Name: I Dont' Do View Jokes
Uploaded: 2022-01-16T11:36:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I Dont' Do View Jokes' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I Dont' Do View Jokes' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-16. Transcript available.

Barbara Walters is planning to announce her retirement.
What's next for Babs?
Death.
The old Norm MacDonald is back.
Hey, Barbara Walters is retiring.
I can understand why Barbara Walters is retiring.
It must be exhausting occasionally appearing on The View.
Right?
We're fucking going on the road doing all kinds of shit.
Doing her shit act.
Not you.
Your act's good.
It's pretty shitty.
But she gets to sit there.
And just fucking talk.
Yeah, just yap.
The fuck?
You ever been on that show?
I've been on it so many times.
You know, I'm against it.
Barbara Walters never listens to me.
I have to talk to Sherry Shepard.
Fortunately, we share views on dinosaurs.
But I can never get that lady, the old lady.
How do you have a person on a show that believes the earth is flat and men live
with dinosaurs
and you keep them on the show?
But I...
Come on.
What's your dream view?
You mean the show of the view?
Yeah.
The guests?
What four or five ladies would you want in there?
Ooh, that's a great question.
Susan Yagway.
That's your wife.
You didn't even recognize her name.
It's your...
It's your betrothed.
My betrothed.
I recognize your name.
No, I would like to see...
Who do I like on that show?
Oh, that's good coffee.
Joy Behar reminds...
You know what?
You know how old Joy Behar is?
I don't think she wants you to tell everybody.
It's in her Wikipedia.
Oh, she's, I think, a lot older than I thought.
Seventy!
Yeah.
She looks great.
That sounds about right to me.
Seventy?
No, I never...
I didn't think of her.
Seventy.
Jesus Christ almighty.
When did she break?
Fifty?
I like her.
I like her too.
She reminds me of your old aunt or something.
Oh, yeah.
With her funny opinions.
You know what I mean?
The view is a bunch of...
What kind of hen-ass horse shit is that?
Oh, I saw one in the bathroom.
I went to use the bathroom.
Oh, I threw some.
I threw some in the garbage.
I threw some in the garbage.
Don't tell people, man.
That you threw all the racist ones away.
And then one other one that was about the view.
Because it was...
Did you go through the garbage and find the old jokes?
When there's a joke, it just...
And it was.
It was in the garbage.
And there was one.
I just went...
It was clean.
It was sitting on top of paper towels.
So I pulled it out.
I read it.
And then there was another one.
And I'm like, oh, that's another one.
And another one.
There was about four jokes.
The one I remember was the view.
Wait, wait.
I don't want to do view jokes.
Because if you start a battle with Joy Behar, you're not going to win.
No, you'll win easily.
But read this one.
Read this one.
Read this joke.
I will, but why did you throw the one about the view away?
That was the one I'm like, well, this one's kind of...
It made me laugh.
And I'm like, well, I wonder why.
I didn't know you...
Because their standards are so high that even that one didn't make it.
You didn't think it was funny.
I thought it was very funny.
But not funny enough for Andy Dick.
It's pretty funny.
Plus, I know...
We're going to save it for next week for big, fat Bruce Valanche.
I told you before.
You're allowed to say that.
You keep calling that.
Because you're fat.
He's allowed to be.
No, I'm a fat guy like him.
But he's allowed to.
Well, you probably are afraid of Joy Behar, aren't you?
Who wouldn't be?
She's a little bit of a firecracker.
Terrifying.
She's funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She reminds me of, like, your aunt that tells jokes at the fucking Thanksgiving
table.
I'm going to go get that joke.
Oh, my God.
Because the way they wrote it was pretty funny.
Well, maybe you should tell a joke.
Okay, now we'll see this joke.
This is a joke.
Maybe laugh again out loud.
Just reading it to myself.
This joke was so high quality that we take jokes from the dustbins.
Well, you said that this is very funny, but not funny enough.
Not funny enough for Andy Dick, I felt.
Well, I thought it was funny.
Well, I am a fan of The View because Sherry Shepard is a good friend of mine.
Sure.
And I've been on The View a lot, which is weird.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I'm on The View.
Daphne Aguilera was on The View.
Oh, really?
Daphne Aguilera, he didn't rub your cock on me.
Okay, come on, this is what we're trying to get away from.
Sorry.
And by the way, every time I'm on The View, Barbara Walters will not be on The
View.
Is that right?
Yeah, she won't be on it with me.
And it has to be the pre-taped one.
You know how they're live, except for the-
She won't.
She won't do it, and they always have to do the pre-taped one.
Filthy old bag.
Barbara Walters announced that she's retiring from The View.
Well, actually, she announced it five years ago, but no one could hear her over
those yammering bitches.
See?
Amazing that that worked after that giant builder.