Name: Norm Macdonald Roasting Jon Lovitz
Uploaded: 2021-12-01T18:06:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Roasting Jon Lovitz' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Roasting Jon Lovitz' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-01. Transcript available.

- He's brilliant, Byron Allen.
He had that Comics Unleashed.
- Mm-hmm.
- You ever do that?
- Mm-mm.
- Oh, you couldn't be more leashed.
- Yeah, there's nothing,
it's not like, there's nothing unleashed about it.
It's not like you would have, like, Lenny Bruce on.
- No, and he has no segues.
So this is what he said to John Lovitz one time.
He said, he just turned to him from,
you know, he's talking to Shimmel,
and then he goes to John Lovitz, he goes,
"Now, John, I understand you're growing older."
- What's your favorite religious movie?
- I loved "Passion of the Christ."
- Did you?
- Although I will say I thought it was very anti-Semitic,
'cause every Jew looked like fuckin' Lovitz.
You know what I mean?
They were all like, yeah, hook noses and stuff.
So I could see the anti-Semitism.
Remember when you had that show,
do you still have that show at the Laugh Factory?
- Yeah, every Tuesday.
- I enjoy that show. - When are you coming in?
- Did you ever do that?
- Because on Tuesday, for a long time,
I would drive by the Laugh Factory
and say, "John Lovitz."
So I'd go, "I know what not to do on Tuesday."
How do you feel about the stand-up comedy of John Lovitz?
- John?
- Of John Lovitz.
- I mean...
- Like when a guy starts stand-up at 60.
- And then, like, opens his own club to do it.
So it's like-- - Oh yeah, that's right.
He opened a club.
- He can just have his own stage time,
so nobody can be like--
- Have you ever played the Lovitz Club?
- No.
- God damn, you've avoided everything.
- I avoided every comedy landmine.
Yeah, I squeaked by.
- Norm has a CD.
It's called Norm MacDonald.
Ridiculous, it's coming out September 12th.
It's a comedy CD, of course.
And you got some famous people,
AKA friends of yours,
to do some bits on there with you, is that right?
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some of my friends did it, so it was fun.
- Will Ferrell, correct?
- Yeah, the great Will Ferrell was in it.
He was kind enough to do it.
- Molly Shannon?
- Yes, the great Molly Shannon was in it.
She was kind enough.
Some of this will be repetitious.
- Is Tim Meadows great, or is he superb?
- Tim Meadows is a real talent.
- You got John Lovitz on there?
- Yeah.
- You ever see that guy play softball, by the way?
Speaking of baseball and hats,
you ever see him hit the ball?
- I've seen him do stand-up.
He tried starting stand-up when he was 50.
- You really?
What about those Subway commercials?
That's kind of--
- Yeah, it's great.
He got a catchphrase for the first time in 18 years.
- And what's the catchphrase?
- Eat fresh.
- Oh, eat fresh.
And he gets to wear a bathrobe on TV.
- Yeah.
- I buy Subway sandwiches.
- No, no, he's a really funny guy.
He's hysterical.
- He's been up here.
- Yeah, I know, I listen to that show, actually.
- Uh-huh.
- What happened the time you and Norm Macdonald played tennis?
There's a story that he came, showed up in a leather jacket and jeans.
- Yeah, I know, he tells that story,
and I don't know why he's so into it.
- No, it's a funny visual.
It's a funny visual.
Him dressed like that.
- What he left out is that we're playing, and he, you know, I play all the time.
He never plays, right?
But he can get the ball, but he, like, he dinks it back, and he has no rhythm.
And anyway, when someone just, like, floats every ball, if you're not used to
it,
you can't get any rhythm, and it's just hard to, you know, play.
And so he won, but what he left out was, after every point, he'd leave the
court for like
a minute and brag to his assistant about how, look what just happened.
Then he'd come back one point, he'd leave again.
I go, Norm, do you want to play?
And he just kept leaning.
It was very frustrating, and so he won.
And so then, I said to my coach, I go, how do you beat a guy like that?
It's so frustrating.
He's just, the ball's just, and he, my teacher's guy, Alex Olmedo, who's a, you're
into sports,
look him up.
He was a, he was a champion college player, Wimbledon champion, Rod Laver, Emerson,
the
one, Wimbledon, and he's in the Hall of Fame from Peru.
Great guy.
So he said, just step in and take it early.
And I go, could you beat someone like that?
He goes, are you kidding?
I'd kill him.
I go, all right, fine.
So then we played again, and then I just, you know, I creamed him, and I beat
him.
So, also, I wasn't trying as hard the first time, because he, because he was,
you know,
he's not as good to him, just taking it easy.
But then he ended up like playing ball.
And he was wearing jeans and a leather jacket.
Well, he beat you 6-0 the first time, didn't he?
6-0.
No, he wasn't wearing, I don't remember what he was wearing.
It was, no, he didn't beat me 6-0, he's full of crap.
That's what he told him.
So, then we played again, and then I beat him quite easily.
And we go, let's play again.
I said, no, I don't play you again.
Because when I knew, he'd want to play after I beat him.
Last time we played, I beat him, and that's that.
Give us a good league.
But he cheats.
He cheats, and he's not fun to play with.
Of course.
So, he tells a story, you know.
Right.
Give us a good league of their own story.
Love it!
John Lovitz!
Just back off for a second!
He's being Lovitz.
This is what Lovitz does.
I know.
This is what he does.
Him and Norm.
Both of them.
Give us a good league of their own story.
You play tennis with John Lovitz?
What is that?
No, I play tennis with John Lovitz.
John Lovitz goes every day to the Beverly Wiltern Hotel.
Well, it's an expensive Beverly Hills Hotel.
I don't know what it's called.
But anyways.
The guy there, the coach is Alex Olmeda, who's a Peruvian tennis player from
Holden.
He's very good.
He beat Ron Laver three times.
Right.
So, he's 60 or whatever.
But, you know, a Peruvian 60.
Does that mean he's a young 60?
Yeah.
A handsome.
A young 60.
Yes.
Sexy.
A Peruvian 60.
I like that.
Yeah, a Peruvian 60.
So, you can still imagine him with a lady.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Like my father when he was 60.
It would be hard to imagine.
Yeah.
But a Peruvian, you know.
All right.
You can imagine.
You can easily imagine.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Because my father, he doesn't know.
You know, he'd get you a Casio watch to a lady.
That would be his thing.
But these guys, they're more champagne on your spine, my darling.
You know, it's a whole different thing.
It's a whole different thing.
Anyways.
So, it has nothing to do with his way with the ladies, this story.
But John Lovitz got lessons from him every single day at this hotel.
Yeah.
So, then he told me that he was really good at tennis.
So, I was like, I could beat you.
You just assume you can beat John Lovitz in anything, right?
Yeah.
Because I played tennis four times.
Yeah.
I figured that's about what it would take to beat John Lovitz.
So, I said, yeah, I'll play.
And he goes, you'll never beat me.
I mean, what are you talking about?
I go, no, I'll play anything you want.
So, we go.
I go to the place.
I'm in my jeans and a leather jacket and I have clothes for tennis.
I only played four times.
So, I get there and they give me a club and everything and a tennis racket.
And I know, clearly, I'm going to beat John Lovitz.
So, we start playing.
And, you know, I just keep tinking them over a little bit, you know, the little
backspin.
Yeah.
Near the net, whatever that shot's called.
So, Lovitz lumbers over, you know, and he can never get to it, you know.
And I just beat him like 6-0 in the first set.
So, he starts thinking I'm doing something illegal by tinking it over the net.
The backspin backhand or whatever?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's never seen this.
He thinks you're supposed to hit it to him.
Oh.
So, he starts complaining because he's like, I play Alex and I can beat him.
He's talking about beating Alex Olmeda, the pro.
The 6-0 pro.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He thinks.
So, I said, well, why?
He goes, I beat him.
I play him every day, you know.
And I go, well, Lovitz, you know, a tennis pro, one of their big skills is they
hit the
ball so it will land on your racket.
Right.
You know.
So, wherever you're standing, the ball is right there, you know.
Yeah.
And he's like, that's not true, you know.
Then, he was convinced that I could beat Alex Olmeda.
He said, you've never seen anything like this, Alex.
He tinks it over the neck.
So, this is Lovitz.
So, then I played, and then he wanted to really win, you know.
And he kept playing me, and I said, oh, God.
So, one day I was like, he was getting so angry and everything, so I let him
win one game.
Yeah.
And then he quit.
He retired.
On top.
Yeah.
Calling himself the champ.
Like John Elway.
Yeah.
Exactly.
He won one game.
He goes, it doesn't matter.
So, whoever the one lasts, that's what they do in boxing.
And I was saying, well, boxing, they do have to defend them, or whatever.
That's funny.
That's funny.
You say there's no way we could go back.
And then I've broken what we had.
Oh, oh, oh.
I wish that you would come around.
No, oh, oh.
One time we were doing a show in Biloxi, Mississippi.
And I'm not like him at all, except if you say to me, like, you can't say that,
or talk
about a certain thing, or don't say that.
I'm like, well, now I have to.
It's just kind of your instinct to comment, to bug people.
Yes.
Right.
It really bothers me.
And then you're kind of a jerk, and I'm like, oh, you mean like this?
So, we were doing a show, and I opened for him about, I guess, 15 minutes or 20.
Then he had live.
It was for a, what do you call it, when they comp the audience, you know what I
mean?
Sure.
Big gamblers.
I forget the word.
Yeah.
So, it wasn't people paying tickets.
But anyway, they did it.
We did it.
So, he's doing the show, and he's, you know, he's very funny, but he's dirty.
So, someone yells out, well, we don't like that kind of talk.
So, there's about, I don't know, 400 people there.
And he goes, well, how many of you don't like that kind of talk?
You know?
And it was like the whole, practically the whole room.
He goes, well, how many of you don't mind?
And it was like 20 people.
He goes, or 10 people.
He goes, well, I hate to disappoint those 10 people, because the rest of you
don't like
it.
And then he just got dirtier.
And I'm just like crying, laughing, you know.
Because the audience wasn't even laughing, but he just, you know, that was, you
know,
that was a typical him.
He, you know, you take a big risk when you do that.
I mean, he did that at the casino.
We were banned for, I couldn't work there for five years.
Really?
Yeah.
Are you serious?
Mm-hmm.
He got banned from that casino in Biloxi, Mississippi?
For five years?
Well, and he was gambling, and he got caught counting cards.
Oh, there's that, too.
Well, I mean.
So the combo.
Yeah.