Name: Lucky Bastard
Uploaded: 2021-12-31T15:30:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Lucky Bastard' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Lucky Bastard' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-31. Transcript available.

Magician David Copperfield has announced plans to open his own theme restaurant.
The theme? I don't deserve my girlfriend.
In one of the most amazing stories to come out of New York's blizzard of 96,
supermodel Claudia Schiffer trudged over a mile through waist-high snow this
week
in order to make it to a photo session.
Even more amazing, she sleeps with this guy.
This week, supermodel Claudia Schiffer broke up with magician David Copperfield.
Later, a devastated Copperfield wandered out onto the street and was hit by a
bus.
This, according to the current issue of Things I Wish Really Happened.
In other entertainment news, a religious group in Chile is trying to ban a new
Claudia Schiffer film
which features explicit lesbian sex scenes.
According to the group, sex between two women is an abomination before God,
almost as blasphemous as sex between a woman and David Copperfield.
I don't know which is worse, which is more of an abomination.
Julia Roberts told reporters this week that her marriage to Lyle Lovett has
been over for some time.
The key moment, she said, came when she realized that she was Julia Roberts
and that she was married to Lyle Lovett.
Christy Brinkley told reporters this week that her marriage to Billy Joel was
over long before their divorce.
The key moment, she said, came when she realized that she was Christy Brinkley
and that she was married to Billy Joel.
In a recent interview, Christy Brinkley suggested that football players should
have special gloves
connected to lights on their helmets.
That way, when they catch the ball, you'll know who has possession.
Read these and other interesting ideas in Christy's new book,
In Niagara Falls, Arthur Curley has been charged with trying to make his
girlfriend swallow a small brass bear,
then urinating on her and setting fire to the oxygen tube that she uses to
treat her emphysema.
Read all about this kind of relationship in the new book,
men who make their girlfriends swallow brass bears,
urinate on them, and set fire to their oxygen tubes,
and the women who love them.
And in a recent interview, tenor Lociano Pavarotti says that he is so in love
with his new girlfriend
that he likes to run nude on the beach with her.
Read all about this in this month's issue of Things That Make Me Vomit.
That picture makes me vomit as well.
Finally, in entertainment news, there are rumors that actor Don Johnson is
dating 71-year-old San Francisco socialite Denise Hale.
An observer who spotted the couple necking in a restaurant will have trouble
getting an erection for the rest of his life.
Well, newlyweds Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson had their first argument this
week.
He wants kids while she wants fake kids.
Only weeks away from parenthood.
Pamela Lee Anderson and her husband, rocker Tommy Lee, are considering names
for their new baby.
If it's a girl, they'll name it after the mother and call it Pamela.
And if it's a boy, they'll name it after the father and call it Lucky Bastard.
I was reading, Pamela Anderson is married, that's in the news.
That's right, that's technically in the news, yeah.
To rocker Tommy Lee, right?
And she's pregnant.
Yeah.
She's going to have a baby, and they say if the baby's a girl, they're going to
name it after the mother.
So they call it Pamela, right?
But if the baby's a boy, then they're going to name it after the father.
They're going to call it Lucky Bastard.
She told it with such joy.
I don't know, I don't know.
She also told it with such joy and commitment.
That alone will get you an Emmy.
Action.
Well, Mrs. Johnson.
Oh, my God, I think he broke my nose.
Oh, Tommy, you know this is a movie, right?
No, a movie.
Yes.
I forgot.
Oh, I don't know what happened.
I'm sorry there.
Hey, amigo, no hard feelings.
Huh, buddy?
Oh, man, I'm sorry, baby.
You know, I just love you so much.
You know, it just gets me crazy, you know?
Hey, hey!
Hey!
Get your freaking hands off my wife.
You and me and your wife, we were just acting, right?
Tell them, honey.
Honey?
No, no.
No!
No!