Name: Norm Macdonald's Most Accurate Impression
Uploaded: 2021-11-23T16:15:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald's Most Accurate Impression' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald's Most Accurate Impression' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-23. Transcript available.

Guy goes into a dentist's office, dentist said what are you doing here, he said
I think I'm a moth, a moth, a moth, he said what, I think I'm a moth, he said
well you have mental problems, you need to go see a psychiatrist, he said I
know, he said you're in a dentist's office, he said I know, he said what are
you doing here, why did you come here, he said the light was on.
That's a good joke, that's a great one.
Hey what about this, Super Dave has been on the phone with me back since, the
great Super Dave Osborne, and he's been on the phone, while I'm trying to get
ready to come out here, he keeps phoning me, and he goes this is what you do,
you walk out, you're wearing a pompadour, because you just look at Jimmy, you
don't say a thing for five minutes.
This is why we never invite him back anymore.
He says let me ask you a question, it's fourth down and one, you're at the one
yard line, you have the choice, you can head into OJ Simpson, Jim Brown, or Emmitt
Smith, I'd go with Rosie O'Donnell.
Then you've got Kirstielli in the hole and Wendy O'Williams behind him, Wendy O'Williams
is the, Wendy O'Williams, he's a punk singer or something, right?
No, I think he meant Wendy Williams, but he said, Wendy O'Williams is the lone
second, I think he was a little confused.
The speech I want you to do for me is a speech from The Godfather, where he
goes to the guy that ends up with the horse's head, and he says put Johnny Fontaine
in this picture, and then the old guy starts saying, why Johnny Fontaine will
never be in this picture.
You want me to do that right now?
You remember that speech?
I remember, but I don't remember it well enough to do it.
Well, can we find the text?
He's the Godfather.
What?
I've never seen the Godfather.
Can we find the text on the computer?
Probably, why do you want me to do it?
Let's do it, man.
He wants me to act with you.
Are you getting it?
He's getting it now.
Why are you teasing this?
Yeah.
All right, we're going to take a break, and we'll do The Godfather.
Classic morning, where are you?
Yeah, The Godfather moment.
And we have to do it as character.
Yeah, yeah, I'll be Robert Duvall.
Super Dave Osborne.
Oh, no, okay, never mind.
We'll do that.
Yeah, I'll do it as Super Dave.
And I'll do it as Super Dave.
I'll be Fuji.
But you remember the guy, right?
Oh, I know who you're talking about.
He's the one pissed off about Johnny Fontaine ever working.
Yeah, yeah, I know that one.
I just don't remember the speech photo.
Why are we doing this?
Oh, it's so fun.
I don't think it is.
Yeah, I'll be Super Dave instead of Robert Duvall.
We can't be Super Dave, though.
No, you have to commit.
We can't be combating Super Dave.
I have to commit to this character?
Yeah, you have to go.
All right, we'll do it.
Where are you going?
Oh, Sean's done.
He doesn't want to see.
The future's gone.
It's 98.
It's over.
97.9.
98.
K-U-P-T.
Zippy Phoenix.
Now it's just getting deep in here.
We're talking philosophies and ice ages.
It was cold back then.
Norm MacDonald is joining us today with his manservant, Sean O'Connor,
the future of comedy.
Yeah, baby.
Who will soon have plastic surgery to be Norm, look like Norm, man.
I knew I should have wore his shirt.
It's the gold LeMay slacks.
It's the radio, Joe.
I really like that.
And for whatever reason, I quoted No Country for Old Men,
and now you want to do a scene from The Godfather.
Yeah, but I think we should set it up.
Yeah, you go ahead.
This is your thing.
You direct.
I've never seen The Godfather.
You've never seen The Godfather.
I've seen every American pie, though.
Is this one of those moments where you get in the car and you say,
I can't believe I made that guy do that.
No, no, listen.
We've got to set this up.
Okay.
We all remember the big scene in The Godfather was the guy wakes up with the
horse's head.
Satin sheets.
You should set this up.
Is that the offer he can't refuse is a horse's head?
Yeah.
The sheets.
Really?
Yeah, that's kind of the first.
It's kind of the first one he's trying to.
He unfolds the one sheet.
Yeah.
Let's set up this scene here.
Johnny Fontaine is a lounge singer, sort of loosely based on Sinatra.
Yeah.
Who the Godfather wants to put in this movie.
But the movie producer refuses.
We don't know why.
Right?
Right.
I'm setting it up.
That's right.
You're doing a great job.
Keep doing it.
And then, so they send the consulary, Tom Hagen, played by Robert Duvall, to go
and visit
this guy and try to talk him into.
Getting Johnny in the car.
Yeah, so Tom Hagen.
But Johnny's not having any of it.
Tom Hagen's played by Robert Duvall, and Jack Wiltz plays the producer.
Right.
Never knows who that guy is.
But in this we're doing, now I have to do.
You're the producer because this is your idea.
I want you to do it.
And you're doing it as Super Dave Osborne.
As Super Dave, yeah.
I'll be doing Tom Hagen as Liam Neeson.
Okay.
As Liam Neeson.
Is that right?
Because he's improv.
Yeah.
Because he's a big improv.
Ready?
Are you ready?
All right.
Here we go.
Mr. Corleone, Miss Johnny Fontaine's grandfather, now Italians regarded as very
close.
Wow, that's good.
You can't say that.
Take two, cut.
You already knew how to do them.
Well, I wasn't just going to wing one.
You know how to do Super Dave, right?
You're not just throwing this out for the first time.
All right, take two.
It's not like I said I was going to do Paula Deen and then give it a try.
Hey, there's butter in there.
I have to go again?
All right, take two.
Try not to compliment me so much.
Okay.
Mr. Corleone is Johnny Fontaine's grandfather.
Now Italians regard that as a very close, very sacred religious relationship.
You tell your boss he can do...
You know what?
This isn't going as well as I'd hoped.
Tell your boss he can ask for anything else, but this is one favor I can't
grant him.
Mr. Corleone never asks for a second favor.
Once he's refused the first.
Understood?
You don't understand.
Johnny Fontaine never gets that movie.
That part is perfect for him.
It'll make him a big star.
But I'm going to run him out of the movies and let me tell you why.
Johnny Fontaine ruined one of Wolfe's International's most valuable protégés.
For three years, we had her under contract.
Singing lessons.
Dancing lessons.
Acting lessons.
I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars.
I was going to make her a big star.
And let me be even more frank.
Because I want to show you I'm not a hard-hearted man.
That it's not all dollars and cents with me.
She was beautiful.
She was young and she was innocent.
She was the greatest piece of ass I've ever had.
And I've had him all over the world.
And then Johnny Fontaine comes along with his olive oil voice and his guinea
charm.
And she runs off.
She throws it all away just to make me look ridiculous.
And a man in my position cannot afford to be made to look ridiculous.
Now you get the hell out of here.
And if that goomba tries any rough stuff, you tell him I ain't no band leader.
Yeah, that's right.
I heard the story.
Thank you very much for the dinner and a very pleasant evening.
Have your car.
Take me to the airport.
Mr. Corleone is a man who insists on hearing bad news at once.
Wow, excellent.
And scenes.
That was amazing.
That was great.
Impressions are much easier doing small chunks.
That's what we've learned.
That's why I didn't want to do that.
Yeah, damn, man.
You did this scene.
You tried to give it to me.
It's like a five-minute thing.
I didn't know you talked so long.
That's your thing.
You did great, Norm.
This was your scene.
It was awesome.
All right, now monologues.
You ever do a monologue?
He did 14 verses of the farter from Sparta.