Name: Happy Birthday Norm Macdonald!
Uploaded: 2021-10-17T09:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Happy Birthday Norm Macdonald!' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Happy Birthday Norm Macdonald!' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-17. Transcript available.

The richest girl in the world, billionaire Athena Onassis, celebrated her 10th
birthday
this week.
What's it like to be the richest girl in the world?
Well, to give you some idea, at the party, they had two cakes.
And now, Weekend Update, would like to wish a happy birthday to comic legend
George Burns,
who turned 100 years old today.
You know, I don't know the secret to his longevity, but I think I speak for all
of us when I say,
I hope Pauly Shore doesn't know it either.
Well, a big seller this holiday season is Michael Bolton's Christmas album,
This Is The Time.
"Happy Birthday, Jesus! Hope you like crap!"
Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year.
"Hey, Happy Birthday, Jesus! Hope you like crap!"
Well, I don't know.
This week, the Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra, turned 81 years old, and
he was honored by having the Empire State Building lit in blue.
Also, in Mr. Sinatra's honor, the Empire State Building had the Twin Towers
rough up the Chrysler Building.
Frank Sinatra turned 80 this week, and although the singer is said to be
suffering from Alzheimer's, he had a typically festive birthday, singing a duet
with a hooker and having sex with Tony Bennett.
And although the singer is said to be suffering from Alzheimer's, he had a
typically festive birthday.
He had a duet with a duet with a hooker and having sex with Tony Bennett.
And although the singer is said to be suffering from Alzheimer's, he had a
typically festive birthday, singing a duet with a hooker and having sex with
Tony Bennett.
Probably gonna end up in Jersey with a meat hook up my ass, but it was a good
day.
Celebrating April 1st birthdays, this is a sort of news thing, Russian pianist
Sergei Rachmaninoff, who was born on this day in 1872, rapper Method Man is 41,
Debbie Reynolds turns 80 today,
Rachel Maddow is 39, and former German Chancellor Helmut Schmidt would have
been 95 today.
April Fools, former German Chancellor Helmut Schmidt is alive and well.
In England, a woman was arrested for throwing a birthday party for her 16-year-old
son that included marijuana, alcohol, and strippers.
Now she's got even bigger problems.
What to do for his 17th birthday?
Whatever.
Kim and Kanye celebrated their baby, Northwest's, one, his name's Northwest,
his one-year birthday by throwing a big party.
What's that?
It's a her.
Oh, it's a girl.
Yeah, Northwest, of course.
I should have known by the name.
Of course, yeah.
Anyway, she had her one-year birthday, and they threw a big party with jugglers,
a bouncy house, and a Ferris wheel.
The bad news is that Northwest is a baby, so it doesn't know what the fuck is
going on.
It's like a Gilbert Godfrey joke.
Okay.
Today is the 11th birthday of President Obama's youngest daughter, Sasha, or as
I like to call her, the uppity one.
Oh, goodness gracious.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
I'm a regular Mott song.
Super Dave Osborne on the line.
I was going to ask you to phone Super Dave.
Yeah.
How's it going, Super Dave?
Hey, Super Dave.
Every birthday, Norm.
Is it my birthday?
It's tomorrow your birthday.
Tomorrow's your birthday.
That's why I'm calling.
Oh.
Super Dave.
You know what I got you?
A picture of Sarah Palin's husband.
Oh.
And I had to make the X very big.
That's good.
Oh, no one asked you to comment what's good.
No, I said that.
You know what makes me upset?
What makes me upset is with all the crap that's going on in our country, O.J.
is not going
to be able to vote.
You know, McCain thinks that Obama was driving the Bronco.
Oh.
He gave you a rim shot.
Yeah, that's right.
I know.
That's what he does.
He gives me a rim shot.
Norm, happy birthday.
You know how funny this guy is?
Yeah, I do.
He's the greatest.
What?
What's he doing in Chicago?
What are you doing in Chicago?
Hey, you know who's lucky or Fox?
They've got Philadelphia and Tampa Bay.
Philadelphia and Tampa Bay.
That ought to be it.
That might be right below until death do us part.
Once again, the stylings of Super Dave Osborne.
Super Dave Osborne with Norm MacDonald in the studio.
Norm MacDonald at Zaney.
Go to Zaney.com for more information.
Back to Super Dave already in progress.
Hey, are you voting for Joe the Plumber, Super Dave?
Joe the Plumber.
That was the most insane.
You know what?
I think that McCain, I mean, first of all, he's not the same McCain I used to
see.
I mean, but he's a totally different man.
I mean, I think he's wild.
Even his wife doesn't stand too close to him now at the end.
But I think there's a trigger word like banana where you get him to come right
over the desk.
He did look angry.
Didn't he look angry last night?
His eyes were rolling and he almost came.
And what I love is when Obama's talking and goes, yep, sure, yeah, okay.
He did.
But I thought McCain won the debate.
He did.
He did.
But he was wild.
Yeah, he was insane.
He came in there.
He was wild.
It was like one of those fights where you beat a guy up on the ground.
You know, those things.
No, he wasn't.
So you believe he did win the debate, right?
I thought he made Obama look uncomfortable, I thought.
Yeah.
Well, I was uncomfortable, too.
How could he not be uncomfortable?
Let me hear something here.
Senator Obama, I am not President Bush.
I don't care about an old washed-up terrorist.
If you wanted to run against President Bush, you should have run four years ago.
Why would he call him a washed-up terrorist?
You know what would have been funny is if when he said you think Sarah Palin
could be president
that all of them just laughed until the debate was over.
I tell you, they should have had that music.
I think Bob Schaefer, though, is the best moderator I was saying.
He really is, except he fell asleep once.
During it.
But, yeah, he kept forcing them to answer the questions.
You know that if Sarah Palin and Dan Quayle had a baby, it would be George W.
Bush.
Oh, Super Dave, you've got to keep this stuff for match game.
Oh, my God.
Match game?
Why did you bring that?
Now, wait a minute.
What are you talking about?
No, tell me.
Norm, tell me.
Okay, you know what?
I'll tell you something, Johnny.
I'm never calling you again, and Norm, I love.
First of all, Norm is the funniest man in the world, and he's a great father,
but he's impossible to get a hold of.
I just got a hold of him.
Yeah, but he never calls you back.
You'll leave messages, and he never calls you back.
No, we've got to get together, though, man.
No, no, no, you always say that.
We always do, and we never do.
Hey, guess what?
Guess what, Super Dave?
Now it makes perfect sense to me.
I hear this about you, Norm, that Super Dave, I don't think he's embellishing
it.
I think he's telling the truth.
No, I am telling you the truth.
Let me tell you something.
How old are you going to be tomorrow?
46.
He doesn't have a driver's license.
He doesn't drive.
What does that say to you?
A lot of people are like that.
Okay, no, there are not a lot of people aren't like that.
If you're like that, if you're 96, what about opening the debates last night
with all the crap that is going on?
Wait, let's go back to the match game.
All right, now, here he is.
It's time now for Super Dave.
This question is, Norm MacDonald does not play a car.
Is this the way you want to play a car?
No, I don't want to play it, no.
This is the way we're playing, my friend.
All right, Super, Super, wait a minute.
This is the way we're going.
Super Dave, Super Dave, I want to agree with what you said about Norm MacDonald
here in the studio.
I want to tell you what I think.
I heard that he has not spoken to his own brother in five years.
Well, sometimes you take a break.
No, wait, true or false?
Have you spoken to your brother?
You have two brothers, right?
Yeah.
One of them is in Canada?
Both are in Canada, right?
One's in Washington, one's in Canada.
You have not spoken to your brother.
Is it Neil, is it?
What are you telling me?
Is it true or false?
Is it true or false?
We're talking with Norm MacDonald, actor, writer, producer, stand-up comedian.
Super Dave Osborne one time said, I can never get him to return calls.
His brother, Neil MacDonald, who lives in a farm town in Quebec City, says he
has never returned his calls in five years.
That's ridiculous.
Is that true, Neil?
Listen, I'm a Canadian reporter living in Washington, D.C.
I'm used to not getting my calls returned.
Yeah, Neil, how are you doing?
That's your brother, right?
Hey, Super Dave, his brother, Neil, answer the question, so Super Dave will not
feel bad.
Neil, have you spoken to Norm, your brother, in the last five years?
I haven't spoken to Norm in a long time.
It's kind of hard to get your calls returned.
Wait, wait, Super Dave.
See, I always think Super Dave is kind of lying.
So Super Dave's first name is Super?
Yes.
So, like, if I called myself Great Neil, you'd have to call me Great Neil?
You know, Neil, there's a reason he hasn't talked to you and fights you.
Because you'll boil the living crap out of me.
Now, let me tell you this.
The Queen of England is walking with an administrator in a hospital.
What?
I said the Queen of England is walking with an administrator in a hospital.
She walks by a room, and a man is masturbating.
She said, oh, my God, what's going on?
He said, well, he has a problem.
It's a physical problem, and if he doesn't do that five times a day, he could
explode and die.
She said, oh, I'm sorry.
Then they go to the second floor, where she walks by a room, a nurse is giving
a man oral sex.
She says, oh, my God, what's wrong?
He said, he's got the same problem as the guy on one, but better insurance.
All right.
No, but if that was in Canada, the government would provide it.
See that?
See that?
You know who should hook up?
Norm, Norm, wait another five years.
I'm telling you, if that's what he does, if he comes back with that Canadian
crap, don't talk to him.
Now, listen, here's what I want to know.
I want to know how a guy who was born 46 years ago in Quebec City and grew up
in the same house I did acquired a Brooklyn accent.
Where did that come from?
Where did I have a Brooklyn accent?
I don't know, but your brother now is dogging you.
Your super name is correct.
And I'm seeing him on Bill O'Reilly.
Norman is one of the 37 Americans left who still think George Bush is doing a
great job.
Wow.
I do.
No wonder you haven't talked to your brother in five years.
Did someone just drop an anchor off the boat?
Weren't we sailing in comedy heaven and someone came on and just dropped a
Canadian anchor off the boat?
No, listen, I'm not a professional comedian.
I'm very funny, Bill.
I'm a very funny guy.
Well, why don't you show it?
What are you waiting for?
How old are you?
No, I think George Bush is terrible.
Wait, let's go to here.
No, George Bush is not terrible.
Terrible is one thing.
George Bush has to climb up to be terrible.
Super Dave Osborne with us.
What do you want?
Norm MacDonald in the studio.
And his brother, Neil, just joined us.
Yes, yes, yes.
Another family members that can really make this a party.
Listen, it's great, Ty.
It's great being on the same line with you there.
Super.
I watch you on Larry David.
I think it's pretty funny.
Oh, that I like you.
I take it.
Oh.
Look at that.
He loves him on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
But now he's a fan.
Oh, I'm a big fan.
Big fan of Neil MacDonald, are you?
I can tell you how to get...
I've brought him back now in another five years.
I can tell you how to get the CBC's news show online there, Super.
You can watch it on your computer.
I'm sure you will.
Thank you very much.
Are you a sheltered person like Norm is?
No.
No, no, I'm not.
But you know what?
Can I say something about Norm that no one knows?
I spend all my days trying to get people to call me back here.
I mean, I'm one of these...
Right down, Neil.
I'm talking.
Super Dave is talking.
Great father.
No, Super Dave is yelling.
I'm telling you, how else am I going to make my point?
Norm is a great father.
I don't know if you know that.
I'm sure you like that.
Dylan's a great boy.
He looks a lot like Norm did when he was young.
That same sort of angelic blonde thing going there, you know?
Okay, take over the show, and I'll quiet down.
Let's see what happens.
Just a second once.
Yeah, go ahead.
Johnny loses the call letters totally.
No, but Super.
What?
Neil actually lives in Washington.
He doesn't live in Canada.
I'm going to Canada in two weeks.
But he lives in Washington.
I haven't lived in Canada for ten years.
Why do you live in Washington?
Because I'm a foreign correspondent for Canadian television.
Oh, that's a good job.
Yeah, Norm, that is right, Super Dave.
That is a good job.
I said it's a good job.
What do you want me to say?
You didn't mean it.
I did mean it.
You know, no one asked you to interpret for me.
I'm just kidding.
This is not the match game, my friend.
The match game with Super Dave Osborne.
The match game.
Neil McDonald, Washington, D.C.
Norm's older brother is a blank.
Norm, why don't you call me back?
Is a blank.
Super Dave, he is a blank.
Norm, why don't you call me back?
Hey, Berta.
Berta says happy birthday, too.
Why don't you call me back?
Oh, give my love to Berta, man.
We'll go eat.
Yeah, let's go eat.
Yeah.
You know what?
We'll talk about your brother.
Yeah, Super Dave said he's going to go eat with me like 90 years ago.
I've never even met him.
I'm not kidding.
He always says that.
That's his line.
That's Super's line.
Yeah, it is fair.
Let's go eat.
And then you never get a dinner.
You're like Red Buttons, you know?
Yeah, that's right.
And Red Buttons is dead, Norm.
Red Buttons was waiting for Super to butter.
And I never got a dinner.
You know what's funny?
What?
It's not funny.
It's not funny.
I'm hurting and I'm angry.
Americans are hurting right now and they're angry.
They're hurting and they're angry.
We're hurting.
They're angry.
We're angry.
They're hurting.
I'm hurting.
Americans, they're angry.
And I'm angry.
We are.
We're all hurting and we're angry by all of this.
You know, Norm and I were going to do a radio show.
That's right.
But then Neil wouldn't be a part of it.
So we get to know.
Neil, why don't you help those guys out with their radio show?
Norm, Super Dave, and Neil McDonald.
Yeah, that's just what they need.
They do.
Hey, listen, do you want to say happy birthday to your brother here?
Yeah.
You know, Neil sounds like a good guy.
How come you never call him?
Yeah, why don't you ever call your brother?
Norm is terrible.
That's terrible.
I'm going to start texting.
No, what?
Wait, wait, wait.
I hate that so much.
I want to be clear.
He doesn't have a cell phone.
That's no intense.
You hate texting?
I hate texting.
I hate it.
I hate people walking around staring at their hand.
Welcome to the 21st century, buddy.
It is.
Yeah, come on.
I love texting.
I love texting.
Yeah.
You know why?
It's very quick.
Right to the point.
Get to the point.
What's wrong with talking?
That's too much trouble.
Too much trouble.
Norm, wait a minute.
You don't have a computer, do you?
Or you don't drive a car?
No, I don't.
You don't have a computer.
I have a computer, but I don't.
Say happy birthday to Norm now.
Happy birthday.
Berta says happy birthday.
Teddy says happy birthday.
And Lori Jo says happy birthday.
And we hope to see you soon, but we know we won't because we'll call and you
won't return our call.
Yeah, why don't we go to dinner?
Yeah.
But that's what I say, and then all I get is that stupid.
You like steak?
Leave a message.
Leave a message.
How about you like steak, right?
Yeah, well, where do you want to go?
Houston's.
Let's do it.
Go to Houston's in Century City Plaza.
Yeah, you know that Houston's?
Sure, yeah, that's where you go.
Did you hear what Johnny B just said?
That's exactly where we're going.
That's where you've got to go.
You go to the one at Century City Plaza.
No, that's where we've gone before.
That's why I'm so amazed that you said that.
Whenever me and Super Dave get together, we get together at the Century City.
That's where we go.
But are you amazed that Johnny B just said that?
No, Johnny B never.
I mean, he does things that amaze me all the time.
I wish he was back on the air.
Hey, Super, because they have great food at that Houston's.
Oh, my God, yeah.
That's good food.
Artichoke dip.
Artichoke dip.
There you go.
Hey, Super, when you guys go, can I go with you guys?
You know how much fun that would be?
Oh, man.
But Neil's got to come, though.
Really?
Neil will wait on us.
Neil?
I would like to have Neil as your waiter.
I'll have steak.
I wouldn't.
I'll have steak?
I wouldn't.
I wouldn't.
Oh, God.
All right.
Super Dave Osborne and Norm MacDonald appearing at Houston's.
And Norm, wish Neil a happy birthday if he has one.
Okay.
Okay.
Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year.
Hey, happy birthday, Jesus.
Hope you like crap.
Thank you.

Happy Birthday Norm Macdonald!

The richest girl in the world, billionaire Athena Onassis, celebrated her 10th
birthday
this week.
What's it like to be the richest girl in the world?
Well, to give you some idea, at the party, they had two cakes.
And now, Weekend Update, would like to wish a happy birthday to comic legend
George Burns,
who turned 100 years old today.
You know, I don't know the secret to his longevity, but I think I speak for all
of us when I say,
I hope Pauly Shore doesn't know it either.
Well, a big seller this holiday season is Michael Bolton's Christmas album,
This Is The Time.
"Happy Birthday, Jesus! Hope you like crap!"
Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year.
"Hey, Happy Birthday, Jesus! Hope you like crap!"
Well, I don't know.
This week, the Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra, turned 81 years old, and
he was honored by having the Empire State Building lit in blue.
Also, in Mr. Sinatra's honor, the Empire State Building had the Twin Towers
rough up the Chrysler Building.
Frank Sinatra turned 80 this week, and although the singer is said to be
suffering from Alzheimer's, he had a typically festive birthday, singing a duet
with a hooker and having sex with Tony Bennett.
And although the singer is said to be suffering from Alzheimer's, he had a
typically festive birthday.
He had a duet with a duet with a hooker and having sex with Tony Bennett.
And although the singer is said to be suffering from Alzheimer's, he had a
typically festive birthday, singing a duet with a hooker and having sex with
Tony Bennett.
Probably gonna end up in Jersey with a meat hook up my ass, but it was a good
day.
Celebrating April 1st birthdays, this is a sort of news thing, Russian pianist
Sergei Rachmaninoff, who was born on this day in 1872, rapper Method Man is 41,
Debbie Reynolds turns 80 today,
Rachel Maddow is 39, and former German Chancellor Helmut Schmidt would have
been 95 today.
April Fools, former German Chancellor Helmut Schmidt is alive and well.
In England, a woman was arrested for throwing a birthday party for her 16-year-old
son that included marijuana, alcohol, and strippers.
Now she's got even bigger problems.
What to do for his 17th birthday?
Whatever.
Kim and Kanye celebrated their baby, Northwest's, one, his name's Northwest,
his one-year birthday by throwing a big party.
What's that?
It's a her.
Oh, it's a girl.
Yeah, Northwest, of course.
I should have known by the name.
Of course, yeah.
Anyway, she had her one-year birthday, and they threw a big party with jugglers,
a bouncy house, and a Ferris wheel.
The bad news is that Northwest is a baby, so it doesn't know what the fuck is
going on.
It's like a Gilbert Godfrey joke.
Okay.
Today is the 11th birthday of President Obama's youngest daughter, Sasha, or as
I like to call her, the uppity one.
Oh, goodness gracious.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
I'm a regular Mott song.
Super Dave Osborne on the line.
I was going to ask you to phone Super Dave.
Yeah.
How's it going, Super Dave?
Hey, Super Dave.
Every birthday, Norm.
Is it my birthday?
It's tomorrow your birthday.
Tomorrow's your birthday.
That's why I'm calling.
Oh.
Super Dave.
You know what I got you?
A picture of Sarah Palin's husband.
Oh.
And I had to make the X very big.
That's good.
Oh, no one asked you to comment what's good.
No, I said that.
You know what makes me upset?
What makes me upset is with all the crap that's going on in our country, O.J.
is not going
to be able to vote.
You know, McCain thinks that Obama was driving the Bronco.
Oh.
He gave you a rim shot.
Yeah, that's right.
I know.
That's what he does.
He gives me a rim shot.
Norm, happy birthday.
You know how funny this guy is?
Yeah, I do.
He's the greatest.
What?
What's he doing in Chicago?
What are you doing in Chicago?
Hey, you know who's lucky or Fox?
They've got Philadelphia and Tampa Bay.
Philadelphia and Tampa Bay.
That ought to be it.
That might be right below until death do us part.
Once again, the stylings of Super Dave Osborne.
Super Dave Osborne with Norm MacDonald in the studio.
Norm MacDonald at Zaney.
Go to Zaney.com for more information.
Back to Super Dave already in progress.
Hey, are you voting for Joe the Plumber, Super Dave?
Joe the Plumber.
That was the most insane.
You know what?
I think that McCain, I mean, first of all, he's not the same McCain I used to
see.
I mean, but he's a totally different man.
I mean, I think he's wild.
Even his wife doesn't stand too close to him now at the end.
But I think there's a trigger word like banana where you get him to come right
over the desk.
He did look angry.
Didn't he look angry last night?
His eyes were rolling and he almost came.
And what I love is when Obama's talking and goes, yep, sure, yeah, okay.
He did.
But I thought McCain won the debate.
He did.
He did.
But he was wild.
Yeah, he was insane.
He came in there.
He was wild.
It was like one of those fights where you beat a guy up on the ground.
You know, those things.
No, he wasn't.
So you believe he did win the debate, right?
I thought he made Obama look uncomfortable, I thought.
Yeah.
Well, I was uncomfortable, too.
How could he not be uncomfortable?
Let me hear something here.
Senator Obama, I am not President Bush.
I don't care about an old washed-up terrorist.
If you wanted to run against President Bush, you should have run four years ago.
Why would he call him a washed-up terrorist?
You know what would have been funny is if when he said you think Sarah Palin
could be president
that all of them just laughed until the debate was over.
I tell you, they should have had that music.
I think Bob Schaefer, though, is the best moderator I was saying.
He really is, except he fell asleep once.
During it.
But, yeah, he kept forcing them to answer the questions.
You know that if Sarah Palin and Dan Quayle had a baby, it would be George W.
Bush.
Oh, Super Dave, you've got to keep this stuff for match game.
Oh, my God.
Match game?
Why did you bring that?
Now, wait a minute.
What are you talking about?
No, tell me.
Norm, tell me.
Okay, you know what?
I'll tell you something, Johnny.
I'm never calling you again, and Norm, I love.
First of all, Norm is the funniest man in the world, and he's a great father,
but he's impossible to get a hold of.
I just got a hold of him.
Yeah, but he never calls you back.
You'll leave messages, and he never calls you back.
No, we've got to get together, though, man.
No, no, no, you always say that.
We always do, and we never do.
Hey, guess what?
Guess what, Super Dave?
Now it makes perfect sense to me.
I hear this about you, Norm, that Super Dave, I don't think he's embellishing
it.
I think he's telling the truth.
No, I am telling you the truth.
Let me tell you something.
How old are you going to be tomorrow?
46.
He doesn't have a driver's license.
He doesn't drive.
What does that say to you?
A lot of people are like that.
Okay, no, there are not a lot of people aren't like that.
If you're like that, if you're 96, what about opening the debates last night
with all the crap that is going on?
Wait, let's go back to the match game.
All right, now, here he is.
It's time now for Super Dave.
This question is, Norm MacDonald does not play a car.
Is this the way you want to play a car?
No, I don't want to play it, no.
This is the way we're playing, my friend.
All right, Super, Super, wait a minute.
This is the way we're going.
Super Dave, Super Dave, I want to agree with what you said about Norm MacDonald
here in the studio.
I want to tell you what I think.
I heard that he has not spoken to his own brother in five years.
Well, sometimes you take a break.
No, wait, true or false?
Have you spoken to your brother?
You have two brothers, right?
Yeah.
One of them is in Canada?
Both are in Canada, right?
One's in Washington, one's in Canada.
You have not spoken to your brother.
Is it Neil, is it?
What are you telling me?
Is it true or false?
Is it true or false?
We're talking with Norm MacDonald, actor, writer, producer, stand-up comedian.
Super Dave Osborne one time said, I can never get him to return calls.
His brother, Neil MacDonald, who lives in a farm town in Quebec City, says he
has never returned his calls in five years.
That's ridiculous.
Is that true, Neil?
Listen, I'm a Canadian reporter living in Washington, D.C.
I'm used to not getting my calls returned.
Yeah, Neil, how are you doing?
That's your brother, right?
Hey, Super Dave, his brother, Neil, answer the question, so Super Dave will not
feel bad.
Neil, have you spoken to Norm, your brother, in the last five years?
I haven't spoken to Norm in a long time.
It's kind of hard to get your calls returned.
Wait, wait, Super Dave.
See, I always think Super Dave is kind of lying.
So Super Dave's first name is Super?
Yes.
So, like, if I called myself Great Neil, you'd have to call me Great Neil?
You know, Neil, there's a reason he hasn't talked to you and fights you.
Because you'll boil the living crap out of me.
Now, let me tell you this.
The Queen of England is walking with an administrator in a hospital.
What?
I said the Queen of England is walking with an administrator in a hospital.
She walks by a room, and a man is masturbating.
She said, oh, my God, what's going on?
He said, well, he has a problem.
It's a physical problem, and if he doesn't do that five times a day, he could
explode and die.
She said, oh, I'm sorry.
Then they go to the second floor, where she walks by a room, a nurse is giving
a man oral sex.
She says, oh, my God, what's wrong?
He said, he's got the same problem as the guy on one, but better insurance.
All right.
No, but if that was in Canada, the government would provide it.
See that?
See that?
You know who should hook up?
Norm, Norm, wait another five years.
I'm telling you, if that's what he does, if he comes back with that Canadian
crap, don't talk to him.
Now, listen, here's what I want to know.
I want to know how a guy who was born 46 years ago in Quebec City and grew up
in the same house I did acquired a Brooklyn accent.
Where did that come from?
Where did I have a Brooklyn accent?
I don't know, but your brother now is dogging you.
Your super name is correct.
And I'm seeing him on Bill O'Reilly.
Norman is one of the 37 Americans left who still think George Bush is doing a
great job.
Wow.
I do.
No wonder you haven't talked to your brother in five years.
Did someone just drop an anchor off the boat?
Weren't we sailing in comedy heaven and someone came on and just dropped a
Canadian anchor off the boat?
No, listen, I'm not a professional comedian.
I'm very funny, Bill.
I'm a very funny guy.
Well, why don't you show it?
What are you waiting for?
How old are you?
No, I think George Bush is terrible.
Wait, let's go to here.
No, George Bush is not terrible.
Terrible is one thing.
George Bush has to climb up to be terrible.
Super Dave Osborne with us.
What do you want?
Norm MacDonald in the studio.
And his brother, Neil, just joined us.
Yes, yes, yes.
Another family members that can really make this a party.
Listen, it's great, Ty.
It's great being on the same line with you there.
Super.
I watch you on Larry David.
I think it's pretty funny.
Oh, that I like you.
I take it.
Oh.
Look at that.
He loves him on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
But now he's a fan.
Oh, I'm a big fan.
Big fan of Neil MacDonald, are you?
I can tell you how to get...
I've brought him back now in another five years.
I can tell you how to get the CBC's news show online there, Super.
You can watch it on your computer.
I'm sure you will.
Thank you very much.
Are you a sheltered person like Norm is?
No.
No, no, I'm not.
But you know what?
Can I say something about Norm that no one knows?
I spend all my days trying to get people to call me back here.
I mean, I'm one of these...
Right down, Neil.
I'm talking.
Super Dave is talking.
Great father.
No, Super Dave is yelling.
I'm telling you, how else am I going to make my point?
Norm is a great father.
I don't know if you know that.
I'm sure you like that.
Dylan's a great boy.
He looks a lot like Norm did when he