Name: Norm Macdonald's Journey to Mount Ararat
Uploaded: 2022-01-26T16:09:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald's Journey to Mount Ararat' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald's Journey to Mount Ararat' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-26. Transcript available.

Where the hell have you actually been, though?
What happened?
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
I should have told you.
Yeah, you should have, because we had a lot of good guests.
I threw away my phone, so if you try to get a hold of me.
Yeah, I tried calling you over and over again.
The week after Gilbert...
Gilbert, did you keep doing the podcast?
No.
No?
No.
We literally canceled on the president.
We had Barack Obama was in the studio.
He was going to do it?
Yeah, he was lined up.
And you weren't around or answering your phone,
so he ended up doing Zach Galifianakis's.
He did Zach Galifianakis's show?
Yeah.
I have a feud with Zach Galifianakis.
That's not going to help.
That's not going to help the feud.
No, point to Zach.
Oh, well.
We had so many good guests lined up.
Things came up.
You flew off.
I don't know where you went.
We had Mickey Rooney.
Mickey Rooney?
Yeah.
That'd be great.
We should get him.
No, he died.
Mickey Rooney died last week.
Where have you been?
Oh, Mount Ararat.
Where is that?
It's far away.
I've had a weird seven months, I've got to tell you.
What happened?
Well, it started, I was plagued by dreams.
What kind of dreams?
What are you talking about?
Well, nightmares.
Well, God came to me.
You spoke to God through your dreams.
Yeah.
Told me to build an ark.
Okay, so told you to build an ark.
Yeah, he had some plan.
He said I should build an ark and then get two of every animal on earth.
That sounds familiar.
Okay, so you built an ark?
Well, I don't know.
What's an ark when you think about it?
It's a large vessel.
Well, that's what God said.
So many cubits and all that.
So you went out and got two of every animal?
Yeah, well, I started.
I got two dogs.
I borrowed them from Elaine Boosler.
Okay.
And then I got two cats.
They were my own.
Okay.
Kitty and Bobby.
Kitty and Bobby.
Yeah, you know them.
Princess Kitty McMahon and Bobby.
And Bobby died.
She fell off Mount Ararat.
That's where I was building the ark.
Why would you go up to Mount Ararat?
You didn't want to build it.
Because God kept saying there was going to be a fucking flood.
Oh.
Well, so that's where you've been for the last eight months.
You've been.
How long did it take to build?
So you were on Mount Ararat, built the ark.
Yeah.
No flood came.
I don't know how to build arks.
Didn't God give you instructions?
Nah.
So you're up there with Bobby, Princess Kitty McMahon, and Elaine Boosler's two
dogs for some reason.
Here's the problem.
When you have a dream like that, you go, is it really God?
Or was it just my dream?
Was it just a fantasy in my mind?
You know?
Because I stopped doing a whole bunch of pills.
That's when the dream started.
Good Lord.
Yeah.
And then he told me to murder my son.
Jesus, Norm.
Yeah, yeah.
So anyways, I take my son up to Mount Ararat, show him the ark.
The ark is...
My son's like, it looks like a bunch of shit.
I'm like, don't swear, Dylan, you know.
Meanwhile, I know I'm about to murder him.
So I got a big stick, you know, that I thought I could murder him with, that
was meant for the ark.
And I say, Dylan, what do you think of the view of Mount Ararat, right?
And I go to hit him in the back, thinking that'll knock him off Mount Ararat.
That's terrible.
And he'll plunge to his death.
Yeah, but then I'll be in God's favor.
So I hit him with the thing.
Yeah.
And he, it doesn't knock him off.
Oh, thank God.
Yeah.
And he beats the shit out of him.
Right?
My own son.
Does any of this make sense?
No.
Adam's gone away.
Adam, I made all this up.
Oh.
Yes.
It's a lesson.
Man, am I right in the face.
It's a lesson to where extremism can take you.
Well, I think you've made your point.
Everything in moderation.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Extremism, what could it lead to?
What could it lead to you trying to murder your own child?
Exactly.
Okay.
I've made it all up.
Okay.
It's a table.
You had me.
You're good.
Thanks.
You're good.
You're good.