Name: Don't You Want to Hear the Joke?
Uploaded: 2021-11-16T15:53:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Don't You Want to Hear the Joke?' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Don't You Want to Hear the Joke?' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-16. Transcript available.

Everything's good about, you know, you're an Irishman.
Me mother, she was orange.
Me father, he was green.
It was the biggest mix-up that you have ever seen.
I'm Scottish.
I'm a Scot.
You're Irish.
Yes.
What are you?
Swedish German.
Swedish German?
Are you really?
Yeah, yeah, really.
Why would I lie about that?
It's not funny.
No, it's very odd.
It's a very strange lie.
I'd put one over on those people.
Swedish German.
No, I'll tell you why it's funny, man.
Why is that?
Because I was in Georgia, Atlanta, Georgia.
Yeah.
I met a good old boy down there, and he said, have you ever...
He said, you know Andy Richter?
Yeah, yeah, he did?
Yeah.
You met a guy in Georgia, and he said, you know Andy Richter?
Oh, yeah, you guys do well there.
Oh.
And he said, I said, yeah.
He said, have you ever heard an Andy Richter joke?
I said, no.
He said, well, most of it's based on him being Swedish German.
And then he told me an Andy Richter joke.
Really?
But I didn't know a Swedish German.
I thought it was all nonsense.
Yeah, well, now this lines up perfectly.
Let me ask you something, because it sort of relates to the first...
Wait, don't you want to hear the joke?
No.
Oh, you're down to six.
You're down to six.
All right, this joke will get you back up.
Yeah, you can get him back.
Let's hear the joke.
Well, the fellow says, he says, man, he says, you ever heard a time about the
old prospector?
That's how he tells you, you know?
Yeah.
He says, man, there was an old prospector, and he was prospecting for gold, and
he was having
a hell of a time getting any gold.
It was an empty stake, I believe.
And he said he'd come into town, he'd been in the mine for a good eight months.
He said, by God, he said, I'm only flesh and blood, and I need a woman, you
know?
And so he goes into town, he goes up to the bartender, he says, bartender, he
says, man,
I've been in that mine for a hell of a long time, and I'm only flesh and blood,
I need a woman.
Well, the bartender says, hell, there ain't no women in this town.
If you want to do any of that business, all we got is Andy Richter, the sweetest
German.
The prospector, he says, no, no, he says, hell, I ain't into that funny stuff,
you know?
He says, I'll be fine.
So he goes back to his state, you know, and he's back in that mine, man, and
six months
passes, and a year passes, and Conan, you know, people are weak.
Man is made of flesh and pride, as the scriptures tell us, and by God, that old
prospector finally
broke to his knees, and he said, I am no worse than, and he went back to the
bar.
It was a beaten man.
He says to the bartender, he says, hell, man, I've been in that place two and a
half years,
a man has needs, and if you say there's no women in this here town, he says,
well, I'll
have to go for Andy Richter, the sweetest German.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
But he says, listen now, he says, man, I'm a tough old hombre, you know, and I
got friends
now, he says, I don't want anybody to know about this.
You know, this is the back of the old days.
Sure, yeah.
He says, uh- I can tell by the accent, yeah.
He says, I got my cow folk friends and so forth.
I'd hate it to hell.
Anybody know about this?
You know, this has got to be all secret.
Nobody!
I say, nobody can know about this.
Bartender says, well, four people will know about it.
How do you figure that?
He says, well, he says, I'll know about it.
He says, you'll know about it.
Andy Richter, the sweetest German, will know about it.
And the fellow that has to hold down, Andy, will know about it.
Why?
Why?
Because Andy Richter, the sweetest German, he don't go for that funny business
either.
Well, at least you left me my dignity.
Yeah.
I like the way that story ended.
Yeah, because you weren't gay.
Yeah, right, yeah.
But that's not beside the point.
You were raped.
No, it's more of a...
It's more that I wasn't prostituting myself.
That's what I was getting.
You're such a horrible man.
No, I didn't know.
We're on basic cable, but it's still valuable airtime.
I don't know about that.
You know, in Georgia, they say there's a whole subgenre of Andy, the sweetest
German joke.
That's what the guy told me.
Well, you know what?
I asked you, how are you?
Yeah?
And you went into, I believe, a 48-minute joke.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Which was fantastic.
Well, now we have to take a commercial break.
Are you kidding me?
Yes!
I'm about to grow my beard back if I don't...