive of black people to say that, actually.
707 says...
Of course I'm supportive of black people.
I'm in a room of racists.
You're saying that to have justice, we should all have you go around.
The 415...
The 415 says, maybe we should educate our...
Do you want to keep him for the next segment?
At this point, I'm not sure.
I'm finding Norm to be somewhat on the offensive side.
You know what?
No, I love that he's saying all this stuff and then looks over with a big smile.
I know, big smile, he's like, oh man, they're going to talk about this all day.
Well, I didn't know that everyone...
I thought San Francisco was a little more open than...
No, San Francisco actually isn't...
They're racists?
No, they're not racists.
Well, so far, by the way, most people have agreed with me.
you