Name: Will Arnett and Conan Exchange Norm Macdonald Stories
Uploaded: 2021-11-13T17:14:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Will Arnett and Conan Exchange Norm Macdonald Stories' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Will Arnett and Conan Exchange Norm Macdonald Stories' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-13. Transcript available.

You just reminded me, and of course everyone's been thinking about him a lot
lately, Norm MacDonald.
The reason I bring up Norm is, Norm, you were describing everybody was
following the same rules as a talk show host,
which is, okay, you've got to come on, you've got to come up with three or four
stories,
they've got to have a beginning, middle, and then pay off, it's got to be
something that really happened to you.
Norm was this Picasso who decided the eyes don't have to be where the eyes
really are, the nose doesn't have to be,
he blew it all up and he would tell stories that were completely fake, you know,
they were a hundred years old, they were corny jokes, and he would just tell
them like they happened to him.
I'm from a little town, it's called Monkland, and it's only 108 people.
108, that's small.
It's a country, you know, it's really rural, and, but man, I'll tell you, there's
lots of funny stories from there.
And I remember the first time he did that, me talking to him and thinking,
okay, well, he's got these different, you know, I don't know what we're going
to talk about here,
and he'd come out and he'd be like, hey, how's it going?
And I'd be like, oh, Norm's going, but what's going on with you?
I bought a farm.
I'm like, wait, you bought a farm?
He's like, yeah, I bought a farm.
I've got three daughters, each prettier than the next.
There was a guy, man, he lived down the road.
His name was, his name was John Neal Mergerison.
And this guy, I went to him once, I've been away for a couple of years, you
know,
I moved to the city, you know, and I came back, and I said,
John Neal, how you doing?
You know, I went to his, what do you call it, farm?
Yeah.
That thing, yeah.
So he's showing me his pigs, he had a bunch of pigs there, you know, he had a
bunch of pigs,
a bunch of them, and one of the pigs had, one of the pigs had a wooden leg, you
know?
And Andy would be sitting there, and Andy's from the Midwest, and he'd be like,
wait a minute, I know this joke.
This is a joke my grandfather told me.
And he'd be like, my grandfather told me.
He says he's mature, and I think it's because he's telling my grandfather's
joke.
Stop it, both of you.
One has a peg leg, the other has an eye patch, and the third one, she had a
wheelbarrow,
and it's just a joke.
And he would do it, and he would dress it all up, and I would think, you
asshole.
That's the most genius thing in the world, because who really wants to hear
what a celebrity,
you know, we're all like, well, I should, there is that funny time that I over-tipped
a little bit,
I'll tell that story.
And he was like, no one wants to hear that.
They want to hear a joke from 1911.
He was, he was like the gold, watching him on your show was the gold standard
of,
and he was one of those guys, I didn't know Norm at all, I wish I had, I'd
never met him.
And, but I would hear all these great stories, I remember watching him on your
show once years ago,
it was the dumbest bit, where he was doing something, and Andy, he made some
terrible joke,
and you went, what?
And Andy went, what?
And he goes, listen to this guy, he's been downloading male porn all day.
And then, like, apropos of nothing, and Andy's like, what?
Mr. Roper, yeah.
You know, Mr. Roper?
Yeah.
That's not a good hero.
That's all I got.
Better than this guy's hero is some gay porn actor.
Anyway.
What are you talking about?
What?
I don't know.
That's insane.
What are you saying?
Let me tell you something about gay porn.
Seriously.
What?
That doesn't mean a guy's gay.
I'm not saying that, because a guy watches gay porn all the time?
It's cut to a single.
Just of norm.
Gay porn?
I enjoy gay porn.
I'm not gay.
Gay porn is a genre that just cuts across all demographics.
You know?
Young people, old people, straight people, the gay people enjoy it.
Everybody likes gay porn.
But this guy really likes it.
Now, they had to bring it back this week, so they had a compromise.
They're allowing one porno magazine.
Only one?
Only one.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, the porno magazine that they're putting in is Hairy Guy's Ass
Illustrated.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, if you're going to only allow one, I would think that's the one, you know?
Probably.
It's a good magazine, though.
It is a good, you know.
It's not all just pictures of Hairy Guy's Ass.
The articles are good.
See, I just read it for Hairy Guy's Ass.
Well, see, that's you, Andy.
Just people are all different.
He was coming before the show.
The last week, he went to the Hairy Guy's Ass Mansion.
That would be great.
Why didn't you?
Andy has all the fun.
He gets to all the big celebrity parties.
Him and Jimmy Conn.
This is one I heard recently, because since when he passed away,
you've heard all these stories from all these people, but Norm liked to bet.
You know, Norm liked to, he liked to gamble, and he liked to bet,
and he borrowed $200 from someone.
And then the guy, the person kept coming up to him and saying,
hey, can I get that $200?
And he's like, I don't know.
And in that Norm way, kind of getting out of the room and shambling away in all
angles and elbows.
And the guy kept asking for it.
And the guy went, hey, come on, man.
That means a lot to me.
I had $200.
I want my $200.
And he went, hey, you lost $200.
I lost $5,000.
Leave me alone.
He just got yelled at the guy.
You think, you got problems?
I got bigger problems.
What was the most you ever bet on an event?
$400,000.
Who was it on?
Atlanta Falcons against the Denver Broncos in 1990.
What's amazing is, people don't realize, is that Norm at the time in the 90s,
when the OJ trial was going on.
Well, let's be clear.
We're not cheering the OJ murder.
Let's just be very, I'm going to, we're cheering Norm's heroic comedic response
to that terrible event.
There you go.
We're on record having said that.
And so he's on the show.
And at the time, the guy who was running NBC really wanted, he was friends with,
evidently was friends with OJ.
Oh, yeah.
And wanted Norm to stop.
So I think maybe a bunch of people here might be too young to appreciate how
much Norm's boss was telling him to stop making jokes about OJ.
And he was told, you've got to stop.
And that weekend, Norm comes down and goes, he's on Weekend Update.
It says, it turns out the Los Angeles Police Department admitted today that
they had planned to frame OJ Simpson for those murders,
until they got to the crime scene, and it turned out he did it.
A shocking new development in the OJ Simpson case.
A shocking new development in the OJ Simpson case.
Late this afternoon, a high-ranking official in the Los Angeles Police
Department admitted to Geraldo Rivera
that the police did conspire to frame OJ Simpson for the murders of Nicole
Brown and Ron Goldman.
However, they called the conspiracy off when they got to the murder scene and
found that OJ really did do it.
While in England, where he spoke at Oxford University.
Double down!
Yeah, and then he would stare at the camera.
Yeah.
He would stare at the camera and hold, which is this incredible middle finger
in comedy.
Incredible.
Turns out he did it.
And he would stare at the camera.
And even if the crowd wasn't laughing, he would stare at them like, you heard
what I said.
Yeah.
And his job was on the line.
Yeah.
A pretty...
Well, that's a big...
That's a point that I try to make again and again and again, is that there are
a lot of people who talk about being brave in comedy and bravery and...
Thank you.
And I think, no.
The risks of falling off a Segway.
But no, there...
And it's rare.
It doesn't happen that often, but Norm is one of those people and it doesn't
happen that often.
People that their careers are hurt by the chances they're taking.
Their careers are...
He would do things that would get in the way of him advancing in show business,
whether it was his stint on the ESPYs or what he did at SNL.
He would do things that would impede him from moving up the ladder.
And there are a lot of people that don't take any risks and then get credit for
being brave.
And that's where you lose me, Will.
You know?
Oh, wait.
I'm sorry.
Oh, wait.
You're talking about me?
No, no.
A different Will.
You're talking about Farrell.
I'm talking about Will Farrell.
Yeah.
Man, Farrell.
He's the worst.
He's the worst guy.
He's such a monster.
He's such a monster.