Name: Remember Ruth?
Uploaded: 2022-01-06T16:06:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Remember Ruth?' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Remember Ruth?' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-06. Transcript available.

The lady I saw you with last night.
That's rude.
Bit of a hippo.
I read about a hippo swallowing a man and I thought of you.
Now, you remember Ruth?
You remember Ruth?
His girlfriend is a wonderful kitchen butt.
Remember Ruth?
Yeah.
Dr. Ruth?
Nah, he went out with this big fat hog.
I mean, listen, it's not sexist in any way.
It's not sexist.
The whole family.
The whole family.
Ruth's family?
Oh, my God.
They may as well live in a stye.
Okay.
Because not only -- I mean, they were obese, the whole family.
Sure.
But they were filthy.
Like pigs.
Like pigs.
They would eat.
And then the food would fall on them.
And it always -- the father, I remember, like, his gut was way up.
And you know the -- and the skinny arms like a pterodactyl.
Just eat off of his own gut.
Yeah, all the time.
Blah, blah.
And then a big fat Ruth there with this fucking guy.
And she'd always sit on his knee.
Whatever.
I don't even want to get --
This is when you were drinking heavily.
I mean, it's just rude.
No, I know.
I mean, I'm not saying that her -- listen, people have girth issues.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it was -- I think it was inherent.
It's the PC version.
I mean, it was just a --
Yeah, I mean, I try to be --
Girth issues.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it was a genes issue.
I mean, I don't think she could really help it.
Oh, yeah.
No, it was all genetic.
Her genes were not flattering.
Her genes that caused her to buy a lot of fucking pastry, I'll tell you that.
No, but she was a nice lady, you know.
Really nice lady.
But spiteful.
Really?
Spiteful.
Sounds great.
Yeah.
Fat.
She was nice, but she was horribly spiteful and horribly obese.
Yeah, she had --
She was mostly known for her spite.
Like, if you got to know her --
Known.
Known.
Yeah.
You have to be really spiteful to have that beard.
Absolutely.
I knew her for three months.
I didn't even see a fat person anymore.
Just pure spite.
Spite.
That's a compliment to some fat people, though.
I guess.
Had you said that to her, I don't even see fat when I'm around you anymore.
Yeah.
I just see spite.
No, she was --
One time I tried to --
She helped me through a dark time.
Yeah.
One time I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
All right.
All right.
Enough, man.
She could be watching, man.
I don't want to say she was spiteful, but one time she got on the scale and
said,
"Please, one at a time."
I mean, this lady was spiteful.
She was a big, big girl.
I get it.
Why was she spiteful in that analogy, getting on the scale?
Well --
The scale was spiteful in that.
Well, that's true.
Maybe it's the scale that was --
One time she was so spiteful she was swimming in the ocean.
A helicopter fucking radioed down for landing instructions.
I mean, she was a little spiteful.
No, it's just a euphemism.
God bless Ruth.
God bless Ruth.
God bless Ruth.
God bless Ruth.
She was named after the biblical figure, Ruth, which covers both of our
religions.
Thank you.
The Book of Ruth was in the Old Testament.
The Book of Ruth?
Is that really a book?
Are you not familiar with the Book of Ruth?
No.
Do you know the Book of Ruth?
No, but every time you talk about Ruth, you always refer to the chapter of
Jonah.
Oh, that's true, yeah.
The whale.
Yeah.
That's my old joke.
And it's not a whale.
It's a big fish.
Jonah?
Yeah, it wasn't really a whale.
It was referred to as a big fish, and then people thought whale.
That's less offensive.
I don't even think a whale's a fish.
Is it, Steve O'Donnell?
It's a mammal.
It's a mammal?
Yeah.
What is a mammal?
What's a seal?
It can't -- it's not mutually exclusive.
I mean, you can be a whale animal.
A seal has to breathe air, right?
Yeah.
So it always has to have its mouth near the ocean?
It's a mammal.
Like, what happens in the ocean?
What happens to us in the ocean?
We drown and die.
But if you do it wrong, if you think you're not a mammal.
But a seal, though, does it just hang around the -- how do they get up on those
buoys?
It's a shimmy.
They're shimmy.
They must be pure muscle, the way Ruth's pure spite.
Yeah.
All right.
Pure blubber.
Okay, you know?
No, what?
He's going out with a nice girl now, though.
No, she don't, me.
Oh, that's right.
I'm sorry.
Wow.
Yeah, she don't.
I thought you told me you were -- you did a course in animal husbandry.
Oh, no, that was your hobby.
No, but -- you fucking animal.
No, I'm kidding you, man.
I'm kidding you.
You're an ordinary guy.
I thought you told me you were you did a course in animal husbandry oh no that
was your hobby
no but you fucking animal no I'm kidding you man I'm kidding you you're an
ordinary guy