Name: He F*ck a Pig
Uploaded: 2021-09-10T11:24:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'He F*ck a Pig' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'He F*ck a Pig' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-10. Transcript available.

uh... you were recently gave a speech at the university of iowa and i'm told
that
eighty percent
of the audience walked out
what did you possibly have said that they make eighty percent of them walk out
on the speakers like some standard
you know what you say to them
and i was just talking about i don't have a nice and i don't have a nice and i
just i don't know what i'm thinking about
highly
so would you know that i was about uh... having sex with the animal
uh...
but it wasn't like weird it was like i'm not in favor of it
but i was just talking about it because i thought it was odd like they have a
word for it
bestiality
and nobody i know has ever done it nobody i know you know what i mean
i've never known anybody that's ever known anybody that's ever had sex with
animals
but a lot of people are having sex with animals on account of
they got that word bestiality it's in the dictionary
it ain't easy to get a word in the dictionary
somebody's doing it
somebody's gotta be going hey man uh...
hey uh...
you gotta come up with a word whatever
i can't remember what joke but it was some joke about like i said i feel uh...
sorry for the uh...
animal because
and you know they get to have sex with a super hot lady and then the next day
they bring him back to another pig
you know because the pig initially he was having sex with another pig he didn't
know
he said hey this is a nice looking it's a nice looking thing i'm but then they
go you know
and then i also said i feel sorry for imagine if you watch one of those uh...
video you know uh... of a guy
uh... pig having sex with a woman and then you recognize that hey isn't that
that woman that wouldn't go out with me
uh...
i don't think it's harmless joke
i did
now you have children right by your parents i have a boy i have a little boy
how old is he
he's eight years old now would you like him to go into stand-up
uh... stand-up comedy uh... it's a good job it's not it's kind of tough on uh...
on eight-year-olds
yeah well maybe when he got older
maybe when he gets older you know would you would you if you went to see him
talk and he told you that joke about
start telling a joke about the pig would you be a fan or would you say son you
that's a great joke i'm so proud i told you that joke
i would laugh at that joke because it's not as long as a joke doesn't uh...
promote uh... a bad thing
uh...
you can comment on a bad thing you can do a joke about cigarettes it doesn't
mean you're
you want people to smoke
you're actually discouraging women having sex with pigs right
exactly i'm against it i am solely against it
i like some pornography you know i uh...
sometimes i just get so repelled by you know
you ever have those friends of yours go hey man i got a video of a guy fucking
a pig
i don't care i don't know i don't know it's on my computer
i'm a computer expert
yeah i got i'm right into the computer i can i got snakes coming out of ladies
asses okay i can show it to you
i don't even think that was real you know that's bestiality right that's what
they call it
beastiality that's a real thing man i never heard of a dude doing that like
nobody i know a lot of people man none of them
from my knowledge
i've never fucked an animal you know what i mean
i never even heard of a guy knew a guy you know what i mean
but i know that people fuck animals on account of they got that word beastiality
you know what i mean
that's not easy getting a fucking word
it's hard to get the word going they had to have calls at the goddamn
dictionary office going hey man what the
fuck am i supposed to say when i fuck my hand
i got no word there's no word for that
i put a word there on the ish pen
i got some lobby going there because people are fucking animals i don't
understand
i feel sorry for the animal because that's not consenting
also man can you imagine if you're a pig you know and you're having sex with a
beautiful lady
right and then afterwards you got to go home and fuck a pig
right before you didn't know you're like yeah this pig's all right right you
don't know it's a dirty pig
then you're having sex with a beautiful lady and then they're like yeah go
fuck pigs again you're like you dirty bastard
you burn me
what if you're watching get this man what if you're what if you're watching uh
one of those movies right
and you're saying hey man there's a pig fucking a lady and then you're like hey
wait a second
that's that lady that wouldn't dance with me last
she's
just dirty for no reason but but that that computer stuff that is just all filth
you know
i never i don't see anything everybody says oh man everything is going to be
different everything
if you get a computer then i get a computer i go well what the fuck do i do
with it they go hey
you can email people it's amazing you're right in there then it goes into
people and i'm like well what
about what about a fucking phone man this is more amazing to me i hear a dude's
voice in china
right
but you know
no matter what your sexual proclivity is
is that a word for liberty i know it's a word but i don't know what it means
i probably know nine ten words but
i bank on other people not knowing them too
but um whatever your sexual as long as you don't you know have sex with uh with
animals
i think that's terror i think it's the wrong thing because they're not because
maybe they're
consenting but we don't know
the animals could be going hey i don't know why people are stopping this i said
yes
yeah you know
no means no i said fucking oink
that's what i say when i want to get fucked point
but i you know there's there's no way i'm telling a freaking sound
i'm like that harvard professor art miller you know talking about a lot
but anyway point is this the whole point is this i don't know i don't know what
that means
i was getting one of those flashbacks
i don't think being intimidated sexually unless it's by some sort of a strata
of being you don't
typically want to have sex with like a cow or a camel or in my case a man yes
that would
be intimidating for me i don't know how all of the orifices work yeah yeah i
think it's exactly
the same with a camel yeah well i'm an old chug of coal i'm near 50. i'm on the
same uh uh viagra
doses that they give to the to the donkey of the second show in tijuana i'm
taking so many viagra now
i'll tell you this what's that norm my doctor told me i'm on the same dose
that they give to the donkey for the second show in tijuana okay now
for the second show you know why do i continue to have you on and yet i love it
no the second show
why are they preserving it in such a responsible way it's that terrible
detrimental act of bestiality
don't give that donkey too much viagra we're not monsters right don't that
human being for the
entertainment of the children of god
it's been a while and i still like the way you look at me
what do you think is wrong wronger wrong in more wrong what do you think is
more wrong having sex
with a child a human being or an adult pig
like you've got to do one that's the you gotta do one yeah you're on a deserted
island it's not me
it's some hypothetical you're on a deserted island with a single tree it's not
me it's this person
called doug yeah i won't have sex with a child because i think i think the pig
may not be as
bothered as a child i think it could have huge psychological impact on the
child so out of
compassion i would advise doug to do it with the pig and to leave the child
alone because
of the potential psychological impact even though the child's on a bloody
island anyway that's going
to mess him up all that robinson crusoe crap and the farm watching animals
doing it in rural canada
sal sacked timber sal sour sales sal they listen they were pig farmers they're
they're not gracious
creatures when it comes to conjugal matters i've recently had an interaction
worst oral sex you could
imagine horrible gums yeah sort of yellowing molars i would never engage in sex
with anything porcine
well if you're not homophobic why not whack off your friend that's a gay guy
like what's stopping you
or blowing them well letting them fuck you in the ass what's stopping you you're
not getting anything
out of it but he's having a hell of a time come on it would be like that it's
kind of it is kind
of gross you know if you're not into it because it's like like why not jerk
your dog off you know your
dog probably likes it but that's because it's gross he's a weird one man how
many people though seriously
i agree with you it's gross but do you think that happens a lot like lonely
people and their dogs
their dogs oh yeah every time i see a woman walking down the street with a real
big dog i'm like oh
they're going out women no they get their dogs to either go down on them you
know judd apatow
recently and i'm apologizing to him oh but his dog is sexy