Name: Bob Saget's Rodney Dangerfield Stories
Uploaded: 2022-01-14T03:18:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob Saget's Rodney Dangerfield Stories' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bob Saget's Rodney Dangerfield Stories' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-14. Transcript available.

You know who I met once, Bob. You may have met this guy. I bet you did.
But you remember that book on stand-up written by maybe William Goldman? I can't
remember.
But it was about Lenny Bruce. It was about Lenny Bruce.
I don't think I read that.
It was Lenny Bruce.
I never met Lenny Bruce, but I know who Lenny Goldman is.
And so there was a guy that was with Lenny Bruce that was supposed to be the
funniest guy.
He was Rodney's friend.
With Joe Ansis.
Yes.
Joe Ansis, Rodney told me.
Now, I met Joe Ansis.
No way.
He came to Saturday Night Live, and he wasn't very funny.
Well, he was an old man by then, right?
Yeah, he was with Rodney.
Wow.
You know, there's a story about him that he was so OCD that he got into a
bathroom,
took off all of his clothes and, like, naked in the toilet, but didn't lock the
stall door.
Yeah.
And Rodney told me this story, and it has to be true, I guess,
because he didn't tell that many stories this many times.
And he's naked, standing on a toilet seat.
So you look under the stall, and the guy saw that there was nobody there.
And he was trying to take a shit, and he was just naked like a crow,
and his clothes were laid up over the side of the stall.
And a guy opened the stall, and they were both like,
because he was, like, naked with his dick hanging out.
Oh, my God.
Just a creepy story.
There was no pun sign to it except how OCD the guy was, how crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I heard a great story, and correct me if I'm wrong,
about you running into Rodney after he got out of a hospital at Caroline's.
Was that you?
And he was waiting for Ron Jeremy?
Yeah, that was at his place.
That's actually in the book.
It's in the book?
Oh, is that in the book?
Yeah, there's a story.
Tell everyone that story.
It's a true thing that I was supposed to have dinner with Rodney at 7 o'clock
on a Wednesday.
And I got to his place, and he was in a robe, and he'd just had surgery,
but he was healed, you know, wasn't, like, hanging out.
He had a scar up here, and he said,
He took out all my guts, lied them next to me, and then put them all back in.
That's how he talked about his surgery.
It's just like something quick, like Legos or something.
And so I got to his place Wednesday night, and his wife was going out with a
friend,
and he goes,
Bob, you didn't call to confirm.
I said,
I'm not late.
This was the plan.
You didn't call to confirm, man.
I'm sorry.
I got Ron Jeremy coming up here with two hookers.
And I said,
Well, I got to go.
I'm not going to.
I met Ron before.
No offense.
I just, you know, I just don't.
I'm good.
I'm going to leave.
And Rodney goes,
Oh, I'm sorry, man.
I feel bad.
He had a release on the table that just says,
I, Ron Jeremy, allow Rodney to use me in his book.
And that was just going to be his signature.
That's what it was all for.
So Rodney goes,
Oh, sorry.
I'll walk you out.
I feel bad, Bob.
And he walks me over to the elevator,
and the elevator was just to his unit.
And I walk over, and the doors,
I'm on the inside of the elevator,
and I go,
he said,
How are you doing, Bob?
I said,
I'm doing pretty good.
I would have liked to have dinner,
but how are you doing?
And he goes,
You want to know how I'm doing?
You're leaving,
and I'm waiting for a guy
that can suck his own cock.
That's how I'm doing.
And then the doors closed.
And we both laughed out loud,
because he said it with,
he had no energy up to that moment.
And when he said it,
it was like a back-to-school moment.
You know?
That's how I'm doing.
He yelled it.
And that's what the guy could do, apparently.
You know,
the potato bug of porn actors.
Yeah.
He could curl himself up.
I've met him.
He loves comics.
He thinks he's funny.
He's the funny one.
He loves comedians.
That's the guy you definitely want to fist bump,
not shake.
Oh, yeah.
Talk about that big juicy thing
you were talking about.
No, no.
You're only ever wanted.
You're only ever wanted.
Here's a guy who's very funny,
but he's lonely.
He needs acceptance.
Make him happy, won't you?
Bob Saget.
How about it?
All right, Bobby,
here you are now.
Thank you.
Gosh, you're a wonderful audience.
You really are.
I'm not just kissing up.
I'm really not.
I swear,
I'm slobbering all over you
is what I'm doing
because I need you to like me real bad
because I have no act
and I have no life
and I have no future.