Name: You're Not a Biped!
Uploaded: 2021-12-19T04:02:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'You're Not a Biped!' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'You're Not a Biped!' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-19. Transcript available.

-The biped joke will go down in history as the most obscure.
-Who did you meet having coffee?
-Tody Fields' daughter. -Holy Lord.
-How about that? -Oh, my God.
-I was excited. You have no idea who that is.
-No. And is she a biped, or...?
I don't know which side of the family she takes after.
You know what I -- -That's a great joke that only I get.
-The big news is Oscar Pistorius. -Yeah, huge news.
-And I don't like him, don't care for him, never did.
-Really? You don't like Oscar Pistorius?
Even before he -- what are you doing?
-I have something in my tube.
-Okay. Okay. -Yeah.
-I didn't like him. -You're saying, I mean,
a lot of people don't like him now that he murdered somebody.
-A lot of people, yeah. -But before that.
-Allegedly, allegedly. -Allegedly.
-But also, really. -Yeah.
-But, yeah, I don't have problems with the murder.
-Right. -But, uh...
I never liked him racing with them things
that looked like some Wile E. Coyote would order.
-And, uh... -What?
-Well, they were -- -You had a problem with him
racing with his, uh... -Blades.
-His blades. He was the blade runner.
-Yes, he was. -Those Teflon blades?
-I did have a big problem with it.
-My favorite story of all time is Pistoris.
-Oh, yes, yes. -The runner.
-Tell who Pistoris is. -Well, you know who Pistoris is.
-No, but for the viewers that don't know.
-Pistoris doesn't know. -Well, the viewers that don't know.
-South African gentleman there. -Well, some viewers don't know.
-He grew up a kid. -Well, he should tell it
to some of the viewers that don't know who Pistoris is.
-Yeah, Pistoris is an Olympic runner who ran with blades.
Everyone knows who he is.
-Well, I wouldn't say ran with blades.
-I didn't ask you what you would say right now.
-That's true. -You're on the drive.
-Let's imagine you're a runner, you know, with legs.
-Yeah.
-And then you go home, you go, "Oh, I lost, honey.
Who'd you lose to?"
A guy with no legs.
-Wait, you're saying that you didn't like
that Oscar Pistoris raced against people with legs?
-No, I don't.
I feel that one of the basic requirements
of being a sprinter is having legs.
I feel that they should say, "Okay, listen, let's, here's the, hey, what about
you?
I don't think you can be on the team.
Why not?"
Well, you're not a biped.
You have no legs, so scram.
You can take your time as long as you want, but get the hell out of here.
-No one's going with you on this.
Nobody is with you on this at all.
-Except the feller at home that's like, "That son of a bitch I lost my race to,
I got no legs."
-Are you saying he had an unfair advantage 'cause he had these?
-Well, of course, he had, uh, uh, rocket ships.
-They're not rocket ships.
-Okay.
-Andy, help me out here.
-No, he still had, it's still him running, yeah.
-Oh, yes, well, guys, I agree with you then.
Oscar Pistorius is a scholar and a gentleman.
-All right.
-All right.
-He's a murderer.
-I've turned it around on him.
-You're an alleged, alleged murderer.
-And I, I, I remember he did, I mean, I think it was one of his later
appearances on our show.
Um, you know, he went after Oscar Pistorius, you know, who's...
-Yeah, the Blade Runner.
-Yeah, convicted of, of, of murder and he was the one who famously had, you
know, uh, blades, uh, you know, he was born, uh, I guess without legs and had
blades instead and was this great, uh, Olympic athlete and he went after him
and, and his joke was something along the lines of, I have no problem with him
as a murderer.
-Yeah, I don't have a problem with the murder.
-But the murder, it's, you should use real, your real legs if you're gonna be,
and it's an,
but you think about it, everything about that joke is completely wrong.
And especially in this era that we're in, uh, you know, completely unacceptable,
but it was Norm and Norm would dig into it with this.
And, and I'm look, I, I know the guy to be extremely sensitive and to be very
kind.
-Like almost too sensitive in many ways.
-Yeah, a very, and, and, and yet he wasn't having any of, if, if this, uh, well,
you gotta be careful here, you know, or, you know, that joke that could really
hurt people's feelings.
-Yeah.
-And how that could, he, I think made some kind of deal with himself early on
that across the board, he was not going to care.
-Yeah.
-Um, about that.
-Nobody's gonna tell me what to say.
-Yeah, no one's gonna tell me what to say.
And I think, um, you know.
-His line was one of the basic requirements of being a sprinter is you have to
have legs.
- Right.