Name: I Met Larry Flynt
Uploaded: 2021-12-25T05:50:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I Met Larry Flynt' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I Met Larry Flynt' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-25. Transcript available.

But you know, it is rather daunting to me. I'm just a guy, you know. What the
hell am I?
And here I am, you know, I look out, I see President Bill Clinton, you know, I
see
Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, you know, media mogul Rupert Murdoch,
you know,
broadcast legend Larry King, you know, pornographer Larry Flint, you know,
Dick Morris. The list is starting to drop off a little, folks, but
still, you get the idea. It's daunting.
And did you meet anybody, any heroes of yours? Did you meet any big celebrities?
Yeah, I met Larry Flint. He's not my hero, but he's a guy, he's a famous guy.
Sure, he's famous, he's well-known. Yeah, I enjoy meeting famous guys, you know.
And he came out, he's in a wheelchair and he talks like this, he goes, ah, ah,
ah, ah, ah, ah.
And, uh, but, uh, he was, uh, it's not his fault, it's not his fault.
No, no. He was shot.
Excuse me, I'm sorry, folks. Uh, Larry Flint and Dick Morris are giving some
sort of hand
signals to each other over there. I can't, I don't know what the hell that's
all about,
but it's kind of hard to concentrate.
Larry Flint is here tonight.
But also, president this evening, Madeleine Albright, the secretary of-
He was, he said, uh, 'cause I was in the movie The People Against Larry Flint.
Versus. Versus Larry Flint.
You were in the movie.
The People versus, it was a famous movie and you're in it.
I was in it. I was, I was one of the people that was versus-ing it.
Okay.
So, uh, I, I said to, he said to me, he said to me, hey, uh, no, he's a good
guy, he's a good guy.
No, but this is what he said to me, Conan, and he goes, hey, he goes, when you're
in, uh, Los Angeles, you know?
I saw him, I was coming to Los Angeles, he goes, when you're in Los Angeles, he
goes, look me up, he goes, I'll take care of you.
When other people say that, you think like, ah, that means nothing but coming
from him.
Like if my uncle Phil told me that from Minneapolis, I'd think if he went, hey,
I'll take care of you when you come to Minneapolis, that means like, I'll make
you a nice chicken pot pie.
Right.
But Larry Flint, that means, you know, I'll get you a couple of hot, dirty
broads, you know?
And then while you're having sex with them, I'll come into my wheelchair.
You know?
Oh, that's what I mean.
Okay.
Well.
I met Larry Flint, because we have a thing here in the United States where you
go and talk in front of the president and something.
You do, you do a stand-up comedy, which is what I do.
To the president?
To the president and a bunch of press people.
When?
It's like a roast.
Yeah.
You never heard of that?
Never heard television?
You go and do comedy at the president.
Yeah.
He sits down, you go and do some comedy.
Well, not right to him, not just one-on-one.
Right.
There's a bunch of press people.
The White House Correspondents.
It's called the White House Correspondents.
When I accepted the honor of performing here tonight, one thought crossed my
mind, and that
was, please, God, don't let me bomb in front of the president.
Anyway, the point of it is this.
Larry Flint was there, right?
So afterwards, I went up to Larry Flint, and I'm very uncomfortable around
anyone's, you know, wheelchair.
Right.
Or any sick person.
You're worried about it.
You don't know what to say.
You don't have to address it or not.
Yeah.
And I'm worried about my own mortality.
You think it's almost infectious.
Yes.
I really do believe that they don't tell you how many contagious things there
are.
So I got close up to him, which you have to do with these fellas, and I said, "Hi,
Larry."
And he said, "Hi, Larry."
So I said, "No, of course."
I just agreed with him.
Anyways, he said to me, he said, "Whenever you're out in California, come on
over here.
I'll take care of you."
So I was like, "Oh."
And then I thought about it.
You know, I live in rural Canada.
Now, my Uncle Basil, if he said, "Hey, anytime you're in the Ottawa Valley,
come on over.
I'll take care of you."
That would mean he would make me a nice mincemeat pie, you know, and Aunt Ida
would play on the piano,
and it would be a heck of a thing.
But when Larry Flint says, "I'll take care of you," I assume that means I'll be
having sex with an odd-looking lady,
and then he'll come in whacking off on his wheelchair.
Well, I--
He's a wonderful guy.
I think--
The complimentary edition of a masturbating, voyeuristic, bewild Larry Flint is--
Yeah.
That's conjecture.
Of course.
But I think--
But I think what is reasonable, Norm, is that him saying, "I'll take care of
you,"
because if it was like a man that ran, like, a vegetable store, "I'll take care
of you,"
you might think that you're going to get some bits, some juices.
Free.
I don't think you'd be paying for the pornography.
I think that--
I think a friendship with Larry is a portal to pornography.
Oh, absolutely.
A porn tool.