Name: Michael Jackson Stories
Uploaded: 2022-02-10T14:52:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Michael Jackson Stories' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Michael Jackson Stories' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-10. Transcript available.

look at this. That was me. I met him. That's you. Yeah, I met him. And Rick Dees.
Yeah, I was friends with Rick's son, so I went, we saw him at the Bad Concert
at the Coliseum. Way worse story. Yeah, that, yeah. You got, Macaulay Culkin
and Michael Jackson played Good Cop, Bad Cop with you, and I met him backstage
at the Coliseum. And Rick Dees is just there. Yeah, I'm more excited about Rick
in this photo, to be honest. Did you, did you meet, you met, I heard you, you
met Michael Jackson? Oh, yeah.
Jackson? I did meet Michael Jackson. That's pretty goddamn cool. Yeah, that is
insane. It's quite a, it's quite a story. I can, I can try to condense it for
you. Yeah, I love it. Yeah. Yeah, I, I, I, when I was in the eighth grade, I
was, I had a girlfriend, and everything fell apart later in my life, but I peaked
around eighth grade, and I had a really pretty girlfriend, and her father knew
Michael Jackson. He ran a studio or something, and they offered,
offered us to go out to Neverland for the, for the day. And, uh, so we went up
there, and it was probably months before the whole lawsuit and everything. The
first one? Yeah, and in fact, Macaulay Culkin came by, as did, uh, as were all
the other, the boys that sued him, and all this insane stuff. Wow.
I, I, I got to, I did the whole thing. I met the monkey. Wait, what do you mean
the whole thing? You know what I mean. Uh, no, I, I, um, yeah, no, I, I, I, I,
uh, I did not, there was, I didn't even do it with my girlfriend.
Bubbles. Bubbles. I met Bubbles, um, and I, I went in Mac and Mike's theme park.
It was a water park that he, he and Macaulay made, um, themselves. They built,
basically, like, what every kid would ever want. Water, it was all built-in
water guns at every post.
Yeah. And flood buttons and all these water balloons, hundreds of them that you,
and we were on teams, and I was on his team, and we won.
You were on Michael Jackson's? I was on Michael Jackson's team, and I remember,
he, you met Michael Jackson.
Oh, I, I hung out with him the whole time. Wow. That's awesome. And we, we won,
and then we, we played a game, which now, as I recall it, does sort of seem
slightly incriminating, but, um.
Go on. It was, well, it was called Smoke Tag. Um, and, uh, they, we went into a
room that was filled with, uh, smoke, um, and we played tag in it, but you, you
couldn't see anybody.
Um, so, uh, so there was a lot of, of, like, tag playing, you know, um, and
that was when, uh, Macaulay Culkin was there at that point, and, and he, it was
the 4th of July.
He, he, it was the 4th of July weekend, and they were having, uh, whole
fireworks, and, uh, Macaulay Culkin sped up in a, in a golf cart with flames on
the side, and jumped out with, like, a leather jacket, and he was, like, a real
punk.
And when we played the Smoke Tag, he, he threw me on the ground, and we started
this, like, feud that, that continued throughout the evening, and, uh, when we
ended up in Michael's, uh, toy attic, uh, after we watched a movie in his movie
theater, including a retrospective of his own life.
Uh, and then all the little Culkins were doing impressions of him, like, he, he,
and, and, and he was sitting there, just watched the whole retrospective.
He, at one point, leaned over and said, like, to Macaulay, you know, like, uh,
like, oh, remind, remind me, I gotta, uh, I gotta call Toys R Us. We'll close
it down and head out there over the weekend.
Yeah, it was like Elvis closed supermarkets, or whatever. Um, and, and then,
when we were up in this toy attic, where he had, at the time, every gaming
system that was around in every game, and Macaulay Culkin kept, he was throwing
stuff at me, and then he hit me on the head with something, and I, I said, don't,
don't do that, again, anymore, or I'm gonna, I, you know, I was a black belt,
but I, this was years later, I had already forgotten.
And he did it again, and I threw him against the wall, and I started slamming
him against the wall, saying, I told you not to fuckin', and then Michael
Jackson came in between us, you can let your mind rest there for a second.
I imagine the fact of the bad, aren't you? Yeah, and he, he, he, he parted us,
and, uh, he put his arm around me, and he was like, he's like, sorry, you know,
Mac can get a little, uh, you know, rambunctious, and, uh, he's like, so where
are you, uh, where are you from?
And I was like, oh, I'm, uh, yeah, I live in, you know, Los Angeles, and, oh,
yeah, yeah, um, uh, and he's like, how old are you?
And I said, oh, I'm 12.
And he said, oh, uh, you're Jewish?
Which was like, fuck, it still is, I don't know how, where that segue came from,
uh, and I said, I am.
He said, oh, you, uh, you gonna have a Hanukkah?
And I said, what?
And he said, a Hanukkah?
You gonna have a Hanukkah?
And I was like, um, I mean, he's like, I was like, every year I'll have one, I
mean, and he's like, yeah, no, where you become a man?
And I was like, oh, a bar mitzvah.
He's like, yeah, yeah.
And I said, yeah, and as soon as I said when I became a man, he shoved me away.
I don't like him like that.
No, but, uh, and then I spent the night in his, uh, life-size doll house.
Jesus.
Wow.
With my girlfriend at the time.
Oh, see, but you got to bring a girl.
I had a girl there.
Oh, that's cool.
That's pretty amazing.
But it was, it was absolutely the craziest thing.
And I grew up, for me, it was that, you know, Thriller was, that was the other
thing to do.
The greatest album ever.
You probably, that's probably the craziest thing that will ever happen to you
in your life.
I, I often think that.
I look around the room and I'm like, nobody else here has ever had any,
anything.
I got to go into his, I did go into his bedroom and I went into his closet.
And, uh, and it was, he was, he's when he would wear the red shirt, black pants,
fedora, mirror sunglasses.
And his closet, it was like a cartoon.
It was literally about 150 red shirts, 150 black pants, 150 fedora.
It was like, you know, and he, he had a TV that came out of the ground.
I'd never seen anything like it.
That's a pretty goddamn cool story.
That beats the hell out of your story about getting fucked by Dan Fogelberg.
Two times today you've, I've said something in confidence.
No, Dan Fogelberg, a great guy.
What if I actually got fucked by Dan Fogelberg?
Even like you say, uh, your, uh, unwanted, uh, unwanted, W-O-N-T, uh,
allegations against
Michael Jackson, there had to be kids that were like, well, this is pretty cool.
Yeah.
This is not some old priest.
You're only in the morning.
You're only in the morning.
You're only in the morning.
You're only in the morning.
Uh, you know, we have some news stories here.
Okay.
I just wanted to cover, um, uh, let's see what's in the news actually.
Okay.
You know, we got, uh, we got this one here.
The international news.
Uh, we have a new Pope and, uh.
How about all that crap made about that?
What crap?
Yeah.
With the black smoke and the white smoke and the millions of people.
Yeah.
I, you know, we got, uh, we got this one here.
The international news.
Uh, we have a new Pope.
And, uh.
How about all that crap made about that?
What crap?
Yeah.
With the black smoke and the white smoke and the millions of people.
Yeah.
I, you know, we got, uh, we got this one here.
The international news.
Uh, we have a new Pope.
And, uh.
How about all that crap made about that?
What crap?
The black smoke and the white smoke and the millions of people.
Yeah.
I know the last thing the, the, the cardinal asked is, okay, before we elect
the new Pope,
everyone raise your hand and bless it again.
Unanimous.
I would like to see this.
I brought this clip.
Run it.
This is how I would like to see the election of the Pope.
The election of the Pope?
Yes.
Run it.
As, uh, here it is.
Well, this isn't the, uh.
No.
This isn't it.
Oh, there it is.
There's the crowd.
Now watch.
Watch.
All right.
The door's going to open.
And there's the, there's the club.
That's the club.
That's the club.
We should explain to the folks that that was, uh, Michael Jackson.
Let's explain, yeah, I'll explain who Michael Jackson is to the people.
Everyone knows Michael Jackson.
What are you, retarded?